Am I "behind"?

[4KookieKids]

I'm fairly new the the WTM group, and have just been taking my time reading through other people's posts. The posts on the bilingual education board here have all been really great and encouraging for me, but I confess that I've been getting pretty stressed out reading the posts on some of the other forums... I'm getting the distinct impression my kids are "behind", and I wanted to ask about it here, because I wonder if it's not a cultural thing.

 

I certainly want my children to have the best education I can give them, but I grew up with the mindset that kids (maybe 5 and under) play... Yes, they learn while playing, but they mostly... play. I didn't start any sort of math or reading until 1st grade. I don't think it hurt me, but I'm beginning to worry that it was just a fluke and I'm going to really disadvantage my kids.

 

We play alot (blocks, cars, tea parties, etc.) especially a lot of pretend with my 3 year old, go outside a lot (bike rides, walks, playgrounds, nature parks, etc.), and do lots of art (coloring, water colors, painting, crafts) and music/dance, and, of course (since this is a bilingual board), are raising them to speak both English and German. This has really taken off the last month, when my 3.5yo started randomly talking to me all the time in German, instead of making me prompt him all the time. Additionally, he's learning to do chores and cook and stuff like that, of course.

 

Is my own experience with grade school in Germany causing me to be too laid back with my kids' education? When my son was 2, he showed a real interest in letters for a while, and we did a bunch then, but then he got bored with it, so I let it go. I feel like their language and household learning is plenty for right now, but would like other thoughts on whether I should try to do more. I have been reading post after post from parents of PreK/K kids who are reading, doing basic math, etc. and are stressed out that they're not doing enough -- which leaves me thinking I must be ruining my children! Any thoughts?

 

Edit: I don't really know what's "normal", even in Germany, because i was young when we moved there and then moved back by the time I was 12 or so. That was a really stressful time in my life (for family reasons), so I'm not even sure my perception of what I experienced there is accurate. So I hope to not offend anyone if I have the wrong idea about how it works there.

[regentrude]

I, too, am from Germany, and I do not buy into the push for early academics that is common in the US. I have not seen any evidence that the children who learn their abcs with flashcards in preschool and begin formal full day schooling at age 5 have any academic advantage over their peers who start formal academics at age 6 or 7 when you compare them at age 11.

My kids went to US public schools. DD was the only one in her class not to have been through US preschool; she was the only one not to know the abcs at the beginning of kindergarten - and she was the first in the class to read real books a few months into K. In their US school, they were ahead of their German peers through 4th grade - and by 6th grade a full year behind in math (which is why we pulled them out to homeschool.)

 

I believe that young children are learning constantly, and that in the early years, they have many non-academic things to learn. We developed gross and fine motor skills, social skills, verbal skills, played, read, talked, climbed.

[rdj2027]

It may well be a cultural difference. I am from Germany and follow that model more so than the WTM method. My children did nothing "academic" prior to starting school. We have always read a lot, and investigated their environment. It is amazing what they learned during those years from "playing".

 

We pulled them out of PS in 3rd, 5th and 7th grade last year and I dare say their bad habits and gaps resulted from PS and moving every two years, not from starting academics later. We have changed a lot of things and now a year later, they have found their groove and are moving ahead at a very rapid pace.

 

Learning a foreign language now will free up time later on. Being bilingual, German is a cheesy high school credit for my kids :thumbup1: .

 

In addition to that, we school year round (about 220-240 days, Germany has 220 days of instruction). Compared to PS, we have much more time to spend on academics.

[Clarkd]

I agree that children learn through play. The other experience I think is critical is reading to children. The people on this forum are more skewed toward wtm but they include people with a wide variety of beliefs about education and all other areas of life. There are many views regarding the best time to start more formal academics. Welcome.

[Rosie_0801]

Quite often the difference between formal and informal, the actual activities mum and child are doing, is negligible. It's the difference between telling your husband that you did school with the kids that morning instead of saying you lay around on the floor playing with them. One sounds important and worth scheduling time for, the other sounds like you were procrastinating and should have been doing housework. That someone has a curriculum to teach their kids their letters, and you don't means nothing other than they feel more comfortable with one and you don't. It isn't necessarily better.

 

What you are doing sounds more like my ideal that what I'm doing. :)

[4KookieKids]

 

Thanks, all! I'm relieved to hear of people taking a more laid back / slower approach in the early years. I guess that *all* I was reading was more academically focused for this age, and I was just really stressed out that I'm screwing up my kids before they even get to school. :) It's so easy to feel like I'm "wrong" in areas that really just aren't black and white.

