Summer remediation - rising third grader with probable LDs. Niece, home problems... long

[AimeeM]

I know this is the chat board, but this is where I've posted in the past about my sister, her husband and now boyfriend woes, and her darling children, so I figured I may get more feedback here.

 

I may be able to convince my sister to let me have my niece during the summer. She wants to go out of the country with her boyfriend. 

Normally, I wouldn't be one to advocate summer school on any level with a child overwhelmed with regular brick and mortar school, but she is struggling mightily, we're already schooling through the summer with our own kids (lighter load, definitely, with plenty of room for normal summer fun!), and her mother refuses to entertain that her child may be dyslexic (despite that she herself is - diagnosed; at least one of my children is dx'd dyslexic, and our father is severely dyslexic). 

 

Dear Niece is in second grade this year. She is very aware that she is the "worst reader in the class". She is supposed to read nightly with a parent, but has been told by her parent that she needs to read to herself - which is leading to obvious problems; she's guessing at words, ingraining bad habits (not intentionally, obviously, but because she has no feedback at night like she should, she's going into class the next day to read aloud assuming words aren't what they read as), and just completely lacking any confidence in herself.

 

To top it off, Sister's Boyfriend wants my mother to tutor her this summer... using 8th grade textbooks, because this is "obviously" a discipline issue and what the child needs is to be challenged. I'm not kidding. I so wish I were kidding. Like, I wish I could smack myself and this would be some terribly scripted comedy show. It isn't - it's real. They are treating this as a discipline issue that "is being dealt with".

 

In the mean time, my niece feels stupid, she has nobody helping her through this. My mother is trying, as she has the kids after school every day, but making the child feel loved and wanted is her first priority as Grandma, as it should be, since she isn't feeling very welcome at home.

 

I'm not going to get into the emotional end of things, I suppose, as there's nothing I can do (or prove, rather). I can only try to make her see what a lovely, intelligent, lovED, unique child she is... this summer (hopefully!). 

 

I think bringing her confidence up, regarding her school work, may at least provide her with the feeling that perhaps that can be her sanctuary. She desperately wants to be able to read the Magic Treehouse books to herself at night, like her teacher reads them aloud during class. I'd like to get her to that point. She ENJOYS books, but doesn't have the skills necessary to enjoy reading them herself - if that makes any sense. She sat completely still and looked so joyful the last time she visited - just because I read to her; I want her to have the ability to lose herself in a book if she wants. 

 

Enough rambling. 

 

My kids will be doing a pretty normal course load this summer; DD doing an eclectic mix of materials, the boys using MP's Level 1 core (the special needs core) with some accelerated pacing in mathematics and some additional craft work and read alouds. We'll be breaking for random weeks as nice days get in the way or week-long sports camps come up for DD13.

 

I am considering ordering Dancing Bears Fast Track (A/B) and having my mom give Dear Niece the placement test for Apples and Pears. It's what I'm familiar with and my 13 year old daughter STILL loves Apples and Pears (she heard me talking to my Mom about it, while she was on the swing, and she literally SQUEALED, "I love Apples and Pears! T will LOVE it, too!"). 

The two will only take about 30 minutes daily. I'm not sure what to add in for a fun, but beneficial, math for her. She struggles in math. I have no way of knowing WHERE she is in math, as my mother isn't sure, and my sister isn't likely to tell me. So I'd love some advice there. Otherwise, I think she'll just enjoy listening in on the boys' read alouds, and some special one-on-one time with the Magic Treehouse books (I plan on buying her a boxed set of part of the series). 

 

Does that sound like it would be overwhelming to her? We'll also be visiting the zoo, children's museums, water parks, and just playing a ton, too. Am I on the right track wanting her to feel confident in school or would this only overwhelm her more? A perk is that DD could work some with her, and she absolutely ADORES her older cousin :)

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

That is a really tough situation.  But yes, if you could bring her into the fold for the summer it might help a bit.  Obviously you are aware that one summer of reading remediation is not going to fix this, but it might help a bit if she got structured, systematic phonics instruction.  It MIGHT give her a fighting chance for this next year.

