How do you know when your dc is NOT ready to potty train?

[Wee Pip]

I've read all of the signs that say my child IS ready to potty train - but how do you know that they are NOT ready to potty train? You know, they match all the readiness signs, but....(fill in the blank). Thanks! (BTW, my own little potty trainer is turning 3 in 3 weeks, has all the readiness signs, but something just seems to be amiss somehow. Not sure if it's her, me, or both of us).

[kwg]

When mine peed and just went right on playing-without even moving out of the puddle :ack2:- I put a diaper back on. Much better second time around. I can not remember how long it was though; I want to say 4-6 months?

[Mommy22alyns]

When absolutely nothing motivates them to use the potty? Not special undies, not treats, not toys, nothing.

[LostSurprise]

They can go all day without urinating (even with tons of drinks), so they just don't know what it feels like.

 

I had one child like that (boy). He's a people pleaser but he had no idea what peeing felt like so he couldn't translate the feeling into the action.

 

He was night trained before he was day trained. He day trained the week before he turned 4. We accidentally managed to have him in front of the toilet when his body released his urine. He got it immediately and reproduced it the next day and from then on.

[MrsBear]

DS7 was ready early, like 18 months, and I worked with him, but he just didn't want to do it yet....preferred not having to stop playing and actually asked for his diaper/pull-up back! He'd been dry overnight since 14-16 months and that remained even though DH still wanted him in a pull-up overnight.

 

I gave it back....then a couple of months later, we were on vacation and he declared he was a big boy now and didn't need his pull-ups anymore, and he didn't. What changed? I have no idea, but do know when we got into the rental cabin for the week, he liked that bathroom a lot, so maybe that's what motivated him? I have no clue, but whatever it was, it worked, he was done with pull-ups and diapers.

[Jen in PA]

When mine peed and just went right on playing-without even moving out of the puddle :ack2:- I put a diaper back on. Much better second time around. I can not remember how long it was though; I want to say 4-6 months?

 

:iagree:This was my DS! He just didn't care what he was sitting in, he would keep on playing. We stopped trying to train him, and then he trained very quickly when we gave it another try a few months later.

[chepyl]

When absolutely nothing motivates them to use the potty? Not special undies, not treats, not toys, nothing.

 

:iagree:We tried stickers, candy, toys, potty parties, big girl panties...everything we could think of! She was just not interested. It disrupts their playtime to try every 30-60 minutes. She did not like that. She also has a bladder of steel :glare: She will go all night, and at least 2 hours some mornings before she goes - and she drinks pretty steadily all day. Her need to go so little made it harder to catch her when she did really need to go. She got sick of playtime being interrupted before we had one success.

 

We waited 6 months and tried again with great success. I filled her with sugary drinks that would go through her quickly ;) Normally my kids get milk and water at home and juice and maybe a sprite when we are out. I let her have all the Capri Suns and Sprite she wanted for a weekend.

[Mystie]

When mine peed and just went right on playing-without even moving out of the puddle :ack2:- I put a diaper back on. Much better second time around. I can not remember how long it was though; I want to say 4-6 months?

 

Same here. I had one, 3yo, during Day #1 potty-training, squatting playing with blocks, pee, and never move or notice at all. Back went the diaper for another 6 months. Took to it right away by then. It took him longer for awareness to click in.

[Gisel_le]

Mine is 25 months old and wants to pee in the potty. She asks me everyday and she sits on her potty. She gets very upset if I try to take her off before she is ready. She "pushes", but has never peed in it. She so badly wants to but just hasn't figured out how yet.

[Annabel Lee]

"How do you know when your dc is NOT ready to potty train?"

 

When your carpet shampooer is getting more use than the toilet. :/

[Amber in AUS]

From memory your DD was an early preemie right? From what i've read it is VERY common for early preemie's to toilet train quite late. I don't know why. Several people in my support group are only just training their 3.5 - 4 year olds because they just were not ready sooner or couldn't get it despite showing signs of readiness. They don't have any 'issues' from their prematurity. Perhaps try again when she's a bit bigger???

