duckens Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Welcome! This is the second installment of the Monthly Book Club. We voted on books to read, and the selection to discuss during March 2013 is Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. Please feel free to drop in and join us if you have EVER read this book and have something valuable to add to the conversation. First, some housekeeping: 1) Future books (according to the vote): April 2013: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien 2) If you are not interested in reading specific a book, then skip that month. Our time is too valuable to be reading things we resent reading. Likewise, we welcome those who are only participate sporadically. The ideal is that many voices will result in a good discussion. 3) Keep in mind suggestions for future books clubs (if we can make it through the first few months). We'll take suggestions to vote in the last half of March. This will most likely occur on a separate thread. 4) Play nice. I don't want to get banned! PSA: I have never run a "book club." I am not planning to start now, beyond the basic organization of voting and starting monthly threads. However: --Please feel free to pm me if I miss something mechanical. --Don't take it personally if I don't get right back to you. Sometimes life gets busy, and I am absent from the boards for a week or so at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpskowski Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I missed this post this morning. Did no one read it! I've got to admit I haven't finished. But I am really enjoying the book. It's both affirming and eye-opening. Got to make dinner. I'll come back later to discuss - if there is anyone who wants to discuss it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I read it last year and really enjoyed it. I'll post more later and am interested in seeing what others have to say about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5of5 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 So far, I’ve only read extracts and comments on the book, but I definitely agree with the thesis that companies are geared toward extroverts. The interview process is also heavily slanted in flavor of extroverts too -- don’t know if the book covers that or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurel Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I listened to it last year on audio and really enjoyed it. More (actual) thoughts later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Is the discussion going to be in this thread or a different one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I read the book last year, also. Her TED talk is pretty good as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-bex Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I'm reading it now. I am loving it, and all the science behind it. I've always felt very hard-wired being quiet and observant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpskowski Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Yes the science and research behind it stands out. Ironically, I was reading this book and Dumbing Us Down at the same time. In Quiet on page 22 she talks about the change to urbanism, and how citizens morphed into employees. She tells about how it became important to make good impressions and the cult of personality took over the cult of character. Whereas, Gatto talked how the individual morphed into the mass worker and how it effected schooling. Although I appreciate Gatto's opinion from his perspective as a public school teacher, I was left with the stunning difference at how superior Cain's arguments were on a somewhat similar issue, how Cain's arguments and perspective literally engulfed Gatto's. Thanks for the mention of her TED talk. That was also very interesting. I am an introvert (I am also shy). In my previous life, BC (before children) I managed a retail/wholesale business. Now looking back on it, it's funny how obvious it all played out. My boss was/is an extrovert. He'd be out networking (golfing!) a lot and then would breeze back through and upend the place and create general chaos. I always (in my mind) described my job as managing the boss so that all the other employees could get their work done and not be disrupted by his whirlwind pass throughs. He always said with pride that my job was to run the business and if anything went wrong it was my fault and whatever went well was to his credit. It's very eye opening to reassess situations through this lens of introvert vs extrovert. My dh is an extrovert; I'm looking at our relationship through this new lens and it's really shinning a light on some areas. My ds is at a sleepover, my dds are in bed and my dh is out in the barn with a friend - I am off to the bath tub with Quiet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted March 2, 2013 Author Share Posted March 2, 2013 I'm still reading it, too. Everyone in our household is introverted. After my experience in public school, I am happy to be homeschooling, and this book re-affirms that (at least for now) this is the right choice for us. 1) I'm curious: how do you view your family members: extroverted or introverted? 2) Has Quiet changed or reaffirmed how anyone else is raising an introverted child? *apology for awkwardly worded question* ETA: 3) If your child is introverted, how do you balance outside activities with staying home to re-charge? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-bex Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 I found the rural/urban change idea to be utterly fascinating! My son is the only extrovert in the family. Keeping him happy with his social needs, especially as a homeschooler, is a big task for me, though I do quite enjoy getting out and being with people. But I need him to shut it off when we get home so I can have some peace! :p Though my daughter is an introvert, she is NOT when it comes to her brother, so it is rarely peaceful and quiet at home unless I force the issue. I stay up too late every night just being alone for a couple/few hours. I also love to blow dry my hair because I can't hear anyone while I do it, haha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 I stay up too late every night just being alone for a couple/few hours. I do this too. I have one extraverted child who I love very much, but I am always glad when it is time for her to go home. My grandson is extraverted too. When both of them enter a room the energy level visibly rises. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 YAY! I checked this book out from the library yesterday. Getting started tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I'm not quite finished, either. I'm still reading it, too. Everyone in our household is introverted. After my experience in public school, I am happy to be homeschooling, and this book re-affirms that (at least for now) this is the right choice for us. 1) I'm curious: how do you view your family members: extroverted or introverted? 