tex-mex Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Any of you who have teens on FB... what rules do you stipulate for those who are "crushing" or like your ds/dd? Do you allow them to friend? Or only those whom you say are platonic? I have ds' password and ID and tho' he rarely posts on FB... there is a hs girl who wants to friend him. She friended me first (long story) and we think the girl is great. Her mom friended me on FB also. But now the girl wants to friend ds (they like each other but we have kept it platonic for many reasons and when they see each other... it is chaperoned by a parent). Now we are stymied. :confused: What guidelines do parents set for teens (10th/11th grade) for this scenario?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I think that banning 'crushes' in either direction would make a much bigger deal out of it than it is. And what happens when someone who is already a FB friend becomes a crush? Does he then have to defriend them? Have your rules in place for what type of posting is acceptable, and leave it at that, imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Well, if you are okay with the relationship moving forward, albeit chaperoned, I would let the be friends. If you don't want it going anywhere....I would discourage the interaction. My personal belief is that I would rather have a friendship develop slowly and in a moderately supervised area. FB allows a baby step into a relationship that I think is a reasonable step for a teenager. They learn to talk, communicate and be interested in another person's life in small chunks that still allow them to be individuals. One of my concerns with teenage relationships, is the way they can overtake a teens life to the point of them losing themselves in the process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakimberly Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I'd let them be "friends". He's going to go away to college in 2 years... he has to deal with the hormones, crushes, etc... at some point! I'm not sure I'd even require a password to my 10th/11th grade child's FB- seems almost too intrusive unless they've warranted it by breaking trust. YMMV as my kids are significantly younger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 I think that banning 'crushes' in either direction would make a much bigger deal out of it than it is. And what happens when someone who is already a FB friend becomes a crush? Does he then have to defriend them? Have your rules in place for what type of posting is acceptable, and leave it at that, imo. My thoughts too. Hubby is panicked it would lead to other issues. My take on it is it is "controlled" in which I monitor the account. I know the mother's take on the relationship should be platonic. And my teen should learn to navigate the social waters on FB. But I do not want to give him too much slack and create a situation where feelings are hurt. But am I wrong to think if down the road ds can simply unfriend this girl if for some reason she stalks him or is inappropriate on his page? You can block people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Well, if you are okay with the relationship moving forward, albeit chaperoned, I would let the be friends. If you don't want it going anywhere....I would discourage the interaction. My personal belief is that I would rather have a friendship develop slowly and in a moderately supervised area. FB allows a baby step into a relationship that I think is a reasonable step for a teenager. They learn to talk, communicate and be interested in another person's life in small chunks that still allow them to be individuals. One of my concerns with teenage relationships, is the way they can overtake a teens life to the point of them losing themselves in the process. Good point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I would let them be facebook friends. You monitor his activity. I am not seeing a big deal here. What exactly do you think being facebook friends will lead to? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Another question... Should ds be the one to bring up the not friending the girl when he sees her in a few weeks? Or do I have to explain to the girl's mother our policy/rule on platonic vs dating... which has been discussed in a good positive conversation by both families. I just want to stay out of it. Let ds begin to solve these social issues on his own, right? I feel awkward about friending the girl and her mom in the first place, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 If he's going to have more friends on face book he is going to have to be willing to monitor it. I have a friend that only posts occasionally on her dc's face books but checks them regularly and doesn't say anything unless she sees a real problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 I would let them be facebook friends. You monitor his activity. I am not seeing a big deal here. What exactly do you think being facebook friends will lead to? Me = not much as ds doesn't post much on FB. Hubby = suspicious about ANYTHING FB related and posting your biz online. To which he does have a good point. He thinks it could lead to the girl communicating with ds and one thing leads to another... :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 If he's going to have more friends on face book he is going to have to be willing to monitor it. I have a friend that only posts occasionally on her dc's face books but checks them regularly and doesn't say anything unless she sees a real problem. :iagree: Ds is going to have to take the reins on this one, IMO. He is Aspergery and social skills really leave him at a loss. A while back, the girl emailed him and he never replied back. (He likes her, but despises typing due to his Dysgraphia) This Friday, I was surprised to see her at a homeschool event -- she acted angry at me at first -- and then warmed up to me as the group meeting went on. She said she didn't understand why ds didn't write her back via email. I was at a loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I have no rules for my 16-year-old daughter with regard to Facebook, except that she must keep me as a friend. She's never given us any reason not to trust her, and she tells me pretty much everything. (No, really. I could give you examples, but I doubt anyone wants to hear them.) So, she has lots of freedom there. My son doesn't have Facebook yet. He was waiting until his 13th birthday and then forgot about it. Every now and then, he mentions it, but never when we're home and I have time to help him set it up. When he does register, though, he will need more guidance. I'm already Facebook friends with most of his friends, anyway, but we will likely keep a slightly tighter leash for a while. I can't imagine controlling whom he friends, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 :iagree: Ds is going to have to take the reins on this one, IMO. He is Aspergery and social skills really leave him at a loss. A while back, the girl emailed him and he never replied back. (He likes her, but despises typing due to his Dysgraphia) This Friday, I was surprised to see her at a homeschool event -- she acted angry at me at first -- and then warmed up to me as the group meeting went on. She said she didn't understand why ds didn't write her back via email. I was at a loss. If she wants to be his friend, she's going to have to take him dysgraphia and all. You could answer her two ways depending on how your ds wants you to answer: 1. "Ds has trouble writing. It's nothing personal." 2. "Ask ds." If he has dysgraphia and doesn't want to reply to an e-mail, is FB going to be that much of an issue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I would guess she is going to want more communication than your son my be ready for. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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