Our children's friendships - young through young adult years....

[LNC]

I've always idealized the notion of "kindred spirits". I got this idea growing up from books (Anne of Green Gables) and from movies also, I suppose. I am an identical twin who moved frequently in my childhood. Even though we lived in many neighborhoods and attended many public schools, we made good friends easily. We always had a crowd of friends - good friends at the time. But, we alway lost touch over time with our moves. I have many friends from our college I keep in touch with, but they are "Christmas card friends". My twin sister has been the constant. I want my children to have close lifetime friends though.

 

Do you have that desire for your children? Or just family? We are members of a church that most families homeschool. Still, my children don't have really close friends. They are mostly close with eachother. My two typical children are a boy and a girl 7yo and 9yo - best friends like my sister and I were. They are very compassionate and kind to their special needs older brothers too. Do you think friendships should be something we as homeschool parents should help our children find - by inviting families over with children that we think they might hit it off with? Or do you just pray for them to find their own friends in time?

[mommylawyer]

I am an only child, so I envy your constant, close friend - your twin. I would say I have 1 close friend from my childhood (she was 6 and I was 9 when we met). I have a couple of friends from high school who I still call, but we're not very close. Although I didn't move around as a child (my parent still live in the house where I grew up), I always had just a handful of close friends.

 

As an adult, I have made 3 or 4 friends who I would consider to be close friends - former coworkers, friend from law school, and a friend from church.

 

I think you can do what you might to encourage close friendships for your children, but my experience has been that it depends on the individuals to keep it going. People grow apart in time - physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally. I've found that, at times, it is incumbent upon me to contact my friends just to touch base.

 

Encouraging friendships by inviting like-minded people over to your house is a great idea! Perhaps not only will your children find long-lasting friendships, but you may, too!

[PineFarmMom]

 

Do you have that desire for your children? Or just family? We are members of a church that most families homeschool. Still, my children don't have really close friends. They are mostly close with eachother. My two typical children are a boy and a girl 7yo and 9yo - best friends like my sister and I were. They are very compassionate and kind to their special needs older brothers too. Do you think friendships should be something we as homeschool parents should help our children find - by inviting families over with children that we think they might hit it off with? Or do you just pray for them to find their own friends in time?

 

What you just described between your children would be my ideal friendship situation for each of my children. I'm struggling with friendship situations now with my dc and would love our home to be our haven and for their relationships with one another to surpass those they have with others outside our home, as I'm finding more and more that others don't hold the morals I'm trying to uphold for my children. It makes it like swimming upstream. I say pray for the thing which you're desiring but be open to God blossoming further what they already have with one another. :)

 

Teresa

[Peela]

I think you can do a bit of both- in homeschooling situations, it is often the parent who has to facilitate and make friendships happen. I know I worked really hard to have ym kids feel at home in the homeschooling community, and make friends there, when I took them out of school. I knew it was a key to our success at homeschooling as a lifestyle.

But there is only so much you can do. I don't think you can facilitate lifelong friendships, you can only do what you can now, and then let it be. My son has a homeschooling "best"friend who lives in the country on a farm- a long way away- but we make it happen. His day to day friends are the kids in the street and although they are very important to him now, I very much doubt they will be lifelong buddies.

I would be more concerned with making sure my kids had the skills to make friends, rather than worry about whether the friends would be lifelong. I know my friends from childhood have very different values to me today (actually, we had different values then, too, but enough in common at the time) and I have simply outgrown the relationship we once had. I think that's common. "Old" friends can be deep ones, but not necessarily and I wouldn't idealise it. The ability to connect with people, to not sell out but be friendly and open and genuine, and step out of yourself enough to make a friend, is a more valuable thing to learn, and I don't think we can control the outcome of that for our children, or for ourselves for that matter.

[Sasharowan]

I have one close friend from high school and my sis and I are close. Other than that I have no other friends from before graduation.

