How clean do you expect/require your kids' rooms to be?

[Dmmetler]

I have DD clean her areas (bedroom, playroom, desk) weekly. DD has her room set up with pretend tanks for reptiles and amphibians, and we had to lay down the law about no wet water (she can use glass gems as water dishes, fabric, crumpled paper, beads, etc) and no real leaves unless they've been preserved (dipped in was or laminated)-because otherwise they mold.

[Mbelle]

Ideally they would make beds in morning and evening tidy up.  My children are very challenged in this dept.  I just get so exhausted trying to keep everyone on track and enforcing consequences.  I can't do it anymore.  I had to prioritize.  Communal rooms must be picked up daily. I don't even go upstairs anymore it's too depressing.  I clean it and tell them to tidy everyday, but they do not and then i have to enforce consequences and it was a vicious cycle.  I just gave up. Honestly, I have to write a list almost daily.  If I don't write a list people seem to only be able to do so much without getting lost.  I feel hopeless about it.  I keep wondering when all this critical thinking education is going to have any practical outputs?  

 

The other thing is that I was raised in a house that was as neat as a museum and it was a source of serious tension/conflict so I need a middle ground.  It took me years to learn how to be neat.  I think some people "know" how to be neat and others have to learn.  I am teaching the kids step by step. They are old enough 13 and 11 (toddler is a messer too).  

 

One thing I learned is that on days when I feel happy and energetic to use that energy to work with them on teaching tidying and cleaning, because that way it helps keep the resentment monster at bay.  If I don't do that then on bad days I get angry.

I get conflicted because of teaching all day and instruction in tidy/cleaning it seems like I hardly get to have any fun with my kids.  

I really need to hire some help, but the extra money hasn't been available these last few years.

I feel like it's uphill through mud all the time to keep motivating and i just get so mentally exhausted from it. 

[katilac]

I think I answered "no requirements" but I do make sure they clean it if someone is going to be sleeping over in their room. They also welcome help to thoroughly clean and sort a couple of times a year. 

 

My kids are much older, though. When they were younger, they generally cleaned up every day - sometimes more than once a day! It kept things manageable (they liked to pull out a lot of stuff sometimes), and was good training for them. I do think it's helpful to show them HOW to clean and organize when they are young; it's a useful lifelong skill. Now, as teens, they are completely capable of routinely cleaning their rooms, they just often choose not to do so  :glare:

 

OP, I think you have two separate issues going on here: routine messiness, and used pull-ups. I would most definitely be addressing the used pull-ups first, lol.

 

I know you have two younger kids to wrangle, but this needs to zoom to the top of the priority list. If it's just too chaotic before breakfast, make it the very first 'subject' before beginning school. Honestly, though, I would probably store grocery bags in her room (you can fit quite a few in a kleenex box, or put one of those cute holders in her closet), and require her to bring the bagged pull-up to you each morning. The bagged pull-up is her breakfast ticket. 

 

This doesn't need to be punitive - if she comes down without it, simply remind her and send her back for it. At 6, she can certainly understand issues of cleanliness, smell, etc, relating to urine. 

 

You could also have a set time later in the day to check on it, and have her dispose of it properly if she hadn't done so. If you do this, I would try right before a favored activity - she has to wait for her snack/screentime/outdoor play until this is done. Again, I favor early morning, because the smell of urine tends to permeate everything if it sits. 

 

Matter of fact daily reminders will hopefully solve the problem. If she goes out of her way to try and get out of this or trick you about it, I would consider the possibility of ocd/anxiety/hoarding issues being at work here. It's easier to toss the pull-up than to hide it, and there's no other reason to hide it (the family is aware that she wets the bed).

 

 

[Luanne]

I think if I had a daughter like yours, I would make sure every day she put stuff where it is supposed to go (especially the pull up).  I know that will be a pain, but that is the only way you are going to train her.  My daughter is a natural slob as well and I had to go into her room each morning and tell her what needed to be done.  Although she wet the bed until she was 8, she always put her pull up or good night where it belonged in the morning.

[Tap]

Weekly when my kids were that age.  Every Sunday they had to clean their room before they could go play with friends for the week.  If they didn't want to....no biggie, they just couldn't play with any friends until it was clean.  Both of my older kids decided it was easier to do a quick pick up mid week to make Sundays less difficult.  They didn't vacuum their room until they were about 10 or so due to them vacuuming up too many little bits that were vital to Lego sets, Polly Pockets or Littlest Pet Shop.

 

About once a season, I would go in and help them do a deep clean.  Getting rid of broken, unused toys. Putting bits and pieces where they belonged in sets.  Tossing old art projects etc. 

[kewb]

Other.  I would like them to clean weekly.  However, I also like to give them some sense of control over their rooms.  Biweekly I probably get on their cases about it.

[momacacia]

I have a new plan. We'll see how it goes. :glare:

 

I'm going to try some Charlotte Masonish habit training tactic on their room. Mostly to avoid my having a hissy-fit about the condition of their room once a week, but I digress. THE PLAN is to focus for a few months (yes, months) on requiring them to make their beds every morning. The rest of the room and closet and drawers---I'm going to completely ignore. I will calmly close their door as I walk by if I must to endure it.

 

Then, once a week or maybe every two weeks (still working on this), send Daddy (the calm, patient adult in the house who doesn't deal with them all week long) to help/direct pick up so that I can then come in to clean the place. Rinse. Repeat. They will be expected to keep their stuff picked up out of the rest of the house.

 

Currently, every flat surface in their room is covered mostly with clothes, but other treasures as well. The dresser drawers are closed (which is not always the case), and there are at least 30-40 items on the floor/under the bed, most of which are clothes and books. I must admit that as I fold the clothes today, I have little motivation to put away or help them put theirs away in their proper place. Because, I just.don't.care.anymoe. If I just set them in their room, they will either just remain on the dresser top (with the other stuff there) or be tossed on the floor at bedtime if they're left on the bed. I don't care what they do with their clean clothes, as long as only dirty clothes show up in the laundry, thus not increasing my laundry work load.

 

There are just so many other places I'd rather put my energy, and I've talked to too many moms of older kids who say it's going to be a mess at 14, too----so why bother. If they want a tidy home when they grown up, they can do some independent study elsewhere. :lol:  That's my story, for now anyway. :leaving:

[Mothersweets]

I feel your pain. I have a dd like this, too. I'm sure one day I will look back with fond memories of her disasters. :)

 

 

Have you ever read this book? Super Completely and Totally the Messiest 

 

Hmmm...the first two paragraphs describing the book must be a typo - the real description starts a couple paragraphs below with ...according to Olivia

[Guest]

I chose "Other" because it's not by a schedule in the way you're talking. 

 

I let my kids keep a lot of creations, findings and stuff that, in my neat-freak fantasies, would not be there. In that sense, I do feel that their bedrooms are their personal space and if 37 stuffed animals feels like home to them, I don't care that much. Things like food and hygiene products left in the rooms does/would make me go nuts. 

 

BTW, there is no doubt that some people gravitate towards order and neatness and others don't. Your child who puts the clothes in the hamper is probably strongly logic-driven; people so inclined would never think to fling their clothes in 12 directions. One of my sons is like the first example, the other is like the later! They just *are*.