I hate reading..it is the hardest thing in the world

[MomSchool5]

A direct quote from my child who is finishing kindergarten... As most of you suggested I stopped having her read for the last couple of months.. I have just read to her. When I asked her to...that was her response.. What am I going to do? My dh and my in-laws will croak if she is not reading well by the end of next year!!! Both my boys in ps were reading junior high books by the end of 1st grade!!! I am reading to her..

 

Mara

[Trivium Academy]

A direct quote from my child who is finishing kindergarten... As most of you suggested I stopped having her read for the last couple of months.. I have just read to her. When I asked her to...that was her response.. What am I going to do? My dh and my in-laws will croak if she is not reading well by the end of next year!!! Both my boys in ps were reading junior high books by the end of 1st grade!!! I am reading to her..

 

Mara

 

She is an individual, she is not your boys. Our ds4 is completely different than our dd7 (to be 8), he'll probably be a late bloomer in the reading department.

 

First, is this her consistent attitude or was this just a 1 time objection? Learning to read is hard, teaching someone to read is hard. I don't know the history here but maybe the approach is not right for her? The speed of the material, how it's being presented? Or this might be just a character training thing, she hasn't had to do lessons and now she's bucking having to do it?

 

I know the "concern" that your dh and in-laws is confidence-stealing but you have to rise above it in order to provide your dd what she needs, not what they think or say she needs.

 

I don't know what the answer is, I do know the kick in the gut feeling when you have others' unrealistic expectations hanging over your head when you're trying to do the right thing by your child.

 

:grouphug:

[Faithr]

Reading is developmental. Back in the olden days you often didn't even start until the age of 7! She probably doesn't like it because she feels pressure and for her it is hard. Don't pressure her. Don't make her perform to your in-laws or dh. Too bad if she doesn't meet their expectations but they are not being respectful. Is your job on the line if she doesn't read by then? Then they aren't being respectful to you either.

 

It must be hard on you because your sons are the exception not the rule. I tell this story all the time but my sister taught 2nd grade for 10 year at ps and she said many kids came into 2nd grade not reading but by the end, most of them were. So your dd has a couple of years to go. And the thing is reading is something that can just click! All of a sudden the pieces fall into place and they take off. That is often the case. Some kids aren't like that thoughand get into it gradually. It really is a personal thing, because it's a developmental thing.

 

I would just commiserate with her. "Yes, honey, it is hard!" I think it is good you took a break. I would tell her that you want to make it as fun as possible for her but that you do need to do short lessons consistently. Do you do things like phonics bingo, team reading, letting her pick what she wants to read? I think short, interesting lessons are the best way to go. I break up my lessons. We do a phonics portion (which has a lot of variety, sometimes games, sometimes working on the whiteboard) but then do the reading portion when we can snuggle on the couch.

 

I really wouldn't panic yet, she's got time. Give her room to grow.

[Rhonda in TX]

It must be hard on you because your sons are the exception not the rule. I tell this story all the time but my sister taught 2nd grade for 10 year at ps and she said many kids came into 2nd grade not reading but by the end, most of them were. So your dd has a couple of years to go. And the thing is reading is something that can just click! All of a sudden the pieces fall into place and they take off. That is often the case. Some kids aren't like that thoughand get into it gradually. It really is a personal thing, because it's a developmental thing.

 

 

My DD tried and tried to learn to read, but just couldn't "get it". Her older brother had no problems learning, but she did. Then, one day, it just clicked, and there was no holding her back. She has ended up being a much stronger reader than her brother. It just took more time.

 

I can't guarantee this will happen with your DD, but don't panic now, at the end of K. Many kids don't learn to read that early.

 

Be grateful you can give her the time she needs. If she was in PS, they would be pushing her, putting her in the "slow" reading group, etc. That would be much harder to recover from.

[GraceinMD]

I am reading to her...

