Live2Ride Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 This is going to be long a bit disjointed; just warning you :tongue_smilie: I may delete this later, but I need some words of wisdom or something.... Little back story... DD has always been the kind of kid to get someone else to do things for her. She would rather sit at the dinner table without water/drink (because she didn't set the table properly) and then ask the first person to get up to get her something while they are up (usually her brother who is a total turn the other cheek kind of kid-so laid back and wants to be sweet no matter what). If no one gets up then she try and ask her brother to do it. We of course have stopped these kinds of things, but she just does it in various forms at various times. She seems to have no moral issue with being sneaky though we have discussed and tried to show her the right way since she was small. I truely believe it's just her nature and she doesn't seem to have any plans to change it. She'll convince her brother to do things for her that she's not supposed to be doing. Now he has to be told of her punishments so that he won't fall to her plea's. Fast forward... We have a computer in the dining room. SHe used to be allowed to get on and draw using her tablet. She was allowed to animate things and post them on a private you tube account for her local friends to see. They did this kind of stuff together. SHe then got an account at a public art site, that we approved of but we okayed only real friends to be using it together. Found out she found this person online that 'had similar interests' and she wanted to allow her as a friend so they could share their art with each other and dd's other friends. Of course I have no idea who this is and told her that she was not to divulge personal info and that as usual there was no instant chatting online with people, but I didn't mind them sharing art (this is a public site). We were trying to allow her some responsibility and trust. Well as per her usual self that didn't last long. She started friending others, got on my yahoo junk account to chat and used another chat feature as well (while we would be outside or what not). We did try to get the 'online girl' (OG) to give my email address to her mother so that I could possibly open the lines of communication up (because dd talked about having her as a penpal at first), but the OG said her mother wouldn't allow her to do that so she wasn't going to even ask. DD got punished a few times for not following the computer rules. we put in place for safety and after the third time we put blocks on the computer so she couldn't get on, changed passwords, etc. Then she went to her grandmothers house in May. She was actually grounded from the internet at the time because she had snuck my phone and was using it to message the OG through my email (after all the stuff had been blocked on computer). Grandmother knew about it and agreed to punishment while she was there. DD snuck grams computer and IM'd two OG's...and one was attempting to tell her to delete things so that gram wouldn't find out...this was all coming into my junk yahoo account...So she lost her computer drawing pad priveledge as well. And she was told not to touch my phone again. So she has been grounded since returning from grandmas and would have been off already but she kept being sneaky trying to get on and being disrespectful... Now what skeeves me out about the whole situation is that we have found on multiple occasions where dd and OG says they 'love each other'. DD says OG is her best friend (although can't tell you much about her). She has a few very sweet and great friends here and would rather spend every moment talking about or to this OG (not that we allow it, but it was all we were hearing about). We encouraged her to call her other friends to chat or invite them over, but she would make excuses... She acts as if we cut off her leg when we cut contact with OG because of her breaking the rules. We found out (towards the middle of all of this) that they were live 'roleplaying' stories in Yahoo chat with the characters in their drawings and some of the content was bordering on inappropriate. Recently I thought she was doing well earning our trust...and so we were attempting to allow the computer on for DS so that he didn't get kicked off every time we left the house (to feed animals or take a little walk-he has proven trustworthy to remain on the sites that we've okayed). I went outside to feed the animals and she got on after DS was finished (without him realizing) and wrote to the OG through an email account and youtube account that she'd created on my phone late one night (I'd forgotten to take it to my room). I recently found I could password protect it too. Didn't know that; felt like an idiot. I found the most recent new accounts the day I dropped her and ds off at the airport to head off to visit family out of state this week. She doesn't know yet. Saw where she messaged OG at both places while I was out walking the dogs at the pond and even mentioned this to the girl...knowingly disregarding the fact that she wasn't supposed to be online. Said computer is now dismantled and put away. I still have my laptop, which is password protected and constantly changed, DH's is the same and ds just bought one with money he saved up, but it has a password only dh and I know and it's kept on the table next to mine... I don't think we are being unreasonable to expect her to follow the few rules we put in place and to be honest. She keeps showing us that she will do what it takes to contact this person. I keep thinking we have a handle on it, but I am finding out that I'm not doing enough it seems...I can't monitor her all the time, nor should I need to...why do they have to be so beligerant sometimes? I always tell her, it's much easier to follow the few rules we have and be free to do the things you like than to disobey and be punished... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 :grouphug: OG could be a naked man. I'm not looking forward to 14. Cleverest monkey on the block, but not a lick of sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 :grouphug: OG could be a naked man. I'm not looking forward to 14. Cleverest monkey on the block, but not a lick of sense. Exactly what we told her! SHe reads the paper, our dear friend is a cop. She knows what can happen to kids with online predators...she has said outloud "that she doesn't think any predator would spend 'a long time' drawing or talking about thier stories online". She only met this person late this spring. I told her that they do all sorts of things to lure them. SHe seemed grossed out when I told her about the kinds of people I've read about being found trying to lure kids out. OUr cop friend has too... A friend mentioned getting her involved in a group that deals with kids missing or taken or one helping those that have been found...I don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 I have no advice, but just wanted to give you encouragement to stay diligent. The internet can be terribly addictive and dangerous and she's proven she can't be trusted. :grouphug: You're doing the right thing. Keep that in mind when you hear her complaining about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kricau Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 Man, I am not looking forward to these kind of issues. Mine are still pretty young. I do have a weird feeling that this OG is BAD NEWS!!! if your dd is that obsesed with contacting this person (and who knows what age or sex it is) then there is something wrong there. I think the "tough love" approach might be the only way. I would keep a close eye on her to make sure she hasn't found out any paswords to get online. And ask ds to make sure she isn't getting him to do anything. I like the missing kids idea. If she could see what could happen if you "let down your gaurd". Then maybe she will start to be more responsable about these things. Keep us updated on the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 Personally with how this has progressed, I would be inclined to not allow her any freedom at all concerning the internet. That is a lot of sneaking around! Also, will she have computer access at the relatives' house? They may need to get the heads up on this. I'd be inclined to give your daughter a YEAR off the internet, with the only online times being when you were able to actually sit with her while she does it. Sounds like she's got something addictive going on (and next time it might not be an innocent "OG" if in fact that's all this is). I think she needs a major, major break from this. Just my perspective, of course, you know your dd better than I do! Bestof luck whatever you decide to do! Maybe others will have some good advice. