Child who gets silly

[sbgrace]

I have a child who gets silly often. I get frustrated. His silly gets his twin laughing or joining often. I think it's immaturity. I handle it like a discipline issue (mostly you're doing something else you'd rather not until I'm ready to try again). But what I'm doing isn't working because more days than not we have frustrations.

 

I should mention that I find this frustrating in homeschooling. But even when he was a preschooler I would play with him (say pretend) and he would always get silly. I found it not fun then. I find it beyond that now.

 

He's in his room and I'm trying not to have all these negative thoughts going into the rest of my day with him. I told him we're not doing science today because he's wasted too much of my time already. The truth is I'd rather not do a single lesson with him. I am angry right now.

 

I don't know if my kid(s) are the only ones, if my expectations are off, if I'm approaching things wrong or what. I could use some advice.

[Tiramisu]

I have a very silly one, too. It gets very annoying, and, honestly, it's so exhausting. Fortunately, she's second to youngest. Otherwise, I'd really worry about more of the kids copying the over-the-top silliness. My silly one is in school, and she is not silly there. If she were silly there, I think I'd be more concerned.

 

FWIW, her silliness started at two when she learned how to burp on purpose. :glare:

[bolt.]

On the one hand, I suggest that you simply learn to stomach the facts that (a) some people enjoy silliness, (b) other people do not enjoy silliness, and © your child is a person who does enjoy silliness. It isn't a good place to start if you somehow think that one person's sense of humor is actually less-than-ok. It's a sense of humour. It's just going to be part of his temperament, and living with the way his humour works is going to be part of living with this child.

 

We don't play with children fundamentally because it is 'fun for us' (although it can be)... we play with children because it is good for them (even when it's annoying). It's important to grant your child freedom to be himself in his relationship with you.

 

On the other hand, it is very important for someone's sense of humour to learn to work within the limits of good manners (in social situations) and focus/productivitiy (in work-like situations).

 

I think you need to make good strong 'this is not play time' limits, but *without* communicating, 'your type of fun isn't ok, even during play time'. Often, welcoming play at play time is an important part of meeting a child's need for play, which prevents silliness from being so persistant at inappropreate times. That's why I mentioned that first.

 

Then you get to "good strong limits" -- I suggest holding a child gently by the shoulders and making eye contact with a clear firm voice saying something like, "This is not play time. Your silly behaviour is a mistake. It is not ok to do <specific thing> during school/chores/meals. I want you to say that you understand it's not play time right now. Do you understand my words?"

 

This should result in at least a few moments of him trying to not be silly... which is great, and it would be a good time for affimation and support of the good behaviour, even if it's short-lived. If you get that result, simple repetition, persistance and consistancy should begin to increase (a) his length of time that he can spens in non-silly-behaviour, and (b) his ability to discern which times are non-silly times. A few months should solve the problem.

 

If he immediately returns to silliness, like, makes a silly answer or face even when you are being firm -- he is asking an honest question. The question is, "What happens if I don't follow these instructions?" That can hit parents as a behaiour that is a challenge to their authority, but it's not. It's a genuine question that the child needs an answer to, like a scientist testing cause-and-effect. You retain your authority by being calm, cool, and 'answering the question'. (a) You can say, "If you will not show me your settled-down behaviour, I will..." (then wait, and then, if he needs to 'check' do what you said you will do) or, (b) you can just do something as the consiquence... something small, like lifting a child out of their chair and on to the floor, or beginning to tidy away an activity, can make a big impact in a serious moment. I'm not suggesting making these into big altercations (and I'm against corporal punishment)... this is about a visual/physical sign that you can and will do things to make this limit real.

 

In social situations, it usually suffices to tell the child they are not being polite and teach them something to do instead... taking plenty of time out of their free time to make your point about better behaviour. Also, (a) above (If you will not show me settled-down behaviour, I will...) can work in social situations.

[UnsinkableKristen]

On the one hand, I suggest that you simply learn to stomach the facts that (a) some people enjoy silliness, (b) other people do not enjoy silliness, and © your child is a person who does enjoy silliness. It isn't a good place to start if you somehow think that one person's sense of humor is actually less-than-ok. It's a sense of humour. It's just going to be part of his temperament, and living with the way his humour works is going to be part of living with this child.

 

We don't play with children fundamentally because it is 'fun for us' (although it can be)... we play with children because it is good for them (even when it's annoying). It's important to grant your child freedom to be himself in his relationship with you.

 

On the other hand, it is very important for someone's sense of humour to learn to work within the limits of good manners (in social situations) and focus/productivitiy (in work-like situations).

