What is the best way to deal with this? Work/School/Home (Long)

[Mynyel]

I am typing this out in between work.

 

My ds3 is tearing up the living room as I type. Telling him to cpick up his things is, obviously, not working. So I sit and ponder how do get it all done.

 

I work 4 hours a day. I take 2 days off (ideally) a month. I was short this last month with Thanksgiving. I might make my hours in December. I am praying.

 

I cook, clean, shop, school, work, pay the bills (which reminds me I need to get a money order for rent) take dd to karate and take ds3 to OT once a week.

 

I *NEED* a tight schedule. One that I can do with the kids. I have tried. It just doesn't work. Ds3 makes it very difficult. He has SPD and I don't know if that is part of it but he can be a terror. He is sensory seeking so he *always* needs attention. *ALWAYS* He *LOOKS* for things to get into if no one is paying attention. He *RARELY* plays alone. Morning is about the only time, and that is because no one else is up. Once they are it is over.

 

Dh is no help. (This isn't a bash just a statement of fact to get the whole picture) If I try to get him to help with *anything* his idea to make it easier is to send the kids to school. *NOT* an option. For him sending the kids to school is the end all answer. So he isn't in the equation, I need this schedule to be like I was a single parent.

 

I *CAN'T* give up anything but the karate or OT. Although I prefer not to as dd13 *only* does karate, it is her one activity and DS needs the OT for now until I can control him more. I *have* to work, dh only works part-time so I need the hours I get to make up the rest of the income. I *have* to school the kids. We cut out all extra subjects and basically do the minimum. Math, Grammar, Writing, Science, History, Geography. We do Logic but only because they like it and can do it independently. Handwriting only if there is time. I obviously can't give up shopping (gotta have food) or cleaning (need clean underwear at the least!).

 

I want a schedule. I am not looking to lessen my load. It is doable, I just don't know how to schedule it so ds3 is occupied while I work. I feel overwhelmed because everything is chaotic. I need order.

 

I need a schedule for the kids to follow. I tried. I had them help me make one, we didn't even make it through the first day. They will not follow it. I don't know how to make them. I am feeling like a gigantic failure of a parent.

 

What is the first step? How do I get out of this hole I am in? This isn't the first time I have posted something like this, I am just at my wits end. I need to do something and I am hoping the Hive has many great ideas for me!

[Karen in CO]

Do you have any flexibility in which four hours you work, or is that block of time fixed? Do you work in the home or out? If you work at home, when you're working, can you step away occassionally or are you tied mentally and physically to your work for the duration. What does your current day look like? Do you work 5 days a week or 7 (couldn't tell from your description)?

[SKL]

This is a tough one! I am a single work-at-home mom, so I can relate up to a point, though I have childcare services for my kids.

 

The first place I'd start would be to change the menu so that cooking and kitchen clean-up are a lot less time-consuming. Some combination of using healthy "prepared" foods (they do exist), cooking for multiple days / eating leftovers, ordering a pizza, eating out, getting the kids involved.

 

Second, I'd examine the housework and decide what can be done less often. For example, I used to go grocery shopping weekly; now I go only once in 2-3 weeks. I don't do sheets often but when I do, I wash, dry, and put them right back on the bed. Towels - I use the same one for about a week and then wash it and hang it right back up. My kids usually sleep in their clothes. Stuff like that. I've decided that a lot of stuff my mom used to do is overrated.

 

Third, I'd look at the schedule and make sure that things I want the kids to do happen before things the kids want to do. With my kids, that means they get fully dressed before they are allowed to eat breakfast, for example. I'd also set logical consequences if they refused to do what they were supposed to do after being asked 1 or 2 times.

 

Fourth, I'd try to do as much work as possible while the little one is sleeping.

 

Anyway, that's a start. I hope that helps!

[MeghanL]

I would have a serious conversation with hubby. There is no reason why you have to shoulder all the responsibilities. He doesn't share your determination to home educate? Fine. But he has to share your determination to eat, so he could do the grocery shopping. Living like a single mom when you are married (gently) is only going to lead to huge resentment. Is there a counselor you could both go to to work through some of these issues? You are doing a lot and while I totally understand the temptation to will yourself to get it all done (if only we didn't need so much sleep) I don't think the mentality that you could do it all if only you had the perfect schedule and the perfect kids is exactly healthy.

[Mynyel]

Do you have any flexibility in which four hours you work, or is that block of time fixed? Do you work in the home or out? If you work at home, when you're working, can you step away occassionally or are you tied mentally and physically to your work for the duration. What does your current day look like? Do you work 5 days a week or 7 (couldn't tell from your description)?

 

Very flexible. The job is available 24/7 and I can work whenever. I work at home so no travel time. I can work for 5 minutes or 5 hours. I need a minimum amount of hours per month but not per day. With the hours I need to work the minimum doesn't matter. I have 2 self proclaimed days a month. I take them whenever. The job doesn't give me days off or anything it is a work when I want to job.

 

Currently I try to start work by 7:30am... work for 2 hours. Off for 2 hours then work the last two. I can get work in but getting everything else in is the challenge with school and work. The two hours "off" is chores, breakfast and school.

