Asking for SIL/nephew

[SEGway]

I feel like I just started to get the curriculum lingo on the boards (after having lurked for years), and the new acronyms on this subforum are a little intimidating to me. But, I hope someone can help even without technical explanations on my part.

 

I'm asking for a SIL who need some help with her son (my nephew). He's 9 and lagging behind in just about everything. He's a bright kid (knows volumes of minutia about planes and Germany), but his speech is pretty difficult to understand, and I think there may be some attention/auditory processing issues. He really hates to follow directions and would prefer to know how to do it right and then do it a different way on purpose (handwriting/legibility is tricky for SIL for this reason).

 

So, she's asked for a recommendation about spelling/grammar/typing combo that might be a change of pace or attack the problem from another angle sort of solution. And, I'm wondering what the hive would recommend as far as where to start looking for underlying causes/problems.

 

I guess this isn't much to go on, but I have absolutely no clue about what sort of tests would be helpful and what areas would be a complete waste of time/money to pursue just to rule them out.

 

I read about things like vision therapy, apd, dysgraphia, dyspraxia...the more ubiquitous add and adhd. And, I don't know enough of the term's definitions to even know where to start researching on her behalf.

 

Can anyone point me in the right direction? Is there a newbie tutorial of some kind that vastly oversimplifies things and gives an overview so that I could do further research more effectively?

 

I'd so appreciate any feedback you have time to share.

Thanks,

Sarah

[itsheresomewhere]

Has he had any evaluations done? If not, she should start there.

[PeterPan]

nt

[dbmamaz]

evals are a must - he sounds like he needs some. otoh, you can start with free typing from BBC dancemat typing. and Time4Learning is totally online, which helps stubborn 'let me do it my way' kids because they arent fighting with a person . .they often find computers less threatening. I guess time4learning should cover grammar, but maybe not spelling? you could also check out spelling city if he's good at rote memorization - play games to practice spelling

[Lecka]

It can be hard to figure out. I think it would be good if he could have testing.

 

It is so broad it could sound like anything: aspergers, dyslexia, gifted, etc.

 

And, it would likely matter in choosing a curriculum.

 

 

[wapiti]

If she is considering private evaluations, I'd look for a psych (an ed psych or a neuropsych) who specializes in 2e ("twice-exceptional," or gifted with a learning disability).

[Lecka]

http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=62&Itemid=719 This is a link with a description of aspergers, as far as I know it is a good link.

 

http://www.dys-add.com/ this is a link about dyslexia

 

But really it could be any of a long list of things.

 

Edit: my cousin has aspergers and I suspect my son to have dyslexia, so those 2 things are where my mind go. I can think that sounds like either one. So that is why I think it is broad. And then it could be another thing very easily.

 

I get wanting a vague idea though. You could search "characteristics of gifted" also, and I agree on looking into twice exceptional.

 

It is just something where it is probably really good to have an evaluation.

[SEGway]

They homeschool. And, she has internet access at her in-laws house (on the same farm site/withing walking distance) but not at home. It's an office for the farm business, so it's not usually conducive to just go hang out over there for hours surfing for information. So, I've done some recommending to her in the past (because I spend far too much time on the boards reading what/how things work for people here and how I've translated that info for our kids).

 

If someone were to go to the school district and/or a doctor and ask to have "an evaluation" would that be understood? Or do you have to be more specific about what you're asking for? Does everyone start with more generic testing and go from there, or can you winnow down the field of possibility by explaining some of the parents' observations to the professional? To what kind of professional do you first go? (When I say newbie, I mean I honestly don't know anything useful to this situation, yet.) Is the school system set up better to handle this type of testing than say...a family doctor who could refer them on?

 

The typing combo question was to get around the obstacle of his indecipherable output and possibly streamline some of the other skill sets at the same time (I think). I will try to send her the link to this and recommend that she read your answers at a time when she can clarify (or correct, if I've spoken out of turn) and respond to suggestions. Otherwise, I might just print your suggestions and give them to her to read at her leisure.

 

Also, reading is still a struggle. (In case I forgot to put that out there earlier.)

[Lecka]

I do think you could make a list of concerns and take the list to a family doctor, especially if you needed a referral for insurance.

 

Local to me (aka 2 hours drive) there is a university hospital with a child development center. Going there would cover anything (or at least almost everything). You can call them. I filled out a lot of questionairres ahead of time and that influenced what they did the day of. I took my son for autism though, and they did actually require a doctors referral, and they wanted him to have been to an audiologist prior to the appointment, and they wanted copies of testing the school district had done.