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 Oh wow! I'd bet money OG isn't a young girl. I think I'd be tempted to get online as your dd and cook that goose til it was well done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Okay, we know someone who hunts online creeps down for a living. You tell your dd that they ABSOLUTELY would take ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD to draw stuff out, tell her a story, play patty cake, whatEVER they think it will take to reel her in. Actually, all that time spent IS a red flag, as is the instruction for how to hide/delete their conversations, as is the the *love you* stuff and the borderline inappropriate stuff and the easy excuse for not connecting the parents. If it were my kid, I might contact the local FBI and Crimes Against Children unit and give them the screen name. At any rate, I would shut it down as far as my dd is concerned. Too many red flags. Can you step back and see all the attempts at making a connection with her and separating their *relationship* from adults in her life? :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 :grouphug: OG could be a naked man. I'm not looking forward to 14. Cleverest monkey on the block, but not a lick of sense. I agree with this and sadly have seen times where weirdos pretended to be little kids to strike up a friendship. If I were in your shoes, I'd pretend to be dd and get OG's telephone number and give it a ring. If it's an old man, call the police. If it's a young kid, at least you will know and you can talk to her mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 I will add...be watchful for/if OG tries to *meet* your dd in person. Seriously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 You are wise to be very wary of OG. It sounds like your dd need real life friends and outside activities to keep her occupied. She may be lonely and feels unusually connected to this on-line friend. I'd definitely keep the internet locked down for now. She's showing poor judgment and could get herself in trouble. If I were you, I might email OG (who I'm not so sure is a girl) and tell her that you know something's wrong, and you are cutting off contact. If this is an unsavory character, it could scare him/her/whoever into going away. Sorry you're dealing with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 If you are suspicious, please turn the info over to authorities rather than get involved yourself. If OG is a creep, he/she will just go after another child. If you turn the info over, the authorities will get to the bottom of it and if he/she is a creep...they will catch them and lock them up. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 You are right to be extremely cautious. I was one of those super sneaky teenage girls and the person I met on line went from best friend to already married man using me in an apartment room. If my daughter does the same as me she'll be getting my full story, despite how it might scare her. I'll be praying for your family. Hope something scares her into listening to you. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 You know... I felt like we were staying on top of it, but sneaky thing that she is seemed to find another way...I think she was using peoples phones at a youth conference recently to message OG as well...I'm not for sure though. We are definitely 'tethering' her now and all computer activities are null and void for the next school year. We're that fed up with the disobedience. We hope to have her too busy anyways. Funny thing is, she was talking last week about saving her money now for a laptop, since ds just bought one, (she was attempting to do that a couple of years ago, but it was a no from us about it-too young). I just looked at her and said, "Not happening". :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 In trying to remember what was running through my mind at that time. It's just that the online world is so exciting. At least it was to me when I was younger. Meeting people online seems so cool, and since I didn't have a lot of friends (somewhat introverted), it seemed even more cool. Is there anyone else that she talks to online at all or is it mainly this OG? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 In trying to remember what was running through my mind at that time. It's just that the online world is so exciting. At least it was to me when I was younger. Meeting people online seems so cool, and since I didn't have a lot of friends (somewhat introverted), it seemed even more cool. Is there anyone else that she talks to online at all or is it mainly this OG? Mainly this one. I keep finding posts where she was sneaking on at pretty much any opportunity....I hit the OG blog and you tube account. I realize her draw to it...hard to get hurt when you know only so few things about someone and they you..so it seems. Real people in real life can hurt you. She unfortunately had that happen with one of her friends that she thought was a best friend...I had been trying to gently guide her into thinking aloud with me about that friendship though. This girl says she's going to try things that are contrary to what we want dd to be doing and though I don't think dd would want to, she is a follower and has no problem with being sneaky (even admitting it to OG). But she is not a great friend to begin with...true to her nature, she expects that people will do the work to be her friend...she doesn't reciprocate much. Of course she's a teenager...they think they know it all.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 Mainly this one. I keep finding posts where she was sneaking on at pretty much any opportunity....I hit the OG blog and you tube account. I realize her draw to it...hard to get hurt when you know only so few things about someone and they you..so it seems. Real people in real life can hurt you. She unfortunately had that happen with one of her friends that she thought was a best friend...I had been trying to gently guide her into thinking aloud with me about that friendship though. This girl says she's going to try things that are contrary to what we want dd to be doing and though I don't think dd would want to, she is a follower and has no problem with being sneaky (even admitting it to OG). But she is not a great friend to begin with...true to her nature, she expects that people will do the work to be her friend...she doesn't reciprocate much. Of course she's a teenager...they think they know it all.... And parents don't really know anything either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 And parents don't really know anything either. lol...yeah. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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