clementine Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) Long story short: My dd (12 yrs old) has a friend who is in constant competition with her. Whether it is in their sport, or academic, or in social situations. The friend, who was homeschooled up til this year, will talk about homework from school...when my dd talks about her homework, the friend constantly says "oh, I did that last year" with an eyeroll. It happens when talking socially about activities or when talking about how they do in their sport. Often times what this friend says is a put-down to my dd. My dd was ready to end the friendship last month - actually talked to the friend on the phone & said "you say things that aren't nice to me and I don't think that's how friends should treat each other". The friend cried and asked for a second chance. My dd said "absolutely". Fast forward one month - we are back to where we were. Same types of things said, once in the car when my dh was driving & he heard it. Any words of advice for my dd - if she should say something again, if she should just ignore this friend, if she should just let it roll off her back? Not to be mean, but dd is okay with letting this friendship go - she really dislikes the drama of it all. :bigear: Have any of you been there, gone through that? Edited October 6, 2011 by clementine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4kiddies Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Doesn't sound like a friend to me~i would have her cut ties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 At that age they may just have outgrown each other. I would follow your DD's lead on this one; if she thinks it is time to let the friendship go, then let her do that. In time the other girl may get over the attitude and the girls end up best friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) That's my thought too, I just wondered if I was alone with that thinking. Thank you :) Edited to ask - if the mom of dd's friend asks why the friendship ended (this will probably happen), what is a gentle way of wording it? Edited October 6, 2011 by clementine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 At that age they may just have outgrown each other. I would follow your DD's lead on this one; if she thinks it is time to let the friendship go, then let her do that. In time the other girl may get over the attitude and the girls end up best friends. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 She gave her a second chance. Time to end the friendship. I would just let the friendship die naturally - don't schedule playdates and be nice but not chummy when they run into each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 She gave her a second chance. Time to end the friendship. I would just let the friendship die naturally - don't schedule playdates and be nice but not chummy when they run into each other. Yep, I think we'll try that again. We did that the first time, but the friend confronted dd. It may be the route we need to take again, hopefully without the friend asking for a 3rd chance. I really don't want to continue this cycle. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauracolumbus Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 My dd11 has a friend like this--a neighbor girl, so it's a bit harder to cut ties. They go through periods where they're very tight and then they're not. My dd has learned to cut the friend off on the spot when she's turning into competitive friend. She's also copycat friend. When dd starts an activity, eg volleyball, choir, etc, the friend has to do it too. She also tries to move in on dd's friends. I've tried to teach dd that she doesn't have to include this girl in everything, but when she's around she must be nice to her even if the other girl isn't nice back. Sometimes the girl is a darling to be around. Other times not so much. I've figure it's the ebb and flow of friendship and it will eventually die a natural death or they'll figure out a way to make things work. DD11 also has another neighbor friend who is seriously jealous of everything dd does and says things like 'I'd hate to be homeschooled.' I hate dogs and people who own dogs (we have 2), cat's are so much better (dd is allergic). She disses everything about dd. We finally ended that relationship b/c the girl was just plain mean. I think there is something about this age where girls are trying to find their place in the social strata of their worlds. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) My dd11 has a friend like this--a neighbor girl, so it's a bit harder to cut ties. They go through periods where they're very tight and then they're not. My dd has learned to cut the friend off on the spot when she's turning into competitive friend. She's also copycat friend. When dd starts an activity, eg volleyball, choir, etc, the friend has to do it too. She also tries to move in on dd's friends. I've tried to teach dd that she doesn't have to include this girl in everything, but when she's around she must be nice to her even if the other girl isn't nice back. Sometimes the girl is a darling to be around. Other times not so much. Ahh - my dd's friend is your neighbor's twin!!! You described her to a 'T'!! The ebb & flow of tween friendships is exhausting for both parent and child! Edited October 6, 2011 by clementine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) If your dd is ready to let it go, what else is there to talk about? My kid sister had a friend like that. I never could understand what she saw in her. Granted, this girl was gifted in many ways, but she was selfish and made absolutely no effort to be kind. My sister admired her. I also think she was somewhat of an "in" to the popular crowd. I'd hear of this "friend's" shenanigans and each time I'd say, "she's not acting like a friend, so why do you bother with her?" But she kept going back anyway, at least through high school. Ultimately, I'm not sure it mattered in the big picture. I'd chalk it up to a learning experience. At some point, you have to let kids make their own decisions. Just remind your daughter that going back to this friend is a choice she makes each day, and it would be entirely understandable if she chose not to. Edited October 6, 2011 by SKL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 At that age they may just have outgrown each other. I would follow your DD's lead on this one; if she thinks it is time to let the friendship go, then let her do that. In time the other girl may get over the attitude and the girls end up best friends. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Just remind your daughter that going back to this friend is a choice she makes each day, and it would be entirely understandable if she chose not to. I just told her this in the car on the way to the sport that she shares with this friend. I think it was the right thing to say to her today. Thank you. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I would just let the friendship die naturally - don't schedule playdates and be nice but not chummy when they run into each other. :iagree:If mom asks, tell her they have grown apart... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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