 

I think for school you could ask for an evaluation and have a list of concerns. Hopefully they would talk to you or have you fill out a questionairre.

 

In my district there is a special needs coordinator at the district office. I would try calling there. Or maybe it would be better to ask to talk to the school psychologist at the school he would attend. But hopefully either would be helpful.

 

If you search you can find sample letters to request an evaluation, but I don't think they have to be any special thing.

 

Edit: though if I suspected twice exceptional I think I would go to Denver. We would spend the night anywhere and so a couple extra hours drive would be worth it.

 

But anyway, if we do take my older son for suspected dyslexia, I think we would take him to the same place we took my younger son for dyslexia. It is a huge building and has a learning disabilities section, also.

[PeterPan]

nt

[Lecka]

Speech therapists are literally in the phone book here. I had a good experience with a university clinic, and a hospital here also has a speech clinic. Then there are some private people. Those are the options in my small town.

 

I have felt like the doctor gives decent referrals. But you might be able to ask around. I only met other people with kids in private speech in the waiting room of the speech clinic, though.

[PeterPan]

nt

[Pen]

 

 

I'm asking for a SIL who need some help with her son (my nephew). He's 9 and lagging behind in just about everything. He's a bright kid (knows volumes of minutia about planes and Germany), but his speech is pretty difficult to understand, and I think there may be some attention/auditory processing issues. He really hates to follow directions and would prefer to know how to do it right and then do it a different way on purpose (handwriting/legibility is tricky for SIL for this reason).

 

Wow. I think if it were my child, I'd begin with pediatrician--the difficulty with understanding him should be obvious and might lead toward a number of directions, including auditory issues, but maybe neurological ones involving muscle control of mouth --there is stuttering, cluttering, aphasia, dyspraxia, lisping and on and on..., my son had speech troubles which in retrospect were probably related to dyslexia--there are just so many possible reasons... Other things too might be evident on basic exam and perhaps a good pediatrician could help steer them in right directions. There could be more than one thing going on at the same time. The bright plus wanting to do it a different way plus learning volumes of minutia makes me think also of things like Aspergers.

 

So, she's asked for a recommendation about spelling/grammar/typing combo that might be a change of pace or attack the problem from another angle sort of solution.

 

Attack what problem from a different angle? Read, Write, Type and WordyQuery are good programs at early levels both from Talkingfingers.com. My son loves Typing Instructor Platinum for Kids, and besides typing on the games will also do its copywork, typing from literature selections, which I suppose is a way of getting some grammar. He has learned a lot of spelling words from it.

 

And, I'm wondering what the hive would recommend as far as where to start looking for underlying causes/problems.

 

I guess this isn't much to go on, but I have absolutely no clue about what sort of tests would be helpful and what areas would be a complete waste of time/money to pursue just to rule them out. That is why I suggested maybe they should start with a pediatrician who can see the child in person, and who might have a beginning clue.

 

I read about things like vision therapy, apd, dysgraphia, dyspraxia...the more ubiquitous add and adhd. And, I don't know enough of the term's definitions to even know where to start researching on her behalf. You can take any term like this and google it to learn more.

 

Can anyone point me in the right direction? Is there a newbie tutorial of some kind that vastly oversimplifies things and gives an overview so that I could do further research more effectively?

 

I'd so appreciate any feedback you have time to share.

Thanks,

Sarah

 

 

I think they need to find some professional to start them on a diagnostic path. That could be a pediatrician, or someone else who makes sense, or would even just take an interest, and has some way to sort it out.

 

You could do some research if that is what you are trying to do, just by taking things you notice and typing them in as searches--I am thinking a general search engine --more than just this site, for example, children's speech difficulties. That may or may not lead to anything useful. It may instead become more confusing.

[Lecka]

(I do agree it is better not to just pick a speech therapist from the phone book, just saying, they are listed there. I think it is better to have some recommendation and also see if someone would specialize in the issues.)

[PeterPan]

nt 

 

[Pen]

They homeschool. And, she has internet access at her in-laws house (on the same farm site/withing walking distance) but not at home. It's an office for the farm business, so it's not usually conducive to just go hang out over there for hours surfing for information. So, I've done some recommending to her in the past (because I spend far too much time on the boards reading what/how things work for people here and how I've translated that info for our kids).

