Birth choice frustration

[fenni]

Hi! I just wanted to send some good thoughts your way! I felt so sad for you when I read your post. I really want them to respect your decision! and hope you can have the birth you desire.

[Colleen]

With all due respect, THIS issue is not near and dear to you. It has nothing to do with you at all. THIS issue is about a woman who wants a VBAC and does not feel she needs a c/s at this time. That is NOT your issue. [/b]

 

What a rude comment. Yes, the issue of women considering their birthing options post-multiple c-sections is of interest to me. That issue is near and dear to my heart. Never once did I say or even imply that my experiences match that of the original poster. Never once did I disrespect her own story, or say she or anyone else who tries to avoid a repeat c-section is being ignorant or irresponsible. (Keep in mind I twice pursued that option myself.) Do NOT put words into my mouth.

 

I encouraged her to avoid the assumption that all doctors are bad. I encouraged her to attend the appointment. And I expressed my opinion that message board participants should refrain from offering medical advice contrary to that of the health care professionals on hand on an issue of this nature.

[Colleen]

Are y'all perhaps missing the point that she's frustrated, and upset, and is here to vent and for emotional support?

 

No, I'm not missing that point, which is why I offered emotional support in response to her post.

[newbie]

I had Bradley training for both and posted signs outside my hospital door and they had to respect them.

 

As I understand it you are not homebirthing, so you will be fully monitored. They are so techy now, that they should be able to tell if there will be any distress during VBAC.

 

Personally, I am a little leary of docs and money, just like the drug thread the other day. I think alot of them get extra dough for C/S and they can schedule, so it is more convenient for them. It is very sad.

 

I think you should trust your gut. I have no C/S experience, all VBAC, one drug and one naturalle.

 

Jet

[PiCO]

 

Please please go to the appt. I think it is very very risky to do the labor at home when you already had 2 c-sections. You are away from the hospital and the dr. You are taking a big risk with your life and your baby's life. Please I am begging you to go to the appt!!

 

Holly:grouphug:

 

I'm pretty sure the OP is planning a VBAC in the hospital.

[Colleen]

Please done misrepresent what others have said.

 

I don't jump into hospital birth threads and say, "It's irresponsible to birth in the hospital." I'm not sure why it's necessary to jump in with horror stories and stating that birthing at home is irresponsible.

 

Horror stories? You think the mild allusions mentioned here (in my case, for example, I simply said that my oldest two owe their lives to skilled surgeons) are on par with "horror stories"? I consider that a gross exaggeration. Furthermore, I missed the part of this discussion wherein people stated that home birth is irresponsible. Can you point me to that statement?

 

Yes, at times the hospital is where a woman needs to be. But that doesn't mean VBAmC is unsafe or irresponsible.

 

I agree, and again, I don't believe such statements/implications have been made in this thread. On the contrary, I do think it's irresponsible to encourage a woman to ignore a requested meeting/appointment regarding her upcoming delivery. That's what I responded to in a previous post.

[Philothea]

I don't think any of the advice or consolation that anyone gave me was imprudent or out of line :)

 

Everyone views birth in a very different light, and therefore any type of opinions, advice, counsel can be taken the wrong way. It probably has to do with what most people are comfortable with regarding details of their birth.

 

If I had known what I had know now, which includes some of the things people have said to me here... I probably would have never had a c-section to begin with and I wouldn't be in this mess. I'm very grateful for people who send information along my way and tell me that I am not backed into a corner :)

[LadyAberlin]

I wouldn't have a home birth. That is coming from someone who has had one. My friend tried for a VBAC at home and ended up being transferred to the hospital and it was discovered she had a uterine rupture. So I'd do it at a hospital most definitely. The only thing you might could do it try to get some laboring done at home before you go so maybe they would be more likely to let you have the vbac if you've made a lot of progress. Also any type of pain killer can increase your risk of needing a c section. It slows your labor and they like to give pitocin to speed it up after the epidural. Pitocin is not good for a vbac because it makes the contractions stronger and is harder on the uterus. That increases your chances of a rupture. I would get your DH to go with you and demand that they allow you to try for one since they said they would allow you too when you chose them for your Dr. I do know a woman who had 5 c sections and then 2 successful vbacs at home though.

[Delighted3]

Colleen,

I just wanted to say that as someone who has had 6 c-sections, I completely understand and concur with the points you were trying to make.

Joy

[Dawn E]

I've read most but not all of the thread, so please forgive me if I am repeating someone else. When I had my last child, I had to attend a meeting with the anesthesiologist prior to coming to the hospital to hear all of the possible side effects of the epidural and to sign a waiver. I was told by my OB that if there was any chance that I would want an epidural, I must have attended and signed the waiver. Otherwise, I would not be allowed one despite how much I begged. :001_smile:

 

Our society has gotten so litigious that the doctors have to be so careful. Even though you are planning to use a midwife, if any problem did occur you would perhaps also need the assistance of an OB. I just wonder if instead of trying to talk you out of it, this is just a new routine step the hospital has to take for you to be able to do what you want. I'm very tired...I hope this makes some sense.

 

:grouphug:

Dawn

[Sahamamama]

Oh, here's a hug to start with...

