if you have a good relationship with your tweens/teens

[Lucy in Australia]

Things I Have Learned From My Teens :coolgleamA: :

 

-Listen to them, encourage them to talk to you when they're young, and try to keep that line of communication open all through the years. Yes, that means having to listen to hours of chatter about stuff you have no interest in.I know heaps about the NFL now and I live in Australia. Yes. Thrilling, it was... :laugh:  It pays off in the end

 

-Try to set up one-on-one time while doing something. Boys especially get that deer-in-the-headlights look when they think you want to "talk". Driving was the best time. Cooking is good with one (the other only likes eating)

 

-Don't freak out about stuff. Just don't. Keep your zen face even when you want to scream "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!!!!!!!!!" It works much better when you address it calmly.

 

-If they want to bring their friends over to your house, encourage it (even when your inner introvert is having a fit)

 

-Start doing lots of family activities when they are young. Work out which ones are the most enjoyed, adapt them as they get older but keep doing them as a family. We occasionally let friends come along, but we try to do things as a family unit.

 

-If you are fortunate enough to find other adults who want to mentor your kids, encourage it!

 

This book was excellent:Hold on to Your Kids   

 

And if you're a Christian, this blog post is excellent :thumbup1: : Parenting by Prayer

 

[mytwomonkeys]

My daughter is younger. She will be 13. We have a great relationship. One of our favorite times is at night. I lay in her bed and she tells me about her day. I learn more about my daughter's life, hopes, dreams, and fears in that carved out time each day than any other time. :)

[lauranc]

 

What I did right:

 

Developed a ritual of "stay ups" with the boys. We'd stay up, watching horror movies (or That 70's Show) and eat junk food and talk, laugh, talk, laugh.

 

What a great idea!

[Excelsior! Academy]

 

Times I have messed up have usually been when I didn't realise that the child had grown up a bit and was ready for the next stage of freedom and responsibility - I was still trying to enforce rules for a younger child.

 

I totally agree!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I always knew my mom was not interested in me when I was small. There was no reason for me to develop a close relationship later.

 

This is definitely the key!  It doesn't just start when they are teens.  It is never too late, but much harder if you start later.

 

 

 

 

 

-Don't freak out about stuff. Just don't. Keep your zen face even when you want to scream "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!!!!!!!!!" It works much better when you address it calmly.

 

 

Yes!  Yes! Yes!

[Anne in CA]

Well, we have a 25yo who keeps trying to "live in our wallet" so I can see how people would want to avoid that. In her case she has a lot of issues, but I don't think I parented her any differently than I did the other two who do not feel entitled to be supported by me as an adult so I don't believe poor parenting when she was a teen was the root cause. The root cause of wanting to "live in our wallet" is that she does not want to grow up.

 

We have had many tense times in our house with the older two as teens. Partly because one was very manipulative, and one was very intense and dh and I did not have good role models in our own parents so we had to wing it a lot. It is getting better with the younger teen, but it is hard because the oldest has tried to cause the younger teen not to trust us. 

 

We have always been honest with our teens about tough topics. We have always loved them unconditionally and we have not rescued them from bad choices, but instead helped them fix their own problems. 

[Impish]

Well, Diva and I are a lot alike, personality wise.

 

Once we got past *that* hurdle...

 

I'm joking. Kind of. We are a lot alike. And, honestly, that is where the contentions in our relationship tend to stem from.

 

But, we also have a lot of common ground. I've found being able to relate to her in terms of writing, photography, supporting and encouraging her pursuits does a lot. I'm genuinely interested in her as a person, and truly enjoy her company...most of the time.

 

She can still be a bratty teen at times, full of angst, drama, and attitude. Overall, though, she's one of my favourite people, and she knows it.

[LibraryLover]

  I found I had boundless patience with toddlers; they cried, I dealt. I didn't take it personally. I found it harder not to take teen emotions personally.  Learning to deescalate is most important when dealing with a household full of hormones and the stress and worries ((by the child) of budding young adulthood  What I understand now is that it is very possible to maintain a good bond with a child even through the highs and lows of teen growth.  Make time to laugh and have some fun, too.

[Mommyof4ks]

We laugh a lot, I encourage her, and I talk to her like an adult using a respectful tone even when she is annoying me lol. I could have spent more time and energy building her up when she was little, but it has worked out over time. Part of our relationship also has to do with her understanding that I am her ally in life, and she knows that neither of us knows everything, and we can both learn from one another.