NotSoObvious Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 What is the etiquette here? Instead of buying things for our parents who don't need anything, I was thinking of making a donation to a charity instead. A few things I am struggling with, though: -I know they are still sending us gifts. It feels like we are saying, "You aren't getting anything, but please send us stuff!" -How do we write it in a card? "This is what we did this year. Don't expect anything else." :tongue_smilie: -We think we know a charity we want to donate to, but it would be something WE choose that has meaning to us, but not necessarily to them. What do you think? Have you done this? How so? Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 We make donations in my parents' and my mother-in-law's names for Christmas each year. We also give them a small gift. I ask them to which charity they would like us to make the donation. My DMIL likes us to donate to her local humane society. My parents like us to donate to Coaches Across Continents and the Appalachia Serive Project at their old church. (They have since retired to Florida, but it's still one of their favorite things.) We write in their cards, "A donation has been made in your name to XYZ." ETA...My parents and my DMIL have both asked that we make donations to charity in lieu of a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I would only do this if they regularly support a charity & then I would make it to that charity. That way it has meaning to them. When you make a donation, you should be able to stipulate that it is "In Honor Of Mr. & Mrs. Parent." Most charities then send a card to the people that are being honored. For example, it might say "Natnclay has made a donation to the jelly bean fund in honor of Mr. & Mrs. Parent." Keep in mind that your parents will probably then receive mail from this charity for the rest of their lives! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 is there a charity particularly close to your parents hearts that they work with or donate to? donating to a charity of YOUR choice that your parents might not want to donate to but calling it their gift is tacky at best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 There have been threads on this topic before, here and on other message boards, and I always say the same thing. Unless they have made it clear that they would prefer a donation in lieu of a gift, don't do it! It is fine to donate to charity; it is even fine to choose to spend your money on charities instead of giving Christmas gifts to family; but to pretend you are giving a gift when you are actually making a donation is just tacky and annoying. If you can't find room in your budget to buy a Christmas gift that would be meaningful to your parents AND make a charitable donation, then choose one or the other. But do it honestly, without pretending the donation is their gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Well... Personally, I wouldn't *unless* they have a charity they support. Otherwise, it's doing something for *you* (in that the charity means something to you) not them, just putting their name on it. If you don't want to get them 'stuff', then gc for a dinner out, something consumable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebacabunch Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Only if they ask you to donate to a certain charity instead of a gift. I donate to charity all of the time but I wouldn't like it if someone donated to a charity in my name. It doesn't feel very personal unless the recipient asks for it. Why not movie cards or another activity they might like? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebacabunch Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Also, if you want to donate to a certain organization the proper etiquite would be to ask others to donate in YOUR name to the charity in lieu of gifts or to just donate yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 There have been threads on this topic before, here and on other message boards, and I always say the same thing. Unless they have made it clear that they would prefer a donation in lieu of a gift, don't do it! It is fine to donate to charity; it is even fine to choose to spend your money on charities instead of giving Christmas gifts to family; but to pretend you are giving a gift when you are actually making a donation is just tacky and annoying. If you can't find room in your budget to buy a Christmas gift that would be meaningful to your parents AND make a charitable donation, then choose one or the other. But do it honestly, without pretending the donation is their gift. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: And ask yourself -- would they really prefer that you donate to charity, or do you really want to do it just because they're hard to shop for, and it's a nuisance trying to figure out what to buy them? Personally, I hate it when someone contributes to a charity on my behalf. If I want to contribute, I'll do it myself, thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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