[AdventureMoms]

When they start to get stressed out or angry about using the potty. When I tried with DD at 22 months she did great for several days, then started to get really frustrated and stressed out, and refusing to sit on the potty.

 

She went back in diapers, but trained easily in like 3 days at age 26 months.

[Pretty in Pink]

When they are ready to potty train they just use the potty. When they are still going in their pants several times per day then they are not ready.

[wapiti]

FWIW, the only method that seems to work around here is cold-turkey, naked-from-the-waist-down for about a week. (nighttime is another matter - we do pull-ups at night until they're ready to be dry at night, which seems to vary widely by the kid)

 

Keeping my fingers crossed that it won't be so bad one last time - I will start PTing #6 in June.

[Wee Pip]

FWIW, the only method that seems to work around here is cold-turkey, naked-from-the-waist-down for about a week. (nighttime is another matter - we do pull-ups at night until they're ready to be dry at night, which seems to vary widely by the kid)

 

Keeping my fingers crossed that it won't be so bad one last time - I will start PTing #6 in June.

 

Can you elaborate? Do you just clean up umpteen zillion messes, or keep them outside half naked? I'm considering this for us, but must wait for summer days because my floor can't take anymore accidents:)

[Wee Pip]

From memory your DD was an early preemie right? From what i've read it is VERY common for early preemie's to toilet train quite late. I don't know why. Several people in my support group are only just training their 3.5 - 4 year olds because they just were not ready sooner or couldn't get it despite showing signs of readiness. They don't have any 'issues' from their prematurity. Perhaps try again when she's a bit bigger???

 

She was born at 30wks (2 lbs 14oz). She was a late walker (17.5 mos).

ETA: She's smart as a button, but I learned long ago not to look at the developmental milestone charts for this one:) Most of the time, she can be completely wet and not notice. But lately, she's very particular about being wet, strips naked every time she pees in a diaper. I've seen her go thru these stages before, and thought maybe I should catch this opportunity to try. Plus, she's been super excited about the bag full of undies I had packed away from her older sisters, and putting them on herself. Seems ready, right? She can pee on the potty, but it isn't a daily thing (most of the time, doesn't want to bother). If she pulls on the panties and decides to try, she might sit on the potty for a few minutes, not pee, and then hike off somewhere and pee on my floor. Not cool. So I was trying to figure out if this was a "not ready" thing, or a behavioral issue thing. After the experience I had training my 1st dd (sheesh!!!), I know now in hindsight that not all potty problems are related to readiness issues.

Edited April 8, 2012 by Wee Pip
my 11yo was vomiting, so I hit send quickly, lol

[wapiti]

Can you elaborate? Do you just clean up umpteen zillion messes, or keep them outside half naked? I'm considering this for us, but must wait for summer days because my floor can't take anymore accidents:)

 

If you have an outdoor summer option, I'd get a little plastic potty and put it out there :). There are rewards for making it to the potty (one m&m or some such thing).

 

Honestly, for most of them it took a few days for the general idea to sink in. Well, it varied: my first was a nightmare, at 3.5 y.o. - extremely strong-willed - and ended up with a UTI. Took about a week.

 

#2 and #3 were premie twins, 33-weekers, one of whom was small for gestational age (3 lbs 13 oz). They had a number of other delays. I trained them around 3y1m, right around the time one of them was proclaimed to be severely developmentally delayed by the school psych (now, he's 2E, FWIW). He took the whole week before he was making it to the potty. Thank goodness for hardwood floors - it was like having wildlife in my house. (Later it turned out that he had some voiding dysfunction issues, long story.) I was 7 months pregnant, chasing them around....:tongue_smilie: I'd say it was a good 7 days, and just when I was about to give up hope, they got it. Going number two was very scary for them the first time or two.

 

#4 practically trained himself, right at 3 y.o. He got it the first day, after peeing on the floor maybe once. My all-around easy baby/child :). Except then he refused to wear pants for months while inside the house. The cold weather came eventually and fixed that.

