How do you refer to your adopted children?

[Murmer]

My kids are my kids...but we talk about adoption a lot...in our family and outside our family when it warrants it...we have open adoptions so we talk about birth moms, birth grandmas, birth brothers and sisters and now finally birth aunties and uncles.  In the same breath my kids will talk about their cousins and mom and dad...in their mind its just a big family.  We even just had a conversation about blood lines (due to some pedigree chart discoveries and my asking my husband if it was via bloodlines or not) and we talked about how their birth family is in their blood lines but that because they are adopted they get to be a part of our lines too so they get 2.  I try to make it matter of fact and just what it is.  They are my children and will be forever thanks to the amazingness of their birth family.

[Elisabet1]

One thing that bothers me is when I refer to my birth parents, some people insist on dropping the "birth" part and act like I owe them or something. It should be up to me to decide the role anyone plays in my life. My birth mother was not like a lot of birth mothers, gave her child up out of love. My story is very different.  I have even made a post before (do not recall if it was here or elsewhere) where I referenced my birth mom's daughter and someone kept calling her my child's aunt. Not hardly. Other than trying to cause trouble, like stealing from my child, she has had nothing to do with my children. I generally do not speak about my birthmother or her kids. They came up recently because I failed to warn my children about their issues and one of my children thought they could run to my birth parents. 

 

Anyway..the point is..what do you call the birth parents to make it clear to people that these are not your real parents..they are not the ones who raised you, loved you, or even care about you? Actually...on that note, my husband's birth mom and birth relatives really did care about him. She loved him a lot and thought about him a lot. She had epilepsy and was having several seizures a day. She died when he was a baby. She never even got to hold him. She had an older child she could not care for too, due to the epilepsy. She died from a seizure while dh was still a baby. I know plenty of birth parents who really love their children of course. It is just that others should not try to dictate what kind of relationship someone should have with their birth parents. Everyone's story is different. 

[ebrindam]

"My son." "My daughter." "My children."

[TwoEdgedSword]

"My son." "My daughter." "My children."

Yes this!

And to the tacky salesperson who probably meant well, but when I approached with all seven of my kiddos said "Aww, how precious, which ones are yours?"

 

I said with a big smile,

 

Ahem, they all are of course!

[sparrow]

What I really dislike is when we've been asked, "Are they brother and sister?" Which I answer, "Of course they are!" Occasionally, you'll get a Nosy Nellie that will press. *wink nudge* "You know what I mean....." Which I answer, "Of course I do!" with my sweetest smile :001_smile: .

[KrissiK]

What I really dislike is when we've been asked, "Are they brother and sister?" Which I answer, "Of course they are!" Occasionally, you'll get a Nosy Nellie that will press. *wink nudge* "You know what I mean....." Which I answer, "Of course I do!" with my sweetest smile :001_smile: .

I hate that, too! I know what people mean, I tend to think their questions are harmless, merely from curiosity, but it is so rude. It really is. Especially when asked in front of the children. And I feel like I'm lying if I say, "yes, they are!" Because I know what they mean. I hate questions about my adopted kids. I'm just too nice to tell people it's none of their business.

[TwoEdgedSword]

Sparrow, I've had that ridiculous question too! And I think that is the best way to handle it.

 

Flowing Brook, I'm sorry your father's comments hurt. I'm not sure why he did that, but you seem to know it wasn't intended to hurt. Hoping you can find closure and healing on this issue.

[SKL]

I hate that, too! I know what people mean, I tend to think their questions are harmless, merely from curiosity, but it is so rude. It really is. Especially when asked in front of the children. And I feel like I'm lying if I say, "yes, they are!" Because I know what they mean. I hate questions about my adopted kids. I'm just too nice to tell people it's none of their business.

 

Same here.  I don't want my kids to think there is anything shameful about their situation, so when people persist with the "but are they *sisters,* you know what I mean," I just maintain my cool and answer something like "they are not biologically related" or "they don't have the same birth mother."  It's annoying!  People just don't think.

 

Then again, I am sure I said some stupid things in my more naive, pre-adoption years.

[beaners]

Same here. I don't want my kids to think there is anything shameful about their situation, so when people persist with the "but are they *sisters,* you know what I mean," I just maintain my cool and answer something like "they are not biologically related" or "they don't have the same birth mother." It's annoying! People just don't think.

 

Then again, I am sure I said some stupid things in my more naive, pre-adoption years.

Since we adopted our boys at the same time, a lot of people ask "are they brothers?" Usually I say "they are now!"

[Crimson Wife]

My aunt and uncle adopted my two cousins and they've always been "my son M-" and "my daughter M-". My grandparents unfortunately played favorites and treated their bio grandkids differently than their adopted grandkids, which even as a child struck me as wrong.