bath note....too funny!

[TXMomof4]

Dear Kids,

 

Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply

taking a bath. It will take about thirty minutes and will involve

soap and water. Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn't, forcing

myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than

I've got energy for. (Which reminds me, I'm all for science projects,

but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)

 

Don't panic if I'm not out right on time. I've heard that people

don't dissolve in water and I'd like to test the theory. While I'm in

the tub, I'd like you to remember a few things. The large slab of

wood between us is called a door. Do not bang to hear my voice. I

promise that even though you can't see me, I *am* on the other side.

I'm not digging an escape tunnel and running for the border,no matter

what I said a while ago. I didn't mean it. Honest. There will be

plenty of time later to tell me about your day.

 

"Later" means at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and

contemplating bubble gum in the blow dryer. I know you have important

things to tell me. Please let one of them be that you have invented a

new way to blow bubbles, not a new way to add gum to your hair.

 

Believe it or not, shouting, "TELEPHONE!" through the closed bathroom

door will *not* make the phone stop ringing. Answer it and take a

message. Since Amazing Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you'll need

to write that message down. Use paper and a pencil. Do not use your

brother and the laundry marker. We can't send him to school with

telephone number tattoos.

 

Water makes me wet, not deaf. I can still tell the difference between

the sound of "nothing" and the sound of a child playing the piano

with a basketball. I can also hear you tattling at the top of your

lungs. I'm *choosing* NOT to answer you.

 

Don't call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the

bathroom. He didn't appreciate it last time. He won't appreciate it

more this time. Trust me.

 

No matter how much I would like it, water does not make me forgetful.

I remember who you are and why you are grounded. No, you can't go to

Shelby's house to play. No, you can't go to Shelby's house to use the

bathroom. If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to

think dry thoughts and wait. Unless you have four feet and a tail, do

not think of going outside to "water" the lawn. I know the dog does

it. The neighbors don't feel the need to call me when the dog does it.

 

Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors

locked. Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to

get my attention. I know it works in the movies. This is reality, the

place where people don't like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken

glass rain in on them. Do not set the house on fire. Call me if there

is an emergency.

 

Emergencies ARE:

1. Dad has fallen off the roof.

2. Your brother and/or sister is bleeding.

3. There's a red fire truck in front of our house.

Emergencies are NOT:

1. Dad has fallen asleep.

2. Someone on TV is bleeding.

3. There's a red pickup truck in front of our house.

 

One other thing: Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper

for a towel does not make me happy. In the future, when the tub

overflows, use a mop to clean up the water instead of every towel in

the house. For my sanity's sake, let's pretend it was the tub, Okay?

No, I don't want to hear the real story. Ever. Especially not while

I'm standing in the pool of water you missed.

 

By the way, all Play-Doh experiments are hereby canceled.

 

Be good. Entertain yourselves. Yes, you can do both at the same time.

Try coloring, playing a game, or paying that stack of bills on the

coffee table.

 

I'll be out soon. Maybe.

 

Love,

Your Mom

[Aunty Social]

:lol: :smilielol5:I need to print this out and hang it on our bathroom door!

 

Thanks for the laugh.

[shalom22]

Oh, I so remember those days. Thankfully these days, the only one banging on the bathroom door to get my attention is my dh.:D

 

It is but a simple pleasure, to be able to go to the bathroom all by yourself.

[TraciWA]

That was so funny! :lol: I had to send it to the rest of my co-op.

[Elaine]

:smilielol5: That was hilarious!! Thanks for posting.:D

[Gretchen in NJ]

 

May I borrow your letter?

[Cindy in Indy]

....from the tears running down my face! Thanks for a great laugh - best medicine!

 

HTH,

Cindy

[Marie in Oh]

it's funny how funny our reality can be.

[newbie]

Dear Kids,

 

Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply

taking a bath. It will take about thirty minutes and will involve

soap and water. Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn't, forcing

myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than

I've got energy for. (Which reminds me, I'm all for science projects,

but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)

 

Don't panic if I'm not out right on time. I've heard that people

don't dissolve in water and I'd like to test the theory. While I'm in

the tub, I'd like you to remember a few things. The large slab of

wood between us is called a door. Do not bang to hear my voice. I

promise that even though you can't see me, I *am* on the other side.

I'm not digging an escape tunnel and running for the border,no matter

what I said a while ago. I didn't mean it. Honest. There will be

plenty of time later to tell me about your day.

 

"Later" means at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and

contemplating bubble gum in the blow dryer. I know you have important

things to tell me. Please let one of them be that you have invented a

new way to blow bubbles, not a new way to add gum to your hair.

 

Believe it or not, shouting, "TELEPHONE!" through the closed bathroom

door will *not* make the phone stop ringing. Answer it and take a

message. Since Amazing Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you'll need

to write that message down. Use paper and a pencil. Do not use your

brother and the laundry marker. We can't send him to school with

telephone number tattoos.

 

Water makes me wet, not deaf. I can still tell the difference between

the sound of "nothing" and the sound of a child playing the piano

with a basketball. I can also hear you tattling at the top of your

lungs. I'm *choosing* NOT to answer you.

 

Don't call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the

bathroom. He didn't appreciate it last time. He won't appreciate it

more this time. Trust me.

 

No matter how much I would like it, water does not make me forgetful.

I remember who you are and why you are grounded. No, you can't go to

Shelby's house to play. No, you can't go to Shelby's house to use the

bathroom. If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to

think dry thoughts and wait. Unless you have four feet and a tail, do

not think of going outside to "water" the lawn. I know the dog does

it. The neighbors don't feel the need to call me when the dog does it.

 

Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors

locked. Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to

get my attention. I know it works in the movies. This is reality, the

place where people don't like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken

glass rain in on them. Do not set the house on fire. Call me if there

is an emergency.

 

Emergencies ARE:

1. Dad has fallen off the roof.

2. Your brother and/or sister is bleeding.

3. There's a red fire truck in front of our house.

Emergencies are NOT:

1. Dad has fallen asleep.

2. Someone on TV is bleeding.

3. There's a red pickup truck in front of our house.

 

One other thing: Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper

for a towel does not make me happy. In the future, when the tub

overflows, use a mop to clean up the water instead of every towel in

the house. For my sanity's sake, let's pretend it was the tub, Okay?

No, I don't want to hear the real story. Ever. Especially not while

I'm standing in the pool of water you missed.

 

By the way, all Play-Doh experiments are hereby canceled.

 

Be good. Entertain yourselves. Yes, you can do both at the same time.

Try coloring, playing a game, or paying that stack of bills on the

coffee table.

 

I'll be out soon. Maybe.

 

Love,

Your Mom

 

That is classic, if you made that up, I would make little framed ones and sell at craft fairs. Sooooo funny , even my dd was crying.

 

Jet:lol::lol:

[Mom to Aly]

Unfortunately we took the lock of our bathrooms when dd was born and never put them back--but now I think I should--too good!!!!

[TXMomof4]

In the interest of complete honesty, I did not write that letter. A friend emailed it to me, but it is so stinking appropriate! Glad y'all enjoyed it!