What to do with the child who wants to save everything?

[ChristusG]

My 9 year old DD is an official pack rat. She wants to save everything. I mean everything. Today I stayed home from church because I wasn't feeling too well.....I took that opportunity to tidy my daughters very messy room (my 9 and 6 year old DD's share a room). I found guide maps from Disney World, unused fast passes, instructions from the plane that the kids built at a Lowes workshop, tons of drawings and notes, a marble found in a parking lot, packaging to opened toys, and the list goes on and on. She's sentimental about everything she has and says she may use it one day. I'm all for saving sentimental items.....and I'm all for letting her keep special treasures. But since we do not live in a mansion, we have limited space. We already keep a "saving box" under the bed in my room for special drawings, awards, and momentos. She has a shelf in her room for trophies and knick knacks. But she only has room for that one shelf.....and it is overflowing to the point that she's stacking things on top of one another and it just looks like a disaster area.

 

I periodically go in and throw away things that are definitely trash....things I know she will not miss later but she won't throw out herself. But what about all the other stuff? The million other things? What do you do with little pack rats? How do you help them let go of things?

[Amira]

My solution has been to move a bazllion times. My packrat got tired of hauling his stuff around. This is probably not a good solution for most families though.

 

If possible, we scan things so they can be saved digitally. We also take photos of non-scannable items. Just knowing there is a record of those things makes a difference for my son. It's fine to want to keep the things, but it's been helpful for him to see there is more than one way to remember things than to keep so many physical reminders.

[MinivanMom]

I take a picture.  This works really well with large art or science projects and with costumes or clothes (yes, my girls feel sentimental about clothes that no longer fit).  I reassure them that we will always have a picture of it, but tell them in no uncertain terms that we can't save it.  It is painful, but I always make my kids a part of this sorting process.  If I sneak and throw things away then they will never learn the skill of letting go.  We go through their stuff twice a year and usually we have piles for save, save in their special box (in the attic for mementos), donate, and trash.  It's painful, but they really are happier (and play with their toys more) when their rooms don't have so much stuff in them.

[NotSoObvious]

I limit the spaces she has to store things. She knows she gets those spaces and can decide what goes in them, but has to get rid of something if her space gets too full.

 

It's worked well, but it has taken years. I help her go through things.

 

And, like Amira says, moving a few times really helps a lot!

[Punks in Ontario]

I've had my dd keep a memory box.  The stuff has to fit in the box or something has to go.  Pictures work.  I also would limit things to being in good shape.  My fellows have large tool boxes as their treasure boxes.

 

Also, while I agree that cleaning on the sly is waaay easier, this could be a teaching moment by having your dd help make the decisions over what goes in the box and what doesn't.  With my dd, she was an older teen before she got it.(head bang).

[J-rap]

I have one like that, and unfortunately it's number 5, so she not only saved all of her things but saved all of her hand-me-down clothes and toys over the years as well! No one wanted to share a room with her. :) Organization is NOT a skill she has, so we've spent a lot of times going over this over the years. I thought that if I spent a whole weekend with her, showing her how to sort through things, throw things out, give things to Goodwill, etc., it would teach her the skills. I've probably done this about 6 times during her growing up years.

 

She is now 18 and just left for a year abroad a couple weeks ago. All she could bring for the entire year is what she could carry herself on the airplane and the 4 trains it would take to get her to her destination. My plan is thoroughly go through her room while she's gone, using my own judgment about what to keep and what to save. My hope is that this year, she'll learn to live simply and with little possessions, and decide it's a nice way to live. :)

[Dory]

I take pictures of things for my dd. I also tell her to choose between things. I let her watch part of an episode of hoarders too. She chooses between things now and that cuts it in half, and then we take pictures of half of that and she ends up keeping only about 1/4 of the stuff.

[LostSurprise]

Its easier to see when you're overflowing a box, than a shelf. (She may always think she can fit a little more.) 

 

Have a more controlled space and ask her to take care of it. If there isn't room take a photo of the things which need to get thrown out. 

 

I personally don't like to throw things out on people in secret. It doesn't allow them to develop the ability to take care of the problem themselves...or see the need to. 

 

And realize that she's a different person then you are. She may not mind a bit of mess because she has so many emotional ties and memories connected to these things. Some people find physical objects a lot more comforting than others. Its a piece of something she enjoyed that gives her happiness when she looks at it. Maybe the physical reminder helps her with memories. Don't try to fit her into your own box, just ask her to keep her things within reason for the people around her. 

[soufflegirl]

Could you take a picture of the items and then have the pictures cycle through as the screen saver on the computer? That's what we did with my son's artwork/projects and he loves it.

[Amy in NH]

Watch an episode of Hoarders with her, then give her a camera and help her take the trash where it belongs.  She needs to be the one to put it in the can.