help me yank myself back up here

[Eleni]

I physically feel like Im going to collapse. Our days are so unstructured, nothing gets done the kids are arguing and there is way too much TV viewing and game playing.

I sat down to work out a plan for us and just felt utterly defeated. We are not where I want us to be.

The kids are non stop...making noise, fighting, asking me 5 million questions, wanting to eat something every 5 minutes.

Dh is working 60-80 hrs a week and im doing everything alone. He does laundry and cleans when he is home.

I have been in tears most of the day thinking about how far behind we are. Im trying to figure out what we should do next year....Im even wondering if going the route of using a VA would help me with having to stay accountable and on track.

 

I think a large part of the problem aside from lack of structure is our days just have so much time....the days are long, and it is so easy to wind up doing nothing just to make the day go faster (TV, internet, etc)

 

What do I do?

[Crissy]

You can't do it alone, Eleni. You need to sit those children down and lay out the new plan. You need their cooperation.

The TV goes off, save for x hours a day, and only after *everyone's* school work and chores are done. Same for the game systems.

Maybe the goal should be to cover three or four core subjects *every* day, and add in the rest on a gradual schedule, as you get used to your new routine.

List those subjects for each child, along with their chores, and let them know that these are the things that they must do each day.

And if they want that TV back on, they should help their brother or sister with their work and chores, since it's off until all of us are done.

[Crissy]

I meant to add that it's not worth worrying about what you didn't get finished last year. That's over and there is not a thing you can do about it.

Start fresh today and get your children involved.

 

You can do this!

[hisleading]

I feel for you mama! ((((HUGS)))

 

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND where you are. I feel like I am there myself, so I do nto have much advice. Other than what has made me feel better is, doing something!

Making the decision to actually ......clean out the bathtub, read a book to the girls, etc. I was sick for a while and I got into a MAJOR rut., it is hard to get out. I will be keeping an eye on this thread and see what other mamas say.

 

YoU CAN DO IT MAMA!!

WE CAN DO IT!

[nutmeg]

I was re-reading one of your earlier posts, and found some great inspiration in there! http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11594

 

I realize you wrote later in the thread that your husband is now 100% behind homeschooling -- that is great news!

 

So summer is here. Use this time to get yourself and your household organized, detox the kids from the TV, set up a daily schedule (meals, chores, reading, activities, etc) and reconnect in a meaningful way as a family. You've made great strides this year!

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: Big hug. You sound so overwhelmed.

 

Try to pick three things to work on first. Working in baby steps can help you move along the path to where you want to be. You don't have to work towards perfection either. Just find a comfortable routine or schedule that works for you.

 

I'm not sure how old your kids are, but even little people are often ready, willing and able to help. Their ideas often amaze me. Hang in there.

[Jen500]

Another hug for you. My dh works 2 jobs. I agree w/the other posters. Start with one thing at a time. I decide what the most important things are that I want to accomplish that day and get them done first. Then, if nothing else gets done I don't feel bad. As far as hs, I found that (like many other families) if we do math right after breakfast, followed by Latin, the kids actually like the routine and they know they'll have the afternoon for their favorites-art, acience, reading, playing.

I let my kids watch specific shows on tv and we don't have any game systems. The tv has been a problem for us in the past- a huge waste of time and the kids would get wild after watching too much. There was some whining for a few weeks but now my kids only ask to watch every once in a while, or they'll check to see if Nature is on or something like that.

So I guess my advice would be to-not try to do everything, just the stuff that's most important for you, and limit the tv and game systems.

[Scarlett]

I physically feel like Im going to collapse. Our days are so unstructured, nothing gets done the kids are arguing and there is way too much TV viewing and game playing.

 

Aww. I do know how you feel. My dh also works long long hours and I do everything. He would fall over laughing if I asked him to clean or do laundry. I am even doing about 80% of the mowing (1 acre!) We are on summer break, but I find if I let the structure go I turn into a basket case. So we are doing school light and no tv during the day...I usually only let ds turn it on when I am cooking dinner.

 

I say go for the VA though. I just finished our second year with one and love it.

