Megbo Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I've never heard the term "gentle parenting" but it does describe our parenting style for the most part. My parents were also "gentle parents". I was never spanked, given a time-out or grounded. We didn't get an allowance or have a chore chart, we just picked up after ourselves and helped out when we were asked. As we got older, we had a lot of freedom, but at least three of us were known as "the responsible one" out of our friends in high school. The biggest difference between the way we parent and the way my parents did is that we try to give much more praise. We don't do silly rewards, but we make sure our kids know when they're doing a great job. Growing up, I always heard a lot of praise from coaches, teachers and other adults around me, so getting very little praise from my parents led me to question whether I measured up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I am a member of this club. :) As someone else said, as the kids get older, it is a lot about collaboration. ETA: I looked at that chart, and I probably don't qualify. I'm too behaviorally oriented (praise/rewards). I am currently reading the book Grace-based Parenting (Christian content), and that approach describes me quite a lot. So maybe I am more grace-based than gentle. Re: praise, I have always been mindful to watch the language I use and avoid superlatives and over the top praise that rings false. I verbally recognize my children's strengths and efforts and believe that there is amazing value in doing so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I kept wondering how bad I must be for my loving mother who always talked to me and cuddled me and supported me to now feel she had to hit me. I was devastated. I snagged this from a PP, but it totally sums up why I will never spank my child. And if you think you are bad and horrible, then you will act bad and horrible. My parents still say that it hurt them more than it hurt me. As an adult, I still call a huge stinking BS to that. My dad used a wine paddle. Basically a giant wooden spoon where the narrowest part of the spoon was 8" across. I have told them that when they die I am going to gleefully burn that ^%$^%$^% thing. And I will. First thing. Before the funeral. Maybe I will toss the ashes in with them. Would that be too much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 Oh.my.goodness. I guarantee if my child is punching another child I will intervene. Talking comes AFTER the child is no longer being punched! And if I am not right there, able to intervene physically, I will definitely be yelling at my child to stop and would HOPE that someone else would intervene if I am not there to try and stop the situation. Good grief! Your poor kid. That is disturbing that she couldn't see the need to intervene in the first place or to accept that since she wouldn't then you had to. :glare: I look at it like this. At 4 my son was able to articulate that he was afraid of that other child and why. He also expressed that he did not want to do any activities if she was there because she was mean to him. I am thrilled that at 4 (he didn't talk until he was 3) he was able to express this to me using words. I respected that and to the best of my ability I made it a point to only take him to activities that she was not a part of. I've been SO HAPPY to be branded a horrible person by parents like that. I really don't want my children anywhere near people like that. Yeah, me too. It made avoided them easier. I could just announce that I intended to be at that event and the crazy would not attend. It rocked!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I snagged this from a PP, but it totally sums up why I will never spank my child. And if you think you are bad and horrible, then you will act bad and horrible. My parents still say that it hurt them more than it hurt me. As an adult, I still call a huge stinking BS to that. My dad used a wine paddle. Basically a giant wooden spoon where the narrowest part of the spoon was 8" across. I have told them that when they die I am going to gleefully burn that ^%$^%$^% thing. And I will. First thing. Before the funeral. Maybe I will toss the ashes in with them. Would that be too much? :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 My mother once kicked me several times. She was angry and frustrated (about something that really had nothing to do with me). My mother was mentally ill so she didn't always do things that made sense. But I have come to associate that sort of behavior as something one does out of anger and not as a useful means to correct behavior. I don't know who these people are that supposedly "calmly" spank their kids. This is something done out of anger to "get back at" someone (their kid). How else can people bring themselves to hit their children? No thought of hitting people (including my children) comes to my mind unless I'm beyond flaming mad (which takes an awful lot). My husband told me his dad hit him once and it was a similar situation. It was done out of anger and rage. His father never did it again because he was frightened by the way he felt and how he behaved towards his child and didn't want to lose control and hurt his kids. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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