"For Whom the Bell Tolls [Not]"; or, "My Father-in-Law Always Rings Twice"

[Ms. Riding Hood]

We live near my in-laws, and they often come by to drop off things. My father-in-law, of his own accord, began the welcome habit of ringing the front door bell twice, giving me notice of exactly who is at the door and allowing me to instantly decide whether to go to the door myself or send an emissary--depending on my state of dress, or lack thereof. I heartily appreciate this little double-ring gesture and the courtesy it affords.

 

My mother-in-law, however, has not been initiated into this ritual. This woman is very dear, and a most wonderful mother-in-law in almost every respect. In fact, she is such a good mother-in-law that it is rather shabby that I should criticize her for such a minor--if rather peculiar--annoyance. But here goes.

 

She always comes through our garage to our kitchen door--this, even though the garage door is shut, and the side door (leading from the sidewalk to the garage) is closed--she just lets herself into my garage. Then she taps at the kitchen door once, maybe twice--just loud enough that I might possibly hear it from two feet away. Even then I will be in the midst of wondering, "Did I just hear a knock?" when the door creaks slowly open and a head pokes in. I hear a voice saying, "Anybody home?" and then I know: ahh, it's MIL. It's silly, but I'm quite peevish about this.

 

So then one day I'm on the couch (from whence I have a clear view of the front door). Suddenly I hear a tap, tap, tap apparently coming from the sidelight/window beside the front door. Just as I'm wondering, "Did somebody just knock on the window by the door?", I see a face peek through the window, and I know: it's MIL! She's come to the front door! But alas, she still refused to ring or knock in the usual way. And after she left, I happened to notice that my garage door had been standing wide open, just waiting for such an arrival as herself. But she chose this day to use the front door.

 

Today she stopped in to leave a gift (Happy anniversary to me! And am I an ungrateful complainer or what?). I was on the back porch, scrubbing my window screens. [Did I just say I was on the back porch scrubbing my screens? Insert uproarious laughter here.] Dd was inside the house when suddenly the door creaked and MIL appeared bearing gifts. No knock at all. Dd swears it. It makes my toes curl. But the little box of Choxie chocolate does look tasty. So I'm gonna hush now.

[Julie in CA]

I feel your pain! My in-laws are very dear to me, but they just don't have the same sense of boundaries that I was raised with.

 

I'm so glad they're bringing you good stuff! Chocolate does ease any kind of discomfort, I think :D.

 

Can you really *gush* over how much you appreciate your fil's method, when they are both around? That might help (?). Maybe not, but it's worth a try.

 

Oh, and happy anniversary! :party:

[Jean in Newcastle]

When we were first married we lived in a rental home owned by my in-laws. They gave us a very good rental rate which helped us newlyweds get on our feet financially. BUT they had a key to the house. And came in (without knocking at anytime day or night.) (There were some other major boundary issues but I'm choosing to ignore those right now!) I just wanted to say that I feel your pain!

 

My advice:

I would ask her to knock at the front door. If you have a good enough relationship you could humorously train her in the "secret knock" and promise to always answer the door if you are home.

 

If there are boundary issues that you can't get around any other way, I would lock the door going into the house from the garage if you can (I know it can be a pain for kids going in and out.) And I would lower the blinds next to the front door!

[disneymom]

I too feel your pain except both of my in-laws just walk in my house. They took the liberty of programming their garage door opener to open my garage door. I have asked them to please use the front door and use the doorbell but they still just walk in the garage door. My dh doesn't understand the problem. I would never just walk into their house. We have had many fights over this. In fact, I think the only thing we ever fight over is his parents.

[Remudamom]

This woman is very dear, and a most wonderful mother-in-law in almost every respect. In fact, she is such a good mother-in-law that it is rather shabby that I should criticize her for such a minor--if rather peculiar--annoyance.

 

I'd say you better count your blessings. There are far worse mils out there.

[Mrs Mungo]

Clearly, you are dressed way too often. That is the trouble. If she caught you wet fom the shower and/or naked more often she would be more hesitant. :lol:

[Lisa in Jax]

Clearly, you are dressed way too often. That is the trouble. If she caught you wet fom the shower and/or naked more often she would be more hesitant. :lol:

 

Thanks for the chuckle today. I needed it!

 

Lisa:lol:

[Sharon H in IL]

I'm thinking along the same lines as Mrs. Mungo. A little aversion training might be in order. Not necessarily involving nudity, but not necessarily omitting it.

[Danestress]

It was on my nerves a bit, and then I decided that she probably doesn't want to ring and make me get up from whatever I was doing.

[Mom0012]

I would start locking the doors because I would not like to be surprised like that at all.

 

Lisa

[Ms. Riding Hood]

Oh man, after reading about some of your in-law habits, I am floored. Wow. I think I'd have to move.

 

Remudamom, you are so correct!

[WTMindy]

Annoying? Sure, but certainly not worth making an issue over! If someone is going to bring me a gift they can enter through whatever door they want!! :001_smile: Try and change your thinking on the matter. Every time she comes through the garage door think, "Oh, what a wonderful thing that my mil feels comfortable at my house." (or something silly like that.) Life is too short to hold small grudges!!

[Danestress]

I would start locking the doors because I would not like to be surprised like that at all.

 

Lisa

 

She has a key:)

 

I don't love it, but I don't make an issue out of it. I guess some part of me feels that she raised my husband, and she should feel like his home is her home in a limited way.

 

Of course, my mother wouldn't even knock on my door without calling first to make sure it was a good time - and she doesn't like calling during the day becuase she knows I am busy, and doesn't like calling at night because she thinks that's my time for DH, lol, so she is careful to a fault. Takes all types:)