I need advice from moms of many kids.

[Ohio12]

or anyone who has had this situation. There is a lady at church who I have only met a couple of times. I really like her. She is super put together, very involved in ministry and nice. She has ten kids and homeschools.

 

I want to get to know her better because I think she could offer me a lot of wisdom and because she has some kids my kids age.

 

Here is the awkward part. Usually when I want to get to know another mom, I just invite her and dcs over for a playdate and lunch. You know where this is going don't you...I don't really have room for 10 kids at my house unless we can be outside and I am totally overwhelmed by having them over. I really want to, but can anyone give me some tips on how to do it, and how to have it go smoothly. Also, is it a burden for HER to have to haul 10 dcs to my house on a Thursday morning?

[Marie in Oh]

Here are a few thoughts of a mommy to many who doesn't get alot of invites:

 

If she has 10, they may not all come. Some my stay home becasue they are old enough, some maay stay home with the olders, and she might just bring the few that hit the same age as your little ones.

 

Even if they all do come, you will have a different dynamic becasue they aren't all little. I assume she has some teenagers, and if they are teens from a large family, they are usually used to and willing to help with and play with the little ones. That means you could send them out to the backyeard to play while you and the mom talk and get to know each other.

 

If you have them over for lunch, do something easy-- like hot dogs and chips, or a big dish of macaroni and cheese and carrot sticks. She likely doesn't get alot of invites and would likely enjoy it.

 

Large families seem daunting, but I am often told that it doesn't seem like so many becasue the older ones are so helpful and they are are well behaved. If she is surviving with 10, they are likely trained well.

 

I hope that encourages you to go for it. She probably has tons of wisdom to share and would be a good friend.

[TammyinTN]

:iagree: Sounds like a great idea!:D

[Remudamom]

Suggest you meet at a park and bring a picnic lunch and a cooler full of canned drinks.

[Melora in NC]

 

Large families seem daunting, but I am often told that it doesn't seem like so many becasue the older ones are so helpful and they are are well behaved. If she is surviving with 10, they are likely trained well.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

We have friends who have eight kids, and, though we haven't had them over often (mostly because the ages of our children don't match up well), they are easy guests because the olders are so used to helping with the youngers! (And they have the best behaved children I know!)

[Nestof3]

We have the same situation in that most of our friends have 8-10 children. We have had them over for dinner, and it has gone fine. What I find, though, is some of these moms never have time to get together -- I mean we can hardly have a conversation at the Sunday meeting.

 

The other problem I encounter is that all of these families have hardwood floors, and it's almost expected that food is going to be on the floor. We have carpet and a small kitchen.

[Amy in Orlando]

How old are her kids? She might very well accept your invite but let some of the older kids stay home if they're too old for "play dates." Otherwise, just let her know you'd like to get to know her and suggest a couple of options - your house, the park, maybe a potluck bbq at your house?

[kribby]

oh I would suggest a park or something for the first few meeting until you all got to know each other more and got to see how all the kids got along. and if juice went every where it's on the grass not your floors.

[Brindee]

I was going to suggest a park as well. I think that'd be the easiest first time meeting place.

 

We have a friend with 10 kids, and acouple with 7 and 8. They actually oftene invite people to their home. She said it doesn't feel like any more---once you have 10, what's another few kids? :lol: So we'd bring potluck to her house, which saved her having to haul them all just one more place!

 

I'm so glad you're doing this! As much as she loves here kids, I'm sure she would love some friend time too!

[Tracey in TX]

Three ideas immediately come to mind:

a) Suggest a moms-only lunch/dinner date, drinks, coffee, etc where you can really get to know her.

b) Consider a couple parks/pools to meet for lunch with all the kiddos.

c) Entertain the entire family, maybe a Sunday evening grill-out with DHs invited as well.

 

IMO you can't really invite a new friend over only several of her children. That might be perceived as not willing to accept her entire family. As a friendship develops, it would be acceptable to only have the closest aged children to your home.

[Quiver0f10]

Here are a few thoughts of a mommy to many who doesn't get alot of invites:

 

If she has 10, they may not all come. Some my stay home becasue they are old enough, some maay stay home with the olders, and she might just bring the few that hit the same age as your little ones.

 

Even if they all do come, you will have a different dynamic becasue they aren't all little. I assume she has some teenagers, and if they are teens from a large family, they are usually used to and willing to help with and play with the little ones. That means you could send them out to the backyeard to play while you and the mom talk and get to know each other.

 

If you have them over for lunch, do something easy-- like hot dogs and chips, or a big dish of macaroni and cheese and carrot sticks. She likely doesn't get alot of invites and would likely enjoy it.

 

Large families seem daunting, but I am often told that it doesn't seem like so many becasue the older ones are so helpful and they are are well behaved. If she is surviving with 10, they are likely trained well.

 

I hope that encourages you to go for it. She probably has tons of wisdom to share and would be a good friend.

 

:iagree: with everything said here! She probably never gets invited over and would be thrilled!

[Ohio12]

Thanks Quiver. I wondered if you would weigh in on this from your hospital bed! You are a trooper.

 

Update to all: I found out she has 9 kids and the oldest is 12. Not very old! Amazing. And she is pg if I didn't mention that. I do think I am going to invite everyone for a playdate and keep lunch simple or invite the family for a cookout. I can do it.

 

I do wonder about what nestof3 said though because I have tried to talk to her after church a little and she does have to pick them all up from their class and everything and seems a little rushed. I don't want to further stress her out by trying to have a relationship, but she does take time for a lot of ministries, so maybe she just handles it all really well. We will have to see! Thanks again.

[love2read]

We have 7 and I usually don't get asked over. When we do go to places, I leave the older kids home with a few of the younger ones and she probably would do that too. It might be easier to meet in a park. Tell her you'll bring snacks.

 

If she's older than you, you may want to be direct and tell her that you're looking for a Titus 2 mentor/friend or however you want to phrase it. I mention this because one young woman in our church was very upfront about why she wanted to spend time with me and it was a relief. I felt that I didn't have time to maintain a new friendship, but I did feel called to minster to younger mothers. Over the years our relationship has grown to be more balanced and I consider her a good friend now.

[muffinmom]

I only have 2 kids, but 2 families who live close by have several kids each--and all three families enjoy playing together. I sort of dreaded the whole lunch issue. I finally decided to invite them with the stipulation that each family brings their own lunch. Nearly everyone brought PBJs--but I didn't have to make them!! It took a lot of pressure off.