Questions about dyslexia and HS'ing

[Guest txmom01]

Hi all,

 

We are going into our 3rd year of HS'ing, with elementary aged DC. A family member has asked me to consider HS'ing their child, who is a middle schooler with dyslexia. Aside from all of the concerns that come with the family dynamics of this, I don't know the first thing about the needs of a dyslexic child. What I do know is that her spelling is basically non-existent. She cannot read very well, her verbal grammar is poor and she's behind in nearly every subject but math - which is her favorite. She's supposedly has an IEP, but her parents have done nothing but complain about the help she's not getting from the school, her teachers, etc. She's failed state testing nearly every year, yet continues to be promoted because she attends summer school. And they have done nothing to help her on their own, but pass the buck (which will probably include us, too.) Our family has been very concerned about her education and upbringing for many years, but have treaded carefully on giving any opinions or "advice."

 

Until now. Now they're coming to me. They've seen the great things our kids have been involved in and the level of work we've accomplished, and see HS as the magic answer. I'm not convinced that the school change is the answer, as much as maybe the attention she's not been getting all of these years. Our initial response to this is a resounding "NO". But then I think of the child involved, and our willingness to try to help her comes into play.

 

So my question (plea!) for help is this....what do I need to know about teaching a child with dyslexia? How do I know exactly what it is she struggles with that causes everything else to fall out of place? And, how do I get a 13 yo up to speed after being behind for soooo many years?

 

Thank you in advance for any kind thoughts you can share.

[EKS]

My older son has dyslexia, and I pulled him after 1st, so he wasn't as far behind as he could have been. Homeschooling a dyslexic child, when the goal is to get them functioning in line with their innate ability level, is a major undertaking. Remediating a 13yo dyslexic would be a huge deal and would likely take over you life if you were to do it as thoroughly as it would need to be done.

 

Honestly, you need to think of the children you are homeschooling now. If you bring this child into your homeschool, they will likely not get the attention they need and deserve.

 

Also, I'm assuming that you will be paid for this. To homeschool a child with LDs full time with the assumption that the LDs will be remediated, I would charge *at least* as much as a school specializing in special needs, which is likely to be more than $30,000/year.

[RamonaQ]

I think that I would ONLY consider something like this, and I have a 13yo dyslexic child that I have homeschooled for 7+ years, is if there was tutoring with a well-respected tutor who remediates dyslexia--Orton-Gillingham, Slingerland, LindaMood-Bell, etc. multiple times a week. I would also consider having the parents pay for additional support for general tutoring/ support as needed. Likewise, I would be looking at an all-in-one curriculum that supports dyslexia, such as Verticy-- using the Kurzweil software so that the content-areas can be read to the child.

 

So, yah, I think it could be expensive for the parents for this to be done well, and to allow you to maintain your focus on the homeschooling of your other children, too.

[Lecka]

I think you could read Overcoming Dyslexia and look into Barton.

 

If the parents would pay for Barton I would agree to start a trial period with Barton after school and on weekends.... if the parents babysat for me while it was going on.

 

I don't know more than that about the dynamics.

 

If she would help with my younger kids and do math with an independent program -- those would be positives.

 

Negatives would be that she really would need a lot of one-on-one time, probably without disturbance, and that might be hard to provide while you have your own kids to care for and teach.

 

I do think the Barton website would answer a lot of your questions though -- about what would be involved in tutoring her in reading.

 

I have a little BIL who I know is a poor reader, but we have never lived anywhere near him, and his parents are very defensive.... one of the parents involved is a poor reader (okay -- they both are, but one particularly bad). So they don't have the skills to help him and are very fearful of schools -- they transfer him to different schools instead of dealing with the school. They put my husband into a non-accredited school that did not do any math, and my husband had done very well in math up to that point.

 

Anyway -- I have some more compassion for them at this moment in time, b/c I am a really good reader and have positive associations with school, and it has been hard for me to advocate and find out information. I do think my ILs did the best they could.

 

That may not be the situation -- but I *always* suspect it now... my ILs hide things very well, too, but there is a lot of fear. It is sad. The blustery blame the school stuff sounds familiar, too.

 

edit: actually I agree wtih Ramona Q. There are no tutors where I live so it is not an option -- so I forget about it being an option.

