working with "moderately" gifted children

[mudboots]

I'm brand-new here (sorry for the lack of avatar, etc.). I've been reading through the posts, and I'm glad to see that there's a group of people here who are comfortable talking about giftedness! I wasn't looking for that, but it would be a relief to ask a question that has bothered me.

 

I'm starting to homeschool my four kids, ages one through four. I've wondered whether I should look for resources for gifted kids, but a childhood experience of mine is creating a stumbling block.

 

I was an extremely shy, deliberate (read: slow! :)) kid. In fourth grade, I took the gifted test offered by the public school. It was administered in a tiny room with a total stranger, and it was timed. I scored two points below the cutoff for the gifted class.

 

This didn't place me in the "two points below" category. It placed me in the "not gifted" category, and that was a lonely place to be. I spent a lot of emotional energy during the next eight years trying to minimize any differences between me and other kids. It wasn't until I took the ACT that anything changed. I entered college with gratifying fanfare, but I still tried to dumb everything down to minimize areas of distinction.

 

I wonder whether I'm doing the same thing with my kids. They're smart, but when I read information about gifted testing, I think, "That's not for my kids." Would it even be helpful to find out they were "moderately" gifted? (My husband is smarter than I am, so the genetic potential is there from his side.)

 

The two older kids (twins) are age four. Cognitively, they are ready for first grade materials. They've sounded out most of the books in the "Now I'm Reading" readers. They can read words with digraphs, plus long vowel words with -e endings, although I've only briefly explained those concepts. My son just typed out his first sentence on the computer, sounding out each word. They add and subtract single digits, as well as smaller double digits if they use counters. They understand the concept of fractions, and they understand grouping as a foundation for multiplication and division.

 

Clearly, they're advanced - enough that I have to be creative in choosing curricula. I struggle to find materials that reach their cognitive level but that don't require advanced fine motor skills (writing).

 

When I read about giftedness, though, they're probably only scratching the floor of "moderate" giftedness.

 

My question is: Should I do anything different for them? How should I talk to them about their abilities? Should I let them feel that they're no different from any other kid?

 

I want them to be compassionate and caring, not prideful. But I also know that my insecurities kept me from doing many things that would have been fun and intellectually rewarding. I don't want them to feel lonely and out of place. When you're right in between the two groups, it's hard to know where to make your home. The gifted group isn't quite for us, but the at-grade-level materials aren't appropriate, either.

 

What do you do when you're right in the middle and don't quite fit into either group?

[stripe]

I recommend the book NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children. Especially chapter one on praise. Or look at these from the authors:

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Books/story?id=8433586

 

I do not think you need to talk to your children about their abilities; I think you need to encourage them to work hard.

 

If they are not at school, they will have less cause to compare themselves to other kids anyway.

[freesia]

The beauty of homeschooling is that you can customize for each child. Moderately gifted is actually a good place to be--gifted enough that learning is not hard but not so gifted that you see the world much differently than other folks. One of my brothers is profoundly gifted and he had a much more difficult time in childhood than my other brother and me (who are more moderately gifted.)I see this with friends (and my brother) who are raising profoundly gifted children.

 

Glean from the gifted discussions--they are wonderful resources for good curriculum. You may also find that your kids are asynchronous in their abilities. Mine, for example, read and do math quickly but my boys in particular, struggle to be even "grade level" in their writing and spelling. Parents of gifted children of all levels often see this and can offer suggestions for helping you help your child.

 

Enjoy your little ones as individuals and who they are with their strengths and weaknesses. Help them to enjoy their strengths and to work hard in their areas of weakness (whether they be academic or character areas.)Try not to compare them to others but, if you do, don't just compare them to the strengths of others.

[Greenmama2]

Have you read much about processing speed? Scoring two points below a cut-off on a timed test for a "deliberate" child would make me wonder if they may have processing issues slowing them down. Perhaps your IQ (not that I put much store by such things) may actually be quite a bit higher.

Ita with others that the beauty of home schooling is the ability to individualise the content.

[radiobrain]

Look at gifted curriculum. It is usually better than the average curr, and does not have as much mind-numbing repetition. I think that any HSer can benefit from one on one instruction with a gifted curriculum.