 

And that's a wonderful thing! She's only in K!! REALLY! (I can use all of those "!!!" because ds, 11, was a child who just didn't get it - when he was 5 or 6. We cried and fussed over Phonics Pathways. I made games. I cajoled. *I* fussed. I worried. Dh just said, "Back off; give him 6 months. He'll be fine," and other comforting phrases - phrases that I wish I had on tape for the number of times I've needed to do just that (not just for reading!)).

 

It IS developmental, and she WILL get it. Don't pressure her. Keep reading to her, and one day, she'll want to find out how the story ends and she'll decide to pick up that book! (One thing we did that was VERY high interest for ds during those dark he's-never-gonna-read months: dh wrote him little stories that were about our family's activities, and I typed them up - and ds actually LIKED reading those little booklets!)

 

Just keep telling yourself (and others who hound you!), "Back off! She'll get it!"

 

And above all, keep reading to her! I still read out loud to ds and dh, and those are wonderful family times, where we're on shared adventures. It actually makes me a little sad now when ds reads books that I'm not sharing with him!

 

I think someone posted recently an article about the benefits of reading aloud, and I cdn't agree more! Walk with her into those other worlds, and enjoy what she is able to do, and who she is now, not who you (or others) think she should be based on your other children.

[Donna T.]

Hi, Mara! Don't be discouraged. My oldest son said those same words several times during K. At the end of K, he was only reading three letter words and that only because I had pushed him. But, by Christmas of his first grade year, he could read just about anything. And, now, at the end of 3rd grade, he is literally addicted to reading! He loves to read and I actually have to limit his time with books. It really is true that something just "clicks" at some point. Just keep reading to her, let her know that you know it is a hard to learn anything new, and take her to the library and book stores as often as possible. During those weeks when my son was especially resistent to learning to read, I would sometimes use the Explode the Code flashcards with him. Nothing fancy. I'd just show him the card, tell him the sound and that was it. He was learning and filing all that info. away even though his brain had not gotten to the "click" point yet. When it did, he made a huge leap almost overnight and he began to enjoy reading for himself.

[PeterPan]

You might also consider a spelling-based reading approach (SWR, WRTR) rather than having her sound out words.

[Tami]

what worked for my child was MORE practice, not less. Some children simply need more reptetition and practice. Reading is a lot of work, until they build fluency. Some children require lots more time and practice to get fluent, it is such an individual thing.

 

We did very short phonics lessons 2-3 times a day using a combo of flashcards, games, a reading primer, and beginning readers. 5-10 minutes two or three times a day is what worked for my struggling reader.

 

I made my goal consistent daily practice, NOT any sort of reading fluency goal. I recommend "Games for Reading" by Peggy Kaye and "You Can Teach Your Child Successfully" by Ruth Beechick. Check your library -- I found Ms. Beechick's phonics and reading ideas particularly helpful.

 

Reading is not easy for all children, and is not automatic. I suggest several short practice sessions throughout the day. I would take a look at something like Hooked On Phonics, available cheaply at Sam's these days. Ths combo of phonics, sight words, songs, and primer works well for struggling readers.

 

HTH!

[Lovedtodeath]

I would sometimes use the Explode the Code flashcards with him. Nothing fancy. I'd just show him the card, tell him the sound and that was it. He was learning and filing all that info. away even though his brain had not gotten to the "click" point yet. When it did, he made a huge leap almost overnight and he began to enjoy reading for himself.

 

:iagree:I did something similar. My dd tired of CVC words so I put all the rules in her head even when she was still struggling to sound out. When it clicked it was a huge leap. Now we are going back through it, because I think she sight reads quite a bit, and I need to be sure she has the rules, but we can skip more lessons than we have to learn. I also found she fights me on traditional reading lessons (like OPG) but loves ETC, and can usually do it independently, which means even less fighting (I do not require that she does any of the spelling type lessons.)

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Don't borrow trouble, sweet Mara. . .

Learning to read is not a linear process. It comes in leaps and starts, and it comes when it's ready to come.

 

Keep your lessons VERY short, like 3-5 minutes, and make it easy for your dd to be successful. She has bad memories of reading. Watch for readiness, then replace those bad memories with good ones.

 

FWIW, my first dc read early: was finished with PP and reading at a fourth grade level before first grade.

