Son won't stop talking--ideas

[sbgrace]

My son (8) has an autism spectrum (pdd-nos) diagnosis. He tells stories (made up) all the time. He does this in public too--out loud and looking to people for response.

 

I cannot make him stop talking--no one can. He talks through doctors appointments--telling stories to the doctor, children's church, library events, etc. much of the time. I am finding it increasingly embarrassing and disruptive as he gets older. It limits what he can participate in among other things.

 

Does anyone have ideas of what I can do? Missing things doesn't seem to help him, talking about it before hand, rewards/consequences, etc. It's like he can't help himself. If he has a book to read that helps stop the stories for a while but he "has" to read out loud too.

 

He does this--the stories, the reading out loud, etc. at home as well. He's literally always making noises or talking. Even if he's listening to an audio book or watching a video he talks about it, laughs loudly, etc.

 

Any thoughts or experiences?

 

I can't send him to school (our local school would wreck him) but I wonder if they could somehow stop it. I really want him to be able to participate in age group activities without being disruptive. Plus the constant story telling seems weird (because it is) to peers.

Edited April 17, 2012 by sbgrace

[honeymommy4]

Can you allow the discussions sometimes, but not everywhere, or limit it - say at a Doctor's appt? Tell him he can discuss things with the doctor or ask questions, but then you are going to tell him when it is time to stop.

 

Does he understand when you say, OK we need to listen now, we need to stop talking, close our mouths and listen - if he is embarrassed by this can you give him a sign?

I don't have an autistic child so sorry if this is way off base. I think it will just take extra teaching as to where you can have discussions/talk and when. Laughing out loud doesn't seem like a problem even in situations that are quiet, but it probably seems to add to the problem in your perspective.

[mom4peace]

Could it be impulsive (ADHD) related? ADHD walks with spectrum disorders quite frequently, and this might be worth pursuing.

[merry gardens]

Can you allow the discussions sometimes, but not everywhere, or limit it - say at a Doctor's appt? Tell him he can discuss things with the doctor or ask questions, but then you are going to tell him when it is time to stop.

 

Does he understand when you say, OK we need to listen now, we need to stop talking, close our mouths and listen - if he is embarrassed by this can you give him a sign?

I don't have an autistic child so sorry if this is way off base. I think it will just take extra teaching as to where you can have discussions/talk and when. Laughing out loud doesn't seem like a problem even in situations that are quiet, but it probably seems to add to the problem in your perspective.

I don't have an autistic child either, but I have a talkative child and am somewhat familiar with language processing disorders and autism. Honeymommy's response got me thinking about what I know of language processing and listening. So now I'm thinking "outloud" about this on my little computer screen...

 

sbgrace--have you ever had your son's hearing and auditory processing evaluated? Is it possible that he's talking because he's not able to listen and process what's being said without involving his own voice?

 

My experience with a very talkative extended family member (in a family where autism is present) is that she doesn't just have a talking problem but also a listening and processing problem. I can't tell which came first.

[sbgrace]

Thank you all so much for replying with thoughts!

 

Can you allow the discussions sometimes, but not everywhere, or limit it - say at a Doctor's appt? Tell him he can discuss things with the doctor or ask questions, but then you are going to tell him when it is time to stop.

 

Does he understand when you say, OK we need to listen now, we need to stop talking, close our mouths and listen - if he is embarrassed by this can you give him a sign?

I don't have an autistic child so sorry if this is way off base. I think it will just take extra teaching as to where you can have discussions/talk and when. Laughing out loud doesn't seem like a problem even in situations that are quiet, but it probably seems to add to the problem in your perspective.

 

We've had two appointments in the last week and both we talked before hand about "pausing" after the beginning chat. I do believe he understands what I'm asking him to do and he agrees beforehand but it doesn't happen. I do remind him in office/in the moment and he's not embarrassed but neither does it stop. I believe he really does intend to but he can't. It seems like that anyway. Afterward he always tells me he'll do better next time. I really think he means it. What I can't sort out is if what he's getting from talking so much outweighs any restraint he could practice. He seems incapable but it's hard to tell if he really is.

 

A therapist once told me he was stimming verbally with that constant talking. That's a discouraging thought though certainly possible. It's hard to know if it's purely that or he just finds telling stories so entertaining that he does it for that reason. Sometimes I think it might be an attempt to keep himself going if that makes sense at all. He's constantly moving and talking. I think it might be worse when he's tired. At any rate it seems like he's either moving/talking or half asleep.

 

Could it be impulsive (ADHD) related? ADHD walks with spectrum disorders quite frequently, and this might be worth pursuing.

