Jenny in GA Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 My mom had a stomach ache and has been unusually fatigued all week, and just found out this morning that she has ovarian cancer. She knows nothing else, and won't even get to speak with an oncologist til Monday. Has anyone had this? Had any experience with it? What is the prognosis typically like? Also, I know this sounds really dumb, but I'm not sure what to do -- like, what would be helpful. She lives ten minutes away. I offered for us to come all come over and visit, and she told me no; she felt too sick. What does one do when a parent is diagnosed with cancer???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 So sorry :( PM me if you want to talk... Look up my name if you want to see what I've been doing the last year ;( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 My mother passed away from this eight years ago. Feel free to PM me as well if you'd like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 No advice, just :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and prayers for your mom (and you, too.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueinNC Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 My mom had a stomach ache and has been unusually fatigued all week, and just found out this morning that she has ovarian cancer. She knows nothing else, and won't even get to speak with an oncologist til Monday. Has anyone had this? Had any experience with it? What is the prognosis typically like? Also, I know this sounds really dumb, but I'm not sure what to do -- like, what would be helpful. She lives ten minutes away. I offered for us to come all come over and visit, and she told me no; she felt too sick. What does one do when a parent is diagnosed with cancer???? :grouphug: I have one friend who is a 34 year survivor (remission all these years). She is now 68. (And she is a heavy smoker.) She gives full credit to her surgeon. I have another friend who has been living with ovarian cancer for 6 years now. She is on her 130th chemo treatment. She also had brain surgery last Fall to remove cancerous tumors. She eats right and exercises daily. Let her know you want to take an active roll in her treatment. Drive her to her doctor's appts and treatments. Make sure she signs forms so you can discuss her options/treatment with the doctors. Discuss with her power of attorney. Get your name on her checking/savings accts to help her pay bills etc. Research cancer diets to help recovery. Be there for her, hold her hand. Don't let her do it alone no matter how much she insists. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.Balaban Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I would say that she needs some time to "digest" this.. so give her space... but also be there in case she needs you. She isn't likely going to want a lot of company - especially several people - who may be loud and noisy- and then she may feel the need to "entertain". Maybe she just needs someone to sit next to her. She also probably isn't ready to face any questions- as she doesn't even know anything yet about her condition and she just knows that she feels terrible. In the meantime, offer to help drive her to appointments, or offer to help her clean or bring her dinner. Just ask her what would help her... but remember not to be too over-bearing or pushy. (Some people can accept help, some people can't- I don't know which type your mom is.) She might just want a couple days alone. Other than that, pray and wait until Monday. Monday, after the meeting with the oncologist, and further testing, you will know much more about the situation and be able to help her better. I will be praying for your mother and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Since you live close? 1. I would try to go to the oncologist with her. Help her make questions ahead of time. Take a notebook for notes, take it every time to refer back to earlier conversations. Write down the general treatment plan, possible surgery timeline, medications, any diet dos and don'ts, etc. 2. Does she have someone to drive her to chemotherapy and such? They are often very tired and sick afterward. She isn't going to want your kids there. Do you have someone to help you with the kids? 3. I would make lots of little meals and freeze them. Nothing heavy. Foods that will be easy on her stomach. I am so sorry. Cancer is a terrible, terrible thing.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Praying for your mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Since you live close? 1. I would try to go to the oncologist with her. Help her make questions ahead of time. Take a notebook for notes, take it every time to refer back to earlier conversations. Write down the general treatment plan, possible surgery timeline, medications, any diet dos and don'ts, etc. 2. Does she have someone to drive her to chemotherapy and such? They are often very tired and sick afterward. She isn't going to want your kids there. Do you have someone to help you with the kids? 3. I would make lots of little meals and freeze them. Nothing heavy. Foods that will be easy on her stomach. I am so sorry. Cancer is a terrible, terrible thing.:grouphug: :iagree: Especially about the kids. They are too draining to have around while she's recuperating from surgery and during her chemo treatments and post-chemo care (she'll most likely be quite sick for two to three days afterwards) and you'll need to focus completely on your mother. Perhaps you could arrange for a sitter to come watch your kids for the week of her chemo so you can help her out. Usually the standard is one chemo treatment every three weeks, but of course, hers may be different. Also...be prepared...the chemo for ovarian cancer does cause hair loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 My mom isn't going to pull through, as such, but chemo hasn't made her sick at all. She had the testing to see what chemos would work. She goes once a week and after feels fine. She eats well, and has researched a ton. We are thankful for the time we have........ It's been precious though sad..... :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momma2Many66 Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 My then 19 year old daughter was diagosed with Ovarian Cancer 4 years ago. It is EXTREMELY Rare in someone so young and they caught it very early. She had a very large tumor removed that consumed her ovary. The doctor said the tumor was the size of a small watermelon. Thankfully the cancer remained only on the tumor and never metastized anywhere else. She lost her ovary and fallopian tube through a laproscopic surgery. She had a quick recovery from the surgery, only lasting 10 days of pain until she was getting around pretty well again. After that surgery they did another surgery 2 weeks later to "stage the cancer" and to see if it metastized anywhere else. The took tissue samples of her lymph nodes and organs around her uterus and removed her appendix at the same time since sometimes these cancers can hide in the appendix. This surgery was harder on her body and recovery took a good 6 weeks until she was feeling herself again. We had two wonderful doctors who did her surgery. One was the head of the gynecology department at our hospital and the other was an incredibly kind and very gifted oncologist gynecologist surgeon. They did a fantastic job with her and were very good with her and had wonderful bedside manners. They documented all her surgeries and testing to share at a national tumor conference since it is so unusal to see this cancer in someone so young with such an excellent outcome of it not having spread anywhere in her body. Today she is almost 24 years old and married and now has an 8 month old baby girl. She still has check ups every 3 months with her oncologist gynecologist and is constantly monitored and will continue to be until she hits the 5 year mark ( May of 2013). She is doing very well and has been given a clean bill of health. Her long term prognosis is wonderful now. We are ever so grateful to God for her healing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negin Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 :grouphug: Jenny, so very sorry. :grouphug: There are lots of books, etc. out there and it can be so overwhelming. Some ways of helping: Just listen. Don’t judge and don't offer advice, just listen if one decides to open up to you. Cleaning for a Reason is a non-profit organization that offers free professional housecleaning services to improve the lives of women undergoing treatment for cancer http://www.frommourningtodancing.blogspot.com/ HOW TO MOST HELP SOMEONE WITH CANCER is a helpful blog HOME Take a meal or two. A hot meal is always nice, but sometimes a meal prepared ahead of time and taken out of the freezer and (re)heated can be more convenient than waiting and waiting and waiting for someone to show up with your dinner. And while it’s always wonderful to have someone fix anything, it’s also a blessing to have people ask if there’s anything specific that they’re hungry for or have had too much of. And then take the meal(s) in disposable containers. They do not need to be bothered with trying to return dishes (even if they are labeled) to their owners. If you must use non-disposable containers, then it’s probably best if you call to find out when you can pick them up or expect that it could be a few months before they get returned to you. Gift cards and certificates from favorite local restaurants, those that deliver are often best. Gift cards from the local pharmacy and grocery store Books and DVDs if you know what is liked or gift cards for those too. Funny movies are often appreciated also. Be there for the long haul. It seems like people come out of the woodwork after the initial diagnosis, but they do not always stick it through to the end when the person still needs help. While it’s nice of people to ask, “How can I help you?â€, it’s much more practical to say, “I’d like to do ________________ for you. When would be a good time for you?†And then do it!!! Offer to clean their house. Feel free to offer to clean a specific area, or ask what needs to be done the most. Offer to do their laundry. Run errands for her. A lot of people think about bringing meals, but not many people think about toilet paper, toothpaste and trash bags. For me, grocery/household shopping just plain wore me out – and that was just the list making process!!! If you’re making a run to the store, why not call and ask if there’s anything you can pick up for her? Offer to go with her to treatments and doctor’s appointments. Chemo treatments can last for several hours. It’s really nice to have someone go with her to keep her company or go get lunch for if she’s going to be stuck there for hours. And with radiation treatments, while you may have to sit in a waiting room by yourself while she disappears to the “restricted area,†she might appreciate having someone with her to break up the monotony of going by herself each day. Keep your visits short – no longer than 15 minutes when they seem tired Massage OR Gift Certificate for one Candles Send cards regularly – so many love receiving them Depending on how she’s feeling, invite her out for lunch or her family over for dinner. Randomly getting flowers (after the chemo stage) or a "thinking of you" note is nice. Do not give nice books of cancer survivors HOSPITAL Lip balm is the #1 request for drying air in hospitals Comfy fuzzy socks Care kit with things to combat nausea - Lemon drops, ginger snaps, Chinese ginger candy, ginger ale, soda crackers A few things to avoid in your care packages: Cooking magazines for the chemo patient – may very likely have aversions to certain foods, if not all food, and looking at food in a magazine is probably the last thing she wants to do. Highly scented items As with food, she may be having aversions to certain scents. Books, magazines and articles containing “inspirational†cancer testimonies – She may be interested