Another baby at almost 40? Maybe the baby boat already sailed?

[summer]

I was so convicted on having another baby. DH and I have 4 children. We have had losses (but our decision is not based on that and we have moved on). My youngest now is 4 and we realized if we do not get in gear, we will never have another. I never thought I was tha old, until I tried to get pregnant again and everything. Turns out, believe it or not, at 40, I have heard very low stats on the ability to get pregnant? I do not seem to be ovulating anymore, or at least detectably. I probably would ovulate eventually, but because of my age, the doctor has moved me on to a fertility medication. This is fine. I have always been a very slow person to get pregnant. Then I have gotten pregnant before out of the blue when I was not trying anymore. But you get the idea.

 

The problem is, I am looking around and suddenly feel that maybe I really am too old. I already have 4 children and I never ever see people with this many children actively trying for more like this. Then, all the things that "can go wrong" at my age start going through my head and I am starting to wonder if perhaps I should just shut the door on having another baby and move on. My DH is very involved in his career at this point and time, but says he really wants another baby. He says he knows at "our age" that it is likely now or never so we better have another now.

 

And I am worried that when I have 5 children (or 6 considering the fact that we are using the medication), that I just will never be one of those women who wants to say that I am done having children or that I will be so exhausted because I am so much older, or I will have so little time to spend with my older children who are getting closer to being out of the house. Plus, I actually do not know anyone else having babies. I think I am the younger of my general friends.

 

Anyway, anyone with larger families, or chose not to have one, or who had another baby at older (I will be about to turn 39 when I have this one if I get pregnant this next month)? I used to be so certain, and I do not know if it is PMS or just certain people harping on my age or what, but would it actually be possible I could regret this? (also, recently a family member of mine got pregnant who was younger than me and was desparate to not be pregnant as her youngest was 8 and she worked herself up so much from being upset about it. I really had the impression she got pregnant on purpose as she definitely knows better and admitted to me that she had not used birth control in a while)

 

In otherwords, I have always wanted a big family, but now I worry that my boat has actually sailed, and I need to move on? (also, I have been seeing all the threads lately about accepting not having another and worry that is what I should be doing).

[PeterPan]

Well conceiving isn't guaranteed even with fertility meds. Of course 40 is not too late, haha. Now *60* is kinda pushing it, but 40 is pretty common. What you might do, for your own peace of mind, is talk with your dh and establish a time frame of how long you're willing to be on the meds and how far with interventions you're willing to go. Those fertility meds also have long-term consequences, upping your cancer risk, etc. (you can research it yourself)

[Susie in SWVA]

Never say your boat has sailed! I have a dear friend (retired homeschool mom) who is expecting a baby. She is 51. Her youngest son is 25. Surprise, surprise!

 

Susie in SWVA

[LisaKinVA]

I'll be 40 in December... pregnant (definitely wasn't trying for this one). I have four children already, oldest is almost 9, youngest almost 2. So, you wouldn't be alone!

[Elisabeth in IL]

Well conceiving isn't guaranteed even with fertility meds. Of course 40 is not too late, haha. Now *60* is kinda pushing it, but 40 is pretty common. What you might do, for your own peace of mind, is talk with your dh and establish a time frame of how long you're willing to be on the meds and how far with interventions you're willing to go.

 

:iagree: I was 39 with my last son. It is definately not too old. The question, if you are a Christian, is what does God want you to do and what does he want for your life. Sometimes we want something that isn't the best for us and sometimes we need to work and wait for what God wants for us. Wishing you the best in your journey for another child!

[HollyDay]

Can you find a good nutritionist who deals with women's health? I had lots of hormonal troubles in my early 40s. She was able to put me on a better diet and some great supplements to "get those cranky old ovaries moving". We were not trying to conceive, but I was trying to ovulate more regularly to help with monthly issues. She was a great help

[Quiver0f10]

I am 39, have 10 kids, and am praying for one to two more. I don't think you are too old :)

[amyable]

I turned 39 a few months after having my 5th (who is now 9 months). I definitely think you are NOT too old. But my personal conviction is that I would just let nature take its course, and not use the meds. I would let my body tell me when I was too old or not. And FWIW I have a friend who had her first at 45 and her second at 47! She was on meds for a time *before* she got pregnant, but had stopped before conceiving naturally.

 

:grouphug:

[mom2g2b]

I just turned 40 and will have my 4th sometime in the next month. I took fertility pills to have my first child and just got pregnant with the next two. Doing nothing to prevent pregnancy there will be a little over seven years between my son and this new baby.

 

This pregnancy has been more difficult due to the gestational diabetes being harder to control. I have to go to the doctor twice a week for non-stress tests and bio-physical ultrasounds. My goal is to have a healthy baby so we are doing what it takes to get her here safely. I don't regret being pregnant and look forward to holding this little one.

 

Vickie

[kailuamom]

You are not too old -- a lot of people are not having their first until 40 these days -- but I hear you with all of your concerns. When we got (surprise!) pg with our 1 yo, a whole new set of fears came about because of my age. We are very blessed and I absolutely love my family of four. But, I will be honest and say that, at least for me, being pregnant and having an infant was MUCH harder at 39 than it was at 28 (when I had my first). It is just more taxing all around (especially the breastfeeding/hormones on my body this time around) as you get older. Again, that is me. And every child is worth it. But, we are "done," so to speak, as far as adding to the bunch -- at least that is our plan.

 

Good luck with your decision.

[Sue G in PA]

My midwife has clients well into their 40's still having babies. And, I've had several friends conceive at 40 or close to it. A good IRL friend had twins at 40...her "second family" so to speak b/c she had grown children as well. I don't believe all the junk that says just b/c you are over 35 means you are high risk. I'd say go for it if that's what your heart is leading you to do. Good luck!

[laughing lioness]

We had our 5th at 40. Great pregnancy, good delivery. She is a JOY! I honestly wish we had another one or two more :)