 

Probably to certainly there is an ADHD component in this child. I've hesitated to medicate him or seek diagnosis because he's tiny (really tiny--as in not on the growth scale tiny) as it is. I don't want to affect his growth more than it already is. Are you thinking, though, that medication might help him with this issue? I may have to weigh things.

 

 

sbgrace--have you ever had your son's hearing and auditory processing evaluated? Is it possible that he's talking because he's not able to listen and process what's being said without involving his own voice?

 

My experience with a very talkative extended family member (in a family where autism is present) is that she doesn't just have a talking problem but also a listening and processing problem. I can't tell which came first.

 

Huh. I don't know! He's processing through talking for sure. For example when he's talking in church he's often talking about what the pastor is saying. When he's reading for example he reads out loud and then comes to me to tell me what he just read that he thought was funny or interesting or whatever. When I read to him, though, he reads along silently and is still processing enough to make comments here and there when something catches him. Is he "borrowing" my voice though to process in that case?

 

Essentially, how would I know if he has to talk to process or if that's just his preference so to speak? Is there anything that can be done if it is a processing issue? What would a disorder like that be called? The sad part is I had to stop autism therapies (all therapies) with him as we just couldn't afford it anymore. I would like, though, to at least read about this to see if it fits. Is there a way I could try something here to see if he can process without talking/hearing something aloud?

Edited April 17, 2012 by sbgrace

[rafiki]

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[sbgrace]

My ADHD combined typer wakes up talking and goes to bed talking.

 

We're working on social cues and learning how to talk to your self in your head, but not physically out loud.

 

 

How old is your combined type child? If you have time, what are you/the therapist doing to help with the talking in head idea?

 

You mentioned social cues--do ADHD kids without spectrum stuff have issues with social cues?

[honeymommy4]

I think what I meant is it is going to be an ongoing learning process. Since you are really noticing it now, you are just starting to handle it, so i would just keep reminding him or don't expose him to those situations yet. Maybe only attend the ones that you think are extremely important. I wouldn't punish but gently remind - however if it's not even clicking in his mind yet then i would avoid those situations or use them to just keep working on it. :)

[Heathermomster]

I wonder if you could give him a squeeze toy or something to hold, particularly at times when he needs to settle down. Not to be used constantly, but limited to important times when it is critical that he be quiet.

 

Guessing wildly here...

[Critterfixer]

Oh, I've got two that are TALKERS and only one is on the spectrum. I was also noted to be "quite a talker" when I was little, and I am also on the spectrum. Not so talkative now except in spells.

 

My autistic son actually had trouble with language early in life, so I don't really try to limit his talking when he talks to himself. He does tell stories, but not so much now that he discovered that he could write! The spelling is awful and the handwriting he does for himself is just about as bad--but can that kid ever write! In less than three months he's filled three notebooks full of stories involving all of his favorite stuffed animals. Moreover, they are not just stories. In virtually all of them he has the characters interacting with each other: asking questions, working with each other, solving problems, making friends, dealing with situations in which one character is not acting right and has to be corrected.....

In short-he's making social stories for himself. We talk about them.

 

I'm not sure if this is what your child is doing, but story making, telling it out-loud may have a hidden silver lining.

 

As for my boys, we work on their verbosity. I encourage and reward thoughtful talking--spending some time composing a sentence or story before telling it to me. Out in public we work on using dialogue appropriate to the situation--sort of acting the part. Stories are not part of that, but collecting material for other stories could be. I've lost count of how many times we have had an outing and that particular outing shows up in the next story.

 

I share your son's need to read out-loud. My DH can't stand it, but I JUST HAVE TO! I sometimes have trouble expressing my own thoughts and feelings verbally. They are disjointed and sometimes don't tie together properly. So when I find something that is written well or expresses something of what I want to say, I just have to share it. As a child my stories served the same purpose--at times demonstrating my differences in ways that I didn't have the words for at the time. Sometimes I used them to create a world that I could share with others, as my own world was too different for them to experience.

 

Just some rambling thoughts, but don't be too eager to stop the talking, however disconcerting or monotonous it is. There could well be a purpose to it.

[herekittykitty]

Well, the first thing that came to my mind was that you could carve out time each day for him to tell stories to you or members of your family, and then scribe everything he says. Maybe he would find it satisfying to have his stories written down? Others have a had lots of ideas about how to modify the behavior when it's not appropriate, but I was thinking that writing them all down would be a nice to way to communicate to him that his stories are really special and his storytelling ability is a strength when done at the right time.

[Gisele Marie]

My girlie is a big talker too. She talks in the bathroom...and of course when I'm on the phone...everywhere. I have encouraged her as she's gotten older to realize that we don't need to say everything we think. This has helped her some. Bless you!