[Adrianne]

You can't do it alone, Eleni. You need to sit those children down and lay out the new plan. You need their cooperation.

The TV goes off, save for x hours a day, and only after *everyone's* school work and chores are done. Same for the game systems.

Maybe the goal should be to cover three or four core subjects *every* day, and add in the rest on a gradual schedule, as you get used to your new routine.

List those subjects for each child, along with their chores, and let them know that these are the things that they must do each day.

And if they want that TV back on, they should help their brother or sister with their work and chores, since it's off until all of us are done.

 

:iagree:

 

It will take time but you can do it! We have all been in your shoes. Give yourself a break and try to do something fun and enjoyable for you. You need to get yourself back in good shape emotionally and mentally before you can handle the kids. :grouphug:

[Scarlett]

Oh and I meant to add I heard this on Dave Ramsey...he was talking about an old fashioned time management system...Take a sheet of paper and at the top write the ONE thing you MUST get done today if nothing else gets done. Ok. Then go on to the 2nd thing you must get done after that if only 2 things get done. And just make a list. And then, as the other ladies said...just get up and do the first thing. I like having a list to look at and be able to check off what I"ve done.

 

And yes, get the kids involved...they must do their part.

[Eleni]

:grouphug:

Ok...Im not a sad puddle of tears anymore.

 

This weekend dh and I are dropping the kids off with my sister, spending the night in a nice hotel and going to a concert...and will probably be the oldest people there. :glare::lol:

but, it will be fun.

 

Im making a list of all the things I need to daily and the time requirements...also the weekly things...

Thus far I have

DAILY

Shower dress hair makeup 45 minutes

coffee and reading 30 minutes (yes, coffee is THAT important)

meals 1.5 hrs

homeschool 3 hrs

dog obedience with puppy 15 minutes

kids bedtime routine, showers, books, prayer 1 hour

cleaning 1.5 hrs.

 

WEEKLY

Mow lawn 3 hours.

Library 1-2 hrs

grocery store 2 hrs

take dog to dog park or store for socialization purposes.

clean out car 30 minutes

 

i need to get the kids back to their chores....each boy is responsible for a bathroom, when they wake up they are to clean their rooms, make beds, get dressed (and not in dirty clothes they find on the floor) brush teeth

[newbie]

Hi Eleni,

 

I totally know how you feel. It is so easy to get in a rut with just daily life. And with husbands working it seem like you're alone. But we all feel your pain. Its just nice to have someone to talk to .

 

On a side note. VA did help me, it took a lot of the pressure off. There are good ones out there that are still flexible and ones that are structured. Whichever you prefer.

 

Hope this helps:grouphug:

Jeannette

[...................]

especially my little boy?>

 

We have always had "morning routines" a checklist in their rooms stating what they are to do. My 6 year old:

 

Makes bed

Get dressed

Bring down hamper

empty bathroom trash

neaten room (aka not perfectly grandma coming over clean but neat)

brush teeth

 

 

Guess what? NO FOOD until they are DONE their morning routine. I will give them reasonable time and then sit down and eat without them. Eventually my son's stomach kicks in around 7:30 he asks me for breakfast and I just ask..."Is your morning routine done?"

 

It's cruel but it's great. IT WORKS.

 

LOL.

 

Your hubby is so wonderful for agreeing to go out for the weekend, and kudos to your sister. She deserves a very cool concert tee shirt or mug!!

[PineFarmMom]

Eleni,

 

I'm struggling with this myself. We spend most of our homeschool year very structured. We use the MOTH chart, have a list of chores to do before we get to video games, tv, etc. I have an inconsistency gene or something, though. Right now we are going through a heavy-duty dose of disorganizational chaos. I can see, sort of, how we got here, but my mind swims when I try to think of how to get out.

 

My 2yo is constantly wanting a snack or to change shirts (this is a whole other post). They fight a lot. My older kids have become lazy. It has been building for about 2 months.

 

It seems, right now, that every time I make attempts to move forward and get back on schedule, I have one or two failures and I give up. I'm praying that God will assist me and get us on track for the summer so it doesn't stay this way. I'm thinking of looking at Flylady again, just for some encouragement.

 

T