Quizzing Kids

[cdrumm4448]

A normally very nice person quizzes dd every time she tries to buy something from a certain store. It's all about making change. "How much should you get? You should know this!" DD is 8 and technically would be in 3rd grade, but she's really more of a 2nd grader for math. She is a gifted dancer and people tend to think she should be gifted in every other area, too. Asynchronous development is not something people are familiar with, even though I've mentioned it several times to this person in particular. DD was having trouble remembering the denominations of coins, so we've been covering it again and again. She does remember that now, but she is still learning to make change.

 

I've had several conversations with this person. She apparently drills all the children about making change. I don't want to create bad blood, but dd is starting to feel funny about the whole thing. 

 

What would you say?

[kiwik]

Does she have to buy things there? Could you pay while she looks for something for you.

[cdrumm4448]

I'm not there when it happens. She spends a lot of time at the studio and sometimes buys snacks from the studio store. She just wants to bring her own snacks from now on, but why do people continue to drill her?

[duckens]

1) Bringing snacks is an ideal answer, and your daughter should be praised for finding a such a perfect solution.

 

2) Supposedly this cashier quizzes everyone about making change.  Would you be as sensitive about this if your child was in public school, but struggling with this part of math?  (You don't need to answer here.  Just a little self reflection).

 

3) If possible, I would make a comment nonchalantly in front of the manager or owner that dd has started to pack her own snacks because of the regular math pop quizzes as a part of the price of a string cheese.  (I'm just passive-aggressive that way.) 

 

Plus, the owner/manager may then put an ixnay on the quizzing by the cashier.  All small businesses that I know fight for every nickel they earn.  And indication of this is that your dance studio is selling snacks.  Snacks have nothing to do with dancing; I've never seen such a thing...but it is a brilliant way to earn a little more cash for the small business.  If a cashier is inadvertently driving away business of any sort -- big or small -- that cashier's behavior will have to change.

[Cosmos]

I'm not there when it happens. She spends a lot of time at the studio and sometimes buys snacks from the studio store. She just wants to bring her own snacks from now on, but why do people continue to drill her?

 

I don't know. I think some people feel it's their way of encouraging education. It's an easy way to make conversation without asking personal questions. Some kids enjoy it.

 

Which is not to say that I'm not sympathetic to your daughter. If it is uncomfortable for her, then that's a perfectly valid feeling.

 

This might be a good opportunity to help her become empowered to stand up for her own desires. Yes, she could just bring her own snacks and avoid the snack bar. But it could also be a chance for her to learn how to interact in an uncomfortable setting on her own terms. She has every right to make purchases there and she has every right to decide how much conversation to offer in that situation, beyond the actual transaction. You could help coach her on some possible responses, emphasizing to her that she must be courteous but she NEVER has to share more than she's comfortable with. For example, she could say with a smile,"No thanks, I'm not going to do that today" or "No math questions, please. May I have my change?"

[Mom2TheTeam]

As a kid that would have made me very uncomfortable, even if I had known the answer because I don't perform well like that.  I also know my oldest who is 8 and in 2nd grade would not do well under that pressure either.

 

That is great your daughter thought of the solution of bringing her own snack!  Sad that she has to do that though, KWIM.  She should be able to get her snack there if she wants to. 

 

I like the two above responses.  At 8, I probably wouldn't require my child to learn to say something like "no math questions please," but that is probably a personality thing with each child.  If the child was 12, sure I definitely would.  My 8 year old wouldn't feel comfortable with that because it's an adult and I wouldn't push him on it at 8...I would in a couple years. But, depending on the child's personality, I think it is a great idea. 

 

Personally, I would do the passive aggressive suggestion and let the owner/manager know about the issue in a nonchalant way.  If that didn't work, I would ask the owner/manager more directly to speak to the person working the snack bar.  I have no doubt the owner/manager would want to know her employee is turning people off to buying there.

[MFG]

If this is the cashier, I would speak to the manager. Even more empowering, have dd speak to the manager. Completely unacceptable. 'I' don't want to be quizzed when I'm trying to make a purchase.

[shawthorne44]

I think quizzing in a social situation is a horrible idea - even when the answer is known. 

When I was a young teen dad instituted a weekly question.  I got $4 per week allowance, and I got an extra $4 for answering the question right.  There was a group of families that would get together every few months.  Dad was telling the other parents what a great idea this question idea was.  In front of everyone he asked who the Vice President was.  I knew the answer.  I wasn't an idiot.  But, I mumbled "I don't know" and scuttled out of the room.  I had a deer in the headlights moment.  That was *mumble mumble* years ago and I still remember it. 

[cdrumm4448]

I sent the cashier (we are Facebook friends) a link to Better Late Than Early, as well as posted some John Holt quotes to my wall. I am not usually passive-aggressive, but I also am tired of having the same conversation over and over. To me, expecting mental development at a particular chronological age is the same as expecting physical development at a particular chronological age. It just won't happen until it's ready to happen. The cashier did say she thinks that developing skill at something like dance is different than academic ability. I don't believe it is. This person does have a radically different worldview and believes that dd just hasn't been "taught" making change enough. You can show a person something till the cows come home, but if they aren't ready, it won't stick.

 

We've been over and over it. She just isn't ready. And humiliating her in front of other people certainly doesn't help. I wouldn't ever mind if the cashier showed her how she arrived at making change at every purchase. That's helpful. What she currently does is not. Thank you for all the comments and suggestions!

[Garga]

I guess I'd just flat out tell the cashier to STOP.  I'd go in with your daughter and walk up to the cashier and say, "Suzy says you keep asking her math questions every time she tries to buy something.  Please stop doing that."

 

I wouldn't say anything else beyond that.  I wouldn't give articles.  I wouldn't post things online.  Just give her a blank I-will-not-be-swayed look and make your statement.  

 

If she argues about it say, "Uh-huh, that's nice. But you need to stop."  

[kirstenhill]

I feel so bad for your daughter.  In this day and age of awareness of all kinds of differences, it is really awful to put kids on the spot if it makes them obviously uncomfortable.     :glare:   If I were in the same boat I would not be wasting time on the passive aggressive bit...Having already talked to the cashier about it, i would just take it to her superior and let that person know that this person is making your daughter feel very uncomfortable.      Who knows how many other kids are being made to feel uncomfortable as well? Good luck!

[thewaka]

This person does have a radically different worldview and believes that dd just hasn't been "taught" making change enough.

 

Even if this is the case, it isn't appropriate for her to be the one to teach your daughter by quizzing repeatedly. I agree you should either tell her to stop (with NO explanation or excuses) or talk to the manager.

[Eagle]

I would have her bring exact change for the snack she wants.

[Kathryn]

Passive-aggressive is not the way to go here. I agree with speaking to management about the fact that they'll be losing sales if the cashier doesn't stop it.

[MFG]

Getting the cashier to understand your viewpoint is secondary to getting her to change her behavior. The cashier does not have to agree with you. She just has to do her job.