 

I think you need to make good strong 'this is not play time' limits, but *without* communicating, 'your type of fun isn't ok, even during play time'. Often, welcoming play at play time is an important part of meeting a child's need for play, which prevents silliness from being so persistant at inappropreate times. That's why I mentioned that first.

 

Then you get to "good strong limits" -- I suggest holding a child gently by the shoulders and making eye contact with a clear firm voice saying something like, "This is not play time. Your silly behaviour is a mistake. It is not ok to do <specific thing> during school/chores/meals. I want you to say that you understand it's not play time right now. Do you understand my words?"

 

This should result in at least a few moments of him trying to not be silly... which is great, and it would be a good time for affimation and support of the good behaviour, even if it's short-lived. If you get that result, simple repetition, persistance and consistancy should begin to increase (a) his length of time that he can spens in non-silly-behaviour, and (b) his ability to discern which times are non-silly times. A few months should solve the problem.

 

If he immediately returns to silliness, like, makes a silly answer or face even when you are being firm -- he is asking an honest question. The question is, "What happens if I don't follow these instructions?" That can hit parents as a behaiour that is a challenge to their authority, but it's not. It's a genuine question that the child needs an answer to, like a scientist testing cause-and-effect. You retain your authority by being calm, cool, and 'answering the question'. (a) You can say, "If you will not show me your settled-down behaviour, I will..." (then wait, and then, if he needs to 'check' do what you said you will do) or, (b) you can just do something as the consiquence... something small, like lifting a child out of their chair and on to the floor, or beginning to tidy away an activity, can make a big impact in a serious moment. I'm not suggesting making these into big altercations (and I'm against corporal punishment)... this is about a visual/physical sign that you can and will do things to make this limit real.

 

In social situations, it usually suffices to tell the child they are not being polite and teach them something to do instead... taking plenty of time out of their free time to make your point about better behaviour. Also, (a) above (If you will not show me settled-down behaviour, I will...) can work in social situations.

 

 

:iagree: Well said.

[texasmama]

I am pretty silly myself. It is good for the soul. :001_smile:

 

However, there is a time and place for silliness. In your shoes, I would work with one twin at a time and assign the other twin independent work in another room or area so it is not distracting.

 

I have found that joining in the silliness sometimes gives it an outlet and then we can move on. But again, I am pretty silly. My mother was very silly, and I have wonderful memories of her silliness. (She has passed on.) I think everyone could stand a bit of silliness in their lives. I have found that kids usually come by this fairly naturally, while many adults have lost this ability. Fortunately for me, I never did.:D

[Farrar]

My twins are the same age. They both get attacks of the sillies. I think it's hard not to at that age when your best friend is right there all the time. I think the advice above from Bolt is good. I try to make it clear that the silliness is not wrong in and of itself. There are places (the playroom, your room, etc.) that are always fine for silliness. There are times (your free time, on the playground with friends, etc.) that are good for silliness. But there are times (in front of company, when it's school time, when we need to clean up, etc.) and places (the grocery store, museums, etc.) when silliness isn't okay at all.

[Upward Journey]

I am pretty silly myself. It is good for the soul. :001_smile:

 

However, there is a time and place for silliness. In your shoes, I would work with one twin at a time and assign the other twin independent work in another room or area so it is not distracting.

 

I have found that joining in the silliness sometimes gives it an outlet and then we can move on. But again, I am pretty silly. My mother was very silly, and I have wonderful memories of her silliness. (She has passed on.) I think everyone could stand a bit of silliness in their lives. I have found that kids usually come by this fairly naturally, while many adults have lost this ability. Fortunately for me, I never did.:D

 

Some of us were just born w/o the silliness gene, or already old, idk. Even as a child I hated silliness, drove me bananas. I always felt like the other kids were wasting my time.

 

Because of this I have a very hard time tolerating it in my children. When it's other peoples' kids I can just walk away, but w/ my own I'm stuck, so I do not put up w/ it at all. They are allowed to be silly....outside w/ each other, w/ Dad, just not w/ me. In our house that means that I'm not the "fun" parent & and I'm OK with that :)

[Tiramisu]

I think there's silliness and SILLINESS. :)

[happypamama]

One of mine gets like that when he's tired, hungry, or has had too much sugar/grains in the past couple of days. He's a fairly sensitive child anyway, and if he's off, it shows up in being ridiculously silly. I usually remove him from the room for a while, because he'll feed off his siblings egging him on, but if all else fails, a nap or solid chunk of protein resets things. He's usually very compliant, so if he's silly and can't focus worth a darn, it's almost always a combination of too much sugar and too little sleep.

