Can 12 yr old boys have PMS?

[AmyontheFarm]

I'm seriously wondering this!  At least Daddy got to witness what goes on today.  He is a master at making faces of pain, the silent treatment, and sarcastic answers.  He told Dad he was angry because I got angry at him.  I didn't even raise my voice!  Daddy was there to witness my behaviour, so get what, it wasn't me dear son!  I sent him to his room and he responded back with "Good night!" and slammed his bedroom door.

 

Poor lad forgot he still has barn chores to get done tonight and I haven't even started supper yet.

I wonder if he plans on eating at all?

 

I want chocolate, some warm tea and some Jane Austen tonight.

 

He's crying/whining right now that because of Math this will be the worst Christmas ever!  I guess I might as well go eat dirt! LOL

[twoxcell]

Yes they can, especially towards mom it seems at that age. Boys hormones are in flux just like girls. Hang in there. My oldest is just starting to get to that stage. ;)

[AmyontheFarm]

He does turn 13 in January.  

 

Ok, thinking of ways to allow him to be a Man, but yet requiring him to not be disrespectful to Mom.  I know it bothered him that Daddy backed me. 

[heartosunshine]

Hang in there.  It was the age of 13 that both of my boys were PMSing... (grin)  No seriously, I think their testosterone just goes wild and they don't know what to do with it.  Plus they decide that mom can no longer tell me what to do.  It was a hard age.  My 18yo was telling his cousin what a jerk he was at that age. 

 

1. Do not take it personally.

2. Let dad take the lead as much as possible.

3.  Look for ways to encourage the man in them:  ask them to open a jar you can't, have them take a heavy box for you, etc  Praise them for being such a big help and following in daddy's footsteps.

4.  If you are a praying person, pray daily for patience and endurance!!!

 

Both of them outgrew this stage.  This too shall pass.

 

I seriously needed to read this today. Thank you!

[shukriyya]

I got sidetracked by the lovely sounding evening of chocolate, tea and Jane Austen :)

[Garga]

My son is only 11, but he's starting in on the sass and backtalk and irritability toward everything I say.

 

I sat him down and explained how our bodies work irt chemicals and hormones (or whatever) triggering our emotions. I told him that he's got a lot of chemicals firing off getting ready to change him into a man. Those chemicals can trigger emotions for no apparent reason.

 

The problem is that humans need to find reasons for things. For example, we like to know things like why the sun crosses the sky the way it does. At first people thought, "The sun crosses the sky like that because the sun is traveling around the earth." But they were wrong. We know now that the earth is rotating and traveling around the sun.

 

Same thing happens when we feel an emotion. We suddenly feel irritation and think, "Why do I feel irritation?" We look around the room to see what might be causing that emotion. We see Mom or Little Brother. "Aha!" we think, "My mother is irritating me! That *must* be why I'm irritated."

 

But sometimes we're wrong. Sometimes Mom is not doing anything irritating at all. Sometimes it's the chemicals taking a mild case of irritation and blowing it way up.

 

Yes, my son still will sass and fuss at me, but it's less often when he knows what he's up against, internally. We've been learning about the human body and what makes it run. We're doing this in a very clinical way. We have found that proper diet, sleep, and exercise will help minimize these feelings. I don't turn it into a "Mom is making me eat veggies or go to bed early." We treat it as if he's a car that needs some gas, or to be washed, or tires changed. Very matter of fact.

 

Maybe a mature discussion about the human body will help you guys? Explain that for many adults, these chemical/hormonal triggers don't go entirely away (like monthly PMS symptoms for women!) and that part of becoming a man means learning how to handle the irritability we all feel at times for no real reason.

[Mbelle]

Yep, my ds is 11 and he's doing that too! Only he's doing to older dd. Which is fun, consider the grief she's been giving him for several years. Payback is a witch! ;)

[Mandylubug]

ugh, just sent my pmsing 11 year old to bed. I heard him screaming his frustrations into his pillow. Whatever boy, you scream at that pillow!

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Gotta love puberty.

