Venting post about people who borrow expensive books...

[jonesloonybin]

I wanted to say that we borrowed a powerwasher from family and it worked great..then I took a lunch break and went back to finish and it would not work. We tried everything and could not get it to work. We went right out and bought a new one as close to the original as possible and went to see the family we borrowed it from. We told them what happened and gave them the new powerwasher. I don't understand why people do not replace things they have damaged or lost. (money was tight, but we went without...we had a responsibility to replace what we broke.)

 

When I was looking for my wedding dress a friend of mine came with me...but she brought her kids with her. I had found the dress I wanted but suddenly the kids broke a $50 knick-knack. My friend said she would not pay for it, so I had to pay or the store owner would not let me have my dress. I had to call my soon to be husband to use his credit card to pay for the damage (I did not have credit cards then). It was awful. We are no longer friends (for many other reasons).

 

People need to learn responsibility.

[Mekanamom]

On this I disagree for a couple of reasons.

You don't know that's why they are taking the course. I might not be taking the course to get my kid the "college experience", but just to get the math class.

And I would't give too much maturity credit to anyone enrolled. That's just not true a LOT of the time even when sent away to a private university. Maturity is not a college entrance requirement.:tongue_smilie:

 

 

I made the same point about the kids taking responsibility that Pam did (it's way down at the end of the thread).

This is an excellent opportunity to develop some maturity, if it isn't already there.

 

I do have a lot of compassion for the girl without the book, lol. I also don't think the boy with the book should feel like he must lend his copy out.

 

There are other ways to deal with this; photocopy the needed pages, scan the needed pages, ask the instructor for help, see if the college library has a copy...

 

As a mom, I might tell my child "Look, I paid for that book so that you can use it for this class. It will not leave your possession. If you want to help your friend, figure something else out." I might throw out the suggestions above. And then I would take myself out of the situation. These kids are really at an age where they should be solving their own problems.

 

The burden of any cost associated with whatever temporary solution they come up with (if they decided to pay to have some pages photocopied, for instance) should fall on the person doing the borrowing. If the borrower does not know this yet, here is a good opportunity to find out.

[myfunnybunch]

There's no way that book would leave my house. Books get lost or damaged too easily, and it would really stink for your ds to be left in the lurch due to another's carelessness.

 

I'd explain to the friend that your son has to do his work too, and (obviously) needs the book.

 

Can her dd come over for an afternoon to "borrow" the book at your house?

 

Cat

[readwithem]

:iagree:That's what I was going to suggest.

 

Maybe the boy can come over to your house to use the book. That way the book doesn't leave the house.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Ok, so these are HS seniors taking college classes. And the other student's mom is trying to borrow your son's book for her daughter.

 

I think that a HS senior taking college classes is quite old enough to ask if she could please photocopy (and pay for it!) the pages she needs until her book comes in.

 

This is college. This is real life. The kids ought to start advocating for themselves and work something out that inconveniences each other in the least possible way. It's a good lesson to learn.

 

Do you have a scanner? That would be even more convenient than photocopying. Scan 'em in and email them. But let your son and her dd work it out.

 

I didn't see your post before I threw in my two cents, but I agree. And if the kid isn't old enough to handle this sort of thing without mama, he/she REALLY does not need to be in some poor professor's *college* class. The mind boggles. How much hand-holding will he/she need to complete the class? I'd yank my kid out so fast if he couldn't handle this most simple of tasks before drop/add that heads would be spinning. No way I'm going to risk a low grade in a college class because the kid isn't mature enough to handle all that such a class entails. Doesn't bode well, IMO.

 

(But then my kids were buying their own books (but with my money, lol) and handling their own "issues" about study and attendance and whatnot at 14, so maybe I don't quite get this picture completely.)

[Julie in CA]

I didn't see your post before I threw in my two cents, but I agree. And if the kid isn't old enough to handle this sort of thing without mama, he/she REALLY does not need to be in some poor professor's *college* class. The mind boggles. How much hand-holding will he/she need to complete the class? I'd yank my kid out so fast if he couldn't handle this most simple of tasks before drop/add that heads would be spinning. No way I'm going to risk a low grade in a college class because the kid isn't mature enough to handle all that such a class entails. Doesn't bode well, IMO.

 

(But then my kids were buying their own books (but with my money, lol) and handling their own "issues" about study and attendance and whatnot at 14, so maybe I don't quite get this picture completely.)

 

:001_smile:Just wanted to make sure you understood that *my* kid is being responsible about his college work, and the potential book borrower in question is a high school freshman (14yo girl). I never would have put my 14yo in that position, but the girl's mom isn't very confident about teaching algebra, and has enrolled her dd in 8 units at the cc. I don't know what other class she's taking besides the math. I did mention to her that (imo) that's really too much for a new high school freshman, but since it *can* be done, she's doing it.

 

BTW, as an update for others following the thread, I'm going to go ahead with loaning out the book just for today, but have told them it needs to be back by tonight. If worst comes to worst, my niece is also taking the class, and she lives 1/2 mi. on the other side of our property. She would gladly loan her book to her *cousin.* ;) ('cause she's just all-around a nicer person than I am! Nah, not really, it's because she's a relative and all.)

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

:001_smile:Just wanted to make sure you understood that *my* kid is being responsible about his college work, and the potential book borrower in question is a high school freshman (14yo girl). I never would have put my 14yo in that position, but the girl's mom isn't very confident about teaching algebra, and has enrolled her dd in 8 units at the cc. I don't know what other class she's taking besides the math. I did mention to her that (imo) that's really too much for a new high school freshman, but since it *can* be done, she's doing it.