 

Not having any support from her mother and mom's boyfriend must be a total nightmare.   DH, a dyslexic, treated DDs reading struggles as a discipline issue until I finally forced an evaluation down his throat but by then she had been struggling and demoralized for years.  It has taken a long time to repair the damage.  

 

That poor kid!  And more power to you for wanting to help.  If you are willing, and you can convince them, I say go for it.  You may be her best chance.

 

Good luck, Aimee.

 

[Guest]

I think you're compassionate and brilliant - what a great plan to help her out in real and tangible ways! It might not be as much fun as all play, all the time, but I think this is an active, useful way to love on her and help her out in a concrete way that will have lifetime payoffs.

 

Your plan is great and you are a fabulous auntie.

[OneStepAtATime]

I think you're compassionate and brilliant - what a great plan to help her out in real and tangible ways! It might not be as much fun as all play, all the time, but I think this is an active, useful way to love on her and help her out in a concrete way that will had lifetime payoffs.

 

Your plan is great and you are a fabulous auntie.

:iagree:

[Ottakee]

If you can do it, it sounds great. Depending in her writing level you might have to do 1/2 level a day of Apples and Pears.

 

If you can afford them, I have found nothing better than the I See Sam readers. Www.iseesam.com or www.3rsplus.co . have her take the placement test but don't be afraid to start lower and move a bit quicker through them. It would give her a great base and a good confidence boost. These can be done in about 10-15 minutes a day

[AimeeM]

If you can do it, it sounds great. Depending in her writing level you might have to do 1/2 level a day of Apples and Pears.

 

If you can afford them, I have found nothing better than the I See Sam readers. Www.iseesam.com or www.3rsplus.co . have her take the placement test but don't be afraid to start lower and move a bit quicker through them. It would give her a great base and a good confidence boost. These can be done in about 10-15 minutes a day

Her writing tolerance is fine. 

I forgot about I See Sam!!! I'll look at those, too. 

[OneStepAtATime]

Honestly, it sounds like a great plan.  

 

I don't want to add to your potential burden here, but as the mom of two dyslexics and knowing how hard the transition from 2nd to 3rd grade was for both kids, I would also be worried about math.  You might run her through a couple of light units of CLE, along with the reading remediation.  You could just copy problems from old ones if you have the right level.  Give a placement test.  If she is struggling with reading, she may be running into issues with math, or may soon, especially terminology and math facts.  Just have her do a few minutes of math a day to keep her skills from deteriorating.....

 

And if you have a way to do it, I would give her access to audio books.  DS really loved having some independence to listen to a book of his choosing that was above what he could actually decode.  And that exposed him to more advanced vocabulary/concepts/grammar/stories/etc.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:   You rock, Aimee.

[zoobie]

Sounds great! You're a kind person. :grouphug: (Is it ok to add a couple of people to my "needs to be punched in the throat" list? I've never actually punched anyone...)

 

Can she read to your DD via Skype now?

[AimeeM]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

That is a really tough situation.  But yes, if you could bring her into the fold for the summer it might help a bit.  Obviously you are aware that one summer of reading remediation is not going to fix this, but it might help a bit if she got structured, systematic phonics instruction.  It MIGHT give her a fighting chance for this next year.

 

Not having any support from her mother and mom's boyfriend must be a total nightmare.   DH, a dyslexic, treated DDs reading struggles as a discipline issue until I finally forced an evaluation down his throat but by then she had been struggling and demoralized for years.  It has taken a long time to repair the damage.  

 

That poor kid!  And more power to you for wanting to help.  If you are willing, and you can convince them, I say go for it.  You may be her best chance.

 

Good luck, Aimee.

Well, I'll admit that I won't be telling them my plans for the summer. Just offering to take a kid off their hands, which they always seem willing to jump on. If my sister thought for two seconds I was insinuating that I was doing something for her child that she wouldn't, she would never allow it. 

 

I am all too aware that one summer won't get her up to grade level... and I'm even more aware that she will just be in the same position next year without the continued remediation and OG-type work... BUT, I talked to my mom and I'm going to order whatever level she leaves off at after the summer (for A&P and DB) and have it sent to my Mom's house, since she keeps the kids after school. She's more than happy to keep it going with her, and the two books (after she's in the swing of things) shouldn't be too awful much for her to handle on top of homework.

