The strong-willed infant and why I need a Mike's

[Janna]

I told my dh when ds, now 8 weeks, was only hours old - he's strong-willed. The lactation consultant agreed when there was nothing she could do to move his chin for a proper latch, he clamped his mouth so hard. His Dr. agreed when she tried to look into his eyes and he *refused* to let her open his eyelids, he clamped his eyes shut so hard.

 

For awhile there though, I thought I was wrong. I thought perhaps those were isolated instances and we were going to luck out. He was such a good-natured baby. Sure there would be a few things here or there that would bring that strong-willed sense back to mind. Perhaps he was a little more demanding when he was hungry than with my other two. Perhaps he was quite a bit louder when letting us know he existed. Like perhaps he yells instead of cries. But I brushed that all off. Nah, it's not strong-willed. Just a personality quirk.

 

But I was wrong. Very, very wrong. And my nerves are shot and I need a drink. A strong drink.

 

Let's just say that it takes TWO HOURS of continual crying (aka screaming) before he he finally falls asleep.:banghead:

 

I need a drink.:willy_nilly:

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug: Been there. . . done that. . . the child is still alive! (Though I did threaten at times to sell him to a passing Ishmaelite as Joseph was by his brothers!) Hang in there, Janna.

[JudoMom]

I told my dh when ds, now 8 weeks, was only hours old - he's strong-willed. The lactation consultant agreed when there was nothing she could do to move his chin for a proper latch, he clamped his mouth so hard. His Dr. agreed when she tried to look into his eyes and he *refused* to let her open his eyelids, he clamped his eyes shut so hard.

 

For awhile there though, I thought I was wrong. I thought perhaps those were isolated instances and we were going to luck out. He was such a good-natured baby. Sure there would be a few things here or there that would bring that strong-willed sense back to mind. Perhaps he was a little more demanding when he was hungry than with my other two. Perhaps he was quite a bit louder when letting us know he existed. Like perhaps he yells instead of cries. But I brushed that all off. Nah, it's not strong-willed. Just a personality quirk.

 

But I was wrong. Very, very wrong. And my nerves are shot and I need a drink. A strong drink.

 

Let's just say that it takes TWO HOURS of continual crying (aka screaming) before he he finally falls asleep.:banghead:

 

I need a drink.:willy_nilly:

 

No worries, Janna. Pretty soon he'll be sleeping like a pro, without all the crying--because he tires himself out by climbing on the counters, flushing any and all paper products, breaking into the pantry, stealing markers and pencils and scissors to color and cut whatever he can get his dirty little paws on....

 

Oh. Sorry. That probably wasn't helpful. Can I have a drink with you :grouphug::cheers2::grouphug:?

[Sue G in PA]

Oh, Janna. My little bundle of joy is quite the strong willed infant as well. And, spoiled. Do you co-sleep? Co-sleeping really, really helps save my sanity as well as helps me catch a few more zzzz's. The pacifier helps, too. He loves his binky. I know you are formula feeding, but co-sleeping is not just for nursing babes! Hang in there my friend. This too shall pass. Jesse went through a period of about a week or so where he would just scream all.day.long. Really. We all took turns holding him, I slinged him, I rocked him...nothing. He just screamed. Feel free to PM me if you just want to vent. I promise it will get better. Have you tried different formulas? Sometimes a certain formula is just not a good "fit", KWIM? I'm sure you've tried everything. Just hang in there...

[Mrs Mungo]

Aw...that's really tough when things aren't going as smoothly as you'd like.

 

When my kids were babies we stuck to a routine but it was flexible.

 

I turned down the lights, gave a soothing bath (weleda makes a great lavender bath milk), nursed them and rocked them to sleep. I only had one that was a sleep-fighter despite being tired.

 

It's useful to remember that during times of physical or developmental growth spurts babies will often be cranky or have sleep disturbances. To me this was most obvious in my eldest. She's be cranky and sleepless a few nights then she would go back to normal and would have a new skill.

 

I also had to remind myself with each baby that as they get older bit by bit they sleep a little less. I often found I needed to adjust their schedule-wake them up earlier in the morning, adjust their naptime a little, etc because they didn't need as much sleep but I still wanted them to go to bed at the same time.

