Sharilynn29 Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I have a 13yo ds. He seems to be exhibiting many of the "typical" teenage behaviors. I have to say that I am at a loss with him right now. He is a good kid, but he and I do battle daily. He speaks to me in the most disrespectful tone. He'll flat out say no to me. Other than that, he does his chores, does his schoolwork, has good friends, attends church with us. We have always been close and still have fun together. I just feel like the daily grind is becoming too much for him and me. How do I help bring harmony back into our relationship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 It seems there are a lot of good books on teens and teen boys. I'd start there. I don't have a teen yet, but I've seen others recommend books about teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaz Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 You mention that you still have fun together. Can you add to that time? Can you find another non-school way to relate to him? My ds loves Halo so I'm reading the book series aloud just with him (zzzzzz, but don't tell him that ;) ). We both enjoy our time together and the closeness seems to translate into other parts of our day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) What does his dad think? Sometimes dad needs to step in and make in perfectly clear that no matter how a child may be feeling he is never, ever allowed to speak disrespectfully to you. Also, have your son be directly accountable for his schoolwork to your dh. If he gives you grief about any of his work, you can say, "that's fine - you can discuss that with your dad." Boys at this age are trying to become young men and need to be less directed by the mothers and more directed by their fathers, imo. Your dh doesn't have to do any teaching - he just needs to check the list of work and make sure it got done. He also needs to be reminding your son that you are his wife and he will not tolerate anyone, least of all his son, speaking disrespectfully to you. It's just not allowed. He has a currency of some sort (video games, tv time, a sport he's involved in - something he has a vested interest in) and you can use that as leverage if he doesn't comply. I think it's pretty typical for boys this age to find their moms annoying. They are trying so hard to grow up. It's a rough time. Like I said, I think it really helps a ton if dad steps in and pulls tightly on the reins. ETA: Here's a website that might be helpful. http://www.raisingrealmen.com/ Edited again to recommend this book: Age of Opportunity by Ted Tripp Edited April 11, 2012 by Kathleen in VA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 What does his dad think? Sometimes dad needs to step in and make in perfectly clear that no matter how a child may be feeling he is never, ever allowed to speak disrespectfully to you. Also, have your son be directly accountable for his schoolwork to your dh. If he gives you grief about any of his work, you can say, "that's fine - you can discuss that with your dad." Boys at this age are trying to become young men and need to be less directed by the mothers and more directed by their fathers, imo. Your dh doesn't have to do any teaching - he just needs to check the list of work and make sure it got done. He also needs to be reminding your son that you are his wife and he will not tolerate anyone, least of all his son, speaking disrespectfully to you. It's just not allowed. He has a currency of some sort (video games, tv time, a sport he's involved in - something he has a vested interest in) and you can use that as leverage if he doesn't comply. I think it's pretty typical for boys this age to find their moms annoying. They are trying so hard to grow up. It's a rough time. Like I said, I think it really helps a ton if dad steps in and pulls tightly on the reins. ETA: Here's a website that might be helpful. http://www.raisingrealmen.com/ I agree with Kathleen. Also - boys this age need a lot of physical work or fitness opportunities. Being able to sweat really hard helps them hormonally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 from my experience, 13 is the absolutely worst age for boys. They grow out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 What does his dad think? Sometimes dad needs to step in and make in perfectly clear that no matter how a child may be feeling he is never, ever allowed to speak disrespectfully to you. Also, have your son be directly accountable for his schoolwork to your dh. If he gives you grief about any of his work, you can say, "that's fine - you can discuss that with your dad." Boys at this age are trying to become young men and need to be less directed by the mothers and more directed by their fathers, imo. Your dh doesn't have to do any teaching - he just needs to check the list of work and make sure it got done. He also needs to be reminding your son that you are his wife and he will not tolerate anyone, least of all his son, speaking disrespectfully to you. It's just not allowed. He has a currency of some sort (video games, tv time, a sport he's involved in - something he has a vested interest in) and you can use that as leverage if he doesn't comply. I think it's pretty typical for boys this age to find their moms annoying. They are trying so hard to grow up. It's a rough time. Like I said, I think it really helps a ton if dad steps in and pulls tightly on the reins. ETA: Here's a website that might be helpful. http://www.raisingrealmen.com/ Edited again to recommend this book: Age of Opportunity by Ted Tripp :iagree: I agree with Jean about the sweating too. Speaking to my dh and his friends this is nothing new and they talk nostalgically about butting heads with their dads during the teen years. They are really learning to be men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jen3kids Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 My oldest is 14.5 and he and I frequently battle, but what has worked wonders for us to get outside and do stuff together. He was on Spring Break this last week and we got out for 3 hikes. One was pretty short, one long one was with his little brother where older ds got to 'show him the ropes' of backpacking and the third one was just the two of us again. I let him lead the hike, choose the directions, stopping for lunch/breaks. It was marvellous. We had lots of laughs. He also joined my girl scouts on a 14 mile bike ride. Physical activity is key for him. When he is being a couch slug, his behaviour can be pretty awful. I also speak frankly to him when he's being disrespectful. Sometimes he doesn't realize it and needs a reminder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I agree with Kathleen and Jean- Dad needs to be involved and physical activity is a must. It does get better. But not before your hair all turns gray and you've consumed obscene amounts of dark chocolate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharilynn29 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Share Posted April 11, 2012 Thank you so much for your thoughts. This will really help me in moving forward. He definitely does better with lots of exercise and sleep. Also, I agree with him pulling away from mom and needing to hear from his dad more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I wanted to gently add that it may be helpful to check your tone with him if you think your annoyance may be coming through when you speak to him. Boys that age don't like being told what to do but (mine at least) doesn't mind being asked. I know it's a small thing, but it does seem to help tremendously in my relationship with my own 13yo ds (when I remember to do it, which isn't always). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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