later, but while going through treatment, she’s probably wants to think about things other than cancer. Those who get chemo are often easily chilled. This is especially true when chemo causes hair loss. You may want to see if you can find the fluffiest, softest scarf and hat for her, and maybe even a snuggly throw, Pashmina/cozy wrap Hand lotions, bath products, anything nice-smelling Flowers are usually a no-no – the scents make some feel ill Offer to do “at home†things – water plants, look after a pet, or pick up mail THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK What NOT to Say: If you have ANYTHING negative at all to say…DON’T SAY IT!!! Don’t tell the patient about all the people you know who have been through what she’s going through and what all they went through. I assure you, she doesn’t want to hear it, and you saying it will NOT be encouraging. If you are in the healthcare profession, unless she has asked for your advice, please don’t give it to her. She probably already has a medical team working on her behalf to help her get better. Additional unsolicited advice tends to only cause information overload. Don’t ask her what her prognosis is. For starters, she may not have even had this discussion with her doctor. Again, as far as she is concerned, she’s hoping for the best and any discussion may only serve to discourage her. If you must ask this question, ask it of another family member – even then, they may not be able to answer. What to Say: Keep things positive. Keep in mind that a diagnosis of cancer is not necessarily a death sentence. The patient is looking for words of hope. Tell her you’re praying for her. Tell her that she’s strong and she can beat this disease. If you know people who have beaten this disease, tell her so in a general way without giving too many specifics (i.e. “My mother went through this 10 years ago and is living a full life today.â€). If she asks for details, feel free to share, but don’t assume she wants to know all the details. Tell her how you’d like to help her. (And then do it!) Phone Calls & Email If someone else answers the phone, take a moment to chat with them first to get a feel for whether or not the patient is up to talking on the phone. If you are just calling for an update, you don’t always need to talk to the patient to find out how they are doing. Limit your call to a few minutes, and don’t leave it to the patient to tell you when she’s ready to end the conversation. She doesn’t want to appear rude, but talking on the phone can wear a person out. If the patient has email, this is a great way to communicate your thoughts and prayers or to ask how you can help. If you absolutely need a reply, don’t be offended if it takes a day or two. If she has a blog, read it! If she has taken the time to update people in that type of forum, then help her out by checking there before calling to find out the latest. Honestly, it gets really old having to repeat yourself over and over and over. Remember that the patient is still a person and his family are still people who don't need or want every. single. conversation. to be centered on the diagnosis. Sometimes not treating them like a cancer patient (or the family member of one) is the right thing to do. Above all else, she probably just wants to be treated like normal. Although her life has changed, she is still the same wonderful person she was before cancer grabbed hold of her body, and she doesn’t want you to forget that fact. Anything you can do to help bring a sense of normalcy to her will be most appreciated. Try to keep conversations normal. Find ways of having conversations that will cheer them up. Laughter is one of the best medicines there is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mschefmakr Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 I will keep your Mom & you in my prayers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 No advice, just :grouphug: and prayers to you and your mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) This will be my 13th year since I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, went through chemo, and am now cancer free. I was 17 when diagnosed and like the previous poster it really suprised my doctors because it's unheard of anyone getting it when they are so young. I was diagnosed and the next morning had surgery because it had advanced to the point where they didn't want to wait any longer. Unlike your mom though, I had no symptoms. I felt just fine. After surgery I did chemo for five or six months - one week of chemo each day and then three weeks off. I lost all my hair (that's pretty common), felt queasy most of the time, and had horrible insomnia. The first day of chemo was scary and if she wants company for that then it would be nice of you offer to go with her. Where I went there were generally three of us going at once so I'd have company which helped past the time. It was kind of an odd deal because it was me and then two ladies generally in their mid-seventies. They were always so kind to me! My recommendations are to offer to take her to chemo appointments and drive her home. I was so tired afterwards there was no way I could have driven myself (my parents always took me). Offer to take meals. Keep her in a supply of good books with happy endings if she's a reader. :grouphug: I am so sorry you guys are going through this. ETA: Just saw Negin's post with suggestions of ideas for things to do and gifts. GREAT list. Edited March 11, 2012 by aggieamy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Innocent Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Some ways of helping: Send cards regularly – so many love receiving them . I treasured the cards I was sent and that my son was sent when he was having treatment for cancer. It was so heartening to have a tangible token of people thinking of us - more so than a text or email, as nice as those were. Emma x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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