 

If someone were to go to the school district and/or a doctor and ask to have "an evaluation" would that be understood? Or do you have to be more specific about what you're asking for? Does everyone start with more generic testing and go from there, or can you winnow down the field of possibility by explaining some of the parents' observations to the professional? To what kind of professional do you first go? (When I say newbie, I mean I honestly don't know anything useful to this situation, yet.) Is the school system set up better to handle this type of testing than say...a family doctor who could refer them on?

 

The typing combo question was to get around the obstacle of his indecipherable output and possibly streamline some of the other skill sets at the same time (I think). I will try to send her the link to this and recommend that she read your answers at a time when she can clarify (or correct, if I've spoken out of turn) and respond to suggestions. Otherwise, I might just print your suggestions and give them to her to read at her leisure.

 

Also, reading is still a struggle. (In case I forgot to put that out there earlier.)

 

 

 

I hadn't seen this post when I posted mine. I think you have to tell someone you are asking to help with giving or steering toward an evaluation what the observed problems are that lead to the request. The more extremely obvious everything is outwardly, the less would have to be explained, but think of it like anything you might go to a doctor for: "Hi, evaluate me," is not going to help a lot unless maybe there is obvious blood pouring from a visible gash, or something like that. "I've been having a lot of pain in my left shoulder following a fall," is likely to get better results. You do not necessarily have to have any technical terms, but if you do have some idea of what is likely the problem, it can help to say that and explain why you think so. Or reverse the situation and think of how you would be able to deal with the situation if someone came to you asking for help on something you know about. What sort of information do you need?

 

The Talkingfingers.com typing programs are suitable for someone who is having trouble reading. But how did he learn the minutiae about Germany if he has reading trouble, btw?

 

It is not clear from what you wrote though if your nephew's handwriting is a problem because he chooses to do it strangely, has physical troubles with it, or neurological issues with language, or something else.

[Pen]

 

 

I hadn't seen this post when I posted mine. I think you have to tell someone you are asking to help with giving or steering toward an evaluation what the observed problems are that lead to the request. The more extremely obvious everything is outwardly, the less would have to be explained, but think of it like anything you might go to a doctor for: "Hi, evaluate me," is not going to help a lot unless maybe there is obvious blood pouring from a visible gash, or something like that. "I've been having a lot of pain in my left shoulder following a fall," is likely to get better results. You do not necessarily have to have any technical terms, but if you do have some idea of what is likely the problem, it can help to say that and explain why you think so. Or reverse the situation and think of how you would be able to deal with the situation if someone came to you asking for help on something you know about. What sort of information do you need?

 

The Talkingfingers.com typing programs are suitable for someone who is having trouble reading. But how did he learn the minutiae about Germany if he has reading trouble, btw?

 

It is not clear from what you wrote though if your nephew's handwriting is a problem because he chooses to do it strangely, has physical troubles with it, or neurological issues with language, or something else.

 

PS What sort of farm and surrounds? I know someone with children who had learning and related problems apparently because, though they themselves were on an organic minifarm, neighbors were using frequent applications of chemicals on crops and it affected this downwind family.

[SEGway]

But how did he learn the minutiae about Germany if he has reading trouble, btw?

 

It is not clear from what you wrote though if your nephew's handwriting is a problem because he chooses to do it strangely, has physical troubles with it, or neurological issues with language, or something else.

 

 

He has tons of picture books/read-aloud-to books and movies about WW2 era Germany. He goes over these things frequently and looks for new ones whenever possible.

 

His handwriting is not terrible. He can do it correctly, he usually just prefers to put his own twist on things because he can. (I think.)

 

 

 

PS What sort of farm and surrounds? I know someone with children who had learning and related problems apparently because, though they themselves were on an organic minifarm, neighbors were using frequent applications of chemicals on crops and it affected this downwind family.

 

 

They farm organically; their neighbors do not. I don't know that the topography would put him in the path of overspray much, but I guess he might be.

 

I had the chance to sit down and talk with my SIL this weekend. And, listen to my nephew. He does have the ability to express himself. His vocabulary is decent. He has the most trouble vocally with the "er" sound (usually coming out as a "wuh" sound) and the "sh" sound (usually coming out as a "s" sound). I don't know if that means anything specific. She showed me some of his written work which was legible, but looked like it could use some more consistency. In math, he's working at about 2nd grade level and progressing consistently, just behind his age peers. He doesn't seem to be stuck, but he's not accelerating, either. He can decode words when his mom works with him. He's at the early reader/graded reader level of ability, but it's a struggle and unpleasant for both of them.