Gisele

[Cosmos]

We're working on social cues and learning how to talk to your self in your head, but not physically out loud.

 

I wanted to highlight this point.

 

This seems like it could be a key. It's not that he has to STOP talking. He just needs to learn to do it silently, i.e. thinking to himself.

 

OP, does that sound like it might be a strategy to pursue? Trying to stop a habit is much harder than trying start a new one.

[Barbara H]

Two ideas.

 

1. I'm wondering if you've tried to teach him some stock phrases. "Can I tell you a story about..." "Are you interested in..." "I am trying to figure out something can I explain it to you..." That's the easy part, now the hard part comes when he doesn't use them. That's when you really need to interrupt him every time. "You forgot to ask if I was interested in hearing..." "Did you need to talk to figure something out..." And, repeat. It isn't easy to do because you don't want to hurt his feelings, but it is important and it needs to happen. For a while when he asks I'd tend to be very enthusiastic about saying "yes" and then setting a limit "I need to make a call so I have time for one more minute..."

 

2. Has he tried a tape recorder? That might give him some free time happiness to be able to tape himself and listen back. Years from now it will actually make you happy to hear it too. Hard to believe now I'm sure.

[dkpalaska]

I found it really interesting that he can process/follow along silently while you read to him, but has to talk all the time otherwise. I wonder if there is a way to use this as you continue working on when it is appropriate to talk and when to stay silent. Maybe one experiment could be for you to make a recording of your voice reading favorite books, and then give him headphones so he could listen to them during "critical quiet" times, and see if that helps him. Perhaps it could be a bridge to gradually learning how to keep his voice in his head. Or perhaps it could just give you a break. :)

 

Like other posts have mentioned, I get the talking itself. My oldest (HFA) has to talk out situations to himself, out loud, and I still do that sometimes (for example, I often talk out difficult conversations that I see coming up). It's a processing thing, at least with us.

 

I will be thinking about you. We have many times when "Mommy's head is full, it's time for five minutes of absolute quiet!"

[SonshineLearner]

My son (8) has an autism spectrum (pdd-nos) diagnosis. He tells stories (made up) all the time. He does this in public too--out loud and looking to people for response.

 

I cannot make him stop talking--no one can. He talks through doctors appointments--telling stories to the doctor, children's church, library events, etc. much of the time. I am finding it increasingly embarrassing and disruptive as he gets older. It limits what he can participate in among other things.

 

Does anyone have ideas of what I can do? Missing things doesn't seem to help him, talking about it before hand, rewards/consequences, etc. It's like he can't help himself. If he has a book to read that helps stop the stories for a while but he "has" to read out loud too.

 

He does this--the stories, the reading out loud, etc. at home as well. He's literally always making noises or talking. Even if he's listening to an audio book or watching a video he talks about it, laughs loudly, etc.

 

Any thoughts or experiences?

 

I can't send him to school (our local school would wreck him) but I wonder if they could somehow stop it. I really want him to be able to participate in age group activities without being disruptive. Plus the constant story telling seems weird (because it is) to peers.

 

I have your son's twin! :)

[mktkcb]

have you thought about any concrete behavior mod. on this one...what would happen if he *physically* put his hand over his mouth to keep himself from talking. For like 10 seconds. Could he do it? Maybe start with several seconds with meaningful immediate rewards, and work up from there? If he learns with a physical cue, he might later be able to transfer that to a mental one. Just a thought. I know when mine were small and wanted to touch everything in sight, they had to clasp their hands behind their back, or physically put them in their pockets. Something that physically prevented the behavior we were working to eliminate.

[sbgrace]

Wow! Thank you all for replying with great thoughts, your own experience, etc. This has been incredibly helpful to me.

[mo2]

I have your son's twin! :)

 

If you have the twin, then I have their younger sibling. My 5yo is the same way. Whenever I mention it to anyone (who, obviously, do not spend as much time around him as I do), I get reassured that it's normal 5yo behavior and I'm being the anxious, overreacting mother. I get that a lot. :glare:

 

But, really, I don't think he *can* stop talking. We've practiced the difference between noisy and quiet. We've discussed that sometimes grown-ups need quiet to think, discuss grown-up topics, etc. And he understands the theory. He understands *why* he needs to be quiet sometimes. But then it doesn't happen. I ask him to talk inside his head, but he says he can't, doesn't know how. And, frankly, I don't know how to teach him *how* to do it. I mean, what are the step-by-step instructions for keeping your thoughts in your head? :confused:

 

I empathize with you, OP. I really do. My poor son is constantly getting in trouble for talking, and I haven't yet found the way to help him.