saw Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I've removed the post because it became apparent that the school could be identified Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I wouldn't have my son in a situation where three 12yo boys are in any kind of leadership over two 12yo boys. Especially not when one of the "lesser" students is a violent bully and the other is my son. This does not sound like a healthy or safe situation at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 It makes no sense at all, and I would remove my son from the school. It would be particularly urgent because it's a boarding school situation. I would never leave my son in that environment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I'm with Tibbie. I would not care so much about the lack of recognition or assignment of position, I'd have serious issues with first of all 12 year old boys exercising much by way of authority over each other due to immaturity, and just heck no that the violent bully gets elevated to leadership. Safety would be a primary concern. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 He's only 12. I would never leave my child in this situation and hope you have a good reason for him being in a boarding school at such a young age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saw Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 I think he's safe, what rankles is the he and the bully are the only two excluded -- ds feels this puts him on par with a boy who has been pretty awful. Knowing DS, there's no way these other boys can make him do anything he doesn't want to do. What they can do (and are doing) is put him down and exclude him because he's not one of the "cool" ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Well, first of all, I'm going to assume its ds's first year in the school, or you would already have some rapport. Could that be part of the issue? Have you actually contacted anyone at the school to discuss it? I cant imagine putting a kid in a boarding school, but I assume you had your reasons when you put him in. Its only 2 months in to the school year . . . are you having second thoughts about the whole thing? Boarding schools are not generally going to treat your kids the way you would . . . its a whole different world. also, i see in previous posts you said your son needed practice letting things go. Maybe you should see this as a great opportunity for him to learn that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saw Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 edited for containing identifying info Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saw Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 The criteria are unknown, which is one thing that is troublesome. No one will say what they are. As for music chairs, there's four violins and ds holds the highest grade of the four. No auditions. So I can see why he thinks that's unfair. I can see the point in shifting the chairs around a bit, but I sure wish they'd tell the boys that's what they're doing instead of assigning things randomly (and asking doesn't get you an answer). It's all quite opaque. Which is annoying because one of the nice things about music is that it is audition based and reasonably fair! I don't so much mind that ds didn't get a position -- it's just that the way things worked out he's ended up being excluded and in such a small year group it's very noticeable.If I were in charge, I would have given both ds and the other boy who was left out something to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 At most boarding schools I know (and I went to one from the age of 11) you are paying an arm and a leg. You pay partly for the privilege of knowing what is going on there, why and how. I would not accept vague or unknown criteria. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Special treatment for three students is fine IMO if the class is 30 students, or 300. But not 3 out of 7, or 3 out of 5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 It's not clear to me why it's the school's fault that they have these 3 "top" positions, and it happens to be a small class. It's not your son's fault either. It's just that there are 3 positions that go to the top 3 candidates, and it doesn't matter how many students there are. It is not exclusion to be one of "not three" even if there are only 5. It makes sense that an emotionally immature child would frame it that way, but as a parent, you should understand with a bit more clarity. It's an unfortunate coincidence that "fourth" is only one of two remaining students, and that "fifth" is (by your report) a significant margin 'below' "fourth" -- it's like a race. If 3 are medalists, 4th is not, no matter how close he came and if 5th barely crossed the finish line, that doesn't mean anything about 4th's time at all. If there were 20 racers, there would still only be 3 medalists, and "fourth's" race timing would still be the same. My pastor was the only graduate his year at Bible College, and therefore "won" ALL of the graduating awards. He likes to joke that this included "top female athlete." It's also quite a joke that he won all that stuff, because he was definitely a dedicated student, but nothing as spectacular as such a clean sweep would tend to imply. That's the way these things work: there is no regard for the size of the class. The awards just go out according to the criteria (which is why he wasn't technically qualified to be the top *female* athlete!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 I would not like it as I tend to be a "fair" and "on the merits" kind of gal. But, the school can be as arbitrary as they wish. It is sad for your DS that he is not getting any of these positions for his final year. However, absent filing your objection (which you have done) or leaving the school (which you don't want to/can't do) I think you are stuck. Since you're stuck with these administrators for 8 more months or so, use the time to teach your guy to be a leader from behind. Just because he doesn't have a title doesn't mean he can't comport himself in such a way that people look up to him and respect him. The three boys who are excluding him aren't gaining respect by doing so. Teach your son to be a real man who respects those around him regardless of status. I would probably go so far as to suggest to him that he should avoid any of the three who are abusing their position and instead make friends among the underclassmen. Have him seek out those who are sidelined for friendship and he'll make true friends. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Now that I am off the iPad and on a real keyboard., I wanted to add that there are ways of managing leadership in small groups. We are active in Boy Scouts -- kids need leadership positions to advance. But 'leadership' positions include not only the elected patrol leader types of jobs, but also historian, librarian, scribe, chaplain's assistant; the list is pretty extensive. Everyone who wants can get a job. Jobs can also be rotated. I went to a small school (20 in the graduating class). By the time the student council positions were filled, there were class president etc and more jobs. Many were for only half a year, so everyone who wanted got something. It does not sound as thought op's school is not being very creative in how they manage leadership positions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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