 

Try not to let your experience in a totally different enviroment effect you and your kids now. Use it as a tool, not a mallet.

[LisaKinVA]

The difference in ability is hardly noticeable between someone at say 128 and 130 IQ. There are some differences, but not what you would see between a 130 and a 145 IQ (or above).

 

You will hear the same thing from the parents here, that you will on the K-8 board... meet your children where they are. Ensure they are challenged in key areas (areas of strength, not just areas of weakness), so that they have to learn to apply themselves to their studies.

 

Don't worry about talking to them about their abilities. Praise them for their efforts. Encourage them to do their very best and work hard. That's what we *all* have to do regardless of "ability level." If they notice that they are different from their peers, remind them that we are all unique individuals (some have brown hair, some have blond hair, some have dark skin, some have light skin, some love math, some love books, etc.). I wouldn't set out to create "distinctions," either. This is going to mean you letting go of some of your experiences growing up. Learn from them, be aware that this potential exists, yes, but try not to project the problems you had onto them. If you are meeting them where they are, they will probably never feel the way you did.

 

FWIW, my children are at the high end of HG (according to the test), and still fit in socially (for the most part) with their peers. My son's personality allows him to flit from age-group to age-group, and not miss a beat. My oldest dd is my melancholy thinker and has "friends," but no one like her. She is a bit lonely, because her friends don't share her deep thoughts. She writes these down in a journal, and talks to me. She is more comfortable talking to adults and older kids, but she has learned to separate some of the social stuff from her school stuff. She still enjoys the time she spends with girls in her own age bracket (activities and such), but the difference between her and her friends is becoming very noticeable (to herself and other adults). My younger son... he's a tough nut, but he's still so into LEGO, cars, transformers and the like, he can play with anyone.

 

If your children are doing work that's too easy, up the challenge. You can start by accelerating in the materials you're using, and/or you can add more depth to what they are doing with supplementation. Then you can always add different areas (such as foreign language). The difficulty lies in where you are pushing too far...or expecting too little. When something is off...you will know. A child finishing up math in 15 minutes... too easy. A child throwing their pencil, crying, getting mad, balking...signs of frustration (and there is where you have to determine if the material is too difficult OR if a child doesn't like to struggle at. all.).

 

When they are asking for more, provide it. Two days later, they may be "too tired" to do more than 1 page of math...and you'll need to back off.

 

Lastly, don't sell yourself "short." An IQ test is only one measure, and it is simply a snapshot of performance/ability at that particular point in time. Statistically, you probably aren't "less smart" than your husband (at least not dramatically so), it may simply manifest itself differently. My dh and I are separated by 2 points... and he said for years that I was "smarter." I'm not. We are just different.

[NotAVampireLvr]

Thank you for starting this thread. This is the place we are at with my 7 y.o. In our case, we pulled him out of PS where he was doing 1st grade work and placed him in 2nd grade levels at home. We're having to play catch up with math at the moment - he's capable of harder math, but he hasn't been taught the processes to get to that point. We're accelerating him through though and I anticipate he'll be at a level comfortable for his needs by this fall. His reading has jumped leaps and bounds since giving him more challenging reads at home. He went from being a reluctant reader to a willing reader in just a couple weeks. He was reading at a 2nd/3rd grade level, but now is between a 3rd/4th grade level. Something clicked when he was given the challenge. He actually picks up books on his own now.

 

I do think that kids that fall in between do get lost in the shuffle at school. Our school doesn't even offer gifted testing although they do have "accelerated" programs. Of course the accelerated reader program didn't begin until after our decision was made to pull him out. And as far as math - everyone is taught the same at the elementary level regardless of ability. DS's report card said he was "progressing towards the standard" even though at home he had shown me he exceeded it. The teacher can only grade based on what she's taught in the classroom.

[2smartones]

Always keep in mind that a motivated, moderately gifted person is much more likely to have a successful career than an unmotivated highly gifted one. If you took a timed test, it probably wasn't a real IQ test anyway. It was probably just a screening tool. Processing time shouldn't be a factor in intelligence.

 

Keep your kids challenged, and they'll rise to the bar you set for them.