 

So work whenever, days off don't matter. I leave at 5:30pm Tues and Fri for karate. I leave at 1pm Thur for OT at 2pm.. I don't go home. Karate is at 6:30 and I would be home for just over an hour if I went home and I would also be using up gas to go home then back to karate. We get something to eat and just putter around until karate starts.

[Mynyel]

I would have a serious conversation with hubby. There is no reason why you have to shoulder all the responsibilities. He doesn't share your determination to home educate? Fine. But he has to share your determination to eat, so he could do the grocery shopping. Living like a single mom when you are married (gently) is only going to lead to huge resentment. Is there a counselor you could both go to to work through some of these issues? You are doing a lot and while I totally understand the temptation to will yourself to get it all done (if only we didn't need so much sleep) I don't think the mentality that you could do it all if only you had the perfect schedule and the perfect kids is exactly healthy.

 

I know I can't get "perfect" kids. I love my kids the way they are, I just want more structure and routine. A perfect schedule if attainable, implementing it is another ball of wax. So, just structure and routine. That is all I want.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I know I can't get "perfect" kids. I love my kids the way they are, I just want more structure and routine. A perfect schedule if attainable, implementing it is another ball of wax. So, just structure and routine. That is all I want.

 

:grouphug: It's exhausting trying to do everything. If you really want the household to follow a routine, you just need to make up what you think the best routine is. Then, you have to make yourself stick to the routine and force them to stick to the routine. Of course, they're not going to want to do your routine. It's not their choice, though. You need to enforce it. Explain that you need everyone's help to get everything accomplished, and that the biggest help would be following the routine. Can your older kids take turns keeping the youngest occupied while you help them individually with any school work?

[jar7709]

I work from home too. Scheduling can be a challenge so I feel your pain. What I do, and I don't know if any if it would work for you or if you've already tried them-

-I have one day a week (for me it is Thursdays) where someone else watches the kids (sometimes Grandma, sometimes DH) so that I can have at least one day a week where I know I will get uninterrupted blocks of time.

-The kids and I have a routine. They are used to one hour of screen time in the mornings and again in the afternoon, and I can get phone calls or something done at these times. I know people sometimes get up in arms about using tv as a babysitter, but this is what I have to do and they are watching educational programs approved by me. Often these shows tie in with whatever we're working on so it does feel natural.

-I've passed a lot of the grocery shopping/dinner prep off to DH. He is in charge of dinner at least one night a week (often this means take-out he picks up on the way home) and if we need milk or bread, he picks it up on the way home.

-And if all of the above fail, work late in the evening after the kids have gone to bed. This happens a LOT. :tongue_smilie:

 

Good luck!

[Mynyel]

This is a tough one! I am a single work-at-home mom, so I can relate up to a point, though I have childcare services for my kids.

 

The first place I'd start would be to change the menu so that cooking and kitchen clean-up are a lot less time-consuming. Some combination of using healthy "prepared" foods (they do exist), cooking for multiple days / eating leftovers, ordering a pizza, eating out, getting the kids involved.

 

This! We just got a second refrigerator (free! I posted about it :)) and I need to start freezing things, we just got the fridge a week and a half ago.

 

Second, I'd examine the housework and decide what can be done less often. For example, I used to go grocery shopping weekly; now I go only once in 2-3 weeks. I don't do sheets often but when I do, I wash, dry, and put them right back on the bed. Towels - I use the same one for about a week and then wash it and hang it right back up. My kids usually sleep in their clothes. Stuff like that. I've decided that a lot of stuff my mom used to do is overrated.

 

:) I do that with the sheets already. I have been trying to purge clothes not worn, or have holes or whatnot. We only have about a dozen towels and there is 5 of us so. LOL My dd and ds9 have slept in their clothes too!

 

Third, I'd look at the schedule and make sure that things I want the kids to do happen before things the kids want to do. With my kids, that means they get fully dressed before they are allowed to eat breakfast, for example. I'd also set logical consequences if they refused to do what they were supposed to do after being asked 1 or 2 times.

 

Oh thank you, I always felt so mean for making them do things before they eat. I guess it isn't mean :)

 

Fourth, I'd try to do as much work as possible while the little one is sleeping.

That is a whole 'nother ball of wax. He won't go to sleep without me at night and wakes up within 30 minutes of me getting out of bed.

Anyway, that's a start. I hope that helps!

 

It does help!

[Carol in Cal.]

It's not reasonable to give an assignment to a 3 yo and leave the room. They really can't handle that--they are just plain too little.

 

I think that you can't make your DH do something he doesn't want to do. I agree that he should do more. He should work more and he should help more. But you can't make him. That would fry me, but I get it that if it's like that it's like that. However, if you give him something very specific, will he do it? Like buy from a shopping list? Even if he doesn't do that as well as you would, sometimes you have to let that go to buy yourself some time. Can he take the kids to karate? That seems pretty easy, and again, it would buy you some time.

