DawnM Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 is to have the luxury of dropping off my child at a class or event and drive away. He is turning 14 in a few weeks (already changed my signature) and he still has behavior issues. They are better than they were, but I still can't just drop him off anywhere unless I am assured there are people there who know him, know his issues, and will be watching and dealing with him appropriately. It is rare. It makes me sad. That is all. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houseofkids&pets Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 :grouphug: I just want to let you know that I understand how you feel and am sending virtual hugs your way. My ds11 (turning 12 next month) sounds similar to your ds. We have never had a babysitter other than 2 family members since I am always afraid there may be an "issue". I feel like you get lulled into this false sense of "hope" when things are going smoothly and then suddenly...wham, out of nowhere, the explosive behavior. It frightens his siblings and makes me worry about the future as he gets bigger. I don't know how you manage with a 14 year old. I'm scared that some day I may have to call 911 for help when he starts trashing the place because something did not go as expected. Yes, like you, I would love to be able to feel comfortable dropping off my ds somewhere. I would love to be able to run a quick errand and know that I could leave him safely at home with his siblings. I would love to have a crystal ball so I could find out what his future holds. You are not alone and I hope that things get better for you and your ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*~Tina~* Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 My list is longer than one thing...I know how you feel :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Well, mine is too.....but this one seems so big to me right now. Dawn My list is longer than one thing...I know how you feel :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Thank you. I can actually leave him at home and I have found that when I tell him the following I rarely have an issue. I tell him, "You are not in charge of your 12 year old brother. You cannot tell him what to do and you cannot take things from him. You ARE kind of in charge of your 7 year old brother. By that, I mean that you are in charge of feeding him, playing with him, and making sure he gets out of the house if there is a fire. If I return and BOTH brothers give favorable reports, you will get {insert something he wants, like extra computer time, etc....}. I have done this about 4 times now and so far, no problems! However, if I say nothing, I get a call from 12 year old complaining about something 14 year old has done (typically this is when I take 7 year old with me, which is most of the time!) Dawn :grouphug: I just want to let you know that I understand how you feel and am sending virtual hugs your way. My ds11 (turning 12 next month) sounds similar to your ds. We have never had a babysitter other than 2 family members since I am always afraid there may be an "issue". I feel like you get lulled into this false sense of "hope" when things are going smoothly and then suddenly...wham, out of nowhere, the explosive behavior. It frightens his siblings and makes me worry about the future as he gets bigger. I don't know how you manage with a 14 year old. I'm scared that some day I may have to call 911 for help when he starts trashing the place because something did not go as expected. Yes, like you, I would love to be able to feel comfortable dropping off my ds somewhere. I would love to be able to run a quick errand and know that I could leave him safely at home with his siblings. I would love to have a crystal ball so I could find out what his future holds. You are not alone and I hope that things get better for you and your ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 I can actually leave him at home and I have found that when I tell him the following I rarely have an issue. I have done this about 4 times now and so far, no problems! That's great! Progress, right? :) As to your original post, :grouphug:. I can relate. DS is only 8 years old, so we're not as far along in this journey as you are. I can imagine that it's even more frustrating with an older child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara H Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 That is rough. It is a lot of years to not have a break. It is a positive sign that he can stay at home and I hope you see improvements with drop offs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houseofkids&pets Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 :iagree:It's great that he will listen and follow the rules you establish when you leave him home. That is a positive thing!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Yes, I should be thankful for that. I really think it comes down to where he feels the least frustration. Larger crowds, etc...are really a problem. I couldn't just drop him off at a youth group for example. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dkpalaska Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 :grouphug: I'm with you. I can't drop off my 10 yo ds either. That's why we have this board, because parents of only NT kids aren't able to really understand the little daily burdens that add up to being so.fricking.big. Another one that has seemed really big for me lately is never being able to just relax and hang out when at a friend's house. My two NT kids (6 and 8) simply vanish with their friends and will only require one or two check-ins. My dear Aspie (10) will check in every 5-10 minutes because it's too hard for him to understand and play with the other kids for very long. And I know he's not having a great time, which affects me having a good time, KWIM? Sigh. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: I completely understand. We recently found a social skills group that met on Saturdays for 3 hours. It was great to drop him off and go out to breakfast with dh! Sadly, what started out great ended up being torture for ds. Although they marketed the group for Aspies and kids with ADHD, all the kids had ADHD and their social issues were completely different from my son's. The only break we get is when his nana can drag herself away from the other grandkids and spend an evening with ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houseofkids&pets Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 :iagree:I have experienced similar issues at those "social skills" drop off programs. The kids have different needs from my ds, so it is just another place where he doesn't fit in (and doesn't want to be). Unfortunately, to participate in something like that, my ds would need some sort of "aide" to help facilitate appropriate interactions with peers. He still doesn't have the skill set to independently initiate and maintain interactions (well, appropriate interactions since his conversations are perseverative in nature and/or involve topics that do not interest or annoy most peers). It is hard because he does like to be around other kids. They just don't like to be around him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dkpalaska Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 It is hard because he does like to be around other kids. They just don't like to be around him. Yeah. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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