madteaparty Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 Thanks. I don't think any of them can drive - you can't even start learning until you are 17. L Ah, ok. That is great. They can get a licence at 16 here. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I haven't read many responses, but my thinking goes something like this: I don't object to pre-marital sex, but I do think that most 17 and 18 year olds still benefit from some supervision. Much of my position on a trip like this would consier factors you didn't mention, such as: Is your son interested in sex with girls? I may have misunderstood but my impression was that he was the only guy invited. If not, scratch that question. Have you ever been at all concerned about his consumption of alcohol or drugs? Is he generally mature and sensible? I don't think I'd give the same answer for every kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Unexpected Party Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I would say yes, were I the parent of a girl or the boy in that group. I believe a group of young adults, off on their own for their first time, are safer if they are in a mixed group that knows and trusts each other and is invested in each other's well-being. As some others have mentioned, the girls may well meet other young men who don't have the same investment in their well-being that their friend who will be left behind simply on the basis of his gender has. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I would allow it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 All would need to be adults for me to be comfortable with it. One of my friends had a party at her parents' lake house. It was supposed to be small but it snowballed. She was 19, and when the cops got called, she was the one who got in legal trouble. And her parents. Liability laws may be different in your country. :) I'd also want my kid to be able to drive in an emergency. Not old enough to drive would be not old enough to be responsible for himself for a week in my book. Nothing to do with premarital sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 We have hosted several over-night get-togethers with my son's friends over the last few years. The group is made up primarily of (biological) males, most of whom identify as straight. However, there is one who is transgendered, biologically female but identifies as male. And we often have a couple of girls, including one who was at the time she stayed over officially dating the transgendered kiddo. So, I ask those who are concerned with keeping groups "safe" by requiring all participants to be the same gender, how would you handle the group I've described? I would not allow my son to be a part of that group at home or away. Nor can I imagine him wanting to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I wouldn't let my son go on a mixed gender trip unless trusted adults were present. I might not even let him go on a boy only trip like you describe without a trusted man present. But I'm fairly conservative in these things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I would not allow my son to be a part of that group at home or away. Nor can I imagine him wanting to. Wow, I wonder if you realize how insulting that comment is? You are talking about my child and his friends, many of whom I have known and loved since they were quite young and one of whom is my "other child." They are wonderful young adults, and I'm proud of them. I feel sorry for your son that he may miss the opportunity to get to know other similarly wonderful people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 Wow, I wonder if you realize how insulting that comment is? You are talking about my child and his friends, many of whom I have known and loved since they were quite young and one of whom is my "other child." They are wonderful young adults, and I'm proud of them. I feel sorry for your son that he may miss the opportunity to get to know other similarly wonderful people. Don't feel sorry for my son. He has plenty of wonderful people in his life. You wouldn't like him or his standards anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Share Posted October 7, 2013 I'd also want my kid to be able to drive in an emergency. Not old enough to drive would be not old enough to be responsible for himself for a week in my book. There are lots of adults in Britain who don't drive - from the way Husband describes his youth in Texas, driving was much more of a right of passage into adulthood there than it is in the UK. I think here it's much more functional - if you have good public transport, why have a car? I didn't own one from age 21 to age 45, apart from two years in California. I'd expect young people to learn to read a bus timetable, to know how to get groceries delivered, and how to call an ambulance. L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 Don't feel sorry for my son. He has plenty of wonderful people in his life. You wouldn't like him or his standards anyway. Are you saying you won't allow your son to be friends with anyone who is gay or transgendered? And that he would never want to be friends with anyone gay or transgendered? With some people, you'd never know unless you did a genital check... I'm not sure bigotry is a "standard." I hope I've misunderstood something. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 If my child was 18 and could afford to pay his way...I wouldn't love it, but I would live with it. Presently, I do have an adult child living at home attending college; while we still have family rules decisions are hers. However, I always enjoy discussing and voicing my thoughts and opinions, but will only fund things I approve of. Fwiw, I would not have allowed her to attend a mix overnight group without a chaperon at 17; ds is under 18 and has the same rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 Are you saying you won't allow your son to be friends with anyone who is gay or transgendered? And that he would never want to be friends with anyone gay or transgendered? With some people, you'd never know unless you did a genital check... I'm not sure bigotry is a "standard." I hope I've misunderstood something. :( Homesexuality is a moral issue to me. There is next to zero chance that the opportunity would ever arise that a practicing homosexual would ask to be my friend or my son's friend. I don't consider such a division to be bigotry. We all make choices on how we live and with whom we choose to spend our time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 There are lots of adults in Britain who don't drive - from the way Husband describes his youth in Texas, driving was much more of a right of passage into adulthood there than it is in the UK. I think here it's much more functional - if you have good public transport, why have a car? I didn't own one from age 21 to age 45, apart from two years in California. I'd expect young people to learn to read a bus timetable, to know how to get groceries delivered, and how to call an ambulance. L Definitely location dependent! :) I can't get groceries delivered in Atlanta, which is a pretty good-sized city. A vacation cabin around me would not have public transportation. I'm picturing being stuck in the woods with no way out! Like a horror movie where there's one broken down old truck and it won't start... ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Share Posted October 7, 2013 Definitely location dependent! :) I can't get groceries delivered in Atlanta, which is a pretty good-sized city. A vacation cabin around me would not have public transportation. I'm picturing being stuck in the woods with no way out! Like a horror movie where there's one broken down old truck and it won't start... ;) No bears either. You might be irritated to death by midges, but otherwise your biggest risk is falling off a mountain, at which point you just have to be sorry that Prince William is no longer a rescue pilot. Whenever we go away to a cottage in the highlands, we arrange a Tesco supermarket order and the van turns up bearing food and liquor. The delivery driver brings everything into the house and puts it on the kitchen table. And they don't expect at tip. I'm sure that there are places where supermarkets don't deliver, but I haven't found one yet. L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 Don't feel sorry for my son. He has plenty of wonderful people in his life. You wouldn't like him or his standards anyway. Actually, I have friends who hold many different points of view about important issues, and we usually manage to be civil and treat each other with respect. However, if your son would be unwilling to even entertain the thought that getting to know someone who doesn't live up to his "standards" might be worthwhile, you are probably, regrettably, correct that we wouldn't be likely to get along very well. Homesexuality is a moral issue to me. There is next to zero chance that the opportunity would ever arise that a practicing homosexual would ask to be my friend or my son's friend. I don't consider such a division to be bigotry. We all make choices on how we live and with whom we choose to spend our time. Ah, and you see, tolerance and civility are moral issues for me. Since I do not want to (further) derail Laura's thread, however, I will bow out of this conversation now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I'd expect young people to learn to read a bus timetable, to know how to get groceries delivered, and how to call an ambulance. No grocery delivery here either. Or public transportation. We do have an ambulance. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 Actually, I have friends who hold many different points of view about important issues, and we usually manage to be civil and treat each other with respect. However, if your son would be unwilling to even entertain the thought that getting to know someone who doesn't live up to his "standards" might be worthwhile, you are probably, regrettably, correct that we wouldn't be likely to get along very well. Ah, and you see, tolerance and civility are moral issues for me. Since I do not want to (further) derail Laura's thread, however, I will bow out of this conversation now. I treat everyone with civility and respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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