S/O of pushing reading with a young child....what if your OLDER child resits reading?

[Gingerbread Mama]

I was reading the thread about the 4.5 year old who isn't into reading. Most of the advice was to back off, that she was young. Well, what if your reluctant/resistant reader was NOT all that young? Mine is almost 13 :glare:

 

Background: We just came out of PS this past December. This child has REALLY struggled with math, but seemed to do fine with reading. In fact, I had him tested at the end of last year and his language/reading skills were grades mid 7-9th grades (at the end of his sixth grade year.) He has always done well on reading comprehension tests, as well. We did NOT read much at home during PS.... after a full day of school, then hours of homework - much of it struggling through pages of math which made him tired and cranky - we just didn't fit it in.

 

As a young child he was soo creative and soo interested in things. He was heavily into imaginative play and loved learning about dinosaurs. All that started getting stamped out in PS. His first grade teacher even told me, "I know you think he's smart because he knows big words and can name all these animals by their correct names but he's not. He is slow with board work and he just WON'T TRY during math." You could see him, year by year shutting down and being less inclined to "do" things. It hasn't helped that our area is heavily athletic, all his friends were super jocks. DS just *wasn't*. We tried it all through elementary school, but by 5th grade I let him drop it - these kids were mini NFL/MLB players. Their dads were all mega involved and DH was always gone, it seemed we couldn't find any way to fit into that mold.

 

Anyway, that has zip to do with reading except that he eventually got hooked on video games/anime cartoons. I mean HOOKED. Since homeschooling, I have noticed just how much. A couple of weeks ago I pulled the XBOX indefinitely and have put strict limits on week time tv. At first it was awful. AWFUL. He cried, he said he wished he were dead, he threatened to never leave his bed. Little by little, though, we are getting past that. He is now back to enjoying some time outside. We bought a skateboard and he is practicing those skills. Still, though, he won't read......anything. Well, anything except Pokemon and Naruto comics :001_huh:

 

He did pick up a Spiderwick book, on his own, got halfway through and declared "I just lost interest." Ok. Well, I have given tons of suggestions. I have tried things that are waaay easy for him, thinking that it might be a vision problem (we go next week to be screened for vision therapy - he DOES cover one eye while doing schoolwork...) I got books with few words, large print...nothing "interests" him. I've suggested books with people, animals, fiction, non fiction....nope. And it isn't just that he politely turns it down. He gives me this.......dull look. It is this absolutely blank, bored expression and in a dead voice says "No. I hate this." I am :banghead:

 

I even got some graphic comics of Warriors. He said they looked "stupid". I showed him a graphic novel of Artemis Fowl. He told me it might be okay but the drawings were "strange" and turned him off it. Huh? He thinks those look strange but the Naruto comics DON'T?? It looked like very similar artistry to me? The most recent line he gave me was "I'm not LIKE the rest of the family. I hate reading." Can this be some sort of weird tween rebellion? My mother reads, I read, DH reads, DD reads. My eight year old who struggles with all academics is enjoying being read to. Even my stepson has grown to be a fairly heavy reader. Is this some sort of black sheep thing?

 

He does use that as his constant excuse. It's always "I'm stupid. Everyone else is smart." said with the same blank look as when he turns down a book (this is in response to EVERYTHING that might be an alternative to video games - not JUST reading.) That has just worn thin with me. I get that he may have felt bad about his struggles in school........but to just want to plug in 24/7? The day that I finally had it and yanked the XBOX I had conducted an experiment where I didn't say a word about his playing and waited to see how long he would go before getting off. SEVEN HOURS.

 

So now I'm trying to decide. Is he refusing to read because the actual ACT of reading is difficult for him due to his eyes (if that's the case then why can he read 4 fairly thick Naruto/Pokemon comics in a day, but turns down any other book....graphic novel or otherwise?) Is it the last hold that screen addiction has on him? Is it some form of ADD? My husband says he, himself, is ADD and he finds he has to work to stay "with" a book many times unless it is heavily action packed/adrenaline inducing. Have we just not found the RIGHT genre? Is this some hormonal thing that is going to spread to every facet of our lives and cause him to turn away from everything we value/do/enjoy in our family?