[AimeeM]

Sounds great! You're a kind person. :grouphug: (Is it ok to add a couple of people to my "needs to be punched in the throat" list? I've never actually punched anyone...)

 

Can she read to your DD via Skype now?

Hmm. You know, her mother/boyfriend gave her an iphone for Christmas. DD has an ipod and Facetimes people. They could Facetime buddy-read! 

[AimeeM]

We love CLE! Word problems a killer for her, though, so I want to supplement there. Any ideas? 

Which level would be "safe" to order light units in? Considering I have no real idea of where she is. I could ask my mom to peek at her homework? Or should I be focusing more on cementing the basics? I do have CLE 1 on hand.

I can give her access to our Audible account, I think. 

Honestly, it sounds like a great plan.  

 

I don't want to add to your potential burden here, but as the mom of two dyslexics and knowing how hard the transition from 2nd to 3rd grade was for both kids, I would also be worried about math.  You might run her through a couple of light units of CLE, along with the reading remediation.  You could just copy problems from old ones if you have the right level.  Give a placement test.  If she is struggling with reading, she may be running into issues with math, or may soon, especially terminology and math facts.  Just have her do a few minutes of math a day to keep her skills from deteriorating.....

 

And if you have a way to do it, I would give her access to audio books.  DS really loved having some independence to listen to a book of his choosing that was above what he could actually decode.  And that exposed him to more advanced vocabulary/concepts/grammar/stories/etc.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:   You rock, Aimee.

 

[AimeeM]

I think you're compassionate and brilliant - what a great plan to help her out in real and tangible ways! It might not be as much fun as all play, all the time, but I think this is an active, useful way to love on her and help her out in a concrete way that will have lifetime payoffs.

 

Your plan is great and you are a fabulous auntie.

I actually think it will be fun for her. She badly wants to feel like she's doing well in school. She can play assistant art teacher for the boys, alongside DD (I'm delegating, lol - DD is officially the Art Teacher next year; I hate crafts!).

[AimeeM]

Sounds great! You're a kind person. :grouphug: (Is it ok to add a couple of people to my "needs to be punched in the throat" list? I've never actually punched anyone...)

 

Can she read to your DD via Skype now?

ETA: Feel free to imagine yourself punching. I don't know whether to cry or... I just don't know. If he weren't so violent (poor little guy has been through so much) I would ask to take my nephew for the summer as well. Unfortunately he has a history of hurting both my boys. I feel terrible "choosing" my niece over him, to take for the summer I mean, but I'm trying to realize my own limitations. My nephew has far bigger issues than academics (Sister is also refusing to allow him to go for a speech eval, even though at almost 5 nobody can understand a word he says - and I'm not exaggerating; his pre-k teacher has been trying to push for it).

[OneStepAtATime]

Well, I'll admit that I won't be telling them my plans for the summer. Just offering to take a kid off their hands, which they always seem willing to jump on. If my sister thought for two seconds I was insinuating that I was doing something for her child that she wouldn't, she would never allow it. 

 

I am all too aware that one summer won't get her up to grade level... and I'm even more aware that she will just be in the same position next year without the continued remediation and OG-type work... BUT, I talked to my mom and I'm going to order whatever level she leaves off at after the summer (for A&P and DB) and have it sent to my Mom's house, since she keeps the kids after school. She's more than happy to keep it going with her, and the two books (after she's in the swing of things) shouldn't be too awful much for her to handle on top of homework.

Oh, I figured you weren't sharing the details.  I just meant convince them to let her come hang with you for the summer.  :)

 

Honestly, if she could get a summer of solid phonics instruction in, that could be a huge help.  I know DD went from Clifford to Divergent in a year and a half with solid, OG based phonics instruction.  

