DS and vbs...am I overreacting?

[chocolatechip]

She also said she hasn't heard anything negative from any of his teachers, just that he is wiggly and doesn't like to sit still and gets tired by the end, which is 8:45, and that truly is a little late for him.

This sounds very. . .normal. 

 

Hey, it even sounds a little like ME.  :leaving:

[ScoutTN]

If they allow people to drop off preschoolers, they should be prepared to take all comers.

 

Imo, this means that they have two deep leadership at all times and a supervisor in the area. And for VBS, lots of extra help, floaters to help wherever the need arises. In our church any children's ministry registration would include a question that would clarify special needs.

In a VBS setting, we would require a one on one buddy for most children with special needs. If we could not provide that we would have called the parents well before the event began and tried to figure out a solution with them.

[City Mouse]

I don't know that you are "over reacting". You are just reacting. Of course you were hurt or disappointed for your child when plans changed at the last minute and he was not able to participate.

 

As we can see from reading these posts, VBS can vary a lot from church to church, and now you know that. Some churches train their volunteers better than others. Some churches have better resources or more volunteers than others.

 

Also, you have found that late evening programs are not so good for your DS. At 4rs old my DS went to bed at 8:00, and we often had to pass on activities for his much older sister, because my DH was at work in the evenings and DS HAD to go to bed. Trying to keep him up late even for his own activity always backfired.

 

I would just chalk it up as a learning experience and move on. I would not hold a grudge with the other church's VBS. I would imagine that they are doing the best they can, but just do not have the knowledge or resources to work with your. DS without your presence.

[MedicMom]

To be honest, I don't know how much his SPD truly played a part---it seemed to bother him only during the opening session with the loud music and he was fine during the classroom and game part, which fits the pattern we've seen elsewhere. And he was happily spending the opening session in the foyer with whoever was dropping him off, so it wasn't an issue.

 

His teacher called me last night when he didn't come to make sure there was no hard feelings. Which I greatly appreciated because I was able to ask exactly what was going on, because he is going to pre-k in a few weeks and I need to know if we need to work on classroom behavior. It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined---he got along well with the other kids, obeyed the rules, played well, participated in all the activities. She said he was one of only three little boys in the class and that he preferred to run around with them and did not want to come inside off the playground and sit when it was story time. She said the other two little boys were the same way and that they asked their parents to stay last night.

 

I am now thinking it is much less an issue of SPD and more an issue of too many kids and be enough adults. I don't know many little boys who will come off the playground without some argument, but I put that on my list of things we need to practice. In any case I assured her there was no hard feelings and that we didn't go last night because neither parent would be able to stay.

[texasmama]

To be honest, I don't know how much his SPD truly played a part---it seemed to bother him only during the opening session with the loud music and he was fine during the classroom and game part, which fits the pattern we've seen elsewhere. And he was happily spending the opening session in the foyer with whoever was dropping him off, so it wasn't an issue.

 

His teacher called me last night when he didn't come to make sure there was no hard feelings. Which I greatly appreciated because I was able to ask exactly what was going on, because he is going to pre-k in a few weeks and I need to know if we need to work on classroom behavior. It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined---he got along well with the other kids, obeyed the rules, played well, participated in all the activities. She said he was one of only three little boys in the class and that he preferred to run around with them and did not want to come inside off the playground and sit when it was story time. She said the other two little boys were the same way and that they asked their parents to stay last night.

 

I am now thinking it is much less an issue of SPD and more an issue of too many kids and be enough adults. I don't know many little boys who will come off the playground without some argument, but I put that on my list of things we need to practice. In any case I assured her there was no hard feelings and that we didn't go last night because neither parent would be able to stay.

This is a very nice resolution to this experience, and I'm so glad you were able to have it.  (as well as the VBS folks)  Very classy that you received a phone call.

[Erin]

I am now thinking it is much less an issue of SPD and more an issue of too many kids and be enough adults. I don't know many little boys who will come off the playground without some argument, but I put that on my list of things we need to practice. In any case I assured her there was no hard feelings and that we didn't go last night because neither parent would be able to stay.

 

…which is precisely why every church I've worked in has teens to help "wrangle the monkeys," as my son puts it.  ;)  

[Word Nerd]

I suspect you missed the cues they gave you. They did tell you that he was being a handful. As a pp said, they were being polite, but they would not have remarked about his activity or needing to be redirected if he wasn't being a handful. Still they were happy to work with him while they had enough volunteers. How nice of them. For three days they gave your child a lot of extra attention for free and without a complaint, so don't hold it against them that they were regretfully unable to do it on the 4th day.

 

I agree. My impression is that it was fine on the other nights because there were other helper(s) available to give him more direct attention.

[Reefgazer]

I am the VBS director director of our church, and last year, I had to tell a very lovely mom that her extremely misbehaving child couldn't stay unless she could stay with him. We are volunteer staffed and are not equipped to give a child one on one attention in what is intended to be a group situation. It sounds as if you were being asked to supervise your own son, not anyone else. Your husband needs to understand that it is not public school and not funded as one with paid staff. It is probably best if you son waited another year r two until he was more comfortable in a group setting.

 

To the poster who said VBS should take all comers: that's not the way it works. We are a private organization with all volunteers, so we are not obligated, and cannot safel accommodate all special needs. Most preschoolers do fine in our program, but for those who cannot, special arrangements, in the form of special food, medical care, or behavioral support is the responsibility of the parents.