Edited June 18, 2012 by Lecka

[Pen]

Hi all,

 

We are going into our 3rd year of HS'ing, with elementary aged DC. A family member has asked me to consider HS'ing their child, who is a middle schooler with dyslexia. Aside from all of the concerns that come with the family dynamics of this, I don't know the first thing about the needs of a dyslexic child. What I do know is that her spelling is basically non-existent. She cannot read very well, her verbal grammar is poor and she's behind in nearly every subject but math - which is her favorite. She's supposedly has an IEP, but her parents have done nothing but complain about the help she's not getting from the school, her teachers, etc. She's failed state testing nearly every year, yet continues to be promoted because she attends summer school. And they have done nothing to help her on their own, but pass the buck (which will probably include us, too.) Our family has been very concerned about her education and upbringing for many years, but have treaded carefully on giving any opinions or "advice."

 

Until now. Now they're coming to me. They've seen the great things our kids have been involved in and the level of work we've accomplished, and see HS as the magic answer. I'm not convinced that the school change is the answer, as much as maybe the attention she's not been getting all of these years. Our initial response to this is a resounding "NO". But then I think of the child involved, and our willingness to try to help her comes into play.I think you've got a tremendous opportunity to help right now by using this as a chance to feed them information and to help steer them in the right direction. I think the chances are that your trying to homeschool her yourself would not be the right direction either for your children or for her. It takes A LOT of work to work with a dyslexic child and to do remedial catch up.

 

So my question (plea!) for help is this....what do I need to know about teaching a child with dyslexia? How do I know exactly what it is she struggles with that causes everything else to fall out of place? And, how do I get a 13 yo up to speed after being behind for soooo many years?

 

Thank you in advance for any kind thoughts you can share.

 

I think the best possible thing might be if they could send her to one of the excellent schools that specializes in helping dyslexic children.

 

Alternatively possibly they could themselves homeschool her with the help of experienced tutors.

 

For both you and the parents, I suggest the books Overcoming Dyslexia, and The Dyslexic Advantage, and the film Journey into Dyslexia (which, by the way, shows some children at one of the special schools.

 

Good luck to all of you.

[merry gardens]

I have many thoughts about this. One place that I'd start is finding out if it is even legal in your state to homeschool a child who is not your own. The laws on homeschooling vary from state-to-state.

 

If her parents have decided that homeschooling is the answer, then I wonder why they are asking you to do it instead of doing it themselves.

 

I have lots more thoughts on this. I think it is very generous of texmom01 to even consider doing this for her neice. If she is able to learn about methods for teaching a child with dyslexia to read and spell, tutoring her neice could be life-changing, so for the sake of the neice, it's worth considering. But... I'm still left wondering why the parents don't want to homeschool their own child if they have decided that homeschooling is the answer. That's what homeschooling usually is usually. As the parent of a dyslexic, if I wasn't teaching my child myself, I'd want to have a tutor who knew a lot about dyslexia.

[PeterPan]

I'd tell 'em to go find a dyslexia/alternative school and plunk out the money to put her in ($25-30K). They made their bed, and they need to lie in it. The amount of work you would put into this child is EXTREME to get her ready. Sounds like they're just using you, sorry. If they want her with you, the deal is THEY PAY and get tutors for every single area that needs remediation and you will drive during the day and get her to those tutors. She needs OG, so you will take her to the OG tutor. She needs a qualified math tutor, so you will take her to the math tutor. She probably needs her eyes evaluated by a developmental optometrist (always a good thing to check, otherwise you're bicycling uphill), and you can take her to those appointments.

 

That's just totally unrealistic for you, who have no experience, to be expected to go back and learn how, right now, to remediate all that dc's problems. That would be a tremendous amount of work. You'd have to learn OG yourself. You'd have to sweat bullets over the math. Those of us who've done it on the boards KNOW how much time we've put in, which is why EKS is telling you it would take away from your kids. I would do it for my *own* dc or for an *exhorbitant* amount of money (half the cost of going to that dyslexia school). I wouldn't do it otherwise. But I'm crass. Parents have to step up to the plate and parent.

 

So yes, if the laws in your state allow, you could do it, but I'd only do it if they pay for tutors in her worst areas and pay for structured materials with clear expectations in everything else. You don't want any fighting over how things turn out. They're in denial if they think a year with you will make their dd perform like yours. I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that.

 

BTW, I'm not heartless. I'd be thinking the same thing myself. It's just taking a lot on. Make 'em pay for tutors.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

Edited November 22, 2012 by Shari
more info

[suzziesnowflake]

I have a friend that did this same thing for a person this year..Mom was not involved at all, dads in jail, ..needless to say it was a disaster...but this child was not a family member. Before undertaking this I would make sure that the family is willing to pay for a tutor and pay for something like Verticy to lessen the burden on you. Work out a schedule who will be picking up and dropping this child off at set time. Be clear that not showing up is not acceptable as well as not doing homework. This will be grounds for the the child to return to school! Make sure ground rules are set in stone. Make sure that mom and dad know that while hsing is a good thing that there is no magic pill to cure dyslexia! If mom and dad aren't on board then don't finish reading my post and tell them No! Make a suggestion for a good tutor in the area and leave it at that...