 

My best recommendation was to echo you all that a pediatrician's basic evaluation would be really helpful. Until that happens, I don't suppose curric. recs will do much (although some of the one's already mentioned might be useful!).

My SIL seemed really thankful for the responses. I'd like to say thanks, too.

You ladies are a treasure trove of information!

 

[Pen]

He has tons of picture books/read-aloud-to books and movies about WW2 era Germany. He goes over these things frequently and looks for new ones whenever possible.

 

His handwriting is not terrible. He can do it correctly, he usually just prefers to put his own twist on things because he can. (I think.)

 

 

 

They farm organically; their neighbors do not. I don't know that the topography would put him in the path of overspray much, but I guess he might be.

 

I had the chance to sit down and talk with my SIL this weekend. And, listen to my nephew. He does have the ability to express himself. His vocabulary is decent. He has the most trouble vocally with the "er" sound (usually coming out as a "wuh" sound) and the "sh" sound (usually coming out as a "s" sound). I don't know if that means anything specific. She showed me some of his written work which was legible, but looked like it could use some more consistency. In math, he's working at about 2nd grade level and progressing consistently, just behind his age peers. He doesn't seem to be stuck, but he's not accelerating, either. He can decode words when his mom works with him. He's at the early reader/graded reader level of ability, but it's a struggle and unpleasant for both of them.

 

My best recommendation was to echo you all that a pediatrician's basic evaluation would be really helpful. Until that happens, I don't suppose curric. recs will do much (although some of the one's already mentioned might be useful!).

My SIL seemed really thankful for the responses. I'd like to say thanks, too.

You ladies are a treasure trove of information!

 

 

 

If they have nice/helpful people at a local public school, they might be able to get some help with speech therapy there, and maybe math and reading/written expression if he tests as needing it within what the school is required to offer. It may turn out though that the speech is considered in normal limits, and one just has to keep modeling the right way for the child. It is another option for getting some sort of evaluation started. Or could be pursued at same time as a pediatrician start.

 

Another question would be can he say the words correctly if he stops and thinks about it.

 

When did he start things like math, reading, etc? That is, is he making a year's progress each year and started later, or is he progressing, but at a slower pace than a typical year of work would cover? And how much time is spent per day? And do they keep going in summertime, or stop?

[LaughingCat]

 

When did he start things like math, reading, etc? That is, is he making a year's progress each year and started later, or is he progressing, but at a slower pace than a typical year of work would cover?

 

Just wondering & if you have time, but what would you consider the difference between these two scenarios?

[Pen]

Just wondering & if you have time, but what would you consider the difference between these two scenarios?

 

 

The problem is that there is too much missing information, and I was hoping perhaps to elicit more. Maybe if the mom reads this thread, she would start figuring out more and filling in more information that could even help lead them to right places to figure it all out better.

 

It is very hard to tell what is going on here. There could be really major problems--or almost nothing at all--or anywhere in between.

 

My son started in a public school and then moved to Waldorf and then to homeschool. As we still have friends at the Waldorf, I have seen second hand a lot of what is "normal", but "behind typical" due to the slow start that Waldorf gives getting into academics. This statement by the OP:

 

"In math, he's working at about 2nd grade level and progressing consistently, just behind his age peers. He doesn't seem to be stuck, but he's not accelerating, either. "

 

could easily fit with the "normal"--but "behind" simply due to a late start. Or it could be due to not spending enough hours to be on typical track with same age peers--if he started at same time as peers but is gradually falling behind. It was made clear that he is not accelerating. But short of being "stuck" is he actually falling behind when working diligently for, say, an hour or a little more daily? Are they trying to have him accelerate, and if so, what are they doing? What are they using now?

 

Did he start math in Kindy stage and it took him 4 years or so to get to 2nd grade level? If so, did he work hard and consistently in those years? Or is he only actually doing diligent work on his math for 15 minutes, in which case the trouble may be that it just isn't enough time. Or did he just start it 2 years ago and thus is just 2 years in now?

 

Is he using materials that fit him? Or is the reading part of his math program causing the math to be behind because the reading is. I know that for my son, it was hard to find a math program that worked with his reading troubles. For him what seemed to work then was MUS, for others it is other programs--but some definitely are reading intensive and do not work well for a child who struggles with reading and can thus pull the math down too even if there is no math problem.

 

 

Then, this by OP re: reading also leaves many questions. "He can decode words when his mom works with him. He's at the early reader/graded reader level of ability, but it's a struggle and unpleasant for both of them."

