Muslim women (or anyone who regularly wears religious clothing)

[Excelsior! Academy]

What should I have done in this situation?

 

 

I was at the dentist with my 5 year old yesterday.  A muslim family walked in and sat next to said 5 yo.  We are not in an area with many muslims so, naturally, my 5 yo was very curious, staring to the point of embarrassment.  I tried to engage her in a children's magazine, but she was drawn back to the head coverings.  They had strips of glittery fabric which my 5 yo loves. My niece (the 5 yo) blurts out, "What's that?  Did she make it?"  The women ignored her, so I took this to mean they were not interested in any questions.  I told my niece that they probably purchased them and weren't they pretty, then I handed her another magazine.  Should I have directed her to ask the women directly?  Should I have handled it differently?

[Arcadia]

Some muslim ladies sew their family's clothes and they could sew on trimmings to "beautify" the headwear. Some buy ready made.   If the women ignored her, I'll take it as they are not comfortable talking to your niece even though I don't think they mind a 5 year old admiring their headwear. 

 

Below link has a quick explanation of the headwear. In my area, I see the Hijab and the Niqab most often.

http://www.channel4.com/news/from-hijab-to-burqa-a-guide-to-muslim-headwear

 

I had catholic nuns for teachers and some are willing to explain about their religious attire while some aren't.  It is a personality/comfort zone issue. 

[Kate in Arabia]

It's of course difficult to know an individual's motivations and experiences, or maybe they had just had an argument in the car, or were worried/nervous about their appointment, or anything.  I have had many, many little kids make comments about me over the years, usually I try to engage or at least smile and make an innocuous comment; but even then I'm not always "in the mood," it can be draining, kwim?  Like the time I was in a fabric store with my mother (not a fan of hijab) and a little kid loudly said to his mom -- "Why is she wearing a witch's costume?"  Lol.  I can smile about it now, but at the time - with all the other things going on in my life, well, I just ignored it.

 

I would have tried to catch the woman's eye to gauge the response.  Nine times out of ten, in that situation, I'll glance at the mom and we'll share a smile or something; that leaves an opening for a discussion if wanted.  Absent that, I think I would leave it at what you did.

[idnib]

She was fine.  :)

 

People who wear Islamic clothing deal with a lot more than curious 5 year olds.

 

[TheBugs]

One time a little boy said to his mom (at an extra-curricular activity) in my presence, "Why does that lady wear that, I don't like it." I was wearing a head scarf tied in a bun at the back. LOL. But anyway, I just smiled because I was embarrassed and couldn't think of what to say. Another time I saw the same woman and little boy in Target and he was pointing, "look Mommy, why does she wear it?" I knelt down to his level and said it is part of my personal style and asked him if he has a hat he likes to wear, or a favorite shirt. He was very sweet really I am a Muslim and I cover, but I wear my "hijab" in a less conservative way so it isn't obvious that I am a Muslim to everyone. I think it is really difficult to explain to other people's little children about hijab and about religion and dressing a certain way for religious purposes. To me it is a complex concept for grown-ups too. So I usually will say to little children it's just how I like to dress.

 

You handled everything just fine. Maybe the lady didn't realize the comments were directed towards her or maybe it was an off day.

[SKL]

If they heard your daughter, my guess is that they were listening for your answer, to see if you were the type of person who is open or not-so-open to different cultures/faiths.

 

Not long ago, we were in Panera and something similar happened.  One of my 7yo daughters pointed and asked if those ladies were Indian.  My other 7yo daughter stated that they were probably Muslim.  The ladies ignored them and went and sat down.  My reaction was to quietly say, "first, we do not point.  You can ask a question quietly without pointing.  Second, they are in Muslim dress, and they may or may not be Indian.  There are Muslims in all parts of the world, including India."

 

In your situation, I might have said, "that appears to be part of a Muslim head covering.  If you like, you may politely ask them about it."  That would have been the end of the conversation for my kids, who are very shy with strangers.  I might also have added, "or if you like, we could look up different styles of Muslim head coverings on the internet when we get home."

[Excelsior! Academy]

Thank you for your responses.  I was hoping I hadn't offended them. 

 

Arcadia, Thank you for the link.  It was a hijab.

 

Kate, I agree.  The mom and daughter both stared at their phones the entire time.  That is why I assumed they were not interested in answering questions.

 

Idnib, I was hoping to hear that. Not that you deal with more, but that my neice was okay.   :)

 

TheBugs, I like that response!  I will use it next time.  Satisfies curiosities without offending. 

 

SKL, I thought they might be listening to my response.  I wish I had mentioned the Muslim dress.  I was just caught off guard by a 5 year old's lack of personal space aka staring.  LOL!  In reality it wasn't long (the staring), just longer than I would have liked!

 

 

[abba12]

Slightly different but I am visually impaired and use a white cane when I am out (I also wear a simple head covering when I attend church, not full time, but have rarely received comments on it) and I often hear little kids asking about my 'stick' etc. I don't take offense to kids at all, I love that they are curious. 

 

I never engage without some sort of signal from the parent, because some parents get too uncomfortable, or some are downright rude. So in that case I'd have smiled at the girl and listened to what you said. I think you handled it pretty well. I personally wouldn't have minded if you'd used it as a teaching moment and given your daughter more detail, or told her to ask me directly or something, however, some people do get embarrassed or upset when attention is drawn to them, so without a smile or look or other signal from them, you can't know if they'd have been ok with it. I don't know any other religious covering wearers but I have met disabled people who get cranky that anyone dare ask them about what makes them different and they consider it terribly rude even from curious, polite children. I, and the majority of disabled people, disagree with them. But you can never tell until it's too late what sort of person you have met :) so there's always a risk of offending someone. As long as you're polite, not dismissive, and not invasive without an invite, then you're doing the best you can and 90% of people will see that I think. The other 10% end up pretty bitter at everyone. 

[Flowing Brook]

I'm not Muslim but I do get questioned about the way I dress quite often by children. I never know how to respond because I don't want the parents upset because I don't want them to think I am proselytizing. So usually I just smile and ask them their name or something.  I think you handled it just fine.

[UmMusa]

 My niece (the 5 yo) blurts out, "What's that?  Did she make it?"  The women ignored her, so I took this to mean they were not interested in any questions.  I told my niece that they probably purchased them and weren't they pretty, then I handed her another magazine.  Should I have directed her to ask the women directly?  Should I have handled it differently?

 

It's happened to me when a kid asks his mom why I'm wearing that.  If I'm close by like you were at a waiting room, I'd probably smile at them both and see if they wanted to ask me (just looking friendly).  I probably wouldn't pretend to not have heard it. I'm pretty talkative and would probably have asked the child, "Are you wondering why i'm wearing this?" And then I would have said it's something I like to wear and that I have different colors.

 

When I overhear a child asking his parent while at Target or the zoo, I just keep walking and let the parent answer however they want.