 

#5 I'm not sure I remember, even though it was only last summer :lol:; it wasn't too bad. It probably took about 3 days for him to get it, and I probably kept him naked the whole week to make sure.

 

I usually make a big production of how the diapers are going away starting on a certain day. I buy underwear (for later) and pull-ups for night (remove pull-ups first thing in the morning). Then, when they wake up that morning, they stay naked on the bottom. This does require several days in a row when you will not be leaving the house. I'd put on a pull-up if you have to go out, and then remove it as soon as you get home.

[Amber in AUS]

She was born at 30wks (2 lbs 14oz). She was a late walker (17.5 mos).

ETA: She's smart as a button, but I learned long ago not to look at the developmental milestone charts for this one:) Most of the time, she can be completely wet and not notice. But lately, she's very particular about being wet, strips naked every time she pees in a diaper. I've seen her go thru these stages before, and thought maybe I should catch this opportunity to try. Plus, she's been super excited about the bag full of undies I had packed away from her older sisters, and putting them on herself. Seems ready, right? She can pee on the potty, but it isn't a daily thing (most of the time, doesn't want to bother). If she pulls on the panties and decides to try, she might sit on the potty for a few minutes, not pee, and then hike off somewhere and pee on my floor. Not cool. So I was trying to figure out if this was a "not ready" thing, or a behavioral issue thing. After the experience I had training my 1st dd (sheesh!!!), I know now in hindsight that not all potty problems are related to readiness issues.

 

Certainly sounds like she's plenty interested. Perhaps just easily distractible which could be developmental. She's ready when she's thinking about it and concentrating on it but when occupied doesn't even realise she's going or needs to go.

 

If you have an outdoor summer option, I'd get a little plastic potty and put it out there :). There are rewards for making it to the potty (one m&m or some such thing).

 

Honestly, for most of them it took a few days for the general idea to sink in. Well, it varied: my first was a nightmare, at 3.5 y.o. - extremely strong-willed - and ended up with a UTI. Took about a week.

 

#2 and #3 were premie twins, 33-weekers, one of whom was small for gestational age (3 lbs 13 oz). They had a number of other delays. I trained them around 3y1m, right around the time one of them was proclaimed to be severely developmentally delayed by the school psych (now, he's 2E, FWIW). He took the whole week before he was making it to the potty. Thank goodness for hardwood floors - it was like having wildlife in my house. (Later it turned out that he had some voiding dysfunction issues, long story.) I was 7 months pregnant, chasing them around....:tongue_smilie: I'd say it was a good 7 days, and just when I was about to give up hope, they got it. Going number two was very scary for them the first time or two.

 

#4 practically trained himself, right at 3 y.o. He got it the first day, after peeing on the floor maybe once. My all-around easy baby/child :). Except then he refused to wear pants for months while inside the house. The cold weather came eventually and fixed that.

 

#5 I'm not sure I remember, even though it was only last summer :lol:; it wasn't too bad. It probably took about 3 days for him to get it, and I probably kept him naked the whole week to make sure.

 

I usually make a big production of how the diapers are going away starting on a certain day. I buy underwear (for later) and pull-ups for night (remove pull-ups first thing in the morning). Then, when they wake up that morning, they stay naked on the bottom. This does require several days in a row when you will not be leaving the house. I'd put on a pull-up if you have to go out, and then remove it as soon as you get home.

 

That's a good plan and pretty much what i did with my other 3. Works well but lots of mess to clean up initially.

[Wee Pip]

Thanks, Wapiti! I have a much better idea of how this works now. I think I'll wait for some sunny 80 degree days and then she'll spend the week outside half naked (thank goodness for country living).

 

Honestly, for most of them it took a few days for the general idea to sink in. Well, it varied: my first was a nightmare, at 3.5 y.o. - extremely strong-willed - and ended up with a UTI. Took about a week.

 

I had a nightmare strong willed 1st born child, too. I'm still not sure how I might have done it differently with her.