[OneStepAtATime]

ETA: Feel free to imagine yourself punching. I don't know whether to cry or... I just don't know. If he weren't so violent (poor little guy has been through so much) I would ask to take my nephew for the summer as well. Unfortunately he has a history of hurting both my boys. I feel terrible "choosing" my niece over him, to take for the summer I mean, but I'm trying to realize my own limitations. My nephew has far bigger issues than academics (Sister is also refusing to allow him to go for a speech eval, even though at almost 5 nobody can understand a word he says - and I'm not exaggerating; his pre-k teacher has been trying to push for it).

Don't feel guilty.  You also have to take your own children into consideration.  There are safety concerns.  Absolutely, you need to keep your kids safe.  You can help your niece without risking your own kids' safety.  

[OneStepAtATime]

I actually think it will be fun for her. She badly wants to feel like she's doing well in school. She can play assistant art teacher for the boys, alongside DD (I'm delegating, lol - DD is officially the Art Teacher next year; I hate crafts!).

:thumbup:

[OneStepAtATime]

We love CLE! Word problems a killer for her, though, so I want to supplement there. Any ideas? 

Which level would be "safe" to order light units in? Considering I have no real idea of where she is. I could ask my mom to peek at her homework? Or should I be focusing more on cementing the basics? I do have CLE 1 on hand.

I can give her access to our Audible account, I think. 

Goodness, this is tougher.  Yes, maybe start with CLE 1 since you have it already.  She may need a run through at that level anyway to solidify foundational skills.  If it is too easy, give her the placement test, order a couple of light units from whatever level she tests in to and just compress some of the lessons in Level 1 until the new ones come?

[mamakelly]

I'm not any help with curriculum choices. But I want to say that your are an awesome auntie for doing this for her. You never know, with a whole summer of remediation, she may do fantastic in school in the fall.

[Guest]

I know your sister has had a hard time and then some but I really dislike her right now. Those poor kids! Good for you and your mom for stepping up.

 

Can either of you contact the teachers? I wonder, if the school threatened to call authorities, would your sister get her head in the game?

[Isabella]

Awesome aunty for sure! ! Also great choice of curriculum. I use Apples and Pears, Dancing Bears, and Fast Track for the remedial reading/spelling students I tutor. I love it, and it works for each one of them, regardless of dyslexia or not. I do an hour each session with them, and we can usually cover two lessons of Apples and Pears, as well as ten minutes of Dancing Bears. As long as you have a fun approach and attitude, lots of praise, but also gentle correction where needed, it'll be fun for her.

Her current situation sounds very damaging. Poor girl.

[Ellie]

I'm standing in the punch-in-the-throat line....

 

Victory Drill Book. Your niece has not been taught phonics. She will not learn phonics by reading aloud at home, for crying out loud, so I don't know why schools continue to tell children to do that. ::head bang:: Anyway, Victory Drill Book. It's inexpensive, very easy to use.

 

For basic arithmetic, your mother could download one of those free old-time-y math books that Hunter always posts about. They start at the beginning, no placement test, but I have no doubt that your niece could benefit from starting at the beginning anyway.

[OneStepAtATime]

I'm standing in the punch-in-the-throat line....

 

Victory Drill Book. Your niece has not been taught phonics. She will not learn phonics by reading aloud at home, for crying out loud, so I don't know why schools continue to tell children to do that. ::head bang:: Anyway, Victory Drill Book. It's inexpensive, very easy to use.

 

For basic arithmetic, your mother could download one of those free old-time-y math books that Hunter always posts about. They start at the beginning, no placement test, but I have no doubt that your niece could benefit from starting at the beginning anyway.

I don't know anything about Victory Drill Books, but yes and yes to the bolded Ellie.  

 

Goodness, with all the info out now on how we learn to read, and the extremely clear evidence that a fairly large percentage of our population NEEDS phonics instruction even if they are NOT dyslexic, you would think the school system would get a clue.  

[AimeeM]

I know your sister has had a hard time and then some but I really dislike her right now. Those poor kids! Good for you and your mom for stepping up.

 

Can either of you contact the teachers? I wonder, if the school threatened to call authorities, would your sister get her head in the game?

Meh. I'm over that she's had a hard time. God, that sounds harsh. I don't mean it to be. I guess. Logically I understand that she isn't capable of making good decisions right now, but emotionally I'm so disappointed in her for continuing to damage her children.