2) Has Quiet changed or reaffirmed how anyone else is raising an introverted child? *apology for awkwardly worded question* ETA: 3) If your child is introverted, how do you balance outside activities with staying home to re-charge? My husband is an extrovert. Or so he tells me, based on personality testing. He's pretty quiet, but doesn't seem to have that interior life we introverts have. I, on the other hand, am rather boisterous, but live in my head a lot and need a break from external input during the day (usually in the form of a nap after lunch). The kids... Hard to say. I think the boys are more extroverted, but they're engaged one on one with each other most of the day, so maybe not. Maybe it's just a twin thing and they tend to each view the other as part of himself, if that makes sense. We balance outside activities based on my tolerance, so they have plenty of down time, which they don't seem to mind, so that makes me wonder.... But then, my husband is a home body, to... So maybe my husband is completely out of his mind. :lol: What I've found very interesting is that my boss (also an introvert) seems to have a staff of (socially adept) introverts, and her hands-off management style meshes really well with our own work processes. We all laugh a lot, and pitch in, but there isn't that weird competition do be top dog. Very cooperative atmosphere. It was a big "eureka!" moment when reading the book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Her comments about struggles for introverts in the classroom reminded me of a required (but completely useless IMHO) humanities course in college. One part of the class was a large weekly lecture by a professor, and the other part was a small-group "lab" class with a GTA. Our contributions to the lab discussions made up part of our grade, so I constantly felt pressured to say something just for the sake of saying something rather than taking my time and saying something meaningful. I would get so frustrated because even though everyone was trying to talk, a few people still tended to monopolize the discussion. By the time I would gather my thoughts and break in, they had moved on to another topic. Speaking and sharing ideas with others has value, but it makes no sense to reward students for babbling and penalize students who offer less frequent but more thoughtful answers. That's how it usually works in the corporate world too, as several of her examples showed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I loved the book, I finally felt like I had found my tribe! And I loved the science behind it. Dh is an introvert, we have 5 introverted kids, and two extroverts. Well, perhaps 6 introverted, one extrovert. Our favorite place is home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I'm half way through this book, and I'm really enjoying it. I feel like for the first time in my life someone is saying "you were made this way, and it's o.k." Being an introvert has been a life long struggle for me. I grew up in a family of extroverts and my parents made no attempt to understand my personality or how I experienced things. I was told repeatedly that there was something wrong with me and that I just needed to be more friendly and more outgoing. Eventually, I learned how to act more like an extrovert, but I've never felt comfortable in my own skin. Reading that there is actual science that proves that I experience things differently, and more intensely than others has just about rocked my world. My extroverted husband has patiently listened to me share all of this with him, but I don't think he really understands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I'm half way through this book, and I'm really enjoying it. I feel like for the first time in my life someone is saying "you were made this way, and it's o.k." Being an introvert has been a life long struggle for me. I grew up in a family of extroverts and my parents made no attempt to understand my personality or how I experienced things. I was told repeatedly that there was something wrong with me and that I just needed to be more friendly and more outgoing. Eventually, I learned how to act more like an extrovert, but I've never felt comfortable in my own skin. Reading that there is actual science that proves that I experience things differently, and more intensely than others has just about rocked my world. My extroverted husband has patiently listened to me share all of this with him, but I don't think he really understands. This is how I felt about my childhood home, too. And after reading, it made me realize that I had to guard my kid's space and that homeschooling, was for us, THE best choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpskowski Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 1) I'm curious: how do you view your family members: extroverted or introverted? Me-introverted and shy (took until work world to learn to overcome shyness-definitely hampered my learning growing up) DH-very extroverted DS-introverted, not shy (he used to be very shy and would shut himself down-it's why I started homeshooling-now he's comfortable in own skin) DD1-? (as a twin she follows her sister, but I think she leans introvert) DD2-very extroverted (loves everyone and talks to everyone-need to watch her like a hawk-she would gladly go anywhere with anyone) Really enjoying the book! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 I really resonated with her interview with the Presbyterian pastor. I do see a lot of Judgementalism in the church by extroverts of introverts. If you were a good Christian you would go here and do this meeting and this activity and then you'd go home and lead your family in worship and and and..... I was thinking about my dad, who is a huge extrovert. He is a pastor and cannot understand why anyone would be interested in a quiet, contemplative service over a rousing, upbeat, loud service. He says they are dead. I think they are refreshing. I believe it is just the difference between introverted worship styles and extroverted styles. I've noticed my extroverted friends sometimes struggle with consistently having a Bible study time. I look forward to mine and it is my favorite time of day. I told my friend that as an extrovert, she is always up for "Doing for the Lord. " while I am better at the "Be Still" parts of Scripture. However, I do think that the Lord wants me to stretch myself into outreach a bit more than I am comfortable doing. However, being "busy" all the time is not necessarily the ideal for my personality either. My dh and I really struggle with outreach too. Many of these are designed by extroverts who are comfortable talking with total strangers about personal things. As an introvert, I would not be comfortable with a stranger approaching me in this manner, but nobody seems to understand that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 Introvert crisis in our home this week. Dd came out of gymnastics in tears on Thursday. The class warms up together, then breaks into small groups to rotate through vault, balance beam, and the bars. (Nothing fancy. She just a 6yo taking gymnastics at parks and rec). Dd says that she is ALWAYS last in gymnastics. I don't think this is intentional. She is just not an aggressive person who pushes herself to the front of the line. Fortunately, the teachers were very concerned when I brought dd's distress to their attention. I also discussed with dd about how "everyone is last sometimes" and the good parts of her sweet and gentle temperament. 1) Has anyone else found a place for their introverted children in the competitive world of sports? 2) Is there a better way to discuss this with a child? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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