 

#2 and #3 were premie twins, 33-weekers, one of whom was small for gestational age (3 lbs 13 oz). They had a number of other delays. I trained them around 3y1m, right around the time one of them was proclaimed to be severely developmentally delayed by the school psych (now, he's 2E, FWIW). He took the whole week before he was making it to the potty. Thank goodness for hardwood floors - it was like having wildlife in my house. (Later it turned out that he had some voiding dysfunction issues, long story.) I was 7 months pregnant, chasing them around....:tongue_smilie: I'd say it was a good 7 days, and just when I was about to give up hope, they got it. Going number two was very scary for them the first time or two.

 

Is there some sort of medal for this? If not, there should be :lol:

[SKL]

I think sometimes it's the parent who isn't ready / committed. If it looks like there will be a lot of accidents at first, many parents aren't up to it or aren't able to respond consistently.

 

My youngest dd was a leaky little thing, but I decided to take the plunge one weekend (the 3-day method). I was so tempted to give up after the first 12 hours (puddle city), but I stuck it out and she really got it the second day. I did have to catch her in the act of peeing on herself and let her know that that was not desireable. Otherwise I think she would have been one of those who are totally unfazed by the puddle she'd made.

 

My eldest was one of those "camels" and she did take a little longer to become diaper free. She was usually dry, but it was scary to put her in underwear when we went out, knowing that if she did go, it would be Niagara Falls.

[wapiti]

Thanks, Wapiti! I have a much better idea of how this works now. I think I'll wait for some sunny 80 degree days and then she'll spend the week outside half naked (thank goodness for country living).

 

Sounds like a good plan!! I'll be right there with you, but in June - when I'm not driving the older kids to school - and inside my house (our backyard is without privacy :glare: though our neighbors have littles too and probably would not care).

 

I just remembered something about my #5 - he was a bit self-conscious and wouldn't actually go on the potty unless I pretended I was not watching. I'd pretend to be doing something nearby but looking away. The first time, we were running out the door, and I put him on the potty while I went to get something, telling him he had to go before we got into the car.

 

I had a nightmare strong willed 1st born child, too. I'm still not sure how I might have done it differently with her.

Me either. A UTI, for pete's sake.

 

Is there some sort of medal for this? If not, there should be :lol:

 

Indeed! :lol: Next time, my reward will be the end of 11 years of diapers.

 

I think sometimes it's the parent who isn't ready / committed. If it looks like there will be a lot of accidents at first, many parents aren't up to it or aren't able to respond consistently.

 

I agree with this. If you have an understanding going in, you'll be a lot more patient ;), which for some kids is critical. And you'll keep old towels at the ready.

[OrganicAnn]

We did the gentle potty training from 2 to 3 years old. She would occasionally pee in the potty to much celebrations. Then she was going to some program (wow I forget what - mom brain) and we really needed her potty trained. I bought those plastic table clothes and put them down over the carpet. Put her in pants during the day. Set the timer for every 2 or 3 hours. She would sit on the potty for about 5 minutes, then get up and walk a few steps and pee. We went through this for about a week and a half and then she (miracles or miracles) was trained and had very few accidents that first year. She still wore a pull up at night.

 

Good luck. I hated potty training.

[AdventureMoms]

With DD I did the naked thing first. We both got really frustrated, partly because we had to stay home and we were both bored, I think. Attempt #2 with her I just put her in underwear. She was 26mo. The first day I changed her pants 10x I think, cleaned up probably 8 puddles, and had to wash out her shoes so many times (if you use this method, NO CLOTH SHOES). Day two I changed her pants 3x. Day 3 I changed only her underwear once (she had leaked a bit before she realized it was time to go). After that she was potty trained, mostly, though I did carry two spare pairs of pants with me for a few weeks (we almost never needed them).

 

I'm not sure if she was just older or if for whatever reason clothes worked better for her. It kept the wet on her, for one thing, and she had to deal with me changing her clothes rather than just being able to go about her business if she made a puddle on the floor. Anyhow, I think different things work for different kids.