Juniper Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) I remember hearing this, believing it, teaching it, becoming rather unsettled by it, feeling like it made God really small and limited in His healing, and finally coming to disregard it entirely. I cannot fathom a God that brings the dead to life, multiplies loaves and fishes, and has all the power of Creation, having the least trouble healing, replacing, or creating more pieces of anyone's heart. (to use the op's illustration.) I loved before dh, I love dh, and should anything happen to him I am sure I would love again. Edited May 17, 2012 by Juniper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 ETA: Here are the parts of your post that had me thinking you were talking for other people besides yourself. "We" and "you" can be used in the general sense. She clearly stated she recognized that she was in the minority, so she's obviously not trying to speak "for" anyone except herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) Lisa R.Love multiplies. We don't need to worry about love running out. So...the more the merrier? One has more love to give if she has been with 20 partners than if she has been with 5? Or only 1? Not following that. I do understand this, I think. While it is true that we learn what we do not like or want when dating, when it gets sexual over and over again, I think that hurts us, and is not in our best interest. And we all know that "dating" today, mainly means serial sexual relationships. I do see a positive value in waiting for the right person before going down that path, now that I'm old and gray, that of course, I ridiculed in my younger years. I grew up during the "me" generation - the 70's. Edited May 17, 2012 by TranquilMind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) i'm sure that happens too. i don't think it has to be and/or. i believe it's both. the outcome of one's marriage has much more to do with whether or not you dated beforehand, that i am certain of. I'm not sure I'm following this... are you saying that dating relationships with others prior to marriage directly affect the outcome of a marriage? :confused: And if so, which one would be, by that train of thought, preferable? Having relationships beforehand? Or not? i agree. i didn't take her post as speaking for anyone other than herself. we all have very personal experiences, and i assume each poster is sharing from personal hurts or triumphs that shaped their own thoughts being shared here. :iagree: For real. Leave the woman alone. :D No regret, no baggage. I even had a *child* before I met my dh. We're 15 years strong. If this sentiment were true, then if someone had a spouse who died, then they wouldn't have any "heart" left to give someone else. I used to care about such things when I was younger, but now I realize that it falls into the category of things that happen and aren't the end of the world. Some things matter so much more than whether someone had a boyfriend or girlfriend before they met their spouse. THIS 100x over. Seriously. (assuming s*x isn't part of the equation for the prior relationships.) Oh, and I also didn't understand the analogy of love multiplying re:kids when the subject is teen dating. They are nowhere near the same thing, IMO. Any 'love' that most people feel for their teenage relationships is usually not multiplied or anything like that when they get married... it goes away. :confused: I guess maybe I'm in the minority on that one, but I've never heard of anyone still 'loving' someone when they are married to someone else. If that was the case, I don't understand why they would be married...??? Edited May 17, 2012 by PeacefulChaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 I remember hearing this, believing it, teaching it, becoming rather unsettled by it, feeling like it made God really small and limited in His healing, and finally coming to disregard it entirely. I cannot fathom a God that brings the dead to life, multiplies loves and fishes, and has all the power of Creation, having the least trouble healing, replacing, or creating more pieces of anyone's heart. (to use the op's illustration.) I loved before dh, I love dh, and should anything happen to him I am sure I would love again. hear hear!!!! God makes all things new. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 "If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you're giving away pieces of your heart to that person that you will never get back. Your *whole* heart should be reserved for your future spouse." :confused: :) I just go to the Word...not a thing mentioned in it about the above...why it even tells brothers to marry their brother's widow....it talks about being virtuous..but man has contorted many ideas to their belief systems...not God's. I have no problem if people feel led to follow such tenets, but to make declarative statements as fact...I think that is just plain self-serving and wrong. The Bible is very clear on many things...I don't get why some faiths choose to believe singing with music is against God, why you can not 'choose' God but only He can choose you, why women can not wear pants or cut their hair, why they chose Saturday as the Sabbath or won't eat meat....all those things are to me, minor details that are not clearly defined in the Bible....I just don't go there....I remember a couple in college who refused to hold hands or even kiss before their wedding...fine for them, just don't try to convince me I was wrong for doing so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 I don't like the phrase, but I think the reference was originally linked to the Biblical concept of when you have sex, you are linked/ in union with the person you had sex with. I Cor. 6:15- 16 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “ The two shall become one flesh.†So I think the idea of giving away a piece of your heart is really giving away a piece of your soul because you were made one with that person. This, exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 I'm not sure I'm following this... are you saying that dating relationships with others prior to marriage directly affect the outcome of a marriage? :confused: no, that wasn't what i meant to imply. but i'm sure past relationships probably can and have affected some marriages. it really varies by individuals and circumstances i'm sure. in my own marriage though, no. we are not affected by past relationships at all. my response was in regard to someone having a midlife crisis and abandoning their family to go sow their wild oats. i believe when people behave extremely, it isn't because of something they did or didn't do as a teenager. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 "We" and "you" can be used in the general sense. She clearly stated she recognized that she was in the minority, so she's obviously not trying to speak "for" anyone except herself. No, it wasn't clear, that is the point. I liken it to someone who says, "I don't mean to insult/offend you," and then goes on for the next 10 minutes doing precisely that. It was the repeated used of those terms that made the tone of it come across, to me, as speaking for a much broader group than just herself. I understand that she may not have intended it that way, and said as much to her. But every time I read that part, it still comes across as offensive to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 no, that wasn't what i meant to imply. but i'm sure past relationships probably can and have affected some marriages. it really varies by individuals and circumstances i'm sure. in my own marriage though, no. we are not affected by past relationships at all. my response was in regard to someone having a midlife crisis and abandoning their family to go sow their wild oats. i believe when people behave extremely, it isn't because of something they did or didn't do as a teenager. Ok, gotcha. :) I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 I remember hearing this, believing it, teaching it, becoming rather unsettled by it, feeling like it made God really small and limited in His healing, and finally coming to disregard it entirely. I cannot fathom a God that brings the dead to life, multiplies loaves and fishes, and has all the power of Creation, having the least trouble healing, replacing, or creating more pieces of anyone's heart. (to use the op's illustration.) I loved before dh, I love dh, and should anything happen to him I am sure I would love again. :iagree: I agree with warning teenagers about choosing a mate wisely and not getting too attached too soon to one particular person. I didn't meet my now-husband until I was 24. He's the only boyfriend I've had and the only man I've ever kissed. I wouldn't change that for anything. He came into our marriage with several prior relationships, one of which hurt him very, very deeply and affected our relationship early on. However, that experience is part of what shaped him into the man I love today. All of our experiences shape who we become. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 I didn't meet my now-husband until I was 24. He's the only boyfriend I've had and the only man I've ever kissed. I wouldn't change that for anything. oh my gosh, that is seriously the absolute sweetest thing ever!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 I don't get it really - Is not better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I wish I could safe guard my children from having a broken heart, but I can not. I also hope they don't marry the first person they date. I also hope they don't date until they are mature enough to handle it. I also hope for a lot of things that are ultimately out of my control. I just know I don't regret having had a boyfriend who I loved (not intimate with) before I met my husband. It helped to mature and I knew better how to be in a relationship. I also realized how great he was. :iagree: Also, loving other people in no way takes away from my love for my dh. I'm quite grateful for previous relationships, because I learned and grew during those times. I'm the sum of my experiences; the person my dh came to know and love would have been quite different if she had never known or experienced any connections before meeting him. I completely agree. Is her "we" the royal we? Or does she have worms? :lol: You always make me laugh. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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