anxiety at bedtime

[HollyM25]

My son is 8 almost 9 has started having what I think is anxiety at night. It started in the beginning of June. He kept getting out of bed saying he felt like he couldn't breath. I took him to the Dr and they did some testing and found nothing medically wrong. She said it could be seasonal allergies or anxiety.

 

It went mostly away for a little while but it is coming back again. He gets up out of bed almost every night the last week with some excuse. One night he was itchy, or feels like he can't breathe again. Last night he said he felt like he was going to cry. He has always been sensitive. I usually let him sleep on the couch when he starts having this issue and that usually helps. I don't want him thinking that he can sleep on the couch every night though. He did say last night that he doesn't like being alone in the dark. He shares a room with his little brother and they have a night light in the room.

 

I have not really sat down and talked with him about it because I've just tried to make it seem like no big deal, thinking it would pass. After last night I think it is time for a talk with him.

 

Had anyone else had this problem with their kid? I am just looking for advice on how to handle it and what dh and I should say?

 

Btw, he is a happy go lucky kind of kid during the day. He jokes around a lot, plays well with friends and siblings. He does get easily aggravated with his younger bro and sis, but I think that is kinda normal. I just feel bad for him.

 

Thanks for listening!

[TheReader]

I've gone through this with all 3 of my boys, and one thing I've found to help is to spend a little time at bedtime just listening to him chat about whatever. If that doesn't do the trick, or if that's not feasible with the ages of your other kids, and it  becomes a persistent problem, we have also used the book "What to do when you worry too much" with good results. It gives the child techniques on how to stop the worrying thoughts. 

 

I think it's a pretty common phase of growing up, so I wouldn't worry too much, just love on him and assure him that everything is okay. Try to get him talking about what might be worrying him -- is it a specific fear, or a general anxiety over all the various "what-ifs", and then talk through the various solutions with him. As a kid, I was terrified of fire. When my parents just did the "there won't be a fire" --- didn't help. When they talked through "if there is a fire, here's how we would get out safely..." -- that helped. So I try and do that with my boys. What's bothering you? Well, if that happens, we would.......  It seems to really help as well. 

 

((hugs)) 

[Parrothead]

I have an anxious child. At this point I do wonder if she will ever leave home. She will sleep in her own bed now but for years she slept in my room if not in my bed.

[Alexigail]

My son loves this CD:

 

http://www.amazon.com/music/dp/B000NE8B3G

 

[Joanne]

. I don't want him thinking that he can sleep on the couch every night though.

 

 

Why not? There is nothing inherently wrong if he does sleep every night on the couch.

 

If the anxiety is not impacting other areas, you can ride it out. If it *is* impacting other areas, you might want to consider counseling as an option. Anxiety is often treatable without meds.

[zoobie]

This CD has worked for us:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0970863365/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1374760832&sr=8-2&pi=SL75

 

There are a few versions. You can preview the tracks on amazon or iTunes. Immediate download is cheaper on amazon if you have an iPod or MP3 player. My kid complained that they were cheesy but I said to hush and just listen through once without whining and voilà! :)

 

Can you let him leave more of a light on? Sometimes mine sleeps with closet light, lamp, overhead light... They're super energy efficient bulbs on purpose. We also keep regular music playing all night.

[gardenmom5]

have you tried treating this as an allergic response?  washed sheets in hot water, encased pillow and mattress in allergy proof barriers, washed other bedding in temperatures hot enough to kill dust mites?

[HollyM25]

I've gone through this with all 3 of my boys, and one thing I've found to help is to spend a little time at bedtime just listening to him chat about whatever. If that doesn't do the trick, or if that's not feasible with the ages of your other kids, and it  becomes a persistent problem, we have also used the book "What to do when you worry too much" with good results. It gives the child techniques on how to stop the worrying thoughts. 