[Dana]

 

I do not think you need to talk to your children about their abilities; I think you need to encourage them to work hard.

 

If they are not at school, they will have less cause to compare themselves to other kids anyway.

 

 

:iagree:

 

And welcome to the boards :)

[cfn10]

Interesting thread and welcome!

 

One of the issues I have with the term gifted is that it has become a label. I think your post describes that beautifully. As a mom-teacher it sounds like you are off to a wonderful start. Congrats on your efforts and perception.

[mudboots]

Greenmama2 - I haven't read much about processing speed, but I wouldn't be surprised if that were an issue for me - especially anything auditory. I'm constantly asking my husband to repeat things he said, and I've had to explain several times to my son that when he asks me a question, he needs to wait patiently until I've understood what he said. That's probably not normal, huh?! It didn't affect me in school because I took copious notes, and if it's written down, I remember it.

 

stripe - I read the abcnews article (third link in your reply). That completely adjusted my perspective! "Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control... Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure." Wow. I plan to buy the book with my next amazon order.

 

Thank you, everyone, for the welcome and all the comments. It has helped so much to post here, where people automatically understand the issues and can say something helpful! We haven't become involved in our homeschooling community yet (we'll attend the local convention in June), but I hope we find other families who understand, too. I don't want our kids to feel isolated for any reason.

[LisaKinVA]

We haven't become involved in our homeschooling community yet (we'll attend the local convention in June), but I hope we find other families who understand, too. I don't want our kids to feel isolated for any reason.

 

It's really difficult finding people IRL who understand. I don't feel like I can talk to *anyone* other than my mother and some GT boards about my kids, other than generic things. My kids right now, aren't really lonely, but I am. I don't have lots of friends anyhow, and between homeschooling in general, and then having kids outside of the norm... it's very, very hard. :grouphug:

[TracyP]

My kids are in a similar position. At one point in time, someone here (can't remember who) suggested looking at giftedness as a continuum. That was so helpful to me. I know my two oldest are far enough outside the norm that a normal classroom would be a poor fit, and I also know they are not PG. They fall somewhere in between. Exactly where doesn't really matter to me. I won't lie, I am curious as to where they would fall, but not curious enough to pursue testing.

 

I try to challenge my kids and then praise them for working hard.

 

I don't talk to them about their abilities, but they do realize that they are working above grade level. My dd has recently become quite determined that she should be a 4th grader based upon the number on some of her books. By age she is a 2nd grader. I have told her that some kids work above grade level, some below, sometimes both depending on the subjects.

[Tracy]

I don't see any reason to test or to label unless there is some mystery that you think you are not getting about your kids, perhaps a 2E issue, for example. But you don't have to test them to treat them as gifted--that is, give them appropriate challenges. I use programs that allow me to easily move students up a level (like SWR or TOG) or that introduces advanced concepts at earlier ages (like CSMP or BFSU).

 

We don't tell our kids that they are gifted. But we do sometimes feel we need to talk to them about their different abilities. My dd6 forgets that she can read far ahead of her age-peers, and she needs to remember, for example, not to hand something to them and ask them to read it. We try to focus on what is more important. We often tell them, "It is nice to be smart but better to be nice."

[serendipitous journey]

... RE a "marginal" score: I had two IQ tests in early elementary, and scored 50 points higher on the second. So an enormous amount can depend on the testing environment.

 

RE holding them back by having a limited idea of their "giftedness": I agree with the PP who noted that hard work counts for an incredible amount. So does interest. This is one reason why early performance isn't as correlated with adult outcomes as you might expect. If you keep the children engaged, curious, eager to learn, and cultivate a strong work ethic you will be doing a great deal, regardless of their IQ.

 

I do think it is important that you not have in mind that you or your children are "only" moderately gifted, but that you cultivate a sort of detachment from these labels and, perhaps, a sense of irony or humor about them. This is not a criticism of your current attitude, which I don't really know and which may be optimally healthy; but so many people sort folks into groups including a group who is "smarter than me/you" and that sort thing, I think, is unhelpful, is easily transmitted, and may be damaging to the psyche. If you notice something, it may be better phrased as particular things that come easily or hard to you at the moment, and maybe some you have always struggled with, as opposed to a general level of ability.