 

BTW, as an update for others following the thread, I'm going to go ahead with loaning out the book just for today, but have told them it needs to be back by tonight. If worst comes to worst, my niece is also taking the class, and she lives 1/2 mi. on the other side of our property. She would gladly loan her book to her *cousin.* ;) ('cause she's just all-around a nicer person than I am! Nah, not really, it's because she's a relative and all.)

 

Oh, Julie, I absolutely know that. Just... I don't know what that mom could be thinking! And it stinks that you're put in the position of trying to deal with his lack of maturity and her lack of realizing his lack.

[Mekanamom]

:001_smile:Just wanted to make sure you understood that *my* kid is being responsible about his college work, and the potential book borrower in question is a high school freshman (14yo girl). I never would have put my 14yo in that position, but the girl's mom isn't very confident about teaching algebra, and has enrolled her dd in 8 units at the cc. I don't know what other class she's taking besides the math. I did mention to her that (imo) that's really too much for a new high school freshman, but since it *can* be done, she's doing it.

 

BTW, as an update for others following the thread, I'm going to go ahead with loaning out the book just for today, but have told them it needs to be back by tonight. If worst comes to worst, my niece is also taking the class, and she lives 1/2 mi. on the other side of our property. She would gladly loan her book to her *cousin.* ;) ('cause she's just all-around a nicer person than I am! Nah, not really, it's because she's a relative and all.)

 

Oh dear, I feel even more for the 14 yo freshman than I did before (thinking she was at least 17). Her mom definitely put her in a tough spot. And she also put you and your son in a tough spot. (No, I certainly didn't mean to imply that your son was being irresponsible with his school work at all.)

 

Is the girl expecting her books soon, or will she need to work out some longer term plans? What a way for her to have to start her first college class!! Poor kid.

[Julie in CA]

Oh, Julie, I absolutely know that. Just... I don't know what that mom could be thinking! And it stinks that you're put in the position of trying to deal with his lack of maturity and her lack of realizing his lack.

 

Thanks, I don't know why it mattered to me--I just wanted to clarify. ;)

[Julie in CA]

Oh dear, I feel even more for the 14 yo freshman than I did before (thinking she was at least 17). Her mom definitely put her in a tough spot.

 

Is the girl expecting her books soon, or will she need to work out some longer term plans?

 

Yes, I have met the dd a couple of times, and although she's a *very* nice girl, she also seems *very* young, kwim? Almost too nice for her own good...

 

Anyhow, I don't think they know exactly when the books will arrive. They ordered from Amazon used, so the books are probably coming media rate. I always figure one two weeks when I order that way, so probably at minimum one more week. I don't think the order was placed until probably the 26th or 27th. I also always try to order from the seller closest to me location-wise, but I don't know if she considered that or not--probably not.

 

I've mellowed out about the issue since I first posted, and I'm pretty amazed at the attention this post has garnered. They picked up the books at about 10:30 this morning, and I told them my ds needed it back tonight. I did mention that they should make copies of whatever they thought they might need until her books arrive.

 

Eh, so I got to do someone a favor. I sometimes pray that the Lord will send me people whom I can help. I almost dropped the ball this time! I'm still a little unhappy that they sort of saved money at my expense, but mostly I'm a little unhappy with myself, wishing I'd been more gracious in my thoughts right from the beginning.

 

Thanks,

Julie (aka: WTM Dessert Fairy) How do I go about changing my name, anyway? :D

[Murphy101]

I made the same point about the kids taking responsibility that Pam did (it's way down at the end of the thread).

This is an excellent opportunity to develop some maturity, if it isn't already there.

 

There are other ways to deal with this; photocopy the needed pages, scan the needed pages, ask the instructor for help, see if the college library has a copy...

 

As a mom, I might tell my child "Look, I paid for that book so that you can use it for this class. It will not leave your possession. If you want to help your friend, figure something else out." I might throw out the suggestions above. And then I would take myself out of the situation. These kids are really at an age where they should be solving their own problems.

 

The burden of any cost associated with whatever temporary solution they come up with (if they decided to pay to have some pages photocopied, for instance) should fall on the person doing the borrowing. If the borrower does not know this yet, here is a good opportunity to find out.

 

I would have no problem with doing the same thing with my kid in this situation.:iagree:

 

I didn't see your post before I threw in my two cents, but I agree. And if the kid isn't old enough to handle this sort of thing without mama, he/she REALLY does not need to be in some poor professor's *college* class. The mind boggles. How much hand-holding will he/she need to complete the class? I'd yank my kid out so fast if he couldn't handle this most simple of tasks before drop/add that heads would be spinning. No way I'm going to risk a low grade in a college class because the kid isn't mature enough to handle all that such a class entails. Doesn't bode well, IMO.

 

(But then my kids were buying their own books (but with my money, lol) and handling their own "issues" about study and attendance and whatnot at 14, so maybe I don't quite get this picture completely.)

 

Maybe not. I just don't view it as "hand holding" to tell my kid that I'm paying out the nose to invest in THEIR education and books and they'd best not risk messing up giving a good return for the investment.;)

 

Oh dear, I feel even more for the 14 yo freshman than I did before (thinking she was at least 17). Her mom definitely put her in a tough spot. And she also put you and your son in a tough spot. (No, I certainly didn't mean to imply that your son was being irresponsible with his school work at all.)

 

Is the girl expecting her books soon, or will she need to work out some longer term plans? What a way for her to have to start her first college class!! Poor kid.

 

I agree. I would think a 14 yr old would need some guidance and assistance to start off on the right foot with college classes. Heck, even most 18 yr olds need SOME guidance the first semester. That's why there's orientation sessions and such to help them. This other girl is only 14 and I think that's a bit young to expect them to be completely independent with their education needs. I feel bad for her too.