 

 

Do I push this? Do I give up? My DH says not to make him read - I really have a hard time with that. I wonder if, at this point, it isn't a case of needing to do it for a while until it clicks that "Oh, hey, this is kind of nice." Like a kid needing to try a food a few times before realizing they like it. FWIW, he does his reading that I assign for school without complaint. I do try to fit in some decent literature in that. I also do a read aloud. He was all about our last read aloud, but since taking the XBOX away he lies face down and acts like he's being tortured during read aloud time now. I wanted the kids to do some reading before bed, to help them settle down (screens/toys rev them up) and it's torture for ME. I have to literally set a page amount vs a time limit as he will sit and stare at one page for 30 minutes. I know it sounds horrid but I'm really started to get disgusted with him and think this is less of a just needing confidence issue and more of an attitude problem. Has anyone BTDT and come out the other side?

[acurtis75]

After getting the vision problem diagnosed I would push by assigning it as schoolwork. If he can do things he wants to do but not read it seems like more of an attitude issue than anything else but I would make sure by getting it checked out. My sil pulled her kids from public school and at first they hated to read. They were younger than your son but had similar issues. She started with 30 minutes of mandatory independent reading daily. No output required was required, they just had to have 30 minutes of uninterrupted reading time. Now they read on their own without being told. Reading is a habit that can be developed. The more you do something the more you begin to enjoy it.

[NanceXToo]

Hm. Tough one. See what happens when you get his vision checked. Then you could maybe try telling him there's going to be 30 minutes of independent reading time per day. That he can read anything he wants during that time, you don't care what. Take him to the library and let him pick something. Anything. See what sparks his interest. Don't make any negative comments about anything he chooses, regardless of what it is. Ask him to give you input on what time of day he thinks would be best for that independent reading time and give him leeway on that. If it works out to be bedtime, whatever. If it makes him feel good to do it first thing in the morning before any other schoolwork, maybe that would be a nice way to wake up. See how it goes. If he chooses to sit there and stare blankly at one page for 30 minutes, don't even comment on it. If he wants to do that every night for three weeks until the library book is due back, don't even comment on it. At the end of the three weeks, or whenever, ask him if he wants to renew that book or select a different one. Hopefully eventually he'll pick something on his own that will spark his interest enough that he'll actually start reading it instead of just staring at it, but the key may be for him to pick it on his own rather than you picking it/suggesting it for him.

 

Hopefully he'll find something that'll get him enjoying reading again. And if he doesn't, maybe it's just not his thing. Some people, odd as it seems to me lol, just don't love to read as much as I do. :)

[Lolly]

First, some people do not like to read. I have a few of those in my family.

 

Second, reading a comic and reading a book are totally different. you may find some tracking issues in the vision testing. Tracking in a comic book is totally different. ADD can also be an issue.

 

My doesn't like to read ds14 I just require certain reading for school. I even, gasp!, make him read some of it to me. He, like your ds, tests fine on reading comprehension tests. Because of that, I just require a minimum of reading from him. (Less than of my girls.)

[Ellie]

I wouldn't make him read, other than what he has to read for history and science and whatnot.

 

I think your decision to take away screens is a good thing.

 

If y'all enjoy reading aloud as a family, that would at least give him some exposure to good literature.

[elegantlion]

First address the vision issues, then deal with the reading. My ds was a delayed reader and didn't start enjoying reading until this year. He also reads manga, and we just discussed it today. He says there is a difference between reading manga and American graphic novels or comics. Besides the reading "backward" he said it was just different. Most of mangas are not in color for one, and there was a few other reasons that he couldn't quite articulate.

 

We started with this scenario (ds always had higher comprehension): He was required to read 30 minutes per day in free reading, we call it Quiet Reading Time (QRT). At first it was books that I picked, usually something related to our history, mythology, or science. I purposely picked books that were not thick and were at/below his reading level. He read two 300 page novels a few years ago, it took him a long time to get through them, but we had built up to that level.

 

My thinking is that's fine if you don't like to read, but you're going to read 30 minutes of free reading per day. It started off being done during school time, now he does it in the evening, usually right before bed. It took almost two years of doing this before he claimed to like a book. Garth Nix's Keys to the Kingdom series is what did it.

 

Initially we took turns picking books. I had a stash of 5-6 at a time. I bought books, not the library, because it took him so long to get through a book.

 

I read the books too, started so we could converse about them. I'm now hooked on youth fiction. I'll read a series and then gently prod him to read because they're cool.

 

My ds doesn't like some subjects, but they are non-negotiable. I feel the same about free reading. I've tried to be gentle and flexible over the years so to BUILD the love of reading, not drive him away from books. I'm finally starting to see the interest in real books, but it's been a long road. He's 14 1/2 and we started this journey back when he was almost 10.