 

:grouphug: Now, catch your breath, have some tea, and feel a little better.

 

My first daughter (3.5 years) was breech (foot sticking out, we had to rush it), so she was an emergent C-section. As you know, it can be awful to recover from this. It took me months to get to any sort of reasonable level of strength and stamina. Forget shape. Then I had cancer (surgery, treatment). Then I got pregnant with twins.

 

OK, here's where I got serious about pursuing a VBAC. I really wanted it! I really did not want to be cut open again, especially to then have to come home and take care of a toddler and two new babies.

 

Looking back, maybe I should have sought out a midwife, but since my husband works at the hospital (in the operating room), he has seen it all. I wanted a home birth, and the control/privacy/sacredness that I thought would go with it, but as it turned out...

 

Yes, I had a second C-section, in the hospital, complete with all the glaring lights and people poking me EVERYWHERE, and sticking tubes and wires and what-not up my vagina... you name it, I paid that price for these babies. And, I would do it again.

 

Maybe it didn't have to turn out that way, but one baby was (again) breech -- she was coming out first, with great difficulty. Also, my water broke early, and I was not at all dilated, AND the babies were in some distress. After it was all said and done, I am thankful to have had skilled personnel to deliver my children in perfect health (6 lbs., 9 oz. and 7 lbs., 3 oz.) and place them in my arms.

 

My one DEFIANT DEMAND was that the OB would show me the babies as he pulled them out (I never saw my first daughter when she was pulled out). I still can see the image of their smushy little faces, their pudgy little noses snortling at me, as the nurse brought each baby to me.

 

It's horrible, to be cut open, especially when (most) medical personnel seem so unmoved by your own personal desires/emotions/needs/home circumstances. But you WILL get through this, no matter HOW this precious baby comes into your arms, the important thing to keep in mind is to GET THAT BABY INTO YOUR ARMS. Everything else will work itself out, with time. Even your body will heal, in time (never the same again, but still, you will heal).

 

Your emotions will heal, too, believe me. I thought that my heart would break every time I thought about not seeing Sarah, but when I saw Hannah and Mary in their gooey newborn glory, every fiber of my being exploded with joy. When you hold this baby... you will thank God for what He has done for you. Place your whole trust in Him, and He will bring you through.

 

Sincerely,

 

Beth

[Kate CA]

With all due respect, THIS issue is not near and dear to you. It has nothing to do with you at all. THIS issue is about a woman who wants a VBAC and does not feel she needs a c/s at this time. That is NOT your issue.

 

No one has said having a c/s is a wrong or less motherly thing to decide on or that there aren't genuine medical reasons to do it. THAT is your issue, not the OPs or of anyone else who has posted so far as I can tell.

 

If you needed a c/s, then I'm thrilled you got the medical care you needed when you needed it. That doesn't mean that any woman who doesn't want one or who doesn't have a medical reason for one is being irresponsible or ignorant by refusing to sign up for it.

 

Martha, this was totally out of line. Nothing Colleen said here warranted such an attack by you. "With all due respect" does not give you license to say hurtful things. Colleen shared what she shared because she cares about the situation and has lived through five Cs. I think that gives her quite a bit of experience with the care doctors might have and the Cs they offer. Her thoughts to the OP are just as important as any you might offer her and no different than many others offered here. If your words were not meant as an attack they sure came across like one.

[Kate CA]

Philothea,

 

I am so sorry for your current stress. May God give you and your husband His wisdom for the appointment and for a healthy birth (however it all turns out). May your new baby be a joy in your home! :001_smile:

 

[Tammyla]

"The reason is that new recommendations have come out that VBA2C should not be done."

 

Recommendations, are not set in stone and I'm sure there are a number of factors. This sounds like a precaution, many doctors want to meet mother before delivery. You may meet with the doctor and find yourself more at ease with the decisions ahead. Do try to take someone with you perhaps the MW to help you.

 

I'll be praying for you and the little one.

[Quiver0f10]

I completely understand. To me it wasn't about whether home was better than hospital, it was about choice. A woman should have a choice about how and when to birth her baby. Period. You have educated yourself and you have made a choice. Stand your ground.

[melissel]

How did the appointment go today? I've been thinking about you all day :D I hope it was all easier than you feared it would be.

[Lizzie in Ma]

No advice, just sympathy. They won't do VBACS on the Cape anymore either.

I hope it works out the way you want it.

:grouphug:

[Sahamamama]

Or have you and your husband decided just to "pass" on it? I hope all is going well with you and your soon-to-be-born little baby.

 

What are you planning to name the baby? :001_smile: I just love hearing new baby names. Are you having a boy or a girl?

 

Once again, I hope all is going well with you and yours. Here's another hug from "us" here on the forum, we are praying for you (I am, anyway!) and are here anytime you need to "vent" or just unwind a bit from pregnancy, motherhood, and life in general. When I was pregnant with my twins, I drank a LOT of chamomile/mint tea, cup after delicious cup, and was in the bathroom about every ten minutes, too. Enjoy these last few precious days of your pregnancy, talk to your "belly baby." Someday you will tell this little one all about the moments you are living through today.

 

This time is sacred.

 

Sincerely,

Beth B.