[Kim in Appalachia]

Technically, no, but I so know what you mean. 

 

I have a 14 year old, and it still rears it's ugly head, but less than it did last year.  I'm dreading my ds11 hitting that stage.  He's more of an angry kind of guy, so it will be different that it was with my ds14.  I think my oldest son was worse than both of my girls. 

 

Hang in there.  And keep lots of chocolate, tea, and wine in the house. :)

[MAIMOM]

oh HUGS! I remember when DS was at that stage. I adopted a rewind and try over approach. I would say something like

"that was very disrespectful. rewind and try that again". or " that was unacceptable lets try again" Many times he did not perceive his behavior as being rude. It was helpful to be given a chance to try again. At this age they are learning the appropriate expression of emotions...doing it wrong is a learning tool.

 

I bought a few books that he enjoyed...Lintball Leo talked about the changes going on in his body. http://www.christianbook.com/lintball-not-so-stupid-questions-about/walt-larimore/9780310705451/pd/0545X?item_code=WW&netp_id=305920&event=ESRCG&view=details

Also Preparing for adolescence is a good book written to the young person. I remember it talks about the fact you may feel like your parents are picking on you, feelings are normal but your parents really love you.

I think I bribed him to read them,you know offered him the new game he wanted when he finished

Chocolate and time mend this stage....LOL

I heard it once described as your teen entering a fog....just hang on and get them through the next two years..

[AmyontheFarm]

I heard it once described as your teen entering a fog....just hang on and get them through the next two years..

 

Two years!!  Oh, boy, I'm going to have to start exercising if I plan on eating chocolate to soothe myself after each run in with him! LOL

 

This morning, everything is all happy go-lucky and smiles with him.

 

[Laurie4b]

Yes, they do and it lasts for months at a time. Then you can have a period of relative calm and think it's over and bammo again. In mine, it started at different ages, but did last about 2 years. I asked our family doctor about it and he confirmed the PMS that lasts for months thing.

 

It is important to keep in mind that: 1) You did not raise Mossolini (because you can start to worry about levels of anger, selfishness, etc. 2) You will get your boy back at some point.

 

My advice:

 

• Dial the bar of success down to :  "Everyone survived." ;)
• Find ways to hang on.
• I got excellent advice from an older homeschooled boy (I guess he was 18 or so) when my oldest first started this. He said, "I all of a sudden realized that I had thoughts that were different from my parents. (That emerging logic stage). I needed them to acknowledge that I had a point, even if maybe it wasn't the best point."  If you  you can be the one who doesn't get insulted easily, and acknowledge any time your son does have a point, even if your point is stronger, it goes a long way. Sometimes you don't have to say that your point is stronger, either. 
• Resist having the last word. (So hard for me when what was just said was so ridiculous.)  Resist arguing or being authoritarian. It's better to say, "You're arguing. Let's talk later," than to get sucked into answering back. Be a broken record if you need to be.  (We didn't always do well at this. See pt. #1)
• I think at our best (and we weren't always at our best by any means. Countless times I got sucked in--see pt #1) we looked past the emotion and tried to see things from our son's point of view and tried to help him articulate it respectfully. After that we'd address the disrespect, anger, etc.
• Admit when you blew it, even if your kid provoked you to the moon and back. 
• Find ways to show that you love him. For my sons, a lot of their love language was special food. So paradoxically, when they were most being horse's rear ends, their favorite dishes would appear with more regularity.
• Definitely have dh take the lead as much as possible. Though ours were hormonal with him, too, it wasn't nearly what it was with me with the need boys have to separate from their moms at that age (and for us moms to let them do that. I remember it being so painful the first time I said, "Can I have a hug?" and he said, "Not right now." We weren't arguing or anything. Our relationship was changing---he went back to hugging after this phase, by the way.)

 

Hang in there. It's likely that you'll achieve point 1!

[PuddleJumper1]

Definitely. My son called it Pubesent Male Syndrome himself.  :)  Lasted from about 11 - 13 or thereabouts. At times he was worse (emotionally) than dd in puberty.