 

eta: I will agree with Sue that some amount of co-sleeping helps. We put our babies to bed in their own beds but after their middle-of-the-night-feed they came to bed with us.

[mrsdrcook]

They do change. In fact they are always changing although still strong willed. Our third would not cry herself to sleep either. I think she slept less as a newborn than she does now as a 12 mo. I tried Babywise but had to concede that it doesn't always work like they say and I got frustrated trying. Life will get better, maybe soon. Around 7-9 weeks is when they are neurologically capable of sleeping through the night (6 or more hours)for the first time.

[PariSarah]

All I can say is that Theo is stubborn, too.

 

And I've officially survived the first year.

 

Now, this was my first introduction to real-mom-hood, since I only had one child, and he was an alien-angel baby. You seem already to be a real mom, since you already have two, one of whom you've labeled Mr. Defiance.

 

So you've obviously already got the skillz. Even if those skillz consist entirely of ordering Chinese and opening a Mikes.

 

You can do it, girl!

[Catherine]

he will crawl at 5 months

Climb out of his crib (repeatedly!) at 6 months

push a box across the floor, then use it to climb up onto a chair then onto the kitchen table at 7 months

walk (run!) at 9 months

climb a ladder onto the roof of your house when he is 20 months (while you run in to go pee)

sleep through the night for the first time when he is 7

Be a champion swimmer, straight A student, and **** good violinist, all at once, at 15

 

Drive you crazy for the forseeable future.

 

Some kids just are bored sitting around doing nothin'.

 

Hugs to you, I've been there, and truly, having a strong will is a good thing. If Mom survives the early years.

 

Catherine

[Doran]

I experienced that with our second born. Looking back, I might have known considering she nearly kneed and elbowed me to death before she was ever out among us. :glare: Before we left the hospital, the L & D nurses said to us, "We know you're supposed to have them sleep on their backs, but you're not going to want to go there with this baby. She's pretty opinionated!" Nursing at night was a two hour marathon, so dh slept on the couch for four months! Talk about a set of lungs, in the literal sense of that expression. There was no ignoring this baby.

 

In order to give you hope I'll say that as soon as our determined little thing could move (as in crawl), her attitude began to improve. She walked at 11 months and we saw even greater improvement. She's still got issues with impatience, but she is a gem of a child, so I'm really glad I didn't drown myself in a bottle of spirits back then.

 

Hang in there, Janna. These days will soon pass. Oh, and do go ahead and indulge in something special, whether it's a drink or a long walk. You deserve it!

[Amy loves Bud]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Janna, all I can say is I understand. I'll pray for you, because it is so exhausting. :grouphug:

[kat19]

Janna

It does get better!

What kind of formula are you using? Does he seem to cry a lot after feedings?

 

When Jacob had his screaming fits(4 hours straight one night), we tried everthing...I finally took him to the doctor and he was diagnosed with a milk/soy intolerance.

So he has been on Alimentum formula for months now and we no longer have long screaming fits :001_smile: Although the formula is expensive.

Now that he is almost 4 months, he has been sleeping 5 hours straight(for some time now) without waking for a bottle~I love it!! I need my sleep to be sane :001_smile:

 

Like I said before, it does get better!!

Hang in there!!

 

Hugs :grouphug:

[Remudamom]

Well, he's really cute. Does that help at all or should I just break out the rum?

[Mrs Mungo]

Well, he's really cute.

 

I often think they are designed to be so **** adorable because that's what keeps them alive the first couple of years.

 

I had a perfect angel-alien baby the first time around too. But I *knew* about babies and I *knew* I was in for it the second time.

[PariSarah]

I had a perfect angel-alien baby the first time around too. But I *knew* about babies and I *knew* I was in for it the second time.

 

That's why it took us ten years.

 

And we still weren't ready. :001_huh:

[Janna]

No worries, Janna. Pretty soon he'll be sleeping like a pro, without all the crying--because he tires himself out by climbing on the counters, flushing any and all paper products, breaking into the pantry, stealing markers and pencils and scissors to color and cut whatever he can get his dirty little paws on....

