Hoggirl Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Ds is starting to demonstrate some nervousness/anxiety (that might be too strong of a word) as of late. When he is stressed, he loses his appetite (I, on the other hand, seem to have the opposite reaction, but that is a topic for another day!). He is not a closed-off child, but he is a boy and typically doesn't do much big-time opening up. He told me after lunch today that he wishes he could eat more, but he just can't. :( I have tried to get him to pinpoint what is causing his nervousness, but he doesn't seem to know. The first of his friends left Tuesday. I kinda think that's when it began. I have told him the usual that it's perfectly normal to be nervous, that all change is hard even if it's positive, that he can talk to me or his dad about anything, etc. I don't know if he is concerned about the academic rigor??? He does get a semi-notification about housing tomorrow - he'll learn the dorm (which will tell him whether or not he got all-freshmen housing, which is what he prefers), but he does not learn the room number or roommate until move-in day. I am hoping learning the dorm tomorrow may help a bit?? As an aside, he has been taking Accutane. They have kept him on it one month longer than they anticipated (he has just started what will be his last month - he has taken it four months already). He mentioned whether or not that might be causing it. He hasn't had any issues with it thus far. I told him to just stop taking it if he thought that was it. He said if he still felt this way after a couple more days he would do that. I really don't know why the doc kept him on it - his results are quite good. Sorry for all the rambling. I guess my question is: what have you found to be effective ways of easing pre-college jitters in your children - particularly in boys who may not be as prone to demonstrating emotions as girls might be (sorry - not trying to stereotype)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine State Sue Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 My big idea - distraction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennW in SoCal Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I'd suggest just focusing on and doing the things that you'd normally do in August. Go bowling, go to the movies or a ball game if you are near a team, play some board games, play catch, go visit family, put together a jigsaw puzzle, binge watch tv shows together while eating popcorn. In other words find ways for him to be active so his mind isn't on the upcoming move and start of school. Most of all -- don't talk about it!! That is a very hard thing for mothers of boys. I know! You have to wait til they decide to talk, which they (college aged boys) only do when they are doing something else like washing dishes with you (as if!!) or playing frisbee or sitting in the car while you are driving to the grocery store. Or they will talk about other things -- books, sports, movies, and such. My boys will text or call me once in a while about things on their minds, but as a rule they don't respond to my text messages that say "hi -- how are you doing?" But if I text about something they are interested in, tell them some news I've heard about something they care about, then I'll get a bite, and sometimes those conversations will lead to deeper things on their minds. Set aside only a few days to deal with the logistics of the move. Know that you can send him things he needs, that you can send goody boxes from time to time, too. He will be fine. He knows you are there, but he has to start dealing with his emotions all by himself, and you need to gracefully give him the space to so in his own way. :grouphug: When we were at the big college drop off 2 years ago, the school took a class picture of all the entering freshmen (all 600 of them), followed by a procession of them to the "opening ceremonies". The parents of girls were in constant text message contact with their daughters throughout that morning, but we only got a embarrassed wave as my son passed by with his new friends. He finally texted us in the late afternoon that we could come say good bye, and we walked and talked then. But it was short, sweet and very stereotypically male! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Not BTDT, but this seems like a normal reaction for a student about to head off to a new adventure. I think not talking about it is excellent advice. Stay positive and don't let on that you are worried about him being worried. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myra Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 We're in the same spot - he just wants to hang around the house and do family type stuff, which is okay by me! Every so often I bring up a sentence or two (not a dialogue, more of a quick observation) about how I am feeling about him leaving (nervous stuff as well as positive spin stuff, too)as a way for him to have an opening to express his nervousness in a sentence or two or a brief "yeah - me, too!" and that's about it for communicating stuff with this teenage boy for now! Myra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myra Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 My big idea - distraction. Ha- I'm the one that needs the emotional distraction - that's why I'm here typing away this morning and trying to block out that he's gone in 13 days and his brother in 20 days! Myra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted August 8, 2014 Author Share Posted August 8, 2014 Well, ds did get all-frosh housing which was what he wanted. He also took his foreign language placement test today. He went out with some friends last night - movie, dinner, hanging out. We'll see if the combination of all these things perks up his appetite! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 I wouldn't focus on his appetite. Just cook his favorite food and don't say anything. He'll eat plenty at school! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 I think it sounds like a normal reaction too. Probably a week into school, he'll be just fine. I also am one of those people who loses their appetite when stressed. Maybe splurge on some milkshakes! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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