 

It's interesting to hear that it may be largely a cultural thing, too, even though there are certainly variations even within a culture. This was why I posted this question here, rather than on the PreK/K forum. :)

[Ariston]

Are you kidding?!?! Any kid would be LUCKY to have that childhood! I find some people do a lot of early academics on these boards, but I'd bet almost all would be in favor of birth-5 being devoted to play.

 

I find that the US is trying to to makeup for being behind other countries but doing MORE, EARLIER even though all the evidence that I know of clearly shows that early gains do not persist even as far as middle school. I often spend time at the local school playground during the warmer months, and its so sad to see the kindergarten class come out for less than 10 minutes on a beautiful day, while my homeschooled son is there for 2 hours. I certainly never feel like its wasted time (and he's 8!)

[ladyinthegarden]

My oldest learned to read around 3 1/2 because he was ready. I didn't really push or do anything formal. My four-year-old is learning on his own timing. He plays all day long, and I point out colors, numbers, letters when the occasion arises. I do not plan to do anything more than that until he is ready for it. When they are ready you will know better than anyone else. I have found that it's much easier to teach a concept when a child is ready for it. You can spend a year teaching a child addition, or five minutes when they are ready. I feel my main job is to be a human balance between childhood and education. Today my ten-year-old was arguing with a documentary he was watching about dinosaurs because they got a few things wrong. I've never bought an official dinosaur curriculum. :smilielol5:

[jhschool]

You don't need to do ANY academics before your children are 7 years old.

All they need to do is play, play, play.

 

I think the American push for early academics is misguided *for people who are

able to give their children the proper attention.* A lot of disadvantaged kids do

benefit from early academics (many of them do not get any proper stimulation at

home). But people who are lucky enough to have time to spend with their children

and let them play and actually talk to them should not have to worry about early

academics.

 

Your kids are not behind. After they go into 1st grade, start deciding which rubrics

you want them to meet. Before age 7, don't worry about a thing.

 

P.S. I am not criticizing anyone who does academics before age 7.

:)

I am saying OP

will be fine if she doesn't. I don't think it harms kids if you do them, especially the

fun things some people describe on this forum!

[bakpak]

I'm from the US and my 3.5 yo daughter does 'academics' because she's interested in them, they're available around the house and she attends a Montessori preschool. I don't actually sit down with her very often (other than reading), I usually just making things available that she's interested in or incorporate concepts into our daily life (fractions while cooking, leaving math or reading games out and about, puzzles, mazes, etc), but I consider all that play-based work 'academics' because she's learning and she's so darned focused on everything. For instance, yesterday she brought me a play clock and wanted to practice telling time - "Ok honey, I can do that for a few minutes before I start supper."

 

So no, you shouldn't worry at all!! It's definitely more of a cultural issue, as well as has a lot to do with personality and interest of each parent AND child. Along that vein, I feel pretty strongly that if my child shows an interest in a topic I'm going to support her interest and provide resources while she's interested. Haha...in some ways I think I'm just trying to re-educate myself the way I wish I had been at that age. I was so interested in so many things, and no one gave me any extra resources until I was a teenager. For instance, I remember being crazy interested in learning Spanish or any other language when I was about five and adults just laughed at me and patted me on the head. I remember drawing a pretty good teddybear picture when I was about 4 and trying to show off my work and the adults just said I probably traced it (I was devastated and subsequently didn't start drawing again until I was in my upper 20s). I'm pretty firm about not dismissing my child's interests even if they're not my own (ballet - :ack2: ack!). So maybe other folks are doing the same....just trying not to make the same mistakes their own parents made.

 

So yes, some folks do more academics with their littles than others, but it probably all comes out in the wash in the end (start younger when they can ease into it, or start later when they can race through it). I seriously think much of it depends on your child. If your child were begging for more mental stimulation you'd definitely know it ;) As for what my DD is doing...I'd say it's almost all play-based. Even the stuff she does at Montessori she chooses because it's fun and she enjoys it (other than group circle time, and even then joining in isn't mandatory if the child is engrossed in an activity). I have no hidden agenda for my child other than she be happy. If my child had a different personality, I would do very different things with her. Since I gave her access to a CD player last fall, I think she listens to 5-8 hours of music a day, and dances through most of that :) People think I do TONS of teaching with my daughter because she learns quickly and acts like a much older child, but I'd say almost all of her day is filled with playing or reading.