 

Oh. Sorry. That probably wasn't helpful. Can I have a drink with you :grouphug::cheers2::grouphug:?

 

LOL, yes, absolutely. Please do have a drink with me. I can't think of better company. :)

 

Do you co-sleep? Co-sleeping really, really helps save my sanity as well as helps me catch a few more zzzz's.

 

No, I'm not co-sleeping anymore. I wasn't sleeping well with him so close, and dh wasn't sleeping well because he was afraid he'd roll over on him. However he is in our room until he's a little older and we move him in with his brother. But he really is a pretty good sleeper at night.

 

The pacifier helps, too. He loves his binky.

Uh, well um...yeah, this is kinda the reason he's screaming. I took the pacifier away. See, he had gotten so dependent on it that he would wake the minute it was out of his mouth. Which meant that even though he's been sleeping from 10p.m to 5:38 a.m (yes, that exact time, LOL) for 2 weeks now, there would still be at least once where he would wake at around 3 a.m just for his pacifier. So I decided to be done with the thing cold turkey while he is still so young and it won't be so traumatic. But holy cow, he's wants that stupid thing BAD.

 

She's be cranky and sleepless a few nights then she would go back to normal and would have a new skill.

 

Yes, that's always so fun. Dh and I would always be astounded how they learn so much while they sleep. Our dd was the most evident of this - even to this day. If there is a concept we're teaching in school and she doesn't get it, I *know* that the next morning she will get it immediately as if there was never a problem. It's like it's being worked on while sleeping. It's fascinating to watch.

 

I also had to remind myself with each baby that as they get older bit by bit they sleep a little less. I often found I needed to adjust their schedule-wake them up earlier in the morning, adjust their naptime a little, etc because they didn't need as much sleep but I still wanted them to go to bed at the same time.

 

Yes, this is happening right now. He's awake much more and in fact, disturbingly more. I mean he sleeps awesome at night and has a fabulous morning nap. But afternoon is ridiculous. He just doesn't want to sleep much at all during the bulk of the day. That would be fine if he were pleasant for the majority of that time, but lately, he's not. Could be the whole pacifier thing - see above.

 

They do change. In fact they are always changing although still strong willed. Our third would not cry herself to sleep either. I think she slept less as a newborn than she does now as a 12 mo. I tried Babywise but had to concede that it doesn't always work like they say and I got frustrated trying. Life will get better, maybe soon. Around 7-9 weeks is when they are neurologically capable of sleeping through the night (6 or more hours)for the first time.

 

Yes, you're right. They do change and I know his strong willed nature will continually take on new nuances. He is sleeping through the night, and has been since he was 5 weeks or so. Thanks for the encouragement!

 

All I can say is that Theo is stubborn, too.

 

And I've officially survived the first year.

 

Now, this was my first introduction to real-mom-hood, since I only had one child, and he was an alien-angel baby. You seem already to be a real mom, since you already have two, one of whom you've labeled Mr. Defiance.

 

So you've obviously already got the skillz. Even if those skillz consist entirely of ordering Chinese and opening a Mikes.

 

You can do it, girl!

 

Thanks for your vote of confidence!

 

I experienced that with our second born. Looking back, I might have known considering she nearly kneed and elbowed me to death before she was ever out among us. :glare: Before we left the hospital, the L & D nurses said to us, "We know you're supposed to have them sleep on their backs, but you're not going to want to go there with this baby. She's pretty opinionated!" Nursing at night was a two hour marathon, so dh slept on the couch for four months! Talk about a set of lungs, in the literal sense of that expression. There was no ignoring this baby.

 

In order to give you hope I'll say that as soon as our determined little thing could move (as in crawl), her attitude began to improve. She walked at 11 months and we saw even greater improvement. She's still got issues with impatience, but she is a gem of a child, so I'm really glad I didn't drown myself in a bottle of spirits back then.

