ExcitedMama Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Apparently I'm now a complete failure as a parent. I posted about my problems with DS and now DD has decided to present another type of battle. She's always been stubborn and very decisive about what she wants and I try to accommodate her as much as possible by letting her have choices and do things herself. But now her wanting to do something has far outpaced her ability. The other night she and DH fought for about thirty minutes over her diaper because she insisted on doing it herself but couldn't. Today I was dressing her for her nap and she insisted on doing it herself but couldn't and fought and screamed at me for forty five minutes. I tried walking away, I tried helping, I tried to just do it and she just fought and screamed. Anyone else go through this? DS was never like this and I just have no idea what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 No idea for dealing with the root stubbornness (mine is a stubborn one too), but for the diaper ... put her in pull ups. She can do that much more easily than a regular diaper. It'll make it annoying to change her without waking her in the night, but she can put it on herself and maybe even start prepping for potty training. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 I'm not sure, but I think what I might have done is just put on the diaper, calmly and firmly, and then tried to distract her by going outside or giving her a new thing to do ("A new idea will stop a crying child"--A Little Princess). Maybe something kinda fun like waterplay on the K floor, or playdough (if she doesn't eat it) or making a fort with cushions for her speedy quick and inviting her in. I think staying matter-of-fact, acknowledging her feelings ("Oh, I know it's hard to be little--oh, I see you are upset, poor dear--almost done!") and then just getting on with something different can be helpful. If I felt tense and like yelling, I would probably set her in her crib till she was ready to have me come back in--i.e., put myself in timeout for a couple of minutes! It was always hard for me when mine got so angry. ETA--Ah, I see it's right before nap and right before bed. Maybe changing diapers a little earlier, when she's not as tired, could help, too. ((OP)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Sounds like time to potty train. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Dd2 is the same way, her stubbornness is come by honestly though since dh and I are both rather mule headed but good grief. I'm trying to get her to sleep in her playpen (or least be in it to play) but it's not happening, she cried and screamed for over an hour today while I tried to get her to nap (I was sitting on the floor just outside the room where I could see her but she couldn't see me) I just couldn't handle it anymore and got her. She's my cuddle baby though too and such a mama's girl (well she is with me basically 24/7). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strange_girl Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Oh, I have one of those :banghead: Nothing is ever right or okay unless it was her idea. Even if it's something she loves. All I can say is hang in there. Mine is 7 now, and things are finally starting to get better. We still spend a lot of time in teaching and conversation about why she needs to obey Mom when she'd much rather play horse...but progress has been made! Even though they may always struggle with a strong will and a certain amount of inflexibility, they do eventually outgrow the screaming fits and tantrums...with time...and lots of training...and an inexhaustable amount of patience. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mbelle Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 My 2 year old won't wear pants, sock or shoes. It really was cold this week. His feet were freezing and he was running on the balls of his feet. (We live in a 100 year old house, so it's drafty and floor is cold) I found a few tricks. He can not go outside without pants, socks, shoes. Also, he will put on pj's (top and bottom) after a shower. Sometimes I tell him we are going for a car ride to get some candy, so he better put on his pants, socks and shoes. He will run to get them then. We do go for a quick ride and I give him a couple of skittles or choc chips. He will usually keep his clothes on when we get back. (but socks and shoes stlll come off immediately once inside) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Ah, counterwill!I always go back to my 'guru' Gordon Neufeld. Have a look at this article about counterwill article "Why Children Say No!" & for more info, Making Sense of Preschoolers DVD set from this page http://neufeldinstitute.com/products/dvds Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I have walked away when things were to difficult, but I recommend letting the toddler think what you want is his or her idea. Ask questions to lead the child. Can you help me take off your diaper? Good job! Can you help me close the tab on your diaper? Excellent, big helper! Which shirt do you want? That's a nice shirt! Will you show me where the hole for your head is? Can you put your head through? Great! Where's the tag so we put the shirt on right? Where does your arm go? Enthusiasm helps a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I have walked away when things were to difficult, but I recommend letting the toddler think what you want is his or her idea. Ask questions to lead the child. Can you help me take off your diaper? Good job! Can you help me close the tab on your diaper? Excellent, big helper! Which shirt do you want? That's a nice shirt! Will you show me where the hole for your head is? Can you put your head through? Great! Where's the tag so we put the shirt on right? Where does your arm go? Enthusiasm helps a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I have one of these kids. You have my empathy. As far as what to do? When tired or hungry I just power through as fast as I can and get child to food or bed. Nothing solves the problem, so it might as well be shorter/faster upset than me trying to reason with a sad/tired child screaming forever. Ultimately, having more words and more physical ability to do what said child wants to do helps. FWIW, try not to take the screaming personally. It's an expression of big feelings, but not a judgement of you or your parenting ability. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WagsWife Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I have one of these kids. You have my empathy. As far as what to do? When tired or hungry I just power through as fast as I can and get child to food or bed. Nothing solves the problem, so it might as well be shorter/faster upset than me trying to reason with a sad/tired child screaming forever. Ultimately, having more words and more physical ability to do what said child wants to do helps. FWIW, try not to take the screaming personally. It's an expression of big feelings, but not a judgement of you or your parenting ability. I agree. When dealing with our three year old, I tell my older girls-- you can't negotiate with terrorists OR toddlers. The more you negotiate or try reason with them, the more the tantrum escalates. Just do what needs to be done, and get it over with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Mommy will help you. Here, hold the _____. (usually wipes - I let her pull them all out, and I put them back in when we are done.) Pre-empting the ugly kind of tired is the best thing, but that's not always possible. Gently plowing through, quickly, is the best route. imho. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 How old is she? Not really addressing everything here, but one of mine was very stubborn and independent too. So a day or two after she turned two, she was potty-trained. We actually loosely followed the book "How to Toilet Train in 24 Hours" or something like that. :) (I guess that's how desperate we were!) We made it very exciting, of course, making the atmosphere as fun and positive as we could. Within 24 hours, she was pretty much completely potty trained. Having that one aspect in her life that she could take control of really helped, in many ways! We learned even as she got older that as much as we could give over to her for her to do on her own, the happier she was. Good luck! Often the really stubborn ones can accomplish some pretty amazing things, eventually! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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