[bbmom]

I would let him earn xbox time for reading. Every page of non-Naruto/Pokemon read=1 minute of xbox time up to a maximum of 1 hour a day. (Or 30 minutes of xbox time for every 50 pages read or whatever you think is reasonable.) Video games are actually beneficial in several areas for boys (I don't have the research in front of me but could dig it up if you are really interested.) After doing enough reading to earn video game time he might find he really has come to enjoy reading, but it has become a battle-le5ting him earn the xbox time will take some of that battle away.

[Gingerbread Mama]

I wouldn't make him read, other than what he has to read for history and science and whatnot.

 

I think your decision to take away screens is a good thing.

 

If y'all enjoy reading aloud as a family, that would at least give him some exposure to good literature.

 

Thank you, Ellie. I have limited screens in general for everyone, not just him. I can see it making a large improvement in their attitude towards each other. It wasn't just him that needed less screen time, but he was probably the one who had/has the most problem dealing with the reduction.

 

I'll continue to read aloud, maybe he will come back around to that. For one thing, I don't think he "sees' the picture in his mind. I have asked DD if she does (she enjoys reading) and she says yes. I always "see/hear" the book in my head as I'm reading. I don't really even notice the words at all once I'm into the book......I think he is so used to being spoon fed graphics and characters and such that he can't drum them up on his own.

 

 

My ds was a delayed reader and didn't start enjoying reading until this year. He also reads manga, and we just discussed it today. He says there is a difference between reading manga and American graphic novels or comics. Besides the reading "backward" he said it was just different. Most of mangas are not in color for one, and there was a few other reasons that he couldn't quite articulate.

 

I have noticed a big difference in the manga books. In fact, I quite dislike them because of the differences LOL It makes me feel motion sick to try to read a story "backwards". I have wondered if he does have eye issues, or some kind of processing issue, if reading manga somehow is easier for him because it's backwards (and reading the "regular' way is hard, because it's opposite?) I'm sure I'm reaching there, but I'd love to find someone to ask.

 

My ds doesn't like some subjects, but they are non-negotiable. I feel the same about free reading. I've tried to be gentle and flexible over the years so to BUILD the love of reading, not drive him away from books. I'm finally starting to see the interest in real books, but it's been a long road. He's 14 1/2 and we started this journey back when he was almost 10.

 

This gives me hope, but also shows me what a long road this may be *sigh* I'm trying to back off, it isn't my strong suit. My personality is the take charge and fix it kind. I'm also an organizer and planner. I tend to grab the reigns well before I realize that I've taken the lead....

 

I would let him earn xbox time for reading. Every page of non-Naruto/Pokemon read=1 minute of xbox time up to a maximum of 1 hour a day. (Or 30 minutes of xbox time for every 50 pages read or whatever you think is reasonable.) Video games are actually beneficial in several areas for boys (I don't have the research in front of me but could dig it up if you are really interested.) After doing enough reading to earn video game time he might find he really has come to enjoy reading, but it has become a battle-le5ting him earn the xbox time will take some of that battle away.

 

If that would work, I would do it. The thing is that I would have to bring the xbox out and hook it up for each reward. If it is already out, he drifts to it like pulled by a magnet. He is on it the minute his eyes open, I swear sometimes he is plugged in before he even wakes up. It was, honestly, as bad as the addictions to cocaine and alcohol that I've seen on intervention shows (and taking it away LOOKED like those shows. Wild, violent mood swings - one minute bargaining, one minute pleading, the next throwing something... we are only just seeing that tone down.) He also can't do moderation, it is ALL he thinks or talks about. We couldn't have conversations about anything except the game and what the people on LIVE were doing in the game. Even during school, he would zone out and start talking about it. I just felt it had gone far past something to pass the time and had become the center of his life.

 

 

Thanks for the ideas and comments, keep 'em coming. If it was just that he wasn't a reader, I guess I could live with that. Understand it? No. Live with it? I suppose. LOL But it's that he WILL read what I consider outright junk/borderline worrisome things (Naruto) but then refuses to even give anything else a chance. He did ask about some Dr. Who books, we watch that as a family, and I found some on Amazon so I may order a couple and see if he likes them. I have this feeling that if I could find a storyline that interested him, he would begin to enjoy reading. I know that there are some things I CANNOT manage to slog through. DH reads those Vince Flynn/military-esque books. He kept trying to get me to read one and I would read one paragraph over and over wondering, when done, what the heck it had said. My heart just wasn't in it. I get THAT feeling, and I'm willing to help him find something he DOES love.......it's just that he won't even attempt anything. It would help if he had an interest, any interest, besides gaming, but alas, as yet we haven't found anything that grips him. Working on it, but not there yet....