 

Yeah, he will not sleep on his back. He did when he was in the Moses basket. But he has grown in length to the point that he doesn't fit in that basket anymore. The only way I could get him to sleep on his crib mattress was to put him on his tummy. He is very opinionated about what he likes and doesn't. He definitely wants soft everything - from blankets to sheets to changing pad covers. He won't even sit in a swing without a soft blanket underneath him. It's interesting though because my middle child was super quiet and laid back. He crawled at 6 months, walked at 10 mos and is incredibly impatient and strong-willed now. I don't know how Atticus will be with those things given that info.

 

Oh, and do go ahead and indulge in something special, whether it's a drink or a long walk. You deserve it!

 

Already done! And though it *should* have been, it wasn't the walk.:D

 

he will crawl at 5 months

Climb out of his crib (repeatedly!) at 6 months

push a box across the floor, then use it to climb up onto a chair then onto the kitchen table at 7 months

walk (run!) at 9 months

climb a ladder onto the roof of your house when he is 20 months (while you run in to go pee)

sleep through the night for the first time when he is 7

Be a champion swimmer, straight A student, and **** good violinist, all at once, at 15

 

Drive you crazy for the forseeable future.

 

Some kids just are bored sitting around doing nothin'.

 

Hugs to you, I've been there, and truly, having a strong will is a good thing. If Mom survives the early years.

 

Catherine

 

Oh dear, I really, really hope that's not the case. But I can say that the strong-willed nature comes from me. I won't back down and in fact have no problem having a "show down" if need be (which we've had to do with the crying). But that doesn't mean my nerves aren't fried temporarily!

 

Well, he's really cute. Does that help at all or should I just break out the rum?

 

It doesn't help. How about some Absynthe instead? Just kidding. Kind of. (no seriously, I'm kidding.)

 

I often think they are designed to be so **** adorable because that's what keeps them alive the first couple of years.

 

 

LOL! Yes, so true!

 

What kind of formula are you using? Does he seem to cry a lot after feedings?

 

It's an organic formula we've been using since he was about 3 weeks old. He hasn't had problems before but I have noticed he *appears* to be gassy. I mean, his crying (screaming) would indicate gassiness because he draws his knees up and seems like he's in pain. But that's because my other 2 would only cry like that when they were in pain. This seems to be his main cry, so I don't know. He's not constipated or anything. If he was doing well on that formula for weeks, could it still be that now?

 

When Jacob had his screaming fits(4 hours straight one night), we tried everthing...I finally took him to the doctor and he was diagnosed with a milk/soy intolerance.

So he has been on Alimentum formula for months now and we no longer have long screaming fits :001_smile: Although the formula is expensive.

Now that he is almost 4 months, he has been sleeping 5 hours straight(for some time now) without waking for a bottle~I love it!! I need my sleep to be sane :001_smile:

 

He has his appt. pretty soon. I will ask about it if he's still doing this. I'm so glad that you guys got it figured out and he's doing so much better! Yay! And you're getting good sleep too - I'm so happy for you!

[Gwen in TX]

I Before we left the hospital, the L & D nurses said to us, "We know you're supposed to have them sleep on their backs, but you're not going to want to go there with this baby. She's pretty opinionated!" There was no ignoring this baby.

 

In order to give you hope I'll say that as soon as our determined little thing could move (as in crawl), her attitude began to improve. She walked at 11 months and we saw even greater improvement. She's still got issues with impatience, but she is a gem of a child, so I'm really glad I didn't drown myself in a bottle of spirits back then.

 

 

Similar for us - our now 15 yo didn't sleep through the night until the doctor told us we could let him sleep on his stomach. He screamed every night from 6 - 10 PM (except in his bath), but as soon as he could crawl, LIFE CHANGED.

 

He never has been someone who needed lots of sleep. He just has too much to do, and sleeping takes up too much time.

 

He has survived, and so have I!

[CalicoKat]

No worries, Janna. Pretty soon he'll be sleeping like a pro, without all the crying--because he tires himself out by climbing on the counters, flushing any and all paper products, breaking into the pantry, stealing markers and pencils and scissors to color and cut whatever he can get his dirty little paws on....

 

Oh. Sorry. That probably wasn't helpful. Can I have a drink with you :grouphug::cheers2::grouphug:?

oh man, oh man. . . . this is my life. But he does sleep 12 hrs in a row like a champ. Blessings come in all forms.