 

I think it's a pretty common phase of growing up, so I wouldn't worry too much, just love on him and assure him that everything is okay. Try to get him talking about what might be worrying him -- is it a specific fear, or a general anxiety over all the various "what-ifs", and then talk through the various solutions with him. As a kid, I was terrified of fire. When my parents just did the "there won't be a fire" --- didn't help. When they talked through "if there is a fire, here's how we would get out safely..." -- that helped. So I try and do that with my boys. What's bothering you? Well, if that happens, we would.......  It seems to really help as well. 

 

((hugs)) 

 

Thanks for sharing your experience. I think I will start to talk to him from now on before he goes to bed. Last night when he came to my room I was half asleep and not in the talking mood.

 

 

I have an anxious child. At this point I do wonder if she will ever leave home. She will sleep in her own bed now but for years she slept in my room if not in my bed.

 

My son slept in our bed for about 5 years, but hasn't done this in about 3-4 years, I'm glad those days are over!

 

Why not? There is nothing inherently wrong if he does sleep every night on the couch.

 

If the anxiety is not impacting other areas, you can ride it out. If it *is* impacting other areas, you might want to consider counseling as an option. Anxiety is often treatable without meds.

 

All my kids would love to sleep on the couch in the family room. I'm afraid if I let him do it then they all would be begging to sleep on the couch. We prefer to have them in their beds. If he was an only child or the other kids didn't care then I would let him sleep there.

 

have you tried treating this as an allergic response?  washed sheets in hot water, encased pillow and mattress in allergy proof barriers, washed other bedding in temperatures hot enough to kill dust mites?

 

Oh, good idea, I wash his sheets but I don't have his mattress or pillow in allergy proof barriers. That could be it, I have never had him allergy tested so maybe that could be his issue... Thanks!

 

 

I am going to purchase one of the CD's that were mentioned as well, that might help him relax his mind and get to sleep easier.

 

I did talk to him a little bit this morning and he and his younger sister want to switch beds. She is going to sleep on the top bunk bed and he in her room with the baby. Between the new bed, CD, and washing the sheets/blankets, I hope he will sleep tonight!

[Legomom]

My pediatrician suggested giving them something good to think about when they go to bed. This has worked well with my kids and they still ask me at night, "Can you give me something to think about?". It can be something we are going to do during the week, thinking about their next Lego creation etc. I have been surprised how much this helps. I also second the recommendation on allergy-proofing the bed for the breathing and itching issues.

[City Mouse]

When she was about that age, my DD would get anxious and worked up at bedtime because she would worry about not being able to fall asleep which, of course, would keep her from falling asleep.

 

What eventually worked for her was to tell her that she could stay awake and read in her room as long as she wanted with no pressure to fall asleep by a certain time.

[Tammyla]

Not on the anxiety topic, but I have experienced that feeling of not being able to breath as a reaction to things I'm allergic to.  Feather pillows are an example or highly perfumed linens.

 

I hope the guy finds some relief soon and can get some sleep.

[freeindeed]

Oh my goodness, my ds10 is just like this right now. It started a couple of months ago. He has what appears to be panic attacks at bedtime. We have a routine now of family time and a read-aloud before bedtime. Then he brushes his teeth and we say prayers. He is fine as long as hubby and I are still awake, but if we've had a late night and are all going to bed at the same time, then he panics. So we try to make sure he's in bed at least an hour before we plan to go to bed ourselves. We also have material for a pallet on our bedroom floor, so ds10 can come lay it all out without waking us and sleep in our room. He averages coming in to our room every other night. This works for us right now.

[AK_Mom4]

Since he is in with the baby, I would absolutely also issue him a really good flashlight.  A nice heavy one he can put under his pillow and have handy if the dark is bothering him. Extra points if it has rechargable batteries - lots of nights my anxious one would go to sleep with the flashlight on, but it kept him in his bed.  Best $7 investment ever!

[HollyM25]

Thanks everyone for all the replies! I am definitely going to get his bed and pillow allergy proofed. I bought him some relaxation music and switched him to a different room. So we will see if this helps him.

 

A couple months ago he enjoyed staying up reading with a flashlight, he stopped doing it for some reason. I am going to let him do that for a little while before I turn on his music.