 

How often does his mom (or anyone else) work with him and for how long? If it is a struggle and unpleasant, it may not be happening very much leading to a vicious cycle of more struggle, more unpleasantness and falling farther behind leading to more upset and distress and resistance behaviours.

 

Reading remediation is often very hard work for both the student and the teacher. It takes a lot of hours. It takes daily consistent work. It takes pushing through even when it is a struggle and unpleasant. It takes putting up with frustration also when what one can read, is far below what one would like to read. It also takes having a right set of materials to work with for many children who are having troubles. Not all "early readers" are actually well suited to a child learning to read, especially one who has dyslexia type issues, as I learned the hard way.

 

At ds's age 9, I found Highnoon materials, and in one year he moved from being a basically nonreader to reading Harry Potter. But it took 90 minutes per day 5 days per week, 30 minutes per day 2 days per week to get there. It took both the intense time and the right materials. And cooperation and effort.

 

And again, I have the question when did they start? If they started reading work only recently, he may be right where one would expect at this point. If they have been struggling with it since age 4 or 5, and especially if they had a good, mainly phonics based program that they were using the whole time, that suggests some sort of LD at least in the reading area.

[SEGway]

 

 

The problem is that there is too much missing information, and I was hoping perhaps to elicit more. Maybe if the mom reads this thread, she would start figuring out more and filling in more information that could even help lead them to right places to figure it all out better.

 

It is very hard to tell what is going on here. There could be really major problems--or almost nothing at all--or anywhere in between.

 

My son started in a public school and then moved to Waldorf and then to homeschool. As we still have friends at the Waldorf, I have seen second hand a lot of what is "normal", but "behind typical" due to the slow start that Waldorf gives getting into academics. This statement by the OP:

 

"In math, he's working at about 2nd grade level and progressing consistently, just behind his age peers. He doesn't seem to be stuck, but he's not accelerating, either. "

 

could easily fit with the "normal"--but "behind" simply due to a late start. Or it could be due to not spending enough hours to be on typical track with same age peers--if he started at same time as peers but is gradually falling behind. It was made clear that he is not accelerating. But short of being "stuck" is he actually falling behind when working diligently for, say, an hour or a little more daily? Are they trying to have him accelerate, and if so, what are they doing? What are they using now?

 

Did he start math in Kindy stage and it took him 4 years or so to get to 2nd grade level? If so, did he work hard and consistently in those years? Or is he only actually doing diligent work on his math for 15 minutes, in which case the trouble may be that it just isn't enough time. Or did he just start it 2 years ago and thus is just 2 years in now?

 

Is he using materials that fit him? Or is the reading part of his math program causing the math to be behind because the reading is. I know that for my son, it was hard to find a math program that worked with his reading troubles. For him what seemed to work then was MUS, for others it is other programs--but some definitely are reading intensive and do not work well for a child who struggles with reading and can thus pull the math down too even if there is no math problem.

 

 

Then, this by OP re: reading also leaves many questions. "He can decode words when his mom works with him. He's at the early reader/graded reader level of ability, but it's a struggle and unpleasant for both of them."

 

How often does his mom (or anyone else) work with him and for how long? If it is a struggle and unpleasant, it may not be happening very much leading to a vicious cycle of more struggle, more unpleasantness and falling farther behind leading to more upset and distress and resistance behaviours.

 

Reading remediation is often very hard work for both the student and the teacher. It takes a lot of hours. It takes daily consistent work. It takes pushing through even when it is a struggle and unpleasant. It takes putting up with frustration also when what one can read, is far below what one would like to read. It also takes having a right set of materials to work with for many children who are having troubles. Not all "early readers" are actually well suited to a child learning to read, especially one who has dyslexia type issues, as I learned the hard way.

 

At ds's age 9, I found Highnoon materials, and in one year he moved from being a basically nonreader to reading Harry Potter. But it took 90 minutes per day 5 days per week, 30 minutes per day 2 days per week to get there. It took both the intense time and the right materials. And cooperation and effort.

 

And again, I have the question when did they start? If they started reading work only recently, he may be right where one would expect at this point. If they have been struggling with it since age 4 or 5, and especially if they had a good, mainly phonics based program that they were using the whole time, that suggests some sort of LD at least in the reading area.

 

Thanks, again, for the amount of time you have spent thinking through this and asking clarifying questions. It's really helpful!

