I'm about to lose my marbles!!

[nancypants]

My 6 year old hates reading practice!! He balks and fights every single minute of it every single day it seems. Yesterday reading practice was sheer torture, and today it's shaping up to be exactly the same pit of anguish, because he refuses to sit still for it, his eyes are everywhere, he guesses random words either out of mid-air or from the very bare bones picture that is there, rather than sounding it out (and I do know that he knows how to do it because when he actually tries with a good attitude, rare as that is, he does very well!) He won't accept instruction, starts crying and getting mad and saying "it's too hard" when I correct him or tell him to try again or ask him if he remembers what a certain letter's sound is. Gives up about .002 seconds after hitting something he can't remember from 3 words before (that I just helped him work through.)

 

He launches into, "Why do I have to read every day! This is dumb!!" It is like pulling teeth and I seriously consider throwing myself out the window whenever I have to sit and do reading with him.

 

So I sit with him and help him until I'm about ready to launch him off a cliff and then I give up because if I sit next to him for a minute longer I am clearly going to throttle him. I have told him that I absolutely do not mind if he has struggles with reading... I don't mind that it's not easy for him and have told him that I struggled with reading at his age and that it's okay to struggle... I am happy to help him IF HE ACCEPTS MY HELP. The minute that I finally give up and throw my hands up he starts crying that he can't possibly read (though he really can!) and pretty much throwing a tantrum and yelling, "MOM!!! I NEEEEEDDDD HELLLLLLLPPPPP!!!" But he refuses my help.

 

All we do for reading is a short phonics book and we are well within his ability right now. This is a child that I don't push too much because he needs to be really confident in one thing before moving to the next or he will shut down completely. I just want a good solid 10 minutes of reading instruction and he turns it into a 45 minute to two hour event that leaves me absolutely raw, hairless and out of my wits. :willy_nilly::drool::blink::banghead:

 

How do I survive this? How do we push through this? Please, someone tell me that they have had children that were this way and that they are not currently wards of the state!!!

[Melinda in VT]

Not only is she not a ward of the state, she's a reading fiend. I am constantly telling her to put down her book and [eat|feed the dog|get in the car so we can go].

 

I did take breaks some times. I tried to keep reading sessions short, even if that meant we did only 1/2 or 1/3 of a lesson at a time. (This helped her and it helped me keep my patience.)

 

And I bribed her. Seriously. I told her when she finished 100EZ I would take her on a tour of Ben & Jerry's AND I would let her buy a waffle cone in any flavor she wanted. (Usually we stick to the free ice cream sample they give you at the end of the tour.)

 

Good luck. I know it's frustrating when you're there.

[elizabeth]

I recommend the Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease to all parents. I suggest ignoring the phonics book as that is not reading -it is the process of decoding words independently but not the joy, the bliss, of reading . Tom Swift books, Hardy Boys(old ones) ,Robert Louis Stevenson are all good to use. Have your little guy sit on your lap while you read at a good pace using your index finger as you read the book so he can see wh is a whaa sound . Many children learn to read this way.. If nothing else you will not have a child that thinks reading is yuckky and an activity that is only confusing with no reward for the effort. He might just decide that he will do whatever he needs to to read those wonderful stories to himself instead of having to wait for mom to read to him..I have seen it work before so I am cautiously optimistic that if reading is a wonderful adventure rather than a chore the learning happens naturally. Phonics flashcards that you can make yourself are better because they take 5 minutes a day and do not misrepresent their purpose so to speak . Practicing phonetic sounds for a few minutes is not reading . Cuddling up to hear a loved one tell you about places, people and things you have never experienced before ,now that is reading and I truly believe it will lead to a good relationship to the wonder of the written word . Sorry to be so blunt and such but I do not want you to lose your marbles...I so enjoy your posts and generous spirit here so I want to share what has been effective at my house so I can continue to read your posts without visualizing you chasing glass marbles down a long narrow hallway...

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug:

 

You ds sounds a little bit like my middle boy. The tears, the yelling, the "it's too hard!!" Mine also asks, everyday, how many more years we have to do school.

 

But, I will say that he has started showing improvement. There has been less fighting and even a little excitement over the fact that he can read some.

 

The problem with my son, and maybe yours, is that he is a perfectionist. He wants to do it perfectly the first time, and if he can't he hates it. If something is too hard he doesn't seem to think it is worth his time. That is, until he sees he had made some progress. At that point he gets a little bit (just a little bit) more excited. This has been true for school, swimming, and violin (though, I still want to throttle him every violin practice).