[orangearrow]

I have 3 kids and they do have several friends. But, it makes my heart GLOW to see that they are best friends with each other. It's one of my favorite parts of homeschooling - that my 3 kids aren't separated all day long. :001_wub: I know that, even as life pulls them in different directions, they will still be there for each other (and hopefully WANT to be! LOL).

 

My two typical children are a boy and a girl 7yo and 9yo - best friends like my sister and I were. They are very compassionate and kind to their special needs older brothers too. Do you think friendships should be something we as homeschool parents should help our children find - by inviting families over with children that we think they might hit it off with? Or do you just pray for them to find their own friends in time?

 

I would cherish the fact that they are best friends - but by all means invite other families with children over! They might not become forever-friends with all of them, but they (and you!) are sure to make new friendships and have a great time! :)

 

I think, to be honest, by the time Anne got married, she and Diana were pretty much "Christmas card" friends... really. Never seemed that Anne knew Fred all that well, anyway. :blush: I'm still in touch with a few "old kindred spirits". Except for one or two, they're just not THAT interested in kids, homeschooling, sewing (my passion), or the daily housewife-y stuff I do because they've each made very different life-choices than I have. :) We're all happy with our choices - it just doesn't give us a lot in common anymore. :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have kept in touch with 5 people from my junior high/high school. But only one of them was a kindred spirit even at that time. We don't talk much during the year (maybe 3 or 4 times a year we call even though we only live about a half an hour away from each other). But there is something special about this relationship because of our long history. She will call me because of a movie that reminded her of our high school time and she knows that I'm the only one who will get why it is so nostalgic for her. . . I will call her because I saw this poster that reminded me of a joke we used to tell. . .

 

It is similar for my college years. I lived with 5 women during a very tough but formative time in my life. These women were there for me. Only one of the women has a lot of contact with me (we talk about 3 or 4 times a week) but I know that these women will be there for me if I ever needed them.

 

My own brothers and sisters are a bit of a different story. I've had to work a lot harder to establish relationships with them. But that is because my 4 older siblings were at boarding school until I was 10 (and 2 of them left for another country when I was 7). I share 3 years of history with my youngest brother, so it has been easier with him. My eldest sister and I didn't really establish a relationship until I was in my mid to late 20's. Now we are really close but it is built more on common interests than shared experience. In fact because of our age difference (12 years) it often feels like we had different parents because our memories of our parents and childhood are so different!

[Amy in Orlando]

How interesting that you posted this tonight. Dh and I have been talking about this all evening. He has several friends that he's had since his early childhood (he's #4 out of 5 kids if that matters). I have no friends. That sounds pathetic, but it's true. I never stayed in touch with anyone from school. I just don't connect with people very well, I guess. I do have some friends as adults, but no one I consider extremely close.

 

For the most part, I've never really worried about it for myself, but I have worried that my inability to to maintain friendships would rub off on the kids. I have always had people I like to be around and do things with, but no "confidants" so to speak. I think this might be an instance of boys modeling themselves after "dad" more than "mom" - at least in our case. I'm not sure what it is about me that doesn't "stick" with other people as "friend" material and I'm about done worrying about it. I'm just glad that dh has that certain something and the boys seem to take after him.

 

My older boys have always been close and I think they, different as they are, will remain close through their lives. What's interesting to me is how close they all are to their younger brother. I get weepy thinking about it. The four boys are just such a unit. They all have outside friends, but nothing like what they have with their brothers. And, I think homeschooling (especially in the case of the youngest boy) has been a huge part of this.

[Mom0012]

I have 2 children that I homeschool -- my 6dd and 8ds. They are best friends and will play together from morning until night. Yet, they still crave outside friendships, my son especially. I do everything I can to help them make friends. If I didn't, they would never have the opportunity to do so. We live in a rural area and the only times they have the chance to see other children is when I enroll them in activities or invite children they have met to our home.

 

Both kids are involved in a number of activities each week and I try to set up one playdate a week for each child. I don't think they need tons of outside friends, but one or two good ones are important.

 

Lisa