 

I am not entirely sure about the time line, but I think they started work with him in phonics (using Schlaffly material?? They use WP LA reading material now) when he was around 5-6. So, focusing mainly on phonics instruction and letting other stuff slide in order to get to a level of proficiency there meant that I think math wasn't focused on as heavily. My guess is that the ld (if it's there) is linguistic in nature.

 

I'm not sure when the shift to easing off reading a bit and add in other things came about, but I'm pretty sure it was at least a year or so later (7yo-8yo?), so in math (they're using Math Mammoth, if I didn't say before) he's keeping pace in terms of having started late and doing a year's worth of work in a year this last year or so(if I understood my SIL correctly.) I think that she works closely enough with him on the math that the reading aspect of the math program is not holding him back in that area. He just isn't volunteering to move faster in order to get to the next level faster.

 

Part of the problem is that he does have a very strong will and sometimes simply refuses to participate/work on something he has not chosen regardless of the positive/negative incentives (i.e. you do this much work you get a plane model to work on/you refuse to try and you don't get to do x,y, z that you expected to be able to do, etc.)

 

I don't know how much of the stubbornness is related to having tried before and felt like he couldn't get it even with effort, so why make the effort? And how much is that he just wants to spend his time doing other things and his will is stronger than his parents on this point? I'm enough removed from the day-to-day interactions that I don't think it's fair for me to try to make that call.

 

But, again, thanks to everyone who is giving feedback. It's tremendously encouraging.

[Pen]

Thanks, again, for the amount of time you have spent thinking through this and asking clarifying questions. It's really helpful!

 

I am not entirely sure about the time line, but I think they started work with him in phonics (using Schlaffly material?? They use WP LA reading material now) when he was around 5-6. So, focusing mainly on phonics instruction and letting other stuff slide in order to get to a level of proficiency there meant that I think math wasn't focused on as heavily. My guess is that the ld (if it's there) is linguistic in nature.

 

That sounds probably right. I don't know the reading materials you mention, but assuming they are good ones, it sounds like there is a problem there for some reason. Vision, tracking, dyslexia......??? It might be a good idea to look at materials suited to remediating reading problems. Perhaps to look at online tests available on websites such as Barton and Highnoon. Short of getting him evaluated by various professionals. It might again help them to steer toward right evaluations so they are not wasting their money and efforts and to help even know what to say to a primary person like a pediatrician.

 

I'm not sure when the shift to easing off reading a bit and add in other things came about, but I'm pretty sure it was at least a year or so later (7yo-8yo?), so in math (they're using Math Mammoth, if I didn't say before) he's keeping pace in terms of having started late and doing a year's worth of work in a year this last year or so(if I understood my SIL correctly.) I think that she works closely enough with him on the math that the reading aspect of the math program is not holding him back in that area. He just isn't volunteering to move faster in order to get to the next level faster.

 

MM is a good math program, but not especially friendly to any of Vision, tracking, dyslexia possibilities. Even if mom is working closely with dc, the pages are very packed and dense, at least in levels I have seen. It also may put mom too much needed to help in math where he could work alone better with another program thus allowing her to spend more time with him on reading. I'm not sure the volunteering to move faster should be the child's call. Parent generally sets how much time will be spent per subject per day and whether or not there is to be work in summers and so on. I do realize though that one cannot force learning if the student will not participate. He may need some inspirational materials. What does he want to be when he grows up? If nothing that involves much math, then moving along consistently 2 years behind may not matter, and he may change his pace later on.

 

Part of the problem is that he does have a very strong will and sometimes simply refuses to participate/work on something he has not chosen regardless of the positive/negative incentives (i.e. you do this much work you get a plane model to work on/you refuse to try and you don't get to do x,y, z that you expected to be able to do, etc.)

 

So that is another clear thing to deal with--how to get his will aligned with doing things, rather than in opposition. Do you suspect just a normal strong will or something more, such as autism spectrum or oppositional defiance issues etc.

 

I don't know how much of the stubbornness is related to having tried before and felt like he couldn't get it even with effort, so why make the effort? That could be. They may need a family therapist type person to help. And how much is that he just wants to spend his time doing other things and his will is stronger than his parents on this point? I'm enough removed from the day-to-day interactions that I don't think it's fair for me to try to make that call. Makes sense. OTOH, from a distance you may have more insight than the parents who are unable to step back and see the forest for the trees.

 

But, again, thanks to everyone who is giving feedback. It's tremendously encouraging.

 

So, the things above, and, in addition, whatever is going on with making him hard to understand, which might be part of the same issue as reading and wanting to do things his own way, or might be different issues.

[PeterPan]

nt