 

For me, what has made it harder, is that my first three dc were easy to teach to read. All three enjoyed reading to me and were excited to learn. This boy has been my first challange in that area.

 

I'm sure it will eventually improve. Just keep thinking happy thoughts.:001_smile:

[nancypants]

Go figure... I just asked my 8yo if he would be willing to help his brother and he's cooperating just fine with him! :glare:

[nancypants]

I recommend the Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease to all parents. I suggest ignoring the phonics book as that is not reading -it is the process of decoding words independently but not the joy, the bliss, of reading . Tom Swift books, Hardy Boys(old ones) ,Robert Louis Stevenson are all good to use. Have your little guy sit on your lap while you read at a good pace using your index finger as you read the book so he can see wh is a whaa sound . Many children learn to read this way.. If nothing else you will not have a child that thinks reading is yuckky and an activity that is only confusing with no reward for the effort. He might just decide that he will do whatever he needs to to read those wonderful stories to himself instead of having to wait for mom to read to him..I have seen it work before so I am cautiously optimistic that if reading is a wonderful adventure rather than a chore the learning happens naturally. Phonics flashcards that you can make yourself are better because they take 5 minutes a day and do not misrepresent their purpose so to speak . Practicing phonetic sounds for a few minutes is not reading . Cuddling up to hear a loved one tell you about places, people and things you have never experienced before ,now that is reading and I truly believe it will lead to a good relationship to the wonder of the written word . Sorry to be so blunt and such but I do not want you to lose your marbles...I so enjoy your posts and generous spirit here so I want to share what has been effective at my house so I can continue to read your posts without visualizing you chasing glass marbles down a long narrow hallway...

 

 

LOL You are too funny! :lol: (About the marbles) We do read alouds and he does enjoy listening and sitting with me as I read... And he sees how much his brother loves reading and wants to be able to read books like he does some day (and now that I look back, I do remember some days being like this with that child too I guess in the early decoding days!) but they have to practice at some point. I try to mix it up between various ways of practicing... between readers, phonics pathways, online reading games and Starfall... My oldest and I used to make goofy sentences with homemade word cards... I think I need to pull those out again. It always made it fun and rather hysterical... thanks for the reminder to keep it fun and pleasure centered...

[Brindee]

Does he HAVE to learn to read right NOW? Maybe everything he needs isn't quite connected yet? Maybe his brain just isn't ready yet?

 

My ds14 had absolutely NO interest in reading until after he was 7! So, I didn't do reading with him. I read to him a lot, and moved my finger along where I was at so he could follow along if he wanted to. But no reading program, NOTHING! He excelled at math at that age (deosn't now :( ), so I let him go to town on that and encouraged him with that.

 

He turned 7 in September. In November he could barely figure out words---it took him forever to read anything. That was just when he actually DID pick up something to try to read. Then POOF! In January he decided he was ready, and took off with it. I never forced him, cuz I didn't want him to hate reading! He just took off on his own. A friend of mine who was doing social work/nursing, had to do a reading assessment in Marc. She asked if she could use my ds. After the assessment she said, I thought he wasn't reading that well? He came in at a 7th grade reading level!" He was reading baseball statistics out of the newspaper! It was funny to see this tiny scrawny 7yo kid reading all thesports stats out loud to daddy!

 

I'm thinking if you can allow yourself to back off reading for awhile, he may hit that point where he's just ready and will zoom! He feels YOUR frustration, which makes HIM more frustrate, which make YOU more frustrated...etc....

 

JMHO, so you can take it with a grain of salt if you wish! :) Just thought I'd share a personal experience of a kid like yours...

 

ETA: Forgot to add--he's like Melinda's dd. He reads ALL the time! We get library books, and by the next day he's ready to go in and get more! He LOVES reading! So hey, ya never know!

[Oak Knoll Mom]

He sounds exactly like my 6yo. What has worked for us is setting the timer for 10 minutes and stopping when it goes off. And I'm serious about stopping when the timer goes off, even if he's only read one word. It took him several days to begin to trust me that we were no longer going to have these stressful marathon sessions. You should have seen him the first time I closed the book and said, "That's all!" when the timer beeped. It makes him try harder b/c he knows that it will end soon.

 

Sometimes we make it through 1/4 of our OPG lesson, but we're getting there. I can tell he's going to be a reader soon.

[Robin in Tx]

Get with anj. She'll tell you how to adjust :).

[Heather in the Kootenays]

Until he's ready to learn something, it's worse than a waste of time.

