What thoughts go/went/gone through your minds surrounding decision to stop family expansion?

[FO4UR]

The scalpel.

 

 

I had a traumatic experience with my youngest. I was within 5 minutes of bleeding out and dying when I had an emergency c/s.  DD was actually born a 0 Apgar.  It's a miracle she's here.  She does have brain damage, as shown on an MRI, but no developmental delays or other problems so far.  She's only just barely a year old right now.  It is possible that she will have some challenges come her way from the brain damage.  I have to be *there* for her.  

 

 

The memory of the Dr. holding the scalpel above my belly shouting at the nurses to, "GET HER OUT, NOW!!!!!!" would suffice for bc until menopause.

[elegantlion]

I know this topic gets talked round and round on this board, but a second sibling is no guarantee that they will get along either in childhood or adulthood, regardless of age. I have one sister, 2 1/2 years older, we are like oil and water and always have been. We rarely talk and are more like acquaintances. My parents tried, but she can be a difficult person overall. 

[J-rap]

We stopped because our #5 had a lot of health problems and I felt she needed all of my energy and attention for several years.  But, I think it's a decision only you (and your husband) can make.  I think either way would be good...you can make it good!  Either way has its advantages and challenges.  I love having our five, and believe me, they have been my saving grace throughout these past 3.5 years since my husband's stroke.  They have lifted me up and taken turns helping with absolutely everything.  But, it's a very personal decision.  There's no right or wrong.

[Rosie_0801]

I believe what went through my mind was something about not wanting to exist as a foggy brained, sleep deprived zombie for the rest of my life.

[Guest]

I wasn't done.

 

I wanted to do the responsible thing and wait until my older kids' stepfather and I had a good solid marriage, college funds for our existing kids, enough for a down payment on a house, etc. but that didn't happen. I never got to be a movie star or a famous writer either. Life goes on.

 

I didn't like the thought of daycare at six weeks, government assistance, xtreme disapproval of relatives and random strangers, but the more I thought about it, the better it sounded compared to the regrets I would have had if I hadn't even tried.

 

So I tried.

 

Little ds turned out to be the most insanely easy baby I've ever even heard of. I went back to work two weeks after the easiest birth of my life which followed a completely uneventful AMA pregnancy. No daycare or bottles were necessary, since he just kind of hung out in the sling snoozing and taking everything in and even though I wasn't supposed to take him with me (I did eldercare), nobody who didn't want him there ever found out. I've muddled through without even a food bank box so far.

 

The judgement hasn't been as bad as I thought either. I'm sure a lot of people who don't know me think he was an "oops", but who really cares?

 

I tried to give him a younger sibling, but by that time, my FSH was through the roof and I wasn't up for anything as extreme as donor eggs or embryo adoption.

 

You're only 38, so you've got time, but please don't wait too long; fertility declines precipitously in our 40s and those movie stars who are birthing at 45-50 and beyond are NOT using their own eggs or the technology that ordinary people can afford.

[Lisbeth]

We stopped because I had my last child at 40, and I had difficult pregnancies to begin with.  (Preterm labor, months of day and night nausea, etc).  I felt then and still feel that I would've had more if I had started earlier.  Probably two more.  Finances were in line for two more comfortably and I do love large families. 

[Meriwether]

I am currently expecting #5. If everything goes well, he/she will be born when I am 36. I'm officially AMA. My husband only wanted 4. Every six months or so I would tell him I was still interested in having another and ask him to think about it. He said we could this fall. I'm fairly certain this will be my last for a number of reasons. I'm too old to deal with morning sickness, meaning my desire to not be sick is increasing even as my desire for more kids is decreasing. I've spent quite a bit of time with this one saying, "What was I thinking?" Not that I won't be happy with this baby.  I think I've reached the point, though, that the thought of another baby wouldn't entice me to go through another pregnancy. I also gain a tremendous amount of weight with each pregnancy. When I got pregnant this time, I was 35 pounds over my prekids weight, which isn't awful considering I gained over 200 lbs. over my 4 pregnancies. But still, I can't keep doing this to my body. I doubt Dh would go for #6. It took him almost 4 years to come around to #5.

 

Things that aren't a factor for me at this time: Age difference between kids. My oldest will be 11. The youngest will be 4 1/2. All the kids are very excited about the baby. The relationship will between the siblings will be different, but they will be loving. I could be wrong, of course, but the others all love each other and have a history of adoring new members to the family. Money is not an issue. The oldest three will be in college together. They will have to work, try for scholarships, take loans as needed, because we won't be able to pay for everything. We will be able to help, maybe paying as much as half for all of them the year they are in together and more when there are only one or two in at a time. The thing is, we already had those three kids. They were already going to be close in age. This baby won't affect that unless it has special needs, which I wouldn't plan a pregnancy around. By the time this one is in college, the house should be paid off. Dh should be at the top of his earning potential. Yes, I know he could die. Or something else could go horribly wrong, but I am not planning my life around worst case scenarios. It is unlikely that a child 7 1/2 years younger than my third will adversely affect college choices for the older kids.

[AnnaBeth]

Thanks to all of you!  Lots of perspective here to mull over as we make our decision this year/or next-ish....:-)