 

There's nothing to call the teachers about. She isn't doing anything illegal (nothing that I know of). I've checked. The teachers are mandated reporters, but there's nothing to report. I'm sure that they, unfortunately, see a lot of this - things they wish they could fix but legally their hands are tied. You can't force a person to develop a give-a-d*mn  :glare:

[AimeeM]

I don't know anything about Victory Drill Books, but yes and yes to the bolded Ellie.  

 

Goodness, with all the info out now on how we learn to read, and the extremely clear evidence that a fairly large percentage of our population NEEDS phonics instruction even if they are NOT dyslexic, you would think the school system would get a clue.  

School system is the important phrase here. I'm not sure how things are in their state, but I know in mine, when DD was having trouble, her fourth grade teacher's hands were tied. The schools in our state do not recognize dyslexia as a special need; if it's dx'd in a private setting, the child may get reading accommodations, and be assigned to work with a general SPED teacher, but there's nothing in the way of targeted, specific, OG tutoring or phonics remediation. Dear Niece passes the tests, if only barely; when my DD was in the same position, her teacher was frank with me that there was nothing he was really able or allowed to do because of that. As long as kids are floating along, however "barely", it doesn't matter. 

 

The reading aloud at home is an assignment for every child in the class. According to my mother, the teacher is kind and a good teacher. They can't for my sister to have evaluations done, and if they (like my own state) do not offer the specific evaluations in-school, they definitely can't require she pay out of pocket. It's unfortunate, but my sister can't be forced into making good choices for her children. I don't know what to do or say to her any more, but I call... and I talk to her... because I do love her so much, but every conversation makes me feel just more helpless. She isn't doing anything illegal that I/we know of, nothing to "report", and I feel like I don't know her any more. She has been extended every helping hand we can think of, but refuses to take it - and we can't make her. 

 

My mom cried when I went to see her last week. I haven't seen Mama cry in a long, long time. 

 

Our step-sister is coming to visit next week. She'll be spending a few days with this particular sister, and then a few days with me. She's a licensed social worker, with extensive work in DV situations (although she now works in a more administrative role for a non-profit), so I'm anxious to hear her take on it.

[OneStepAtATime]

School system is the important phrase here. I'm not sure how things are in their state, but I know in mine, when DD was having trouble, her fourth grade teacher's hands were tied. The schools in our state do not recognize dyslexia as a special need; if it's dx'd in a private setting, the child may get reading accommodations, and be assigned to work with a general SPED teacher, but there's nothing in the way of targeted, specific, OG tutoring or phonics remediation. Dear Niece passes the tests, if only barely; when my DD was in the same position, her teacher was frank with me that there was nothing he was really able or allowed to do because of that. As long as kids are floating along, however "barely", it doesn't matter. 

 

The reading aloud at home is an assignment for every child in the class. According to my mother, the teacher is kind and a good teacher. They can't for my sister to have evaluations done, and if they (like my own state) do not offer the specific evaluations in-school, they definitely can't require she pay out of pocket. It's unfortunate, but my sister can't be forced into making good choices for her children. I don't know what to do or say to her any more, but I call... and I talk to her... because I do love her so much, but every conversation makes me feel just more helpless. She isn't doing anything illegal that I/we know of, nothing to "report", and I feel like I don't know her any more. She has been extended every helping hand we can think of, but refuses to take it - and we can't make her. 

 

My mom cried when I went to see her last week. I haven't seen Mama cry in a long, long time. 

 

Our step-sister is coming to visit next week. She'll be spending a few days with this particular sister, and then a few days with me. She's a licensed social worker, with extensive work in DV situations (although she now works in a more administrative role for a non-profit), so I'm anxious to hear her take on it.

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

That's a hard, hard place to be, Aimee. I am so sorry.

 

And yeah, we had the same issue with the school the kids were in.  Nice teachers.  Unfortunately, they really didn't have much experience or background knowledge in the latest research on dyslexia.  And even if they were, they weren't able to change what was being used.  No phonics.  Only whole word memorization.  Totally useless for my kids.