 

As for the parents complaining about the school I have nothing but sympathy for them. I know for one that schools have no interest in helping kids with LDs and parents are under the delusion that the school will help their kids.It took me a long time to figure out that we were on our own if we wanted our child to succeed!

 

As for you there is no way that a 13 year old will be up to speed by the end of the year..This child will have to go all the way back to the beginning. She can make great gains but I highly doubt that she will be up to speed. Trust me, I often wished this for my own son. Without seeing her test results I don't know if she struggles with many things or just a few. Does she have difficulty with writing, reading, memory, ADD (attentive or inattentive)? If you were to use a program like Verticy you could have her do a placement test and they could give you a program that is at her ability level which gives you a starting place. Be aware that most dyslexics are not "typical learners" in the sense that they need to *see* what they are learning. For example movies or projects for history and hands on for learning science (reading about it is not enough). Writing, grammar, spelling and phonics will have to be broken down sequentially in small bits for her. It is no small job and that is why you need support from mom and dad and a good tutor because it can drain you. You need to have energy for your own kiddos!

 

For this age group I really recommend the book

Teaching Teens with ADD, ADHD, and executive functioning deficits by Dendy

I inter loaned this book through my library and end up buying it! It is a great book to give you an idea of what a child with an LD is dealing with and how to teach them.

[Heathermomster]

I think that I would ONLY consider something like this, and I have a 13yo dyslexic child that I have homeschooled for 7+ years, is if there was tutoring with a well-respected tutor who remediates dyslexia--Orton-Gillingham, Slingerland, LindaMood-Bell, etc. multiple times a week. I would also consider having the parents pay for additional support for general tutoring/ support as needed. Likewise, I would be looking at an all-in-one curriculum that supports dyslexia, such as Verticy-- using the Kurzweil software so that the content-areas can be read to the child.

 

So, yah, I think it could be expensive for the parents for this to be done well, and to allow you to maintain your focus on the homeschooling of your other children, too.

 

:iagree:The parents will need to be prepared to get a NP report too. Tutors will expect to see the report as well.

[Lecka]

Reading other posts reminded me -- we had talked about my little BIL living with us. His parents are fine apart from school things, where they are a disaster.

 

Well, my husband felt as the other posters. He thought it would be too much for me and detract from our other kids.

 

It might be different if we lived in the same town, but we do not.

 

I also am sure my ILs would be opposed to any admittance of dyslexia b/c their extreme defensiveness.

 

My FIL actually apologized to me one day b/c he blamed himself for my son's speech issues and just thought nothing could be done. Well -- it is the year 2012, FIL. There is the Internet now. There are options available to regular people that were not available in the past.

 

For another angle -- but one I felt (personally) many times more daunting than just doing home tutoring -- you can tell them about the wrightslaw website and try to see if there is a special needs advocate in your area to help them.

 

Peter Wright has had (I think) 2 court cases where school districts had to pay for special dyslexia schools for kids. There is info about how to get measurable progress on IEPs, and how to get a good intervention program at school.

 

My first advice when my son was having trouble (in Kindergarten, and he is a rising 2nd-grader now) was to go to the wrightslaw website, and read Overcoming Dyslexia. Then make the school implement a program in line with what is recommended in Overcoming Dyslexia. Well -- this is just me, but I will take home tutoring any time. But my son is still young and with his handwriting I think I am going to have to go there if he stays in public school. (We like his school apart from reading.)

 

However even on Wrightslaw they recommend getting help outside the school district so the kids don't lose more time waiting for things to get worked out.

Edited June 18, 2012 by Lecka

[Pen]

another thought I had:

 

If your family gets along with this child well, maybe it could work to have her at your home, if tutors worked with her there, and her parents worked with her when they are at home in the evenings (I am assuming that they are near). That is, maybe to supply a location and adult supervision during the day, but not be responsible for her education. She could perhaps go on outings with you, participate in special projects, etc.

 

Possibly she could even read to your children and thus work on her reading without feeling like the level is too babyish for her (reading to youngers was sometimes helpful for my son)--depending on whether her skills are at the level of being able to do that.

 

But I still think with all the remedial needing to be done, that a school that is experienced in this would be the best choice.

[Guest txmom01]

Thanks for all of your honest thoughts. They've simply finalized what we already felt, which is that this will not work out. But now I can have the conversation with her parents with specifics as to why, and not "just because." As well as some suggestions on where they can begin if they are serious about her future. I appreciate your guidance!