 

At 3 he was resisting toilet training with every fibre of his being. At 6 he was resisting reading with the same intensity. At 11, he was resisting writing. At 12, he was resisting spelling. He's 13 - I've finally learned to lighten up, back off and come back when he's ready.

 

At 13, he reads everything in sight - way beyond his years, writes without complaining too much and even spells reasonably well. And yes, he's toilet trained.

 

Read to him, give him books on tape, leave books on stuff he's passionate about lying around the house and try again in fall.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

:grouphug:

[Vida Winter]

here's what I do with my middle daughter (reluctant reader too). We read together, every other sentence, or every other page. When she gets to a word she can't decode, I write it on the white board. We underline the vowels and break it into syllables. Then she can usually read the word correctly.

 

I also write down phonics word families on the white board, one by one. She seems to be able to do things one at a time a *lot* better than going through a whole book.

 

This has been a painstaking process but I can see it paying off. She is reading pretty well now (she just turned 8). This is my wacky child who I don't quite understand. The other night she was so disobedient, not getting out of the bathtub when I told her. I was so angry I made her write 10 times, "I will get out of the bath when mom tells me to." (I know, not grammatically correct but I was upset!) When she finished, she told me, "That was really neat, mom - can we do it again tomorrow?" :banghead:

 

Gray hairs, that's what I am getting from this kid. Good luck, Nan. He's only six, don't worry yourself now. Maybe take a little break from the norm and play some word games or computer games (starfall.com is fun).

[Sasharowan]

My dd was like that at 6. Now at nearly 9 she is reading chapter books willing (although not eagerly). What worked here was to keep the 100EZ lessons at 10-15min even if all we actually read was one word in that time. We watched Leapfrog Phonics videos over and over. I read to her a lot. And her younger brother started to catch up to her. Since she is my ultra competitive one, that made it personal to her and she turned on the focus.

[mamao32001]

All three of my kids hated reading lessons. If I had to do it over and I were you, I would probably put away the phonics for awhile. That being said, the Reading Torture Method produced two who like to read - sons and a middle child, daughter, who finds it pure torture still.

 

Oh, funny story about youngest son (well in hind sight maybe..). He used to get so worked up with phonics that his body would heat up. He'd strip down to his underwear! It did make a comical break to our time together!

 

I hope you both can lighten up. It will happen :0)

Cheri

[nancypants]

Woohoo!! Thanks to big brother diffusing the situation, we just completed the book!

 

BUT I am taking all of your advice to heart and tomorrow will NOT be like this! Thanks for all of the good advice and reminders!

[Vida Winter]

Oh, funny story about youngest son (well in hind sight maybe..). He used to get so worked up with phonics that his body would heat up. He'd strip down to his underwear! It did make a comical break to our time together!

 

Cheri

 

:smilielol5:

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Get a timer and tell him he needs to sit and read for six and a half minutes. Not a second more, but not a second less.

 

Cuddle up with him and your phonics book, and set the timer.

 

When the timer goes off, stop. Even if nothing got done! This will be very difficult for you.

 

Do the same thing tomorrow (or, you can do it twice a day, if that makes you feel better, but spread the lessons out as far as practicle). Do it the next day.

 

As soon as he knows you mean it, and that he only has to read for such a short time, he will become more cooperative. He'll hopefully stop watching the clock, and you'll be able to increase the time, ever so slightly, until you are doing the 10 minutes you aim for.

 

Sometimes it just seems so overwhelming to have an unknown amount of hard work in front of you. Knowing there is an end in sight is so motivating.

[Rose in BC]

Had I to do it over again I would not have battled him at that young age. My problem was compounded by the fact that he has a sister the same age, who began to read with no problem, and loved it. I kept comparing them and couldn't relax and allow for the differences in each child.

 

It took longer for it to "click" with him. Not just the phonetic code etc., but even the willingness to sit and enjoy it. But it did click and now he is a good reader. He doesn't LOVE it like my daughter and other son do, but he likes it well enough and we still read aloud all the time.

 

I feel bad for the pressure I put on him and me those early years. If I could do it over again. I would just read, read, read aloud to him (which I did do back then) and not worry so much about what he was reading and 6. Time usually rights things, especially with boys I find. (Of course a bone fide learning disability is sometimes a possibility but I think many times it's just plain old-fashioned time.)

[mcconnellboys]

My youngest was sort of resistent at first, too. I not only explained to him that it was only 5-10 minutes, I set a timer so he could see it for himself. I also explained how much longer it took when he went through all the hysterics and arguing. After actually seeing what a short amount of time it was, and being bribed with the idea that doing it fast would mean extra read aloud time (our favorite), he came around.