 

Second dc was not like that at all: had NO interest in even letter sounds until he was 6. But, then he just took off and finished PP by 7 1/2. He was also reading at a fourth grade level by the end of second grade. He justs started later.

 

Let next year worry about next year, today has enough problems of it's own.

 

Blessings,

Suzanne

[Mamabyrd]

Kids learn to read in their own good time. I taught my first child to read at age 4. So, when my second child turned 4, I assumed I'd do the same. Well, she just was not ready! I put it off until kindergarten and still she struggled. I didn't think reading would ever "click" with her. I tried different approaches, different curricula, etc. Then, about a quarter of the way through first grade, the lightbulb just went on for her. She progressed rapidly. She is a terrific reader now. She went to public school for the first time this year and tested two grade levels ahead.

 

Some kids just need more time to figure out the code of reading. It doesn't mean that your child will always struggle with reading.

 

I'm now in the process of teaching my fourth child how to read. They all have progressed at different rates when it comes to being able to read fluently.

 

I always remind myself that learning is not a race; it doesn't matter who learns something first or how quickly it is mastered.

 

I hope this makes you feel better. I worried needlessly with my second. Boy, did I worry :smash: and it was wasted energy!

[AuntPol]

How is her reading skills? Does she not like reading because she can't read? Doesn't understand it? Or does she just prefer other things?

 

What type of learner is she overall?

 

My daughter has always been in top reading group at school. She has always read above grade level, She could read going into kindergarten. However, she has never been overly interested in reading. Even now, if given a choice, she wouldn't read. She likes the books that she reads when I require her to read but she is just interested in other things. She prefers to write and she prefers to socialize LOL. She is also a visual spatial learner and phonics never clicked with her the way they did with my DS (who is an avid reader and was 8th grade level at end of K). I think kids who are naturally phonetic have an easier time than those who are not. We had most success with Rocket Phonics and learning words by sight.

 

Try things that spark her interest in reading:

** Check out easy books on subjects that interest her. My DD was nuts for rookie readers early.

** Have a reading time where everyone reads. She can snuggle up to you and read or she can look at the pictures. Don't get upset if she only looks at the pictures. If she comments on her book, listen with interest but don't probe.

** Play games like word bingo, find the word in the story, etc

** Watch Leap frog

** Play Starfall and study dog on computer.

** Give her wordless books and let her tell her own story.

**Do Picture walks through easy picture books and then look to see if she can find any of those words on the page. Praise her prediction skills every time she is write.

 

and whatever you do, do not make it seem like you actually care whether she reads or not. With some kids (my dd being one of them), the more it seems to matter to you, the more they resist.

[kRenee]

Lots of good advice above, but if you haven't had her vision checked..please do so. I wish I had when my son was younger.

 

Go to a developmental optometrist (google and find someone near you). Vision is different from eyesight. I even asked my regular optometrist about having my son's vision checked and he assured me it would be a waste of time - it wasn't.

[Lovedtodeath]

I thought I would add that I went to public school and I could not read at all until halfway through first grade. When it clicked, I then skyrocketed to the top of the class and was at college level in 4th grade. So.... IMO giving it time will not hurt in the long run.

[Kathie in VA]

My dd is now 13 and reading but it took a bit to get her here. She was in private school till 2nd grade when we moved. I decided to finnish up the last few months of her school at home and discovered that she really didn't know how to read!! I read aloud to her and tried to have her read aloud to me but discovered that her decoding skills were really bad... and her spelling was horrible. So what to do? What to use?

 

I ended up doing 3 things:

 

• I continued to read to her.
  
• I looked into what she WAS good at doing. She had a good memory. She could memorize. So I got SWR's phonogram cards. We went thru them and quickly memorized the sounds for each phonogram. Then when we read together I worked with her to sound out the words (now that she had some skills to work with!). {other options I considered were AlphaPhonics but she didn't want to go thru the same book as her younger brother and the Victory Dill book}
  
• I looked for easy books that would interest her. This wasn't easy. I accidentally found (or God led me to find) my dh's old Charlie Brown books which I just handed to her "just in case she might like them".... It was a great find as she read each one and asked for more. Thus began her will to read!
  

