lulubelle Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 to control his behavior when provoked? My son's friend was made to leave school for the day due to his physical reaction to a couple of situations. First incident, a girl in his grade blocked him from getting on a jungle gym at recess and he pushed her aside. Second incident, the boy tripped and fell and a fellow male student laughed at him and the boy got up and pushed the fellow student against the wall. Not sure how hard or exactly how he did it, but the teacher called it off before anything more happened. I'm pretty certain no one was hurt. Does this boy have a behavior problem or is it a typical boy reacting to the situation? Should he be expected to deal with it more rationally at his age? Should the parents seek help for this kid? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I think it's typical. I have a 3rd grade boy who is pretty emotional/sensitive/in-the-moment and he would react this way. We're working on it, but I think it's normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 (edited) Editing. Yes, a third grader should be expected to control himself. Not all third graders do and it isn't necessarily due to poor parenting. Some kids "get" things easier than others. I like Pamela H's suggestions. If he didn't respond to coaching/training, then I would assume further help is needed. If we were talking about a 5th grader my response would be different. Edited November 22, 2011 by Renee in FL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I don't know. I can't see my son doing any of that except to his siblings. I would kind of think he is prone to some anger outbursts. I could be way off but those seem like pretty small things for a kid to be putting their hands on someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 (edited) Sounds like the kiddo needs some coaching, imo. Story: DS was 7 or 8 (I'm getting old and can't remember). The neighbor boy, he and sister were playing a game on the back porch. The neighbor boy grabs Ds's shirt (like in the movies) threatening him. DS punches him in the nose. Kid lets go. We discuss the situation with DS and take him next door to apologize. Several times, ds would come into the house angry with this kid; but each time, he handled himself better. In a couple months, no longer did he have to remove himself from the situation totally in order to keep control of himself. Regardless, he never hit another playmate. A 3rd grader most certainly can learn to control himself and make better choices. He could have played somewhere else, asked an adult for help, tricked the girl so he could get on the jungle gym, whatever. And he definitely can be expected to walk away from a child laughing at him. Like an above poster, I think one thing that makes these situations more problematic is that they are more minor and it wasn't like the other child was physical first. The child in question is the one who escalated the problem to a physical level. As for help? Unless the child is showing a lot of anger otherwise, I'd doubt it is necessary. It really sounds like he just needs some discipline (teaching/guidance). Just a consideration: Raising a Thinking Preteen (could use Raising a Thinking Child still but I'd have the focus be on younger children in the home and he just benefits from it also). The idea would be to get him to consider all aspects of the situation and evaluate possible options and their consequences. I like the idea of teaching proactively so kids have the skills and tools to use *in* the situation. One key skill would be to learn to not escalate issues further. Edited November 22, 2011 by 2J5M9K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 (edited) Nevermind. Edited November 22, 2011 by Renee in FL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 It wouldn't surprise me if my sons reacted the same way. I think some boys have less control than others and my older ds is just starting to show some control (very little). We work on it a great deal. I'm curious how 10 different boys would react to the same circumstances at that age. We live in a very liberal (taking the boy out of boy) town and part of me says the school is expecting too much from a 3rd grade boy. I can't really see how kicking him out for the day is going to help him. If anything, it will make him dislike school more. A parent/teacher conference is very appropriate, but kicking him out for the day in 3rd grade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 >>I wouldn't assume because a boy acts that way that his parents aren't parenting. I am not making that assumption, Renee, and I would appreciate it if you would refrain from implying that I am. I am suggesting that the parents continue to parent. It's fantastic that they have recognized that there is a problem. Took three days in the incident I related for the principal to bring the parents of the gal to an understanding that there was a problem that was going to get their dd in major trouble with the law if she continued said behavior. That these parents are on top of things and thinking a change is needed is fantastic. They easily could have told the parents of the other children involved in the incidents to get lost instead of taking responsibility for their parenting of their child. Soldier on. :lol: That's funny in the context of this thread. Yes, we parent our children. No, we don't throw the bogeyman of jail in the face of a third grader for behavior that is poor but not criminal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 >>I wouldn't assume because a boy acts that way that his parents aren't parenting. I am not making that assumption, Renee, and I would appreciate it if you would refrain from implying that I am. I am suggesting that the parents continue to parent. It's fantastic that they have recognized that there is a problem. Took three days in the incident I related for the principal to bring the parents of the gal to an understanding that there was a problem that was going to get their dd in major trouble with the law if she continued said behavior. That these parents are on top of things and thinking a change is needed is fantastic. They easily could have told the parents of the other children involved in the incidents to get lost instead of taking responsibility for their parenting of their child. Soldier on. I edited my post before you posted this because I thought I must have misunderstood what you said. Going back and reading your post I don't see the qualifier, but it was implied. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I disagree with school methods these days. Kindergarteners in my area can get in-school suspension! An out-of-school suspension of a 9 year old doesn't seem appropriate to me. My 4yr old's teacher had him call me when he made a poor choice last week. Again, ridiculous. I think teachers and schools should be careful to not go overboard with punishment. If you give ISS to a Kindergartener, what do you have in your toolbox for a 5th grader? I also think they shouldn't usurp *their* authority. Why would a child respect a person hiding behind someone else's authority? Good teachers and schools can discipline appropriately. The children will be better off for it also. BUT....schools are afraid to discipline because SOMEONE will disagree with it. And part of the issue is that teachers and administration simply don't know much about discipline so how can we trust them with it? I mean, the best they can think of is ISS for a Kindergartener or a day suspension for a 3rd grader? Oh, or they used to paddle kids. How can we trust them to discipline well when they haven't shown they can? So of course parents worry about what kids are being taught (discipline means to guide and teach) as well as what punishment is being used. It's a circular issue. However, I don't fall for "boys will be boys" type thinking in terms of abusive behavior. Men used to beat slaves and women also. That was expected and acceptable men behavior. We've, appropriately imo, decided it's not appropriate for men to be undisciplined barbarians and I don't think it unreasonable for us to extend that down to our sons. On the other hand, I do think we need to give boys PLENTY of opportunity to be boys (and men to be men) in healthy ways (which also seems to be taken out of equation too often). Ahhhh, balance would be nice.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Well, my oldest "seemed" rather normal until provoked, then it was all h*ll breaking loose. We were asked to leave 2 schools. It was several years later until we found out he had asperger's and it is slight enough that you may not know it until he gets frustrated or angry. Second child is as mild mannered as you can get.... Is there any chance said child may have something neurological going on? Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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