[Denisemomof4]

Aaaawwww! I appreciate your honesty but I actually feel sorry for your son! I was a silly, obnoxious kid and I am now a silly, obnoxious adult. My favorite thing in the world to do is laugh and as a kid, MANY times I was shot down by my dad. My mom really wouldn't want to laugh but oftentimes she did.

 

I would say that at appropriate times and places, play along with him or grin and bear it, even if it is painful.

 

Lay down the ground rules and tell your son that during school hours you need him to focus on school and not be disruptive, explaining that he always gets his brother involved and it is hard for everyone to refocus. Maybe give him a separate area to do school if this continues, or send him to his room to finish his work if he becomes disruptive. But silliness and laughter are who he is.

 

Trust me. Little goofy kids, especially boys, really do grow up and become more appropriate. I feared that would never happen with my own.:tongue_smilie:

[Just Jane]

:iagree: Kids are suppose to be silly. :D When it gets out of hand I refocus them on their work or separate them. They also know to limit their silliness for certain things.

Edited October 31, 2012 by Just Jane

[Denisemomof4]

One of mine gets like that when he's tired, hungry, or has had too much sugar/grains in the past couple of days. He's a fairly sensitive child anyway, and if he's off, it shows up in being ridiculously silly. I usually remove him from the room for a while, because he'll feed off his siblings egging him on, but if all else fails, a nap or solid chunk of protein resets things. He's usually very compliant, so if he's silly and can't focus worth a darn, it's almost always a combination of too much sugar and too little sleep.

 

Tired is a huge trigger here, both for mom AND kids.

[justLisa]

I'm very silly. And the older I get, the sillier I get. I mean I get it, if someone is so silly they can't function I suppose that's a problem, but yeah I LOVE silliness! It keeps me sane.

 

I guess I think life is too short to not laugh about it...a lot. :001_smile:

 

:party:

 

I'm laughing right now :lol:

 

Sorry OP, I think you need to figure out how to not be mad by the silly. Sometimes my kids give me narrations in very silly and strange voices. They goof around a lot, but I do work on focusing for short amounts of time on the task.

[Tiramisu]

I'm very silly. And the older I get, the sillier I get. I mean I get it, if someone is so silly they can't function I suppose that's a problem, but yeah I LOVE silliness! It keeps me sane.

 

I guess I think life is too short to not laugh about it...a lot. :001_smile:

 

:party:

 

:iagree:

 

But I see a mismatch in my silly one. She is sometimes too silly even for her very silly family. Basically it's a timing problem. Ironically, though, at times when silliness would help, to make light of a disturbing situation or alleviate stress for example, the silliness vanishes and she takes things much too seriously. Anyone have one like that?

[Denisemomof4]

I'm very silly. And the older I get, the sillier I get. I mean I get it, if someone is so silly they can't function I suppose that's a problem, but yeah I LOVE silliness! It keeps me sane.

 

I guess I think life is too short to not laugh about it...a lot.

 

:party:

 

You and I need to hang out sometime, along with texasmama! :D

 

 

I'm laughing right now :lol:

 

Sorry OP, I think you need to figure out how to not be mad by the silly. Sometimes my kids give me narrations in very silly and strange voices. They goof around a lot, but I do work on focusing for short amounts of time on the task.

 

*I* do this! My kids LOVE spelling tests because they LOVE how I use the words in silly sentences.:lol::lol:

 

I absolutely think maturity and guidance will sort out appropriate times, but sometimes it comes on and nothing can be done. I actually had to leave church one day when the pastor was asking for prayers over someone's goiter. I was SO embarrassed but I just could not stop laughing at the word goiter. I have no idea why, maybe I was tired. But there have been MANY times where I actually had to think of something very sad to stop my silly attack at inappropriate times. Like when grocery shopping by myself and I couldn't stop laughing and people were staring. So embarrassing but I left and laughed all the way home.:lol::lol::lol:

[Mommy to monkeys]

I think there's silliness and SILLINESS. :)

:iagree: I tend to be pretty no nonsense myself. My 2 oldest are constantly at it with the sillies. I get it. But the time for it is not during school time. The only way I've been able to handle it is by splitting them up. . .and then give them sentences to write. . .school time is the ONLY time they really get in trouble for the silliness (even though it does drive me nuts most of the time). If there's some magical way to have kids get their silliness out BEFORE school time, somebody please share.