 

I've also realized that reading these forums can definitely stress you out that you're not doing enough. You have to remember that each one person is focused on doing well the one or two things that are important to them. They're not all crafting geniuses, or Lego masterbuilders, or on track to be an Olympic medaler. You really lose track of that on these boards, as five posts read rapidly become 1 in your mind. A friend of mine seems to do EVERYTHING with her children and has a great blog as well. She is quick to point out to me however that she makes almost no home-cooked meals from scratch and her mom comes and does her laundry every week :) Find your bliss and remind yourself of what you ARE doing well. And if it's only that you take a bubble-bath every night, think of how many other parents on here would be SOOO JEALOUS :p

[bakpak]

Of course, I think everything you described doing with your children as being awesome and much of it I would call 'educational'. You're fully engaged with them, doing what interests your family. :) Maybe my definition of educational is different from other folks though... Less TV/video games and more DOING usually equals great things!

[4KookieKids]

I feel pretty strongly that if my child shows an interest in a topic I'm going to support her interest and provide resources while she's interested. Haha...in some ways I think I'm just trying to re-educate myself the way I wish I had been at that age.

 

This is a good point and really made me think today, because my son has really shown an interest in Spanish lately. We arranged for him to visit a spanish speaking friend once a week to start learning, but when I picked him up today, the mother shared with me that he's getting pretty frustrated at his slow progress (1 hr a week just isn't cutting it for him!) So I've been brainstorming with my husband how to get him more exposure and how we can find a good, trustworthy spanish speaking tutor/babysitter to come in a few times a week without breaking the bank.

 

So much of our motivation to homeschool comes from me being incredibly frustrated in school once I started middle school (and had moved back to the US). Even in advanced classes, I remember just being bored to tears, and I remember thinking that I could do the same amount of learning (maybe more!) in 2 hours a day if they'd let me, instead of 7... So my husband and I thought, if we can give our kids a comparable (possibly better) education in half the time and then have them run and tumble and climb trees with all their extra time, later even learning things that they'd never have opportunity to learn in school, we're gonna do it! :D It's interesting to reflect on how our decisions reflect on our own experiences

 

Thanks for the encouragement! I think I've decided that I just need to refrain from "perusing" all old posts. I'll search for something or start a new thread when I do have a question, but I really don't want to fall into the comparing trap with my kids. It's just bad for everyone involved, it seems. Our kids are all special and different, and there probably infinitely many good approaches and techniques, because there are all different parent/child relationships. :)

[momof2cm]

My husband and I are from Belgium, where formal education, like in Germany, does not start until first grade. (age 6-7) We turned out well. :-)

 

Our daughter went to an American Kindergarten and was the only child who could not read, not write. But she spoke 2 languages. It only took her about 6 months to catch up with her classmates. That means she learned the same amount in about 1 semester versus 1.5 year of 'learning' for the other children.

 

I believe kids need to be mature enough to learn. Sure, little ones can learn to read and write, but o they want to?

 

Our son could read at an earlier age (about 5) because he learned from his sister. He wanted to and he was ready.

[Aspasia]

Whenever you feel like people are doing "so much", peek at their signatures. How old is their oldest child? If they're anything like I have been, their oldest is still quite young. Because of pressure from our American culture and my husband, along with the fact that I was just so excited to homeschool (!), I have wasted so much time doing "academic" things with my poor dd. These things have always been fun, not grueling, and I've been known to use the same justifying language that others use ("She WANTED to do it. I was just following HER lead.")

 

But you know, this is her kindergarten year (she turns six in June), and I have been consistently shaving off pretty much all of what I had planned a year ago except for reading. Even math has gotten the boot, aside from things like money and telling time (because she really, really wants to know those things, and even that is pretty informal). I've just been realizing that we can struggle through this stuff now, taking twice as long to learn it, or we can let it go and learn it twice as fast later. It has been a battle with dh, but he's over it now.

 

DS is almost three and he's lucky. I haven't pushed one single learning thing on him, except for reading books and randomly counting things. And I have no intentions of doing anything with him any time soon. Dd was my guinea pig, and boy, did I learn a lot from all the time I wasted and all the pressure I felt!

 

So anyway, I have actually found that the WTM forum folks are not very much in favor of early academics at all. I have mostly seen them "talking down" the over zealous preschool moms. :D