KrissiK Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 I have an 11 year old son who seems to be completely incapable of entertaining himself. Or finding something to do. He is a difficult child to begin with. He is self-centered, very argumentative and thrives on conflict. But this is our first week of Summer Vacation and I am about ready to start school again. He's difficult in school, but at least it gives him something to do. He has been a nightmare. I can understand the general boredom a child experiences, I did when I was a kid, but that usually didn't last too long and I was able to find something to do. I didn't have siblings or neighbors to entertain me, and my tv was limited, but I found stuff to do. But this one.... he bugs his siblings, picks fights, is disobedient and defiant to me. Yesterday he got sent to his room because I just couldn't deal with him. His other four sibs were playing out here. It was peaceful. There was laughter. They were having fun. He asked if he could come out. I told him he could if he behaved. In less than five minutes he had disrupted their game, there was yelling, crying, etc. Don't suggest chores. It would be a battle. He does get a limited amount of screen time, but he would love to just do it all day long. He plays with the neighbor, but the neighbor is at Disneyland now and will be taking a cruise next month. Yes, he will go to camp, and we'll have VBS for a couple weeks, so he will have something to occupy him in time, but still, there will be a lot of down time this summer. What is wrong with a kid who cannot find something to entertain himself?we don't live on the moon. We have books to read. He has a science kit he can work with. He has Legos and toys. He poo-poos any of my suggestions. His bike and skateboard are thrashed because he refuses to take care of anything he owns. He breaks things, and loses things and flat out doesn't take care if things so DH and I don't allow him to use our things. There are opportunities to earn a little $ besides allowance around here, but he doesn't want to work to earn $. I mean, he really is impossible and he has completely exhausted my patience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Could be ADD, but it could be other things, too. How is he during schoolwork? Can he sit and complete a task such as a short composition or a test? Does he have mood swings? Is he honest, or does he manipulate facts and/ or people to get what he wants? Does he have or show empathy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 21, 2014 Author Share Posted June 21, 2014 Could be ADD, but it could be other things, too. How is he during schoolwork? Can he sit and complete a task such as a short composition or a test? Does he have mood swings? Is he honest, or does he manipulate facts and/ or people to get what he wants? Does he have or show empathy?Schoolwork, other than the fact that he hates it and doesn't want to do it, he can complete it. He can sit for 30+ minutes and listen to a story read aloud and repeat back to you what happened. He doesn't have mood swings and he is basically honest. He lies to not get in trouble but.... He doesn't manipulate emotionally or feign remorse. He doesn't put effort into anything. He could be a good athlete, but he doesn't try. And he doesn't seem particularly interested in sports. He is smart. But he puts no effort into school work. He is not a teachable person. He always "knows" how to do everything. But then he really doesn't, it flops and he loses whatever minimal interest he had on whatever it was. It's very frustrating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 I dunno, he sounds like a pretty typical pre-teen. Bored? Grumpy? Defiant and oppositional? Yup, pre-teen. Our 10 year-old sometimes goes around with his own personal raincloud, we used to call him "Bummer Dave (just in our own conversations, never to him) :o He is actually a very sweet kid, and we have retrained him to be a much more positive person. Are there any sports or activities he likes? I take DS10 on walks and hikes with me. We generally go 3-4 miles at a time, and go early in the day to avoid the heat. If a pool is available, take him swimming. Are there any mountain biking trails around? You might try a few easy ones. I hope this helps a bit. I know it's not your job to entertain this kid, but sometimes kids need a little direction from parents. If you think he has ADD or feel that the negativity needs to be addressed, then 11 is a good age to get professional help, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Everything you've described is the age, sorry. :( Next time you go to the ped, ask them to run the EF (executive function) screening tool they use for adhd. It's a questionnaire you fill out, won't take long, and they can score it right there. Nothing you described is on it. He sounds like he has a lot of hormones and energy to deal with. Can you get him a job doing some heavy labor 3-4 hours a day for the rest of the summer? Connect him with a man who needs some work or go have him mow for every elderly and shut-in in your church. He needs to work it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 21, 2014 Author Share Posted June 21, 2014 Everything you've described is the age, sorry. :( Next time you go to the ped, ask them to run the EF (executive function) screening tool they use for adhd. It's a questionnaire you fill out, won't take long, and they can score it right there. Nothing you described is on it. He sounds like he has a lot of hormones and energy to deal with. Can you get him a job doing some heavy labor 3-4 hours a day for the rest of the summer? Connect him with a man who needs some work or go have him mow for every elderly and shut-in in your church. He needs to work it off. Well, I'm glad it's age. I guess. I never really thought he had ADD, but I just can't figure out how a child can have absolutely no capacity to entertain himself. He has tremendous energy, but there are not a lot of opportunities for him to work it off. I wish there were. I wish we had a swimming pool or something that he could get some physical exercise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Maybe you should push the sports. Can you out him in sports camps or on a swim team? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Maybe you need a flower bed dug in the middle of the backyard? Maybe he should camp out weekly this summer, so he has to set up the tent and take it down? Heavy work, outdoor work. I'm not saying he doesn't have ADHD btw. I'm not in your house. I'm just saying how you entertain yourself isn't a diagnostic factor. Btw, we waffle on whether my boy is adhd or what, but he's definitely all boy and his roster to keep my life sane? Daily swim lessons and gymnastics for 45 minutes twice a week. Next month I hope to move it up to 3 times a week. And on the weekends he does heavy work like hauling trashing, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 I think it's the age. IMO, exercise is a first line treatment for boys with attitude. If I were you, I would start researching sports. Organized sports offers a few things that boys this age really need- exercise, socializing, male energy, focus, achievement... A timed sport like swim,track, or cross country would be great because even the slower kids are competing against themselves for best times (and there's some built in success because as they age, they automatically get faster). My ds can be a huge pill these days. Baseball and swim practice are my saving grace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 I'm not diagnosing, but it really doesn't sound like ADHD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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