mamapjama Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 My husband and I are going through a divorce. The process has had its ups and downs and right now its down. Whatever I feel for him at this point, I do feel badly that he will be alone on Christmas. What would you do about gifts? I will not be purchasing anything for him, but I do feel like my children should give him a gift. I think they will feel bad when they go to his place on Boxing day if they don't have something for him. They are still young, so it will have to be my initiative and idea. For father's day I had them paint lovely watercolour paintings. What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Give them a little money to pick something out for him. It will be fun for them and him, maybe not so much for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 What about something small that is personalized with/by your kids? A personalized picture frame, with a photograph of them? coffee mug--either with artwork by the kids or with their picture one of those calendars, with a different picture of the kids for each month. Someone else had a cute idea in another thread. They could decorate a mason jar and fill it with Hershey hugs and kisses. When he ate one, he could think of it representing a hug/kiss from the child. I tend to hold grudges. I admire you for thinking of him FOR your kids. I think that can be only a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Could you help them bake something for him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I admire you. You are doing a wonderful thing for your kids. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I think it's terrific that you are placing your children's relationship with their dad over your own. Maybe help them bake something. Give them each a little $ to buy something small. You are a sweetheart for doing this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamapjama Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 Thank you for both the ideas and the kind words. This will be a tough time for all of us, and I'll do whatever I can to help my boys transition, and to still have a loving, fun holiday. I hold grudges too, and my tongue has just about been bitten off a few times trust me, but I know that doesn't set the example I want for my children. Your gift ideas are great. I will run it by the kids and see what they would like to do. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 It would be nice to have the children get (or make) him something for Christmas. If they helped you bake goodies and treats, that would be very kind. Assuming you have the children this Christmas (since you mentioned he would be alone), I would like to encourage you, if not completely painful to do so, invite him over for dinner. It isn't necessarily doing it for him; however, I'm sure the children will appreciate it. Perhaps it will mend some of the hurt that is happening. While you two may never be close again, having a cordial relationship makes things easier for everyone. This could be the start. I don't know the situation, so if it is truly painful, don't do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I think it's terrific that you are placing your children's relationship with their dad over your own. Maybe help them bake something. Give them each a little $ to buy something small. You are a sweetheart for doing this. :iagree: I don't think it matters what it is, just having something will be enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Assuming you have the children this Christmas (since you mentioned he would be alone), I would like to encourage you, if not completely painful to do so, invite him over for dinner. It isn't necessarily doing it for him; however, I'm sure the children will appreciate it. Perhaps it will mend some of the hurt that is happening. While you two may never be close again, having a cordial relationship makes things easier for everyone. This could be the start. I don't know the situation, so if it is truly painful, don't do it. :iagree: My parents did what they could to maintain a level of friendship, and if neither had a boyfriend/girlfriend for a holiday, my dad would come over for dinner at our house with us. It went a long way toward my feelings of maintaining "normal." I was later surprised to discover this wasn't typical behavior of other divorced parents. :grouphug: It's wonderful that you are making that extra effort and working to keep your kids close to him. THIS is what will stick with them as they grow older; this will be their normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lula Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I think you just plain rock for helping your kids with their father's present. It's a great gift to them that you are making this gesture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black_midori Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 You are VERY kind and considerate to even consider it!!! Honestly, I am somewhat bitter that my hubby (happily married now for 11 years) absolutely NEVER thinks to have the kids make me something for any special occasion. I make sure that they prepare "family" gifts (usually homemade) for things like Christmas and Father's Day, and they usually help me make a cake or something for his Bday... but it just flat-out doesn't occur to him to do the same. So, to be brutally bad - if he were on the way out, I wouldn't bother anymore! :D That may not be true, though - in reality, the benefit of such giving is for my KIDS, not for my hubby (who wouldn't particularly care one way or the other). I want my kids to grow up thinking that it is a nice thing to do, giving gifts to people you care about! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamapjama Posted November 26, 2011 Author Share Posted November 26, 2011 I had planned on having him over for a Christmas Eve brunch kind of thing. My family always has a special time on Christmas Eve. My parents will be over that night and all the next day. They absolutely will not see him, so I cannot do that to them. They thought of him as a son (we "celebrated" our 20th wedding anniversary this fall). The way they have supported and helped me, especially these past few months, undoubtedly put their feelings above his. He hasn't shown a lot of thought for us the past few months. But after an incident that happened last week, I have lost the last shred of respect I had for him and I just won't let him hurt me again. But what some of you have said is what I'm aiming for. I want the kids to see a positive way to deal with this, and I hope they have. I've had him here for many a Sunday dinner etc. over the past 9 months. When all is said and done, I hope to not have regrets about the way I have handled my own actions and words. Kristine what you had as a child sounds like what I'm aiming for. My oldest has told me that things are better now. Our home is more relaxed and we are having fun again. So that is good. He hurt me, and though his actions have often negatively influenced the boys' lives, he didn't purposefully choose to hurt them. Thank you so much for your kind words. This is definitely a difficult time for me and you have lifted me up this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 Nicely framed photos of them or their art work would be good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 I admire you. You are doing a wonderful thing for your kids. :grouphug: Thank you for saying this Mariann! I've seen way to many divorces in which the children are pawns in a larger game. Op, you are doing a great thing even if your own feelings have to be swallowed in order to do so. I think if you go to Michael's or Hobby Lobby, you'd find some really neat things the kids could make. If memory serves, they have the coffee mugs that can be personalized, stepping stones, handprints, etc. Of course, if your children are older, these things may not appeal to them. If he likes coffee, you could have the kids get him a coffee mug, some speciality coffee from a nice coffee shop or bistro, and a couple of gift certificates to the same place. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted November 26, 2011 Share Posted November 26, 2011 But what some of you have said is what I'm aiming for. I want the kids to see a positive way to deal with this, and I hope they have. I've had him here for many a Sunday dinner etc. over the past 9 months. When all is said and done, I hope to not have regrets about the way I have handled my own actions and words. Kristine what you had as a child sounds like what I'm aiming for. My oldest has told me that things are better now. Our home is more relaxed and we are having fun again. So that is good. He hurt me, and though his actions have often negatively influenced the boys' lives, he didn't purposefully choose to hurt them. Thank you so much for your kind words. This is definitely a difficult time for me and you have lifted me up this morning. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::crying: This post really hit me this morning. God bless you for working through all of this difficult muck. You sound like you ROCK as a mom and are being a wonderful role model--not just for remaining a grown up, but for knowing when to depend on the grace of others (your parents), for sticking it out in a bad situation, for showing your boys you can still be a family without their dad, and for them to see the important qualities that they'll look for in their future wives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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