SBMama Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 We are planning on buying a house this year. We really want this to be our forever house. We would love to have a small amount of land, 2-5 acres, and have a small hobby farm. The problem is that anything in the price range we want to be in is at least an hour away, which means an hour away from our parents and everyone we know. Right now, my dad and MIL make a point to see the kids every week, and my mom sees them about every other week. I just feel really guilty moving the kids away from them. An hour isn't that far away. It's much farther than we are used too. I just can't seem to make a decision about whether to stay close and probably live in a neighborhood or move away and have the room we want to have. Half of me wants each option! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Do you have a large social network beyond your family that you would be leaving? Are you willing to make the effort to come back every week or every other week driving the distance to see the grandparents? Do you depend on them for babysitting when you have to go for appointments or date nights? What is the health of your parents/MIL like right now? Are you going to need to be close for health reasons any time in the foreseeable future (obviously this can change in an instant, but right this minute)? Personally if I seriously wanted to move to a forever home, I would pick the acreage as an hour isn't all that far. If you get into another neighborhood, you are likely to just keep wanting the space and eventually will want to move again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I can't advise but I do know that our good friends moved from across the street to 20 minutes away. It's not the same, at all. If they are only making plans once a week you would still have to schedule several hours of someone driving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 That is a hard decision. I know when we were trying to figure out if we would be by my family or my DH's family, lists helped a lot. We listed costs, we listed what kinds of houses we'd have, we listed jobs and financial differences between the situations, and family support and how that would differ. We considered the ages of our parents and our kids and what it all would mean for 10 and 20 years down the road. It made it a lot easier to see what we had and what we were willing to give up and what we weren't. Good luck in working your way to a decision. FWIW, nothing is forever. You can always change your mind. It might cost you a little money, but that isn't the end of the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I agree, that's a hard decision. But in my experience, relationships do not have to suffer because you move away from someone. They'll probably change, but not necessarily for the worse. Sure, your children wouldn't see their grandparents as often if they live an hour away, but they can exchange mail, call each other, email, text, skype, etc. My mother has played card games over the phone with one of my nieces, read bedtime stories over Skype to my youngest when he was three, emails my teenagers frequently, visits her grandchildren whenever she can, and so much more. I honestly don't think she has a closer (different, yes, but not better) relationship with her 14 grandchildren that live in other states and countries than with her 3 grandchildren that live 20 minutes away. If you don't move, you'll never get the space. But if you do, you can still make your children's relationships with their grandparents a priority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Is there any way that you could wait another year or two until you can save enough money to buy a new house that's closer to your family? I only ask this because even if you love your new house, it won't feel like your "forever home" if it's not located where you truly want to live. Are there any compromise options near your family that might work for you? Maybe there is a slightly smaller home, or a house with one acre instead of several acres, or a larger property that's a bit of a fixer-upper. My feeling is that even the most beautiful house with the most perfect property won't be satisfying for you if you feel like you're going to spend half your time driving an hour to visit family and friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Acreage! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I'd vote acreage too unless you could find a reasonable bargain closer or end up with more $$ toward a place (via relatives or whatever). An hour isn't that far away IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBMama Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 Do you have a large social network beyond your family that you would be leaving? Are you willing to make the effort to come back every week or every other week driving the distance to see the grandparents? Do you depend on them for babysitting when you have to go for appointments or date nights? What is the health of your parents/MIL like right now? Are you going to need to be close for health reasons any time in the foreseeable future (obviously this can change in an instant, but right this minute)? Personally if I seriously wanted to move to a forever home, I would pick the acreage as an hour isn't all that far. If you get into another neighborhood, you are likely to just keep wanting the space and eventually will want to move again. Not really, we have a couple of friends, but where we are looking wouldn't put us very far away from our closest friends. About 40 minutes instead of 30 now. We would be leaving our homeschool group that we love, so that would be difficult. My dad watches the girls one day a week while I work, but if we move that far away I will just quit my job. Another problem is that our oldest DD will be starting feeding therapy at the local children's hospital in a couple of weeks. I'm not sure that she could get the same help at another hospital, but then maybe we could make that into a day that we visit family here too. I can't advise but I do know that our good friends moved from across the street to 20 minutes away. It's not the same, at all. If they are only making plans once a week you would still have to schedule several hours of someone driving. You're right. We have friends that live 30 minutes away, and some that live an hour away. We really have to make an effort to see them, especially the ones who are farther. That is a hard decision. I know when we were trying to figure out if we would be by my family or my DH's family, lists helped a lot. We listed costs, we listed what kinds of houses we'd have, we listed jobs and financial differences between the situations, and family support and how that would differ. We considered the ages of our parents and our kids and what it all would mean for 10 and 20 years down the road. It made it a lot easier to see what we had and what we were willing to give up and what we weren't. Good luck in working your way to a decision. FWIW, nothing is forever. You can always change your mind. It might cost you a little money, but that isn't the end of the world. This is a really good idea. I've made a pro/cons list, but I am going to do this in more detail. Thanks! I agree, that's a hard decision. But in my experience, relationships do not have to suffer because you move away from someone. They'll probably change, but not necessarily for the worse. Sure, your children wouldn't see their grandparents as often if they live an hour away, but they can exchange mail, call each other, email, text, skype, etc. My mother has played card games over the phone with one of my nieces, read bedtime stories over Skype to my youngest when he was three, emails my teenagers frequently, visits her grandchildren whenever she can, and so much more. I honestly don't think she has a closer (different, yes, but not better) relationship with her 14 grandchildren that live in other states and countries than with her 3 grandchildren that live 20 minutes away. If you don't move, you'll never get the space. But if you do, you can still make your children's relationships with their grandparents a priority. Thanks, this is reassuring. :) Is there any way that you could wait another year or two until you can save enough money to buy a new house that's closer to your family? I only ask this because even if you love your new house, it won't feel like your "forever home" if it's not located where you truly want to live. Are there any compromise options near your family that might work for you? Maybe there is a slightly smaller home, or a house with one acre instead of several acres, or a larger property that's a bit of a fixer-upper. My feeling is that even the most beautiful house with the most perfect property won't be satisfying for you if you feel like you're going to spend half your time driving an hour to visit family and friends. A little more time won't really help, unfortunately. We live in an affluent area, and even the forclosures and fixer-uppers with acreage are at least $100,000 more here than other places we are looking. We are debt free and plan on putting 20% down, and I don't really want to mortgage too much where we will be too tight. We have talked about compromising and finding a house on an acre. It would be especially nice if we could at least have chickens. :) Acreage! :drool5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 My parents are now an hour away..more like 1 hour 10 minutes. they used to be further. Now that they are only an hour away we do day trips over there every other week, about. Go, have lunch together, etc and drive home. It isn't that bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.