 

 

So I guess find what your dc does do well. Does she like games? My dd didn't so that didn't work for us. There are a few games that play with phonics both on and off the computer. Maybe just watching your finger move across the page? Maybe she can memorize well. Then you can just work on some of the phonograms and the sounds they make. Chanting them, singing them, etc. It tends to be the unfamiliar that scares kids off. Perhaps as it gets more familiar she'll warm up to trying more.

 

I remember telling my ds that a dog says woof and a cat says meow and a 'B' says /b/ as in 'bat'. Then I noted that a dog also says grrr and can whine. That's 3 sounds for one animal! Well the letter 'A' also has 3 sounds: /A/ like bake, /a/ like sat and /uh/ like soda. My dd got this because she learned all the sounds at once. I introduced this to my younger ds but taught the sounds one at a time with Alpha Phonics which provides lots of practice for mastery.

 

There are many paths to learning reading... including time. There was a great post not too long ago about a computer program that focused on short term memory for little kids as prep work for learning to read.

[Faithr]

'make it easy for your dd to be successful' I don't know how to do the quote bit so I just copy and pasted this line from Suzanne.

 

This is advice that a reading tutor gave me once. Parents tend to want to force new stuff on their kids in every lesson, but really you should do review so that the child is really facile, weave a little bit of new stuff and then recap. Kids build confidence that way. Her theory was you always ended the lesson when the child was feeling successful. So if a child is struggling she'd stop and go back to what she knew the child knew and review that for a minute or two just to end the session on a bright note. And short lessons are very important at this age unless they are totally enthused about the subject and want to work longer. Kids just don't have the concentration span to work on something for a long time that isn't coming easily to them. That ability comes with maturity.

[MomSchool5]

Lots of good advice above, but if you haven't had her vision checked..please do so. I wish I had when my son was younger.

 

Go to a developmental optometrist (google and find someone near you). Vision is different from eyesight. I even asked my regular optometrist about having my son's vision checked and he assured me it would be a waste of time - it wasn't.

 

Yes, I had it checked at the beginning of the year. My middle child is doing vision therapy, so I know exactly what you are talking about. That said, my middle child has always been my best reader despite his vision problems.

 

Since I didn't teach my other children to read, (the ps did) I am just extremely insecure and don't have a clue what I am doing. I am a former senior English teacher and I don't remember at all how I learned to read. I just always have. I would much rather teach Shakespeare!!!! But reading is the most important skill of all, so I can't mess this up!!! I just went and cried when she told she hated reading as everyone else loves to read like me. I probably have several thousand books in my house. There are bookshelves in every room piled high. I've run out of room for my books. I adore reading. How can she hate it??? I'm really wondering if I should have sent her to ps kindergarten and then brought her home when she knew how to read like her brothers??

 

Mara

[Lovedtodeath]

Well, at my PS Kindergarten, (Em attended for about 4 months) They do not teach sounding out at all, they only teach sight reading, so that is very annoying when you try to teach them phonics in 1st grade.... so just keep that in mind.

 

Emily hates sounding out. She says it makes her feel like a baby and that she did not have to do it when she was in school. (which I know, I volunteered a couple of times) She would rather sound out in private so that I cannot hear her do it.

 

She hates reading now because it is a new skill and is difficult. It does not mean she will hate it forever. :grouphug:

[nakitty]

Starfall.com has been a great tool for us....the kids love to play it and it really sticks with them!

 

Also, you may have already done this....but if not, have her eyesight checked out. My oldest daughter was reading but barely and we went for our annual eye check-ups...doctor said she needed glasses but it wasn't absolutely necessary at this time (well, the time of that appt. This was several years ago) but we opted to get them right away anyhow....so glad we did because when we went to pick them up and have them fit to her face....the lady asked her to read what was on the paper and she DID! She read it fast and she read words I didn't realize she would be able to read. What a huge difference even a minor correction can make!