MotherGoose Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 ty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Sounds extremely frustrating. Maybe if the child offers to help, you could try saying "Thanks, what would you like to do?" or if that is a difficult choice for her "Thanks, well I need A, B and C done - which would you prefer to do?". We occasionally get a similar scenario except with multiple kids. For example, Parent: Who would like to help me do X Kids: Silence Parent: I need a volunteer please... Kids (all at once): Ugh! No! I don't want to do it. I did it yesterday, etc Parent [picks a child and assigns the job to that child] Other kids: Awww, but I wanted to do that. Why does she get to do it? It's not fair! I told you I wanted to do it, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Is this a new thing? Because it TOTALLY sounds like the beginnings of puberty are hitting. Things that shouldn't be a big deal are an ordeal. NO ONE ever understands anything that they think or feel, and we all must be stupid. :) Been there with all three of mine and it wasn't easy, but we all have survived. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 ty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 What if you decided to interpret her behavior differently? Rather than interpret it as her badgering you, or engaging you in arguments, or unleashing drama, what if you interpreted her behavior as her trying to identify and solve a problem? What if you started to help her identify and solve the problem? Is her problem the wet hands? Is her problem doing work that doesn't seem fun? Is her problem boredom? Is her problem feeling anxious? Is her solution to avoid sensory experiences that are upsetting? Is her solution to find something to engage her attention? Is her problem to distract herself from feeling anxious? What if you imagined she spoke English as a second language, and rather than take her words at face value, imagine she's trying to communicate with the limited vocabulary she has? See what's really going on, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I find that "You should have..." from me doesn't help. Instead, when we get to the part of the conversation of "I really wanted to ..." I redirect. "Well that's too bad. It's too late for this chore, I still have to prepare x and y. Do either of those jobs appeal to you?" Also, the comments "Aww....That's too bad." and "Hmmm, I can see that's annoying." or "Well, that's terrible." kind of take the wind out of my arguer's sails. I'm listenning, but not engaging. It helps the argument wind down a bit faster if I don't respond in a way that she can respond to argumentatively. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Sounds very familiar. My nearly-9 year old DD has moments like this, too. I handle it pretty much like you described: I refuse to get sucked into pointless drama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ikslo Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'd be more worried about why she said her chest hurts when she potatoes than any off the rest of it. (But that's coming from me having a DS with food allergies.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Well, I wouldn't wash the potatoes. I would restate that is the part of dinner you need help with then proceed with whatever else needs done. Then I would say thank you, I really appreciate your help. I got out of so many things as a kid/teen because I'd say I didn't want to and then my mom would just do it. I've made a conscious effort to try and not do that with ds. I bit my tongue a lot as I could see him trying to come with another reason or why he couldn't. Now there are times when he's cooking something and I help him with what he asks. It kind of depends upon who is being the chef that night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 ty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Hello? Didn't you know that fries are a food group in themselves, whereas potatoes are a vegetable? Or so my son who objects to boiled, steamed or whole baked potatoes tells me. :lol: Also, I have found it is often helpful to refrain from becoming too engaged in discussion. My son used to be in the habit of saying he didn't want things, then whinging afterwards that he missed out. When I tried explaining that sometimes opportunities have to be taken at the time, and if he wants something he should have it (or do it) when the opportunity presents, it tended to feed the troll, so to speak. Now, if he ever tries that, I put on my most neutral tone, say something like "Oh, too bad... Perhaps you could have have some (or do that) another time" and then flatly refuse to talk about it any further. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 ty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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