 

So then, I think that you have to be in the faces of your older ones, and separate them from each other during school time, and rotate through their locations yourself, and make them hurry up and get done. Threaten them with school if they don't buckle down. The 13 yo especially should be able to work with just a check in a couple times per week.

 

I know it's hard. I worked fulltime for quite a few years while homeschooling just one. Those were quite literally the most stressed, miserable years of my life. However, it's a season, and once it's over you can see very clearly how totally worth it it was. :grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

Your other kids are 13 and 9? Or are they older than that now? What kind of chores do they do willingly? Your 13 year old is old enough to learn to cook a couple of simple meals.

 

What hours does your dh work? Does he just not help with kids or does he not do anything? Not doing anything around the house is not an option. Everyone has household chores.

 

How many hours do you need to work per month?

 

Have you considered putting your 3 year old in preschool a couple of days a week? Do you qualify for headstart? It might not be ideal, but it could really help you pack in some work or school on those days. Depending on his hours, could your dh take your 3 year old to McD's for breakfast and play time for a couple of hours twice a week?

[AK_Mom4]

Thanks to my two teens having a class at 6:30am, I actually get up and start work at 5:30am. With a few breaks and interruptions, I am done for the day (4 hours, work from home) by 10am. When DD10 was little, she would get up and watch cartoons until her older sibs were up and they would make breakfast for her. By the time she was ready to be her normal-very-busy-self, I was done work for the day.

 

I would have told you there was no way I could get up that early, but it really does work when you have to do it. If *all* you had to cope with from 10am on was school, housework, etc, maybe your schedule would be more manageable.

 

BTW - best time for grocery shopping here is late at night. Leave the 3yo with DH and do your shopping at 9pm. Very peaceful and restful after a long day.

[Karen in CO]

I work 50+ hours at home weekly M-F. Here are somethings that help me, but honestly, some days I seriously feel like I am spread way too thinly.

 

I plan a weekly menu with just about the exact same meals every week. I have a simplified grocery list (even with multiple food allergies) that is built around our basic food rotation. I eat exactly the same thing almost everyday for breakfast and lunch. My kids have a small set of choices that they can prepare for themselves. I do not cook breakfast or lunch. My older dd cooks dinner at least once a week. If I am seriously busy, Mythbusters counts as school. I sit down on Sunday night and pull out the next week's work for my younger dd. The older is setup with to do-the-next-thing in all of her subjects. My kids go to school (public school) one day a week. I get up at least two hours before the kids so that I can have a cup of coffee and start work before they get up. When my youngest was younger, she spent most of my working day in the same room as me or actively engaged with dh or an older sibling. I get veggies from a CSA once a week. I grocery shop once a week and in under an hour. Everyone pitches in to clean up the house after dinner and before bed so I don't start with a mess in the morning. I keep laundry running in some form most of the day. I don't try to teach the kids together, I rotate them based on my availability ( I cannot multi-task). After I read to the kids at night, I turn them over to audio books so I can have a few moments to sit on the couch and breathe before I go to bed, or I'd lose my mind.

 

It is hard.

[SonshineLearner]

Do you think that preschool for a few hours may help? If there are special needs, it may be free :) Just a thought.... If you can't be with them all the time, maybe it wouldn't hurt to let him play?? Hugs.. :)

[Mynyel]

Your other kids are 13 and 9? Or are they older than that now? What kind of chores do they do willingly? Your 13 year old is old enough to learn to cook a couple of simple meals.

 

Yes, dd will be 14 in January. Ds will be 10 in March. I can get her to cook a meal every week. Even if it is throw in the slow cooker and go :) Still helps! ty.

 

What hours does your dh work? Does he just not help with kids or does he not do anything? Not doing anything around the house is not an option. Everyone has household chores.

 

Dh has the same kind of job as me, can work anytime. I am trying not to break rules by bashing, I truly do not want to bash dh :) Although he deserved a hit over the head now and again :). He doesn't help with anything but work and emptying the trash. Oh he gets a nice fire going in the fireplace too :) All is not equal in my home nor am I trying to make ti that way. If dh doesn't want to do it, he won't, I quit asking. Which is why I need ideas for on my own. Much easier than fighting.

 

How many hours do you need to work per month? Ideally 120 per month. The nature of the job makes it *hard* to work more than 4 a day. It is a tedious and boring job. I go nuts and my quality goes down.

 

Have you considered putting your 3 year old in preschool a couple of days a week? Do you qualify for headstart? It might not be ideal, but it could really help you pack in some work or school on those days. Depending on his hours, could your dh take your 3 year old to McD's for breakfast and play time for a couple of hours twice a week?

 

I have considered putting ds3 in a daycare a couple times a week, and except that I can't afford it, he would throw a fit. Major fit. Major. So much so I don't even want to try.

 

 

I think what I need to do after reading some of the suggestions is get the kids to help a little more than they do. I just hate feeling like I am a slave driver. However, an hour or so a day for each kid to do things around the hours really isn't that much to ask, in reflection.

 

I will